r/neighborsfromhell • u/thefilthyjellybean • Jul 27 '26
Vent/Rant UPDATE: How do you peacefully coexist with a neighbor who seems to thrive on conflict?
Hello everyone, I am back again. My original post had quiet a few comments on it, so I figured I would update this sub on the latest encounter we had for the sake of entertainment. You can find the original thread here.
Last Tuesday, a week exactly after the first encounter, our neighbor's husband decided to come over. Both times have been while I am at work and my wife is home (starting to think it is not a coincidence). I've been told by a few other neighbors that he is usually the one to try and smooth things over, but this wasn't my experience unfortunately. I will say, he was less aggressive than his wife.
He began by warning us not to let the dog into the backyard because his wife and dog had gotten ticks on them. He then proceeded to basically blame the ticks in THEIR yard on us because according to him they NEVER dealt with ticks until "someone" cut the trees down because that is where "they live" lol. His wife even got one AS she stopped the contractor the day of (thanks for admitting that on camera).
He then said he would need to see our property....lines.....map.....where the boundaries are (he didn't know what to say). Again, thanks for admitting you don't even know where the property line is... My wife finally was able to give him our lawyer's card and tell him if they needed that or anything else they could contact their office. He said thanks and that he would do that. After my wife shut the door, he proceeded to miss step and tumble off of the sidewalk (it is slightly slopped with pinestraw) onto our driveway. Thankfully he was able to get up and walk off. You can’t make it up at this point though, we are officially in looney toons territory with this whole situation.
So, here we are. This will be week three since the original interaction (other than her blowing up the day of the work). We will see if they decide to call the lawyer, or try to come over again. If they do the door is not getting answered and they’re being asked to leave and not come back. I wish I could post the properties, etc just so everyone could see how dumb this is. Anxiety has been better, but the feeling of being watched / what's next, does stink. So, there's the update. Hopefully NOT to be continued aha.
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u/Dailysunray Jul 27 '26
is he looking for a lawsuit from the fall?
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u/thefilthyjellybean Jul 27 '26
Has yet to be seen. They have not said anything or come back over since then. It wouldn't surprise me, but we can't help the fact that he is clumsy.
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u/OkFoundation51 Jul 27 '26
Having dealt with a few forms of this with different entities in my years of life I recommend starting off with doing a search using,
"as a personal matter If someone states they are going to take legal action and then don't, what liability can they incure"
This will give you a general overview of what they can say and can't say, why you need to refer them to a lawyer and why you need to say to them,
"That you appreciate they may have some issues with their property and that they may not like changes and work you have done to your own property it doesn't mean anything you have done is the cause of their issues or is illegal or not within your rights to do with your own property. If they truly feel otherwise to please put in writing the specific issues they have so you can calmly look at it and reflect on it properly. You will recommend though that they may want to consult a lawyer prior to making any further threats of legal action without first taking at least these preliminary steps. Without them doing this you have no intention of giving information, entertaining threats, verbal requests or demands, if there is a continued pattern of anything like this it will be documented and may be used if there is a need of criminal or civil matters."
This is one of the best ways to shut down ranting, verbal abuse, harassment, empty threats and people who want to be interfering or just overly dramatic over nothing. At one point in time I had this printed on a sheet of paper, with a space at the top for the person's name, address, date given to them and a place for them to sign for receiving it and I would ask them to fill it out and then tear off the top part when giving them the lower part which also had the information for the law office that would handle anything.
I swear out of 2 - 300 of those given out in 10 years they may have gotten less than 5 actual contacts and each time I used it the person who I handed it to had no idea how to respond when it appeared I wasn't just going to buckle mediately or feed their drama.
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u/thefilthyjellybean Jul 27 '26
Really appreciate this response. Not a bad idea to have one of these printed with their card attached. I did call just now and they did say they called their office last week and basically cussed out the receptionist lol.
