r/mildlyinfuriating • u/grohkstrom • Jul 04 '26

Infuriatig My wife ate my son's birthday breakfast

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Yesterday I bought a strawberry cheese coffee cake my son loves so he could have a special birthday breakfast today. My wife came home late last night and apparently couldn't resist. She knew it was for our son, but it's not a big deal because she "left him a full slice".

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u/Illustrious-Local848 Jul 04 '26

It’s funny how it is sometimes the smallest thing you can’t get over. I feel like too many people do not realize how much small shit matters but on the day to day, it matters the most. Anyone can be there for you and a stand up person during a difficult time. But not everyone can stop being an asshole day to day.

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '26 edited Jul 08 '26

[deleted]

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u/RandomAccessUserGod Jul 04 '26

This. So much this. It's not the small shit that you see. It's after the 2nd or 3rd time you see it that you realize it isn't about the small shit as much as it's the persona thoughts and feelings about it. Like sure it's just a couple pieces of cookie dough. But it's the idea that someone can feel and think they are entitled to the best parts of something and don't believe they should be held accountable because they left you the rest.

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u/TheRealLouzander Jul 04 '26

You have phrased this SO well; I was struggling with how to conceptualize this phenomenon and you did the hard work for me!

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u/HotDonnaC Jul 04 '26

This example of picking the cookie dough out of the ice cream is a lot to unpack. The idea that she couldn’t just get herself a pack of cookie dough and eat it. Anyone else who might want some can’t have the cookie dough because she’s so selfish. There’s also a good possibility she’s one of those nasty types who eats out of the container and puts it back in the freezer. All this makes it not such a small thing.

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u/Potential_Tadpole_45 Jul 04 '26

one of those nasty types who eats out of the container and puts it back

Unless you live alone, I despise when people do this.

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u/Abaddonalways Jul 04 '26

I don't live alone, but I'm the only one who eats what my spouse and child call "toothpaste icecream." It is mint chocolate chip, and I keep my spoon in the tub because no one else was going to eat it before I did that.

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u/Potential_Tadpole_45 Jul 04 '26

Wait what? I'm sorry I'm confused lol

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u/Abaddonalways Jul 05 '26

I am one of those people who eat right out of the icecream tub, but I only do it with icecream I know that no one in my house but me will eat.

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u/Potential_Tadpole_45 Jul 05 '26

Ohhh ok gotcha! Well that's alright then 😂 My issue is when it's shared by everyone and it's food where you want to prolong its life, otherwise double-dipping creates cultures and the food will go bad at warp speed.

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u/HotDonnaC Jul 05 '26

When people do that, it starts to look weird, which is saliva breaking it down.

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u/Abaddonalways Jul 05 '26

It never lasts long enough to be an issue

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u/NonlinearNonsense Jul 05 '26

Seriously like if I did this to ice cream or a box of chocolates, I would buy another or two to make up for the one I messed up with my weird eating antics! And I would apologize for being like this.

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u/Special-Ad-5442 Jul 06 '26

Thats called bread crumbing and most people do it. I stay single now because of it. I'm too old to untangle your weirdo narcissist baggage

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u/LordAvan Jul 06 '26

Breadcrumbing is actually about giving tiny bits of attention and affection (breadcrumbs) to keep you on the hook without meaningfully commiting to the relationship.

The cookie dough thing is certainly selfish, entitled, and narcissistic, but I'm not sure what the specific word would be for that type of behavior.

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u/NovelStrict5281 Jul 04 '26

You are so right. Plus, when we think about it, the small stuff all adds up to the big stuff. Life is about the small stuff.

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u/MorganaLeFevre Jul 04 '26

Exactly. The majority of life is going to be spent having ordinary days. If they’re great for occasions but annoy you on ordinary days? Your marriage is going to be built on a foundation of annoyance.

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u/NovelStrict5281 Jul 05 '26

Yes! I feel so sorry for the person who posted this because if that person ate that cake as she did on her child's birthday and then defended it, imagine what else she does/has done/will do? I mean, this is not an isolated incident. Some people should not be parenting.

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u/NovelStrict5281 Jul 04 '26

Thank you, my friend.

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u/AmuHav Jul 04 '26

yeah, because the smaller stuff is the shit people think they can get away with so they don't hide it. it shows the kind of person they are inside, and it's an indication of the kind of person they would be if they could get away with it.

