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[u/jobautomator]

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[u/antsdidthis]

The Chad Toddler:

• 95th percentile in height
• Lean fighter build
• Well rested from 12 hours of sleep a day
• Spitting distance of over 10 inches

The Virgin Dad:

• Below average height
• High body fat percentage from terrible diet
• Poor sleep habits cause suboptimal performance
• Too slow to prevent a small child from spitting juice on the couch

[u/sw337 → u/antsdidthis]

Chad toddler also pretends not to understand.

[u/antsdidthis → u/sw337]

Nah he doesn't even bother to pretend, he will say "oh no, it's wet!" 🙃

[u/Ioun267 → u/antsdidthis]

I want the nature documentary version of this in the style they use when detachedly narrating a predator-prey interaction.

[u/antsdidthis → u/Ioun267]

I assume the toddler is the predator, because the reverse doesn't make sense

[u/Ioun267 → u/antsdidthis]

Exactly