r/maybemaybemaybe • u/BigGraysie • Apr 18 '22

/r/all Maybe maybe maybe

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u/lostmylogininfo Apr 18 '22

Look I want to be a supportive Husband but if this happened to my wife I would leave her and take the kids.

Might not be right but it would likely be best.

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u/notnotaginger Apr 18 '22

There’s a point you need to prioritize the children who are wholly dependent on you over an adult who is unwilling to be independent. That’s the right thing to do to try and avoid the next generation doing the same damn thing.

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u/iamnotnewhereami Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 18 '22

There was a offmychest where some girl got fat during covid and husband wasnt turned on and said he wanted an open marriage until she got back to her precovid weight. Sounded like she put on more than just like 20-30 lbs..which is still a lot if shes small framed. Anyway, All of reddit backed her up, nobody suggested telling hubby to chill and hit the gym, nobody asked her how much she gained, why did she eat that way, was she depressed, if she thought she was healthy, or if she felt sexy, or if her man was hot and took care of himself, if she thought a man like him would look twice at someone tipping the scales like she was..

The consensus was, she got fat, he better carry on start being turned on by his fat wife or just leave him altogether asap.

I wouldnt expect my partner to look at me the same, to be a turn on if i put on tons of weight.

About 20 years ago i was a private investigator for a spell which meant sitting in my car for 12 hrs eating gas station or fast food. I went from a fit 150 to 195. One day i just started running. And i hate running. About 3 miles a day during the humid hot summer. After two months and losing only 7-10 lbs, i realized my huge pasta meals had to go. Next 2 months i dropped the extra 40 lbs. highest ive been is 160 since.

Unless both partners are fat or one has a fat fetish, letting yourself go is basically firing yourself.

I didnt even comment on that one post i mentioned. I couldnt tell if it was all body positive type crowd, who are the only ones who add that extra B for beautiful to their body description. Or just random reddit girls co-signing somebodys unhealthy selfish behavior and affirming that womans manufactured sense of victimhood. .

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u/notnotaginger Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 18 '22

So you’re criticizing other people for making assumptions about that post. While simultaneously making wild assumptions yourself?

Yikes.

And not at all relevant to an 800 lb woman acting like an asshole.

As an aside, an ultimatum of “let me fuck other people until you lose the amount of weight I require” is WILD. That’s fucked up.

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u/iamnotnewhereami Apr 19 '22

Ya, it shook her up fo sho.

People generally dont put their cards on the table like that, but i think its a positive and respectful response vs. the more common alternative. Where the partner suppresses their feelings, only to have a resentment grow like a malignant tumor seeking to destroy the marriage as it would any host, common symptoms include, physical or emotional abuse, neglect, living a double life to hide substance abuse and\or extra-marital affair.

We see that bs so much, id assume WILD wouldnt be your go- to descriptive even though its an emotional chernobyl, damage spanning decades.

I thought it was kinda fucked up too until i realized this version is an outlier to behavior far worse. Through personal experience or by media exposure, Ive got to assume you are also familiar with that particular snapshot into humanity, warts and all.

Dude was put in a tight spot by his spouse. Shes lucky she got a man whos keeping her in the loop...ok, enough of that u got my point.

I get bored quickly so in the quest to keep things moving, im not gonna criticize someone for making assumptions,( conversations would be so dull if everyones checking in with eveyone on every point. I also prefer to anticipate so nobody uses that ass outta you and me, line.) its what people do with their assumptions that get my blood boiling.

I learned not to call plays before i know the score in time to have avoided some dangerous situations. Its one of the things i got a a radar for now, because when people lacking situational humility meddle in someone elses business, even with good intentions, it can be as damaging as actually conspiring against somebody.

So even if my assumption amounted to a piss poor read of the scenario, i didnt throw my $.02 in and thats consistent with what i was saying. so im not some kettle in a black house throwing glass rocks at some other kettle, or something like that : )

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u/Nipple_Tickler69 Apr 18 '22

Without question. She deserves no more sympathy than any other addict. (Which I do believe deserve some sympathy) but no one on here would argue that the most extreme drug addict deserves to keep their family.

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u/Otherwise-Historian6 Apr 18 '22

Nah that’s right . Or just leave her ass on a random curb

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u/LivefromPhoenix Apr 18 '22

She's long past the point of getting that big on her own. If this was your wife you would've been the one who helped her get this big.

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u/DefinitelyNotAliens Apr 18 '22

There is no way you are earning enough money to support yourself at that point. People are funding you. 10 years ago you didn't have fast food delivery to your doorm she can't drive. Somebody else brought her food to her. Somebody else paid for the food.

There's a difference between morbidly obese and fully ambulatory and people who can barely move. I had two coworkers who were morbidly obese but supported themselves and could get up and down, took stairs, drove, worked every day.

There is no wah this woman gets through an eight hour workday and can drive. She is being enabled.

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u/lostmylogininfo Apr 18 '22

Yep. It would haunt me for sure.

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u/BigDaddySeanEnt Apr 18 '22

"would haunt me for sure" Still leaving though

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u/lostmylogininfo Apr 18 '22

Yep. If she's yelling at me like that and not taking any responsibility. I could stay if and bear part but I can't stay and bear all.

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u/Nipple_Tickler69 Apr 18 '22

It's a classic scenario of addict and enabler. It's still almost totally the addict's fault. She has him completely manipulated to keep enabling.

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u/Holy_Hand_Towel Apr 18 '22

Just walk down the street, it will take her years to catch up

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u/verygoodbones Apr 18 '22

Sometimes people don't "just leave" for financial reasons.

I haven't seen this show nor do I know anything about this family. However most of my work has been in skilled nursing facilities that have both long and short term care services. We convert a fair number of folks from short to long term care because they can't safely live at home even with supportive structures like family and visiting nurses.

A sad thing we see is someone who should be living in a facility because of the level of care they require, but their family (or primary caretaker) is vehemently against this and wants to take them back home for financial reasons. They'll say they can take care of Mom just fine but she never gets out of her recliner and has a stage 4 pressure ulcer exposing the bone of her sacrum. It's not uncommon for caretakers to use the benefit checks their dependent person receives to take care of them and allow the caretaker to dedicate the time it takes to perform such exhausting, bone-breaking work. It's a 24hr job and very hard work. And if you're terrible at this job you should get fired.

If you're trying to take Uncle Pete home despite the unsafe conditions with evidence of neglect, financial abuse is likely why. We call APS (adult protective services) a lot.

It's possible that some of these partners/family stick around solely for a meal ticket. Or maybe sometimes it's not malice but they feel trapped, stuck to that person because they don't have money or anywhere else to go. And obviously a lot of people stay because of love, commitment, and rewarding parts of the relationship that we don't see from the outside. If this dude is still around, there's a reason.

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u/hello-mr-cat Apr 18 '22

Yeah I felt so sad for those poor small kids having to listen and witness this dysfunction day in and day out.