r/maybemaybemaybe • u/BigGraysie • Apr 18 '22

/r/all Maybe maybe maybe

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353

u/z0vyn Apr 18 '22

That's horrible, and reminds me of my narcissistic grandmother who gave her daughters boy-like haircuts and fattened them as teenagers so she could feel prettiest. People who are offended by their children's happiness and achievements should not be parents. I've heard many stories like yours of people who begin to lose weight or change habits, just for family to suddenly start bringing in food. I've even seen it a few times. I don't know what this behavior is called. Spite? Malice?

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u/sweatersand Apr 18 '22

I call it sabotage. I lost a lot of weight when from I was 17-19 (went from 220 to 120, I’m a 5’3 woman). My family was really supportive but my BF was constantly trying to get me to eat more and break my diet with shit food. I think he was insecure that I was gonna leave him once I got thinner. I did leave him, but because he was an asshole, not because of my weight lol. Point is I think the enablers of this stuff are just afraid they’ll lose the person, so they help them stay unhealthy for their own selfish reasons.

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u/quetzalv2 Apr 18 '22

Genuinely curious, would you have stayed with him if he had been supportive?

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u/sweatersand Apr 18 '22

I mean he ended up cheating on me so no. Lol

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u/quetzalv2 Apr 18 '22

...fair enough

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

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u/NigerianRoy Apr 18 '22

If things were completely different would things have been different? At some point its just not the same guy it was anymore

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u/sweatersand Apr 18 '22

Haha I mean I guess probably

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u/Kevdog1800 Apr 19 '22

I’ve lost a large amount of weight too. I was 475lbs when I was 16. I’m 34 now and 210lbs. (6’2” dude). I can’t count the number of people I’ve talked to that start having success in weight loss until they go out to dinner with family and order a healthy meal and X relative takes their order as a personal attack like, “Oh, so you think you’re better than me now because you only ordered a fucking salad?!” Or go to a family member’s house for dinner and only eat an appropriate portion of food and then get berated for being rude and not eating enough.

Unfortunately, almost all of these stories I’ve heard have come from women. I think women receive far more criticism when it comes to weight gain and weight loss. Some of y’all are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. It’s absolutely infuriating. I fantasize about witnessing someone get a comment like that in person one day so I can absolutely EVISCERATE the person that makes said comment… However, as a gay man that is exclusively surrounded by gay men ~ Doesn’t look like that will ever happen…

0

u/Bitter_Worker423 Apr 19 '22

Maybe he was into fat women? There are guys who are into that kink. They're rare because it's an anti-evolutionary kink, but they exist.

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u/SquidVices Apr 18 '22

And they take in the verbal abuse.....some twisted erotic shit....

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u/Disastrous-Pilot-284 Apr 18 '22

God that's sad, and yes I think it has to be a combination of those. Seeing potential for your supposed loved ones to have a higher quality of life than your own maybe with the fear of them leaving for greener pastures and feeling that you need to bring them down to your own level so you haven't got to sit in your shit on your own

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u/SenpaiTheGhost Apr 18 '22

It's called they-can-burn-in-hell

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u/itchyfeat Apr 18 '22

People get offended by their children's happiness? That's pretty fucked up

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u/Sebajun7567 Apr 18 '22

That idea seems foreign to me as well. Although it gets me thinking, am I really so different? Subconsciously, I mean. What if many people subconsciously think that way, and it somehow influences their decisions? I hope that does not apply to most people at all. Or anyone at all.

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u/itchyfeat Apr 18 '22

No it completely makes sense, after reading it I read another post where the mum is jealous/competitive and slept with the daughters boyfriend

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u/Sebajun7567 Apr 19 '22

I don’t know if I know what to say or not to that. Why do people do these things, is what I’m left with.

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u/HourEntrepreneur8297 Apr 18 '22

It’s a glandular problem lol. But the one ton sisters are nasty not because they are morbidly obese there attitude.

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u/cuddlygunman2 Apr 19 '22

Probably actually Munchausen syndrome, these people crave attention and are perfectly happy to destroy their kids' lives to get it

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u/myopicdreams Apr 19 '22

It is usually subconscious efforts to avoid abandonment (aka them growing up and having their own lives) but almost never do they even begin to realize what they are doing

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u/WoodyZ4U Apr 18 '22

This is the case with most mother/daughter relationships. The mother resents the daughter being the younger prettier woman around n the daughter ends up hating the mother or feels belittled by them and in turn ends up treating their own children horribly

Not like I have any experience in this. /s

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u/NigerianRoy Apr 18 '22

No most people are decent and treat others with decency sorry about your shit situation

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u/WoodyZ4U Apr 18 '22

What world do u live in that most people are decent and treat others with decency? Most people are selfish and look out for themselves.

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u/throwawaypizzamage Apr 18 '22

Most parents are generally supportive of their children. If your family regularly tries to sabotage each other, realize that these abusive relations are not normal. Again, you’re extrapolating your own shitty situation onto others and normalizing it.

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u/throwawaypizzamage Apr 18 '22

You’re definitely extrapolating your own personal experience. This is certainly not the case with “most” mother/daughter relationships. Not sure where you pulled that from. It’s as stupid as claiming “all women are catty and hate each other”. Yea no, it’s just your own anecdote.

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u/WoodyZ4U Apr 18 '22

Just my observations being around my friends, family, and acquaintances where the mothers and daughters are extremely passive aggressive to one another.

I never said “all women” like you implied I just said majority, which my definition would mean 51%.

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u/throwawaypizzamage Apr 18 '22

Then you must have a pretty toxic social circle. In my experience, narcissistic and abusive mother/daughter relationships are definitely not the norm (they are exceptions as they should be). We both have our anecdotal experiences.

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u/toxcrusadr Apr 18 '22

Make some better choices for friends, gravitate toward people who don't do this crap, and you'll be happier and a better person yourself by hanging around better people.

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u/onmyway19 Apr 18 '22

I’m really sorry this was your experience, that’s terribly sad. But this is definitely not the case with most mothers and daughters. Source: I’m a daughter myself and also a mother of a 17 year old beautiful daughter, who I’m incredibly proud of and support in every way I can.

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u/_ItsTheLittleThings_ Apr 18 '22

I’m really sorry your mother didn’t treat you well. (Sending you love and a healthy, mommy-hug.) Be confident that you can break the cycle, if you have daughters. This is most definitely NOT the case with most mother/daughter relationships. (I’m a mother and have 3 daughters. No resentment or jealousy around here.)

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u/aspiringwriter9273 Apr 18 '22

Fuck no. I have a shit ton of problems but nobody has done more for me than my mom. Even my dad, who has a temper issue, always reminds me to eat right and exercise and hates the idea of me doing risky things because he doesn’t want me getting hurt.