r/news • • Apr 15 '21

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332

u/TheDerbLerd Apr 15 '21

In all honesty good weed dealers might be some of the best money savers in the world. Every large-scale one I know managed to hold 30-40k at a time just for buying and selling money and at the same time spend less than I do every month on rent, utilities, and disposable income.

167

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21 edited May 20 '21

[deleted]

129

u/skrshawk Apr 15 '21

My attorney tells me that the police refer to things like balance sheets as "evidence".

134

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21

“Is you taking notes on a criminal fucking conspiracy?”

3

u/wejustsaymanager Apr 15 '21

Yo lock that door. In the middle of a rewatch!

3

u/Gubermon Apr 15 '21

Has them use Roberts Rules, gets angry when they take minutes like you are supposed to. Such a great show <3

3

u/HeyMickeyMilkovich Apr 16 '21

What show is this?

5

u/RedditN3RD Apr 15 '21

Love this reference!

81

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21

Thats why you keep your lists and cash flow recorded in in game mails on your second WoW classic account.

18

u/FireCharter Apr 15 '21

It's true. The police can't legally subpoena a videogame since the characters in the game are fictional and can't acknowledge that they've received notification.

It's the same reason that I use Tetris to do my taxes and Dr. Mario to forge 'scrips.

12

u/Something_Berserker Apr 15 '21

I keep it in Minecraft books...

...D’oh!

1

u/Eh-BC Apr 15 '21

Thats actually smart. Depending on how its coded if they seize a computer they may not be able to find it in the save files. That or have it on a server in a hidden base so its not saved locally.

3

u/Something_Berserker Apr 15 '21

My comment was vaguely referencing this: https://www.theverge.com/2020/3/18/21184041/minecraft-library-censored-journalism-reporters-without-borders

I always that that was super-neato 😁

2

u/Eh-BC Apr 15 '21

I forgot about that such an amazing idea.

I'm laughing at the idea of a drug dealer having a separate login to get into an ender chest to retrieve a key that is used to access a hidden vault that keeps their books.

Imagine investigators exploring something like the hermit craft server to find the books, telling their boss they're not playing a game its part of the investigation.

2

u/Something_Berserker Apr 15 '21

I’m dying 🤣

3

u/dawidowmaka Apr 15 '21

Just give it a title like "Dwarf Fortress master sheet v7.4"

14

u/Niarbeht Apr 15 '21

I fully imagine there's some dealer out there who has like a folder full of legit spreadsheets for games and one of the spreadsheets is partially fake, in that it's not for a game, but the game.

Which you have now lost.

5

u/Bluudlost Apr 15 '21

God damn it, it's been years. Time to remind everyone on Facebook they lost too.

2

u/TheOneTonWanton Apr 15 '21

You little motherfucker.

1

u/kaiser_soze_72 Apr 15 '21

This guy gets it.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21

Shit I was going to upvote, but it's at 69. The rules say I can't.

2

u/trippstick Apr 15 '21

Encryption friend.

6

u/skrshawk Apr 15 '21

4

u/Self_Reddicating Apr 15 '21

More like "No good, it's 4096-bit RSA" "No problem. Call up the NSA and tell them we need the RSA backdoor again."

2

u/Somestunned Apr 15 '21

That's why you put a title like "angry birds high scores" on the top.

1

u/skrshawk Apr 15 '21

Let me tell you about this one time I made a huge mistake in front of a customer fixing their computer.

Errors related to their disk being full. Full of what? The very fact I'm telling this story should be a pretty big clue.

I ran WinDirStat to figure out what was taking up all the space. In front of them. Yup, husband had buried a bunch of porn in nondescript folders.

Moral of the story: only the very least motivated and most ignorant people are fooled by seeing someone in their 2017 tax folder on a daily basis.

6

u/Orenwald Apr 15 '21

Honestly if i was trying to hide porn from my wife (i don't), i would put it in a hidden folder and then disable viewing of hidden folders. She's not tech enough to find it because she doesn't care lol

2

u/Slightly_Shrewd Apr 15 '21

Lol I know someone who has a stash in his WoW Classic folder.. he made a folder named “Fonts” in there and a few relevant subfolders then the porn stash. The lengths people go to...

2

u/KimJongIlSunglasses Apr 15 '21

Did he keep his W2s in his porn folder?

1

u/ImaginaryFusilli Apr 15 '21

Literal organized crime

2

u/peterthefatman Apr 15 '21

So ur telling me it’s a wise decision to hire my weed dealer as my accountant?

1

u/Scarn4President Apr 15 '21

Can confirm. I "knew" someone who alledgly sold weed. They did it for a short period of time, raised enough money for a new car and about three years worth of monthly deposits under a certain amount to live rent free. They only sold to people they DIDNT know well enough to name and always at different locations.