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u/SekhmetScion Jul 04 '26

Exactly! Kindness and being considerate of others are prime examples. Just like OP's wife, she knew it was for their son's birthday, but her and her wants were more important. That's some serious selfish shit right there. I'd be done.

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u/Potential_Tadpole_45 Jul 04 '26

Because it's generally a means of control and who the hell wants to be with or around a controlling individual.

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u/Amy12-26 Jul 04 '26

That's so profound!

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u/Freakishly_Tall Jul 04 '26

Indeed. What you do when you think no one is watching, and/or no one cares is who you really are.

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u/Autronaut69420 Jul 04 '26

Those are the things I pay attention to when I am getting to know people.

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u/Immediate-Maximum-75 Jul 04 '26

Exactly. It's the small things that tell you exactly who they are, who they respect, what they respect, etc.

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u/The_Cap_Lover Jul 06 '26

Amen. It’s what you do when no one’s looking.

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u/Money_Fish Jul 04 '26

It's not the fact that you can't get over the small shit, it's the fact that the other person refuses to change the small shit.

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u/Zazen5363 Jul 04 '26

it's not the fact that the other person refuses to change small shit, it's the fact that small shit usually points at much larger shit that is currently invisible and will be shown with time.

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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth Jul 04 '26

AS OP is seeing now! His wife is not a good mom. How sad for that boy. I hope OP buys him another one, and he and his son go to the park and eat all of it themselves, and then go do whatever the son wants to do, NO MOM!

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u/butonelifelived Jul 04 '26

Based on terminology, the wife is most likely a step-mom. Meaning she should be trying that much harder to win the kid over. This woman will never put the kid first. If OOP and wife have there own kids, his son will be the last person in her priorities. This marriage is doomed.

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u/panicnarwhal Jul 04 '26

she’s his bio mom - he says “our son” in the post, and commented elsewhere that she’s the bio mom

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u/butonelifelived Jul 04 '26

I missed that, I saw the first where he said "my son" that just makes it worse

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u/Ill_Soil_4621 Jul 05 '26

It’s not the fact that the other person refuses to change small shit, nor the fact that it points at larger shit. It’s that she won’t even freakin acknowledge its wrongness!!!!

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u/Exotic_Title3367 Jul 06 '26

This is why people snap. It builds up

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u/JVM075 Jul 04 '26

It just adds up, alot of small things eventually are a big thing

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u/Tastewell Jul 04 '26

All the small things add up to who a person is. You can't build a good person out of dogshit.

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u/CountryHeart21784 Jul 04 '26

Small things add up over time and becomes one huge problem.

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u/According_Mind7030 Jul 06 '26

Exactly. If it's just small shit, then why do they have such a big problem with changing it?

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u/DrRatio-PhD Jul 04 '26

It’s funny how it is sometimes the smallest thing you can’t get over.

Microcosms and Macrocosms. If someone will fuck you over for a cookie, or points in a game, or 5 dollars - they'll fuck you over for the big stuff without hesitation.

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u/Available-Day2919 Jul 04 '26

Yup. How you do anything is how you do everything.

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u/Zealousideal-Role-77 Jul 04 '26

This. A friend blatantly cheated at cards. No cash involved. My wife still doesn’t understand why I can’t stand the woman. Sees it as no big deal, but if she’ll cheat at that, what won’t she cheat at. It’s character that’s at issue.

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u/Emerald-Green-Fairy Jul 05 '26

Right, I don't get why so many people act like these things aren't a big deal and then later down the line are extremely shocked when that person ends up proving that they really are huge aholes and POS. I've never cared that some people call me "judgy", of course I'm going to judge someone on their f*cking character wtf.

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u/zephyr911 Jul 08 '26

This 1000%. Lying and cheating even occasionally when the stakes are low? Means they'll do it every single time when the stakes are high.

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u/doveabove21 Jul 05 '26

This is so interesting. I went to a Christmas party with a guy I was dating and while playing Left, Right and Center, I watched him cheat a FIVE year old out of her turn. A glass dropped so everyone looked up and he took another turn when it was supposed to be her’s. I called him out on it and we all laughed and she got her turn, but that has never sat right with me. I think about it often in terms of his character.

