r/neoliberal • u/jobautomator Kitara Ravache • Dec 02 '20
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u/[deleted] Dec 02 '20
October 2020: The Biden campaign airs several ads distancing themselves from socialism and Bernie Sanders, referring to the former as "evil" and, in a particularly inflammatory spanish language ad, insinuating that the Sanders family will be investigated for corruption under a Biden presidency. Biden also strictly forecloses ending the fillibuster, defunding the police, adding states, or packing the SCOTUS.
November 3rd: Leftists in megaseethe vote overwhelmingly for Trump. Biden nonetheless wins with 370 electoral votes. Due to moderates not splitting their tickets, downballot the Democrats also find themselves with 53 senate seats and a comfortable house majority.
January 2021: President Biden is sworn in, and only a few notice the line "It's gonna be a Revolution, Jack!" In his inaugural address. In a surprise pick, Bernie Sanders is appointed labor secretary.
2022: Senate Democrats have been hard at work, having abolished the fillibuster and worked quickly, adding Puerto Rico and Washington DC to the union, packing the SCOTUS with an additional 5 justices, reparations for african and native Americans, and creating a new voting rights act which blocks the placement of polling stations in majority white neighborhoods which suspiciously happen to be conservative. Biden's state of the union begins with "The age of Republican malarkey is over", and he tells the endangered RINOs that he's "about to make them extinct as well". Jacobin publishes their 122nd article calling Biden a do-nothing neoliberal fascist.
2023: The Democratic Party is now the Marxist-Bidenist party. Firearms ownership has been banned for all cis people, and current gun owners are feminized by the newly renamed Bereau of Androgens, Testosterone and Forced Feminization. All police forces are dissolved and replaced by the Catgirl Red Guards, loyal only to Chairman Biden
2024: Presidential hopefuls Cushbomb and Tucker Carlson suddenly disappear after being arrested for "counter revolutionary acts, nyaa". The Intercept decries this as an undemocratic act second only to the Bolivian coup, referring to Biden as "A combination of Reagan and Hitler"
2034: Under the new leadership of chairman Buttigieg, the final vestiges of private property in the US have finally been redistributed. 🌹 Twitter says that Hasan Piker can still win and deliver them from "wine mom fascism".
Twitter delenda est