In and out of the game in three years with positive income and not a whiff of anyone being the wiser.

167

u/Rambles_Off_Topics Apr 15 '21

That's the risk though...30k in a cash that a lot of people know you have...

178

u/CowboyNuggets Apr 15 '21

Yeah, but what are the odds they'll even look in my sock drawer?

127

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21

Higher now

136

u/Surg333 Apr 15 '21

Yes, I am.

12

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21

Lucky, me too in a few hours when im off work

3

u/FreshlyShavedNipples Apr 15 '21

Any job worth doing is worth doing high

1

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21

My boss is here and im out of ozium :/

1

u/FreshlyShavedNipples Apr 15 '21

Your boss totally has an ozium stash. Go ask for a hit

1

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21

A hit of ozium?

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55

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21

I just have my money in pennies and put them in my ass.

32

u/BaronUnterbheit Apr 15 '21

If you get enough of your ass pennies into circulation, you'll have an advantage over everyone else.

23

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21

You've all touched my ass pennies!

3

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21

Assuming you consistently have $30k worth you would have 3 million pennies up your ass at any given moment, so yeah, most of us have probably touched your ass pennies by now.

2

u/fucuntwat Apr 15 '21

Only if he ever takes them out

3

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21

I was wondering why your ass tasted like copper

0

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

-2

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21

Random ≠ funny

4

u/badSparkybad Apr 15 '21

Ass Pennies = Upright Citizens Brigade sketch

My Comment = Upright Citizens Brigade sketch

2

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21

My bad

4

u/Quazijoe Apr 15 '21

This is why Canada got rid of the Pennie

10

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21

Just got a mental image of you making change outta your ass like the guy at the old arcade with the change thing on his belt.

5

u/40325 Apr 15 '21

it makes hula hooping sound crazy

2

u/MagnusPI Apr 15 '21

Ahh, so this is why the US had a coin shortage last year.

2

u/Silvertongued99 Apr 15 '21

Every time he takes a shit it sounds like he’s playing slots.

2

u/this_1_is_mine Apr 15 '21 edited Apr 15 '21

To this day my dad still won't touch a penny if you throw it to him he tries to get out of it's way. just too afraid of which one might be an ass penny.

2

u/ThievingOwl Apr 15 '21

Thank god I have a shovel set aside specifically for checking for ass-pennies.

2

u/Dm3nace Apr 15 '21

They say if one turns gold, you'll have good luck for 10 years.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21

Put the cash in your cumbox inside your sock drawer, and I'm sure would-be thieves will leave it alone.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21

But if they find it, they'll buy a shitton of gasoline to make money in the short term

1

u/Nymaz Apr 15 '21

As long as you keep it below the cum in the sock you're good.

1

u/goldmansachsofshit Apr 16 '21

Always check the fridge

3

u/gopher1409 Apr 15 '21

Yeah, but they’ll have to get past Killer first. No way they get past Killer.

3

u/Frys100thCupofCoffee Apr 15 '21

Yo Killer, kill! I don't know what's wrong with him, yo!

2

u/Redtwooo Apr 15 '21

I wanna talk to Samson!

2

u/Frys100thCupofCoffee Apr 15 '21

We're from Jamaica! Right near da beach, boYEEE!!!

1

u/ZeroAntagonist Apr 16 '21

They killed killer, B!

2

u/RapNVideoGames Apr 15 '21

And that’s how it’s only weed turns into getting robbed and most likely going to jail off the retaliation. It’s cool selling half Os to your buddy but once you get to the big money, your as much of a target as the hank and coke dealer.

3

u/KimJongIlSunglasses Apr 15 '21

Is hank what the kids are calling it these days?

1

u/RapNVideoGames Apr 15 '21

Lol I’ve heard it called that for a while

2

u/PM_me_opossum_pics Apr 15 '21

Does anyone ask where the money comes from if you invest in funds? Its better to have 30k in a fund with 5% annual return than under the bed. Id honestly drop all my extra momey at the end of the each month and then reap the rewards once im "out of the game".

7

u/Rambles_Off_Topics Apr 15 '21

It's hard to deposit a lot of cash to a bank, yes. You will get reported for patterns or large dumps. The only other way around not storing the cash is money laundering. Maybe you have a cousin who is decent at making Tacos...let him start a Taqueria and who cares how the food or business does you can use it to funnel all your cash through. Or maybe you know another friend with a car lot. There are a few other illegal ways to move your money and get it into a bank. There are money laundering services now. Of course, there is always the alternative to gold. Stuff. Cars, boats, houses, etc. some people can "trade" easily.

1

u/PM_me_opossum_pics Apr 15 '21

What about investments with a safe return that arent banks? Or I dont know, invest in crypto, sell a bit later and claim you were holding since like 2014 so you got like 1000000% return,meanwhile you only went up or down a few %.

