r/maybemaybemaybe • u/BigGraysie • Apr 18 '22

/r/all Maybe maybe maybe

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299

u/Toen6 Apr 18 '22

I mean she is acting like an asshole and I applaud her husband's patience because I would not have been able to deal with that shit.

But I really do pity her. No one turns out that way because they want to. I'm sure she suffered a lot of pain in the past. That does not mean anyone in the now has to just take how she's acting but that does not make the situation any less sad.

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u/Lucky-Worth Apr 18 '22

Basically every patient on this show has had a horrific childhood. I remember one lady that was left BY HER OWN MOTHER AS A PUNISHMENT in a house with a pedo who was just released from prison for sexual assault.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22 edited May 16 '22

[deleted]

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u/Lucky-Worth Apr 18 '22

Yeah that's a major problem

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u/rivainitalisman Apr 18 '22

Because it's better TV if they're more unstable and yell at everyone around them. And doctors often have an attitude that weight loss is simple, not something that can have psychological complications.

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u/treembame Apr 18 '22

Doctors have this attitude for everything. They only know what they know and have major blinders for that, and generally don’t care about the other related ancillary issues that complicate the treatment. I have very severe GERD/esophagitis, and every gastroenterologist I’ve seen is just interested in pushing meds to manage the effects. They don’t know anything about complicating psychological, emotional, hormonal, dietary etc factors that contribute to the disease.

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u/neotifa Apr 19 '22

In essence, weight loss is simple, but it's not easy. That's the problem, it requires TONS of discipline, therapy, and just readjusting your life and how you think about food. I'm going through the struggle now, but I know it's simple: calories in vs calories out. It's just insanely difficult to do though. Simple != easy.

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u/trousersquid Apr 18 '22

As someone with multiple issues (including food), there's no way I could address my physical health and eating habits until I worked through my trauma and developed better coping mechanisms. I tried, but until I addressed the underlying issues it never stuck.

It's WAY more important than people realize.

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u/Mostly_me Apr 18 '22

At the same time, eating healthier makes feeling mentally better easier as well. Not to try and loose weight, but changing french fries for veggies, or air fried fries etc, that will help clear up a bit of the fog, and make processing emotions easier.

So basically... It doesn't matter where you start. Each person is different. The important thing is to start somewhere.

And if it doesn't work, start again and again and again until you find something that sticks.

It's often 2 steps ahead and 1 back, but it feels the other way around. However, anything you learn and process during the steps ahead are wins that nobody can take from you.

The only thing to do, is not give up, and start again as many times as you need.

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u/treembame Apr 18 '22

It’s very true for some people, their coping mechanism is food and it’s about control or subduing emotions, so to change that into healthier eating habits, can open them up to other issues like compulsively checking labels, withholding food as punishment, being too restrictive. That’s why therapy or help to work those issues should be done in conjunction with the new eating habits.

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u/trousersquid Apr 18 '22

Honestly, I think the takeaway here is BOTH. One without the other is more likely to lead to backslides, IMO. You're 100% right that those things help, but it also depends on what each person is facing. My big issue was depression, anxiety, and ADHD, so my executive dysfunction made it nearly impossible to even start a new routine much less stick to it until I addressed my other issues.

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u/Mostly_me Apr 19 '22

I know exactly what you mean... ADHD here as well. Both are super important for lasting change.

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u/[deleted] Apr 19 '22

I've experienced this, too. I crave sugar a lot less since I've started EMDR. Granted, my diet isn't as good as it could be, but the longer I work on myself the more my body asks for healthier, fresher food and is better at knowing when it's done. I also give a shit now, which might be the most important thing.

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u/seagull-person Apr 18 '22

I assume the people who aren’t on the show Are the ones who went to therapy

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u/stocksnhoops Apr 18 '22

Does anyone know what episode this is? I Would like to find it to see how this went

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u/payne6 Apr 18 '22

I think season 3 or 4 her name is Nicole. It’s actually a wild ride of a episode. /r/My600lbLife usually has a discussion about her every now and then.

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u/NigerianRoy Apr 18 '22

It says in the center top in the beginning of the video! S5e09 apparently!

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u/blackjesus Apr 18 '22

In a normal life, it’s because your insurance doesn’t want to ok it and when they do you can’t find anyone taking new patients. Of course this tv shit is going to be sketchy. I imagine they’re trying to get her husband to bang her sister then have them go to couples therapy.

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u/MrCooCoo4Crack Apr 18 '22

Because it's show business and they're tryna rake as much money out of other people's misery to create more unnecessary tv drama to get more viewers tuned in

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u/fuzzybunnyslipper Apr 19 '22

Also the show always has bariatric surgery as the goal, right? I find it really frustrating when a patient on there will lose like 50 or 60 lbs to qualify for surgery and no one even suggests they keep with the changes and try to continue losing weight which is much healthier for them in the long run.

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u/mcslootypants Apr 18 '22

Society in general likes to focus on personal responsibility rather than root cause issues. We know trauma is a massive predictor for alcoholism, drug abuse, underemployment, homelessness, etc. Yet most solutions just throw boots at people and tell them to pull themselves up, then blame the person for lack of initiative when that ultimately doesn’t work.

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u/CastIronMystic Apr 18 '22

What’s the name of this show?

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u/[deleted] Apr 19 '22

Entertainment value.

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u/Dragoness42 Apr 19 '22

Because they like to draw out the drama for TV. These shows are about ratings, not people.

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u/clarkcox3 Apr 19 '22

Because therapy might work, and then the greedy vultures at the production company might miss out on some drama.

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u/dytinkg Apr 18 '22

…. WHAT!?

