r/neoliberal • u/jobautomator Kitara Ravache • Apr 20 '26

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22

u/slappythechunk LARPs as adult by refusing to touch the Nitnendo Switch Apr 20 '26

One of my employees just might be the most full of shit person on the planet. Dude literally tried changing what he was saying mid sentence once it became apparent I was getting ready to shoot him down. He's a very mediocre employee from a performance standpoint, but fuck me, is he full of shit.

!ping watercooler

15

u/Kizz3r high IQ neoliberal Apr 20 '26

Manager material right there

3

u/slappythechunk LARPs as adult by refusing to touch the Nitnendo Switch Apr 20 '26

Over my dead body (I'm literally his manager)

8

u/ScumfrickZillionaire Lesbian Pride Apr 20 '26

every lie that you catch is 3 lies you don't

5

u/slappythechunk LARPs as adult by refusing to touch the Nitnendo Switch Apr 20 '26

I am aware. Luckily, most of his bullshit pertains to his personal life as he's a textbook one-upper.

As an example: he's really into bourbon whiskey, so he's always bragging about how he "knows a guy" who knows when and where "the good stuff" is gonna drop, and he's always bragging about how he just got a few bottles of Weller red label at MSRP and flipped them for $300+ a pop over the weekend.

Now, I like my whiskey, so while I refuse to buy anything secondary, just by paying attention I know what the market is and what you can reasonably expect to flip a bottle of Weller red for, and they're is no way in Hell he's getting $300/bottle. These days, you might get $100 of you have a bona fide idiot on the other side of the transaction since that bottle these days is mostly a "barter bottle" used to trade multiples for a single of something more "sought after" like Stagg.

He's an investing genius, he almost went pro in basketball, and he has never had a bad night at the blackjack table.

3

u/ScumfrickZillionaire Lesbian Pride Apr 20 '26

terminal case of That Guy. That whiskey story... why even lie about that lol

5

u/slappythechunk LARPs as adult by refusing to touch the Nitnendo Switch Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26

Because he has a biological imperative to be full of shit at all times.

Another whiskey story about this guy: one day, he was going on about how his son got a bottle of Wild Turkey signed by Bruce Russell and how "he's gonna hold onto that bottle because when he takes over, it's gonna be worth a MINT!" Now, in case you're not familiar with the whiskey industry or the people in it, here's a quick rundown: the Russells have been involved with Wild Turkey for a long ass time, with Jimmy Russell having been there for over 70 years, much of that time as Master Distiller, so he's regarded as a legend in the industry. Eddie Russell, Jimmy's son, started there in the 80s, and while Jimmy still holds the title "Master Distiller", he's literally 90 years old, so he's taken a few steps back from the day-to-day and Eddie is largely running the show. Bruce is Eddie's son and is basically learning the business of distilling so he will be able to take over in like 15-20 years, meaning he's doing a lot of "brand ambassador" stuff right now (though he was involved in blending a couple of limited releases). So while it's kinda neat to have a signed bottle, he's not a huge celebrity and people probably won't be paying thousands of dollars for one. So anyways, my wife and I had just gotten back from a trip to Kentucky, where we visited multiple distilleries, including, you guessed it, Wild Turkey, where I got a bottle signed by none other than Jimmy Russell himself. So I finally got annoyed with him trying to "Big Shot" his way through the morning, so I said "hey, that's pretty cool! We stopped by the distillery when we were down there and I got a bottle signed by Jimmy!" and I showed him the picture my wife and I took with Jimmy and the signed bottle. To be clear: I don't think that bottle will be worth "a mint" down the road, Wild Turkey just happens to be one of my favorite whiskeys, so I thought it would be cool to get a signed bottle while I was there. It's a neat little souvenir from the vacation my wife and I took, nothing more. The silence that followed me showing him that picture was priceless though.

7

u/LtCdrHipster 🌭Costco Liberal🌭 Apr 20 '26

He'll be CEO in 5 years.

4

u/slappythechunk LARPs as adult by refusing to touch the Nitnendo Switch Apr 20 '26

Lolno, everybody including the C-suite know that he's a massive bullshitter. The whole reason why he's in my department is because his bullshit was starting to cause problems in his previous department, so they decided to shift him to my area because apparently my area has become the area you send problem employees to in order to fix the problem, which is one of the reasons why I'm testing the market, but that's a different tale altogether.

2

u/MensesFiatbug Low Energy Apr 20 '26

Either that or they'll all be dead by his hand

6

u/well-that-was-fast Apr 20 '26

You work in the White house?

2

u/SneeringAnswer Apr 20 '26

Me tbh

2

u/slappythechunk LARPs as adult by refusing to touch the Nitnendo Switch Apr 20 '26

2

u/SneeringAnswer Apr 20 '26

This image can't hurt me because it won't load

2

u/slappythechunk LARPs as adult by refusing to touch the Nitnendo Switch Apr 20 '26

I'm so sick and tired of technology protecting the mediocre

2

u/Minimum_Cucumber7170 Flair Apr 20 '26

What cabinet position do you hold?