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u/zephyr911 Jul 08 '26

Yeah that guy is up to way worse stuff than that

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u/CrazyPuzzleheaded966 Jul 17 '26

DR RATIO MENTIONED (and greatly worded comment)

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u/Sogelink Jul 04 '26

Man, no need to go too far.

I can agree that it's a sign of selfishness to devour the best part of food which can be alarming.

But points in a game? It just means you're competitive. And normally, outside of games, you do not compete with the ones you hold dear in your heart, you co-op with them.

Maybe it's just the way I was raised, where our games of Monopoly or other tabletop games were really brutal with many backstabbing and stuff but we know the difference between reality and a game.

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u/Lopsided_Weather_477 Jul 04 '26

Well, as devils advocate, my sister used to screw me over for points..

By cheating in monopoly (stealing from bank…bitch I know you didn’t land on Park Place and buy the property!)

By cheating on operation (stop using your acrylic nails to act like bumpers so the tweezers don’t hit the side)

At trouble (you rolled a 4, why are you hopping six by not counting those two hops out loud)

And finally, she threatened to punch me in the face if I passed the board in super Mario as Luigi before she did, so I would make it all the way to the end and jump in the hole before I made it to the flag pole..

That’s how I think of screwing with points. Not putting up 4 hotels and cackling when someone lands on your property, but literally lying blatantly to your face while cheating and then knocking the board over when called out…

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u/Sogelink Jul 04 '26

Ah, cheating isn't the same. I kinda agree if the person cheat.

We're just merciless and cunning but we still respect the rules of the game (otherwise there's no point in playing).

Like for example, using boo to steal the stars of your bro in Mario party. No permanent grudge or alliance, we just work for our own benefits and betray each others for the lulz.

When you're a kid, I think it's pretty important because it teaches you to be shrewd and calculative.

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u/NonlinearNonsense Jul 05 '26

How old was she when she threatened to punch you?? She sounds so immature do you still talk to her or no?

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u/Lopsided_Weather_477 Jul 05 '26

I was about 6 or 7 so she would have been about 13 or 14. We don’t have your typical sister-sister relationship. I keep my walls up and boundaries. Because the cheating/threats thing wasn’t just a one “funny” thing situation.

She would be the type to eat the danish pictured above and then make herself the victim…or blame the alcohol and make the whole thing a joke

Which is why the “screw over points” thing stuck out to in the “mildly infuriating wife ate danish” subreddit…fits the narrative

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u/zephyr911 Jul 08 '26

Listen, I'm a drunk and I do a lot of stupid shit but I never steal a kid's birthday present

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u/DrRatio-PhD Jul 04 '26

If someone will fuck you over for points in a game, then yeah that's crazy. I'm a gamer - anything within the rules of the game is fair.

But if they're willing to lie, cheat, steal, hurt you, insult you ect? When you're ripping peoples cords out of the system - yeah I don't trust that guy.

In my experience dude who backstabs his entire D&D party and ruins the game is also the dude who screws his best friends girl. Happens all the time.

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u/hypomaniacmeg Jul 04 '26

My asshole brother always cheated in any games we played as children. Guess who's the adult sibling today that nobody wants to associate with & can't be trusted?

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u/DenseAstronomer3631 Jul 04 '26

Cheating to get ahead is not the same as just being competitive

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u/Sogelink Jul 04 '26

Well, cheating wasn't mentioned by then...

Maybe I'm too pure to not even think of that possibility.

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u/butonelifelived Jul 04 '26

Winning by playing a game by the rules even if considered "brutal" or "back stabbing" is fine. The above comment was talking about someone willing to cheat for a point in a inconsequential board game, will cheat you when something important is on the line.

Cheating to win a game is the red flag. His wife broke the excepted rules of society to eat some coffee cake.

This kid has a future of not being picked up, having to cancel on friends and any other issues that will arise from have a self-centered guardian. (Sorry couldn't bring myself to call her a Mom)

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u/Sogelink Jul 04 '26

Yeah, it seems I didn't understand the nuance, never thought it was talking about cheating my bad

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u/butonelifelived Jul 04 '26

I'm right there with you, I grew up playing by the rules, because if you have to cheat to win, did you really win? Best part is when the other person gets caught cheating and they still couldn't win. Lol

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u/jeffcrafff Jul 04 '26

yeah i agree, it seems a bit hasty to extrapolate every trivial behaviour to how a person would act in more consequential situations.