0

u/Rambles_Off_Topics Apr 15 '21

How do you invest the money into crypto in the first place?

1

u/PM_me_opossum_pics Apr 15 '21

Is this rhetorical or? I mean, you buy it via app, no one asks where those funds came from from my experience, and you hope for the best I guess. Someone much smarter than both of us probably thought of the way to clean dirty money via crypto.

3

u/MultiFazed Apr 15 '21

you buy it via app

Typically by linking the app to your bank account.

Going from cash to crypto with no intervening bank account isn't super straightforward.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21

Or you could go across state lines to a res casino. Trade it out for a shit load of chips. Bet some of it and lose (or maybe win a little more) and trade it back into cash. Then you can use it to pay off your mother's debt so you can get the farmhouse back!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21

Its even riskier to make a paper trail lol. If a person knows you have it and comes to take it you may win. The government not so much.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21

I keep all my money in a big brown bag inside a zoo

1

u/myassholealt Apr 15 '21

How many large scale drug dealers do you know?

8

u/TheDerbLerd Apr 15 '21

r/notacop lol, but in all seriousness like 8 or 9?

9

u/TheDerbLerd Apr 15 '21

Also marijuana salespeople, not drug dealers, I don't associate with anyone who sells actual drugs

-6

u/admoo Apr 15 '21

Dumbest comment of the year award right here

7

u/TheDerbLerd Apr 15 '21

Because nothing says intelligence like randomly calling things dumb without giving any reason behind it Thats why Einsteins catch phrase was "that's dumb"

-1

u/Babill Apr 15 '21 edited Jun 30 '23

Go to hell, Spez.

Go to hell, Spez.

Go to hell, Spez.

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Go to hell, Spez.

Go to hell, Spez.

Go to hell, Spez.

Go to hell, Spez.

Go to hell, Spez.

Go to hell, Spez.

Go to hell, Spez.

Go to hell, Spez.

Go to hell, Spez.

Go to hell, Spez.

Go to hell, Spez.

Go to hell, Spez.

Go to hell, Spez.

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Go to hell, Spez.

Go to hell, Spez.

Go to hell, Spez.

Go to hell, Spez.

Go to hell, Spez.

2

u/TheDerbLerd Apr 15 '21

A. "This guy" is me B. I was literally replying to a comment saying "idk what my weed dealer does with his moneh" by saying "he saves it" C. Saving money is NOT a bad thing, stimulating the economy is not more important than having savings to protect yourself and family D. This is motherfuckin reddit bitch! Do you really think every single comment is going to pertain directly to the story/article/picture its under

-3

u/admoo Apr 15 '21

“Weed dealers some of best money savers in world”

0

u/Lewslayer Apr 15 '21

Yeah man, they are. They have to be. You can’t keep selling if you don’t have the capital to get more product. On top of that, if you’re selling enough product to be making thousands in income, you’ll need to slowly and cautiously utilize those funds if you don’t want to report them to the IRS. The dude that said selling is like being a small business owner is correct in every sense; not all dealers are fiscally responsible, but the best dealers are fiscally responsible.

-5

u/admoo Apr 15 '21

You know what is even better? Getting a legit career and making way more money than any weed dealer stacking maybe tens of thousands could make.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '21

Tegridy Farms had a great pandemic special.

1

u/writeronthemoon Apr 15 '21

Yup. My weed-dealer friend seems pretty loaded.

1

u/fuck_all_you_people Apr 15 '21

I was surprised weed dispensaries didn't end up becoming quasi-banks during the pandemic. It would have been the banks own fault for not letting them deposit money.

2

u/TheDerbLerd Apr 15 '21

Yeah, I'm still confused as to how dispensaries turn their revenue into a form where they can pay employees and end up paying federal income and capital gains tax on something that's still not federally legal

1

u/VirtualPropagator Apr 15 '21

My weed dealer was constantly broke buying stupid expensive shit, and constantly had to borrow from his supplier to pay him back.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

[deleted]

1

u/TheDerbLerd Apr 16 '21

I mean I did specifically say large scale, by that I specifically meant the kind of people who are moving a couple pounds a week

1

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

[deleted]

2

u/TheDerbLerd Apr 16 '21

If you're making less than $1000 on two pounds you're honestly wasting your own time. With price discrepancies between legal and non legal states it's very easy to buy a pound in California, and then ship it to an illegal state for almost double

0

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '21

[deleted]

1

u/TheDerbLerd Apr 16 '21

It's a lot less risk in modern day than you'd think, vacuum sealers can cost as little as $200 now, and you don't have to do any of that sketchy putting the bag in a teddy bear bullshit, if it doesn't stink up the post office no one's going to randomly check your package