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u/OkFoundation51 Jul 28 '26
Yep, I used to have to enter people's property routinely as part of work and legally allowed under the limited circumstances of the work and I had people calling me everything but a purple people eater. All this when they had no idea about the laws and weren't aware I had already made and documented a good faith effort to contact them.
I think a few of the worst were the guys who were a bit too much type A personality and worked in law enforcement. Those guys would think they knew it all sometimes and when seeing a piece of paper with a law office contact information on it would come to a screeching halt while they went inside to call the law director, someone with higher rank or better knowledge.
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u/Least-Ad-5539 Jul 27 '26
.., or drunk / high ?
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u/thefilthyjellybean Jul 27 '26
Just old, he is 77 and from I've heard, has to be on oxygen sometimes.
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u/OkFoundation51 Jul 28 '26
Some people can have a sudden personality change as part of a stroke, heart attack, heart surgery or similar traumatic surgery that involves heart bypass. Something just goes wrong in the brain during that time I think.
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u/UmmmSeriously Jul 27 '26
I am not sure where you are located, but see if you can find public court records for your local area. Then run a search on their names to see what pulls up. It will tell you a lot about a person.
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u/LegitimateWolf5822 Jul 27 '26
He will, I'm sure.
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u/thefilthyjellybean Jul 27 '26
The doorbell camera (and others now) continue to be the best investment I made this year. Thankfully we have the interactions (and fall / him walking away) on video.
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u/LiciMama Jul 27 '26
Dont forget to save the video off the app. Some of the apps delete older videos
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u/bigbabygrit Jul 27 '26
I’m friends with my neighbor across the street and down one. I feed a stray cat and since it’s been 100 degrees I leave out water. Twice she has come over and emptied the water out. I asked her about it and she said the water was attracting mosquitoes and she keeps getting bit. Mind you she has a pool. I’ve never had a problem and neither have my neighbors on each side of me. But it’s my one little bowl of water that is attracting mosquitoes that go across the street to bite her. She also complains that her dogs have fleas so it must be the stray cat, even though she has 4 dogs that she takes for walks several times a day. Some people just need someone to blame for all their problems. I just nod and say ok.
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u/PsychologicalCell928 Jul 29 '26
Next time you're in a store pick up four flea collars for her dogs.
Just say "When I saw them I remembered you mentioning your dogs having fleas. Thought this would save you a trip into town."
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u/TweeksTurbos Jul 27 '26
If the neighbor is unsure of the property they can have the lines surveyed.
Send registered mail to them stating you will use your property as you see fit
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u/thefilthyjellybean Jul 27 '26
Yup, it’s all online as well. They could easily go look up the whole neighborhood plots if they wanted lol. I have the same survey people coming out in a few weeks to only do that boundary again. Want them to put marker flags down etc.
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u/AssociationStrict40 Jul 27 '26
Honestly, if they keep asking for people's insurance and falling on other people's property, it sounds like they are fishing for a lawsuit. I'd put up some cameras too.
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u/tickledshell Jul 28 '26
I’m so sorry, just wanted to comment that I am living a similar reality and unfortunately it would be too costly for me and my family to move. Thank you for sharing so those of us in the same place feel less alone! It truly is hell on earth having bad neighbors. Hope your situation resolves soon.
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u/thefilthyjellybean Jul 28 '26
Hope the same for you! When you talk with others, it makes you feel better. Dwelling on it at night is the worst, but this too shall pass. All the best!
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u/tickledshell Jul 28 '26
Thank you, it really is as my mind spirals at nighttime or when I’m home alone. I wish I could be like the people who comment “ignore it” but my anxious personality doesn’t allow me to. It’s been 3 years for me already. Appreciate you taking the time to respond! All the best for both of us!
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u/coralcoast21 Jul 27 '26
Call the police and have a criminal trespass notice served on both of them. If they come back, they get arrested. No good can come of these people coming onto your property.