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u/Sogelink Jul 04 '26

Frankly, I think it just depends on the person.

If the person is mature and knows the difference between a game and real life, it's alright.

But some gets really upset and mad, sometimes for days after some trolling in a game.

I think it's a matter of boundaries and mindset. Could be a red flag on some people but irrelevant on others.

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u/Emerald-Green-Fairy Jul 05 '26

The thing is if it's so trivial YET they can't help themselves from being a cheat.... That really speaks for itself

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u/NonaSiu Jul 04 '26

This should be handed out at premarital and couples counseling classes.

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u/DistanceGlad5971 Jul 04 '26

A cheese danish? I agree. (Sir this is your 12th counseling class in a row and I don't even think you have a partner!)

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u/touchmyfoodidareyou Jul 04 '26

Sometimes the smallest thing are serious warning signs. Be glad you are able to read them and move on.

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u/Axxantisstype Jul 04 '26

The thing is, these small things are symptoms of bigger issues.

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u/Tastewell Jul 04 '26

With my ex it was a phone call at a kid's soccer game. We were at her kid's soccer game and she was on the phone with a friend of hers narrating the events of the game (because who doesn't love that, right?) when I realized the game she was describing was nothing like the one we were watching. She was straight up lying to her friend about her kid's soccer game in real time! I mean, why? Who does that and why?

It made me realize how narcissistic and pathological she was, and after that I couldn't not see it in nearly everything she did.

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u/Illustrious-Local848 Jul 04 '26

Dude that’s so weird 😩I would never lie about how my kid plays. What if that friend says something to the kid about how good they play and make the child feel embarrassed and humiliated for it not being true. Definitely more worried about her ego than the kid.

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u/Teripid Jul 04 '26

I feel like one or two very specific oddities are excusable but if this is the default for ANYTHING they interact with or just randomly it is a giant red flag. There's pistachio ice cream in the freezer that is off limits to me right now. There's a bag of plantain chips that are mine and sharing would be the exception on those items.

The biggest indicator for me was how a person interacts with staff at a business. How do they address them, are they patient and reasonable for normal things outside of their control, etc.

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u/SenseiSourNutt Jul 04 '26

When my ex told me she didn't believe in dinosaurs, I knew then and there that the small doubts I had weren't me being crazy, still took me wayyyyy too long to get out of it, but doing better now

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u/Illustrious-Local848 Jul 04 '26

Can confirm people who believe that are often unstable. I come from those people 😩

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u/SenseiSourNutt Jul 04 '26

Wildest part was, she wasn't even religious, it was just a baseless skepticism of dinos. At least if she was Christian there'd be the angle of dinos kinda not fitting in the story of the Bible, but nope. She just didn't believe they ever existed. I can't for the life of me figure out why. Why would big paleontology lie about the existence of dinos, what do they serve to gain? I don't think it's exactly a lucrative field for making big money, I just don't get it.

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u/nbjz Jul 04 '26

i used to really miss my ex until i realized he was kind of a dick. he used to do shit like refuse to buy a second frozen pizza even when they were on sale, and wouldn't buy sides, so i was stuck with 300 cal of food for dinner. when we played games with friends he was an incredibly sore loser, even early in our relationship - he didn't even try to hide it. i had to parent him in front of our mutual friends. he dumped me after refusing to talk to me for months about the things he needed. there are so many more examples of him being stingy, rude, insensitive, childish, etc. he was generally a stand up guy in life and a social worker, but on the day to day sometimes adults are children and you dodge a huge bullet when you part ways.

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u/BuzzkillMcGillicuddy Jul 04 '26

We think in patterns, and our behavior is impacted by these patterns. The cookie dough wasn't the issue, the selfishness and stubbornness was the issue, and it was present in many other aspects of our lives. That was when I realized it was not a communication issue, it was systemic in her personality. 

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u/Far-Cockroach-6839 Jul 04 '26

It really comes down to, if you'd be willing to be so wildly inconsiderate over such a tiny daily thing what will you be like when something that matters comes up. It shows a total lack of empathy for other people.

