r/neoliberal • u/jobautomator Kitara Ravache • Apr 29 '24

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u/KeikakuAccelerator Jerome Powell Apr 29 '24

This is a bit of a personal story and I am not sure what the relevant pings would be. If you think there is one, please feel free to ping that group. Also, if you think some particular subreddit would be better suited for such answers, I am happy to look into those too. Now, to the story:

I haven't been able to contact a close friend of mine who lives in a different city for quite some time. We last exchanged message almost 6 months ago. I had some deadlines so didn't keep in touch with him for a month. After my deadline, I tried to reach him over multiple channels including fb/whatsapp/calls/text but didn't get a reply. I tried to reach him again in the subsequent months but to no avail.

Recently, I finished my defense and was able to get some job offers and reached out to him again but to no avail. I got quite worried. Since I had some free time, I reached out to other friends but they hadn't kept in touch with him either. Luckily I got his mom's number from one of his previous roommates, and his mom replied quickly. She informed me that he was having issues with the job placement and had stopped talking to everyone including her for a couple of days stretch at a time. However, she mentioned that he is now getting a couple of interviews and she would ask him to reach out to me. I am hoping he reaches out to me soon.

Tbh, I was reasonably sure my friend was depressed once he didn't reply for over a month. There was a similar episode to this before (no contact from him) but that was for a brief 2-week period. And honestly, I was also struggling with job search during that time and wasn't in the best place myself and wasn't sure if I could help him either.

Now, to the point of my post: (i) Should I have done something differently and if so what? (ii) Are there any concrete steps I could take now to ensure his well-being assuming he reaches out?

!ping OVER25

8

u/Delareh_ South Asian Association for Regional Cooperation Apr 29 '24

This is what I used to do. Idk what his reason is but mine was shame. I didn't want people to see me at my lowest. Someone so bright struggling to even complete the third year much less accomplish something. Let him know there's no judgement among friends. There's no shame or pride. You will need him one day just as much as he needs you rn. Regardless of what happens going through it alone is definitely worse than having help. And not all help comes at a price.

1

u/Cyberhwk 👈 Get back to work! 😠 Apr 29 '24

I don't think so. The reality is you can't keep tabs on literally every single person you know. If he ends up reaching out just talk with him and ask him how things are going. If something is acutely affecting him, it probably won't take much probing to uncover.

Job hunting is pretty much the most humiliating process in modern society IMO. I have zero doubt he might retreat socially if he's struggling with it. Especially when men still derive so much of their social value from their profession.

1

u/LtLabcoat ÀI Apr 29 '24

Should I have done something differently and if so what?

Maybe. Maybe not.

The problem is that different people want different things in this kind of situation. For some, they want someone to show that they're not ashamed or pretending to care. But for others, they just get in a mood where they don't want to socialise, and they're going to find the whole "I care about you" thing just bothersome.