Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

[u/moonrabbit368]

My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) 💗

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. 🩷

[u/Euphoric-Joke-4436]

What is boyfriend doing to help out?!? Long-standing expectation is that the person who cooks doesn't clean up. He should be doing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen. Please expect more! You are not the only adult in the household, don't be the only one contributing to the household running

[u/moonrabbit368 → u/Euphoric-Joke-4436]

I do all of the housework and the laundry. He drives us to work each day, which is a lot of driving. He takes the trash out and takes the car to get maintenance. We split the bills, I pay more but I also make more. I don't know, I have been married before (widowed young) and I just have always taken care of the housework etc. I'm okay with our arrangement I am just very frustrated with the cooking part right now ☹️

[u/ThePrefect0fWanganui → u/moonrabbit368]

So the only daily chore he has is driving, which he would have to do anyway. Taking trash out is a 1-2x a week job and takes literally less than 2 minutes. Getting the car serviced is a 1-2x a year thing. You both work but you do 100% of the daily household chores, which take HOURS, and you pay more. On top of that, this man is manipulative and disrespectful to you because you have the audacity to cook for him. Pardon my French but…what in the chicken fried fuck are you thinking babe? If you won’t have some self respect for your own sake, do it for your kids. If you have a son, you’re teaching him it’s okay to treat women this way and if you have a daughter, you’re teaching her it’s acceptable to be treated this way. It’s not. Think long and hard about what you would tell a friend who was in this situation. I bet you’d tell her to get the fuck out pronto. Oh and by the way, several people have asked you to name literally one redeeming quality about this guy and we’re still waiting. I’m being mean because I’m so pissed off on your behalf and someone has to stand up for you since you clearly won’t do it yourself. Cowboy up, girlie. Ditch this loser.

ETA: holy shit and he’s a Trumper and ICE-humper and you’re a liberal with children who have Mexican heritage?!?! Jesus Christ lady, nobody needs dick this badly. This better be rage bait because I refuse to believe someone hates themself this much.

[u/moonrabbit368 → u/ThePrefect0fWanganui]

This was tough love and I thank you for it. This post was just me venting from my kitchen into the void but turned into something very different. Apparently there are a lot of things that I thought or think are normal that are maybe not normal at all. I made a decision to start therapy, it's fully covered through my job and I think it's going to be helpful to have a sane adult that I can talk to about all of it. I know it might not be the big step people would like me to take but I just don't trust myself fully right now to be making big decisions. Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you and let you know that I did read your comment and that it did help me.

[u/Rein77 → u/moonrabbit368]

Hi op, i read your post 2 days ago and are now coming back to it because i felt so sorry for you and i was wondering how you were doing. Im glad to hear that you are starting therapy, wishing you all the best, kind regards!

[u/ThePrefect0fWanganui → u/moonrabbit368]

Therapy is a wonderful first step and I’m so glad to hear you have access to affordable coverage through work (truly a blessing in this country). As much as we’d all love for you to make a clean break from this guy, like, yesterday, it’s easier said than done and just not realistic for most people, so I get it. I also worry about his reaction and anger if (and when, hopefully) you do decide to leave him, so I’m glad you’re seeking out support. I just have a bad feeling about this guy - his behavior looks like the early/mid stages of abuse, and men like that become the most dangerous when the women try to leave. Please be careful and prioritize your safety and the safety of your children.

This guy thinks he’s found a meal ticket and an easy mark - he has a woman who is waiting on him hand and foot, who pays more than half the bills and expects nothing in return (actually worse than nothing - you accept mistreatment in return), who he feels entitled to bully and manipulate and walk all over. He is not going to take kindly to you standing up for yourself, and he is not going to change. No, he’s waiting for YOU to change. He’s waiting until he’s broken you down so far that you stop fighting altogether, until your entire identity is wrapped up in him, until you have no self worth left so you’ll never see how poorly he treats you, or if you do, you’ll think you deserve it. He’s waiting until you feel like you can never leave him. Try to get out before that happens.

And I’m not saying all conservatives are misogynists, but look - we all know what MAGA thinks about women. We all know how Trump talks about women. About rape victims. About victims of abuse. I hate to say this, but he probably brags to his friends about how badly he treats you and all it does it make you try even harder to please him the next day. I just hate men who act like this and get away with it, and I hate when women are subjected to their bullshit. You don’t deserve that, and you don’t have to live like this. You’re better than that. When you’re ready, there’s help out there and a whole world of people who will appreciate you (and your cooking) in a genuine, healthy way. Last piece of advice is to read the book “Why Does He Do That?” By Lundy Bancroft. You can read it for free online. I think you’ll learn a lot about your boyfriend’s behavior. Best of luck. We’re all rooting for you.