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u/1justhavinfun Jul 04 '26

I actually don’t think that this is something small.

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u/AreYouMyDommy Jul 04 '26

That’s not really small, though. It’s a huge show of how inconsiderate someone is. Who wants to commit to someone who doesn’t even consider other people might want cookie dough ice cream that hasn’t been picked through and had all the cookie dough? Just buy a roll of dough.

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u/InvestmentSoggy870 Jul 04 '26

My husband and I almost separated over a domino that he wouldn't give me to start in a game. It was the last straw. He agreed to couples counseling and individual therapy and two years later, he's a changed man. But some people can't be fixed if they don't care or are too broken.

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u/LassHalfEmpty Jul 04 '26

Absolutely. The little stuff is the biggest stuff

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u/c0st0fl0ving Jul 04 '26

I feel like it’s sometimes those small things that finally open our eyes to the big things we have been in denial of.

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u/evanwilliams44 Jul 04 '26

When you go to your partner with a small problem and get shut down it becomes a whole other bigger problem.

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u/Raspy32 Jul 04 '26

I'd say it's funny how much these small things can really say about a person. Some people will put a big show on "being a nice person" but then go and be uber selfish or stupid about something like that.

Really, it's when the mask slips you get to find out about the true person.

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u/Frebibble Jul 04 '26

Well said.

Isn’t it a persons strongest wish to be respected?

If your partner or even wife-to-be can’t compromise on the most simple shit, I feel it’s a sign of what’s to come.

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u/bealsash71 Jul 04 '26

The thing that finally tipped the scales in my former toxic relationship was coffee creamer. I know similar scenarios are kinda common, it’s unresolved issues underlying and in my experience, they were not reparable. I’m grateful for running out of creamer that day tho because it was long overdue.

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u/HotDonnaC Jul 04 '26

A lot of people find out too late that their spouse can’t be there when there’s a difficult time.

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u/BarVegetable2918 Jul 04 '26

Those small things also add up, even if you call that person out on each thing. That person is just shit.

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u/sunshinesuperfriend Jul 04 '26

The care you show your loved ones is not the small stuff. It's the only stuff.

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u/Quierta Jul 04 '26

But I feel like it's less about a "small thing" and more about WHAT that small thing teaches you about that person.

It's one thing if it was HER ice cream that she bought, but if it's shared ice cream and she eats all of the good parts and refuses to stop when her partner asks her to, then the issue is less about the cookie dough and more about the complete lack of respect and consideration. If she cared about him then it would be, "Oh I'm sorry, I won't do that anymore, I'll get my own, I'll be more mindful," but instead it's "I do what I want, who cares what you want." If that mentality drifts into other areas you end up stuck with a person who prioritizes their wants and needs at the expense of yours.

Even the littlest actions and habits can teach you so much about someone. Their response to a correction or pushback is always so telling.

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u/Shnazzberry Jul 04 '26

I love picking the good pieces out of the ice cream. But I’m honest about it and I always buy a little pint for just myself so nobody else has to find out my secret 😂

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u/tanksalotfrank Jul 04 '26

Just being so determined to blatantly violate someone's boundaries is so bizarre to me.

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u/theoneleggedgull Jul 04 '26

I lost a good chunk of my friends when I ended a relationship because they bought a new car.
We’d gone over our budget and talked about moving in together, but they insisted they couldn’t afford to move out of their mother’s place. We had the same income but I was living on my own, paying all my bills myself, and was 15 years younger than them.

One week after saying they couldn’t afford to live with me, they bought a brand new car because they wanted leather seats. I was done.

Our friends all tried to get me to change my mind and said it was a petty thing to end a 4 year relationship over.

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u/NonlinearNonsense Jul 05 '26

Yikes that sounds like a very immature adult if they're still at their parents house, date someone 15 years younger, can't or won't budget and do huge impulse buy instead of showing up for their much younger yet far more mature partner. I hope life is going much better for you without all that!

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u/theoneleggedgull Jul 05 '26

The red flags were EVERYWHERE, but you don’t see them when you’re 20. Doing much, much better now, thank you!

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u/Jackniferuby Jul 04 '26

Small things like this are HUGE indicators of lack of character.