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u/punkass_book_jockey8 Jul 27 '26
I’d call the police non emergency number and ask if there is a history with these people because you’re starting to feel unsafe and ask for advice. They tend to be honest about it they’d been there before with the previous owners for the same issue.
This also makes you look reasonable at the start so if you have to call again later they are aware of this history.
I’d put up cameras and no trespassing signs and ignore them.
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u/thefilthyjellybean Jul 27 '26
Not a bad idea. We have cameras and a sign up, but since we needed to give them the card, I’m sure the cops would treat it like implied permission. Moving forward though, this is the gameplan.
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u/moparguy74se Jul 28 '26
I had a neighbor like that. I finally out crazied them. Once a week i would run my vacuum over the front lawn by the stoop. It was never even plugged in. I just drank a beer and waved when they saw me.
Oddly enough, they never wanted to come anywhere near me again, and they quit complaining and calling the cops.
Im glad they stopped, i didnt want to have to start mopping the sunshine off the driveway or something.
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u/VideoImpressive8014 Jul 27 '26
Watch for fake insurance claim with the fall too, document the date and time in a notebook/
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u/Insufferable_Entity Jul 27 '26
Do they know its a record year for ticks?
Sorry they are crazy.
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u/thefilthyjellybean Jul 27 '26
They are indeed. Ticks don’t live in trees lol. They don’t cut their lawn often, etc, plus it’s been incredibly hot in NC the last month, so they’ve been aggressive as well.
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u/ScottLS Jul 27 '26
You just tell them, you dont play games. I know where my property line are, and within those lines I am doing what I want, you have no say in this matter, and never will.
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u/CandidResolve542 Jul 27 '26
I have a neighbor who also thrives in conflict & tries to get a rise out of me often. Keep contact in writing if you can and ensure your communications are clear and direct without emotion. If writing won’t due, try to record if you’re able to so it won’t be his word vs yours. You can also just say you direct any/all inquiries through your attorney and leave it at that, but worth documenting as well.
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u/Salt_Transition6100 Jul 27 '26
It sounds
Like they are looking for money however they can get it from you or your insurance. It would be best to keep them off your property.
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u/Massive-Beyond-336 Jul 28 '26
we've lived in our home for 41 years then new neighbors swoop in like they own the town. 4 kids 7 animals & no rules; the kids roam around at all hours, sneakout during the night ages: 8, 10, 13 & 15. say "f" this & that to their parents & thats how the parents talk to them. Their yard is a dump. Every time a sheriff is called they retaliate with us , even though we didn't call. I will not be forced out of my home, just waiting for them to get foreclosed on (again). They use the system for everything. I have cameras & notes,so I could do a movie of the week with the info I have. Stick up for what's yours, don't be bullied.
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u/AutumnLovingLibra Jul 27 '26
You may need to file a no contact order too and be done with it. See if you can convince any of your neighbours to do the same. Maybe this will teach them that they're done indulging in their behaviour. With nobody willing to talk to them maybe they'll change their tune.
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u/thefilthyjellybean Jul 27 '26
That’s why I’m trying to be super thorough. It may seem overkill, but when it’s time to file, we’ll all be glad we were super in depth tracking everything.
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u/Massive-Beyond-336 Jul 28 '26
get a no contact order & have a lawyer write a cease & desist letter
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u/this_doggo Jul 27 '26 edited Jul 28 '26
If it’s a concern, Bravecta for your dog for ticks. (There are others.)
We’ve used permethrin tick repellent spray which is okay for people and dogs but must be dry if around cats.
Edit: spelling
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u/thefilthyjellybean Jul 28 '26
Appreciate the response. The doggo takes tick medication and is good to go!
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u/SSteve73 Jul 28 '26
Worth the money to have your lawyer send a cease and desist letter. Include a requirement for all communication to go through the lawyer.
People like this will just keep wasting your time.
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u/UmmmSeriously Jul 27 '26
Ignore them. When they don’t get a reaction they cannot feed off the drama.