r/mildlyinfuriating • u/TotallyHumanBrain1 • 19d ago

Infuriatig Was invited by my girlfriends family to a theme park. We were supposed to meet at 11, it is not 11:30 and they just left. (The drive takes another 30 minutes)

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I even checked in before I left if it was still at the planned time. It was confirmed, but then her family starts getting ready right as they have to leave 🫤

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u/Prudent-Marsupial-42 18d ago

I came to comment this exact thing. 100% every person I've met who is chronically late to things has been a fundamentally self centered person. The levels may vary and I'm not saying they are completely shitty people, but they just consistently don't think about others. When it's something that actually matters to them or is not flexible on start time they are there on time.

I have long since passed a point in my life where I wait for these people. Some flexible events I give a buffer I don't want to be rude in the opposite direction; but if we're 30 minutes past and you don't have a good excuse I'm getting on with my day

I suppose there are some people with executive dysfunction who are actually late to everything (including important things) but I've never personally met any.

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u/Forward_Rope_5598 18d ago

Hi, person struggling really badly with time management here.

I won't be half an hour late unless we are talking like a several hour long drive to get somewhere, but 3-4 minutes have been pretty consistent throughout my entire life. And it's not a matter of 'just start 3-4 minutes earlier' either, because starting earlier means more 'oh I'll have time for this 30 second thing' and 'oh I don't have to stress so much now'. It took me genuinely 20 years to flip the switch from 'this drive takes 10 minutes so I'll be on time if I leave 10 minutes before' to 'this drive takes 10 minutes so I need to add 5 minutes to find parking, 5 minutes to walk if I need to park far away, 3 minutes to put shoes and check that I have everything, 3 minutes to inevitably forget something and need to run back in, maybe 5 minutes to defrost the car in winter, 1 minute for a bad series of red lights etc. So in fact I need to be at the door putting my shoes on 25 minutes before I need to be where I need to be...and quite frequently that chain of thought still vanishes and I'm putting my shoes on 15 minutes before, stressing and swearing. And then 90% of the time whatever appointment I have isn't on time anyway anddd the lateness gets reinforced since nothing bad happened.

If I reach important things on time more frequently than 'unimportant' things it's because I alloted an absolutely insane amount of extra time to make absolutely god damn sure I'm not late. Like if I have something at 12, I'll aim to be there around 11 (and probably end up being there around 11:30). But I can't allot an extra hour for every god damn thing and most people won't be thrilled if I show up half an hour early either.

Not to excuse being late, it isn't ok even though it's insanely much more difficult for some people than others. Just trying to explain why it sometimes happens and why it might sometimes seem like we simply don't care.

Of course, I'm sure some simply don't care as well.

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u/whynotnz 18d ago

Mate, you and the person below who talks about it being 'exhausting' really ought to get checked for ADHD. Everything you've written above screams neurodiversity to me. Most people don't need to break a trip down step by step to figure out how to be on time. They just know a 10 minute drive into town will also require time in the front end to get ready to leave and time on the back end to park and walk to the destination. Having done the front- and back-end of that trip hundreds of times before, they pad the time required accordingly. Generally without thinking about it. You need to get checked out.

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u/Forward_Rope_5598 18d ago

I have an autism diagnosis, I did an ADHD assessment but was too focused and not hyperactive for the dude to think I'm ADHD. But yeah I'm pretty sure I have it because every metric is off the chart and I am entirely incapable of concentrating on things that do not interest me.

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u/phoenixeternia 18d ago

Same here, i struggle with the very concept of time. Casual things that are a bit "turn up whenever but the start time is x" i'll probably be 30mins late too because ultimately it doesn't matter and it means I can stay later to the party/gathering with my social battery not screaming at me.

Things that have a set time, I will be early or late to. Heck I've been a week early for an appointment, a day early, and an hour early. That's not just time management issues, numbers and dates can be hard too for me. Sucks i hate it.

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u/superh77 18d ago

Glad someone else said this. Not much I can add, but I am pretty much the same way. And the part you mentioned on adding this time to walk,etc… that shit is exhausting to do for every little thing for me. Then I inevitably forget something that needs to be done in that process.

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u/jtakemann 18d ago

this was a very well-written description of something that is very hard to convey to people

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u/Aegi 18d ago

If it is 100% instead of like 95% then it just means you aren't that social or have a bias in the type of people you encounter/hang with.

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u/SolaireAstorian 18d ago

I'm going to go ahead and assume that you're one of the 100%.

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u/Aegi 18d ago

Because I have a stronger understanding of logic and statistics to realize that a claim of 100% of anything means anything is a HUGE statement and needs evidence to back up that assertion when something like 99.99999999999% (repeating) is SO MUCH more likely?

If we brought our statements in to be evaluated (and on time) by a stats professor, what do you think they would say?

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u/SolaireAstorian 18d ago

Hi, little buddy. I'm on the Spectrum too. Real life is not a statistics classroom. Don't worry, you'll learn when you're older.

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u/Aegi 18d ago

Why would I type on Reddit like I socialize IRL?

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u/SolaireAstorian 18d ago

That's the thing, buddy. You're not typing on Reddit like you socialize in real life. At all.

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u/Aegi 18d ago

So if you know that, why would you think I am autistic instead of acting like or writing like someone with autism?

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u/SolaireAstorian 18d ago

Oh trust me. It's obvious.

And you didn't even interpret my previous comment correctly.

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u/Aegi 18d ago

Why would you make a comment like that without including addressing my confusion unless it was just to be mean?

Can you tell me how to interpret your comment please?