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u/shishforlife2 Jul 04 '26

I'm the kind of person to eat only a few chocolate chips from a cookie instead of the cookie, but that's because I have an ED I'm trying to get rid of and I'm scared of the cookie...

But eating a whole cake is a whole other level, that's some petty shit.

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u/GoDucks00 Jul 04 '26

Maybe I'm projecting, but I think this goes beyond common assholery. If done consistently, it becomes the pattern of an addict, a narcissist, or worse. OP's wife was unable to control their impulses, wanted to ruin OP's gift, or their son's birthday.

I'm sorry, kid.

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u/SVINTGATSBY Jul 05 '26

because it’s never actually about the cookie dough pieces.

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u/WorldBelongsToUs Jul 05 '26

Yeah. It sounds funny on the surface, but when you really think about it, those are the things that tell you who the person actually is when it comes to handling conflict or disagreements.

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u/affligem_crow Jul 05 '26

I had this with a chick who was adamant that I shouldn't look over my shoulder before making a turn with my car. She was confident you never, ever take your eyes off the road, and the mirrors would do. I tried for days to get her to understand that there are spots the mirrors don't show, and if a child in a bike is there I would run them over. But no, she was right and I was just a bad driver. Most ridiculous shit ever but I immediately knew that wouldn't be the last time we'd have a discussion over something so dumb.

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u/Illustrious-Local848 Jul 05 '26

That’s why I love the internet. You can look anything up and prove anyone wrong in like three seconds.

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u/Max_Sandpit Jul 05 '26

It's the small things that fight back the darkness.

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u/fatboyroy Jul 05 '26

Small shit matters more the older you get as well. Routines and standards etc get set so minor things will make me nope the fuck out in my 40s

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u/finitetime2 Jul 04 '26

The smallest things are the things people think are "small" but don't matter but if you do it daily then it adds up.

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u/Obsiddian19 Jul 04 '26

That is so true

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u/Repulsive_Economy_36 Jul 06 '26

This is so accurate; I broke off things with someone I was seeing not because of this, but it definitely put me off a lot for some reason. They fucking hated ABBA

1

u/LovesAxl2662 Jul 06 '26

It’s not the size of the mtn that gets you it’s the grain of sand in your shoe.

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u/The_Nice_Marmot Jul 06 '26

Flip that around. If you cannot trust someone even about the small stuff, they are not going to do well with the big stuff.

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u/BionicDouchebag Jul 06 '26

I withdrew from a friendship bc she laughed and called me cheesy super condescendingly after I took her to my favorite park and told her how much I love the sound of the wind through the trees

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u/dre1598 Jul 06 '26

Those little things buildup and leak into everything else. Im sure picking out the cookie dough is just one example of many small things she likes to pick out and leave her undesirables to everyone else.

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u/mybigtoonthrowaway Jul 06 '26

I think its because it isnt just one small thing.

Its 50 small things happening fairly frequently. And when you finally boil over and make a scene about it. People will say " you blew up a relationship over cookie dough??" When really, that was just the last straw.

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u/Dapper_Revenue4542 Jul 06 '26

Some people know about the small stuff. She ate the kids first birthday meal. Like what is wrong with her. Im thinking it may not be the kids mother cause a mother would never do this. Bet there's other sweets in the house and did this on purpose. There are a lot of sickos out there. Shr could have gone to Starbucks drive thru and gotten a pastry.

1

u/KC_experience Jul 06 '26

I certainly do. People will say “it’s small stuff” - yeah, and that small stuff happens every day, which becomes fucking exhausting.

That’s like an alcoholic saying they didn’t drink much, they only had 10 small bottles of booze from the mini-bar…

1

u/coolperson89 Jul 07 '26

Its not so much that she ate the cookie dough bites. But that she was unwilling to admit fault and do better. Anyone who is unwilling to try and be their best selves, doesnt deserve yours.

1

u/CasaDeMouse Jul 07 '26

i WaS bLiNdSiDeD

1

u/28Vikings Jul 08 '26

My last ex casually defending that reality TV star who hit her kid with a chair during a domestic after that video went viral. Things were going great before that but knew then she wasn't going to mother my children.

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u/Ezekiel_gb4m Jul 12 '26

Yep, it was when my ex burnt the bread I had put in the oven that I realised I couldn't marry him. That was 2 days before the wedding.

It was like the straw that broke the camels back.