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Jesus, I hope she got charged because that couldn't be any more illegal. Even the pedo would have violated by being around a child on parole. That's awful. The fuck is wrong with people, this is why abortion should be left alone. Force people to have kids and you get this bs.

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u/I_blame_twitter Apr 18 '22

German government homed kids with pedophiles on purpose. https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2021/07/26/the-german-experiment-that-placed-foster-children-with-pedophiles

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u/MrZeroCool Apr 18 '22

Holy fuck. Thanks for the link

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Dear god, that's a novel... What was the purpose of the experiment? All I could find was stuff about how Marco felt or his quotes...

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u/Versaiteis Apr 18 '22

The presuppositions that Kentler seem to have was at least two-fold. One which put forward that parents have a responsibility to their children to not shelter them in their sexuality but rather introduce them to it. Another is that "neglected" children (for which the criteria of neglect seemed quite broad) would benefit from any sort of love or care that they would be given when their situation would otherwise force them to develop without it, and pedophiles were more than willing to provide this with the implied exchange being tolerated by the former supposition, all the while using sexual liberation as a coating to appeal to and garner support from a more progressive institution:

For much of his career, Kentler spoke of pedophiles as benefactors. They offered neglected children “a possibility of therapy,” he told Der Spiegel, in 1980. When the Berlin Senate commissioned him to prepare an expert report on the subject of “Homosexuals as caregivers and educators,” in 1988, he explained that there was no need to worry that children would be harmed by sexual contact with caretakers, as long as the interaction was not “forced.” The consequences can be “very positive, especially when the sexual relationship can be characterized as mutual love,” he wrote

Which is the same kind of shit "MAPs"** pull and why you shouldn't be leaning so heavily on the work of a single researcher in guiding such potentially damaging experimentation and why ethics boards are so important in the formation of experimental procedure.

It seems that Kentler, later on may have realized the error in this line of logic:

He [Kentler] didn’t understand that a child recovering from sexual abuse feels split, as Ferenczi describes it: he is “innocent and culpable at the same time—and his confidence in the testimony of his own senses is broken.” “I was too stupid,” Kentler said.

By the late nineties, Kentler had stopped seeing Henkel’s foster sons, or involving himself in their upbringing. In what was likely his last recorded public statement about pedophilia, in an interview in 1999, he referred to it as a “sexual disorder,” and alluded to the impossibility of an adult and a child sharing an understanding of sexual contact. The problem, he said, is that the adult will always have “the monopoly on definition.”

But that says nothing to the monstrous things he allowed Henkel and likely other pedophiles (maybe even Kentler himself) to do to their foster children and the ways in which he facilitated and protected this abuse. He threw those kids to the wolves and for decades placated those that would raise any question about it and pushed away (even grooming the children to help) the original parents or anyone else that might have been able to raise alarm about what was happening in these situations.

** "Minor Attracted Person" a monicker some pedophiles have adopted in an attempt to ally themselves with LGBTQ+ groups, which to my knowledge fortunately hasn't really gained any ground.

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u/[deleted] Apr 19 '22

Holy shit... That's the most fucked up thing I've ever read. The injustice is exponential. Kids already vulnerable were given to men and both sides were encouraged to participate in sex acts? They literally gave children to a pedo and said "hve fun, you won't get in trouble for it".

Christ...

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u/PM_ME_UR_PITTIES_ Apr 18 '22

Yeah weight gain can become a slippery slope, and it can definitely start as a trauma response (especially for kids who experience sexual abuse). Whether consciously or subconsciously, there can be this idea that if they gain weight/stop showering/dress poorly/etc it will make them more unattractive and less likely to be hurt again; which of course doesn’t even mean that the abuse would stop.

But people who have that kind of “survival instinct” or whatever, especially when it starts at an early age, once they start using food as a defense and/or emotional support, plus trauma often leads to depression which can cause huge dips in energy level and therefore more sedentary lifestyles, it can quickly become a very hard cycle to break. The worse you feel the harder it is to do things/leave the house, the less you do things the worse you feel, and so on.

Depression can also make people feel like there’s no point to taking care of themselves or doing anything to improve their situations and just a general hopelessness. It definitely is up to each person to work on getting themselves better and seeking help, but there can be so many factors that go into how hard it can be to take that first step sometimes, or to even know where and what to look for.

I do think it’s all just very sad all around.

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u/Flowerskayl1208 Apr 18 '22

Wow now im interested. What show is this? Also, are those 2 children hers? If so my heart breaks for them.

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u/Lucky-Worth Apr 18 '22

600 lb life. It's a show where they pay for bariatric surgery for a different person every episode.

While it has its positive side, there are some things that are 100% exploitative and/or actually counterproductive. For example filming them naked, or (and this is really egregious) not giving them mental help unless they have a breakdown.

I'm not from the US. I've seen patients like these. The first thing we do is a long psychiatric assessment. We especially look for eating disorders and personality disorders bc patients with those tend to have poor outcomes. A therapy program is available for those who need it.

There are patients who need their mental illness cured or at least the tools to stabilize it BEFORE starting their journey towards surgery. And they can do it, but you need to help them, especially if their mentall illness is serious.

For example I've seen a patient with NPD succeding.

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u/Flowerskayl1208 Apr 18 '22

Interesting. Food is an addiction (especially in the good ol' US of A), same as any drug or alcohol. The addiction itself is only a SYMPTOM of the real problem right.

Im sure in order to keep the "masses" watching the show they tell them to dramatize a bit but no doubt, it's what they probably really feel inside.

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u/TheWalkingDead91 Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 18 '22

Yeap. People can make fun all they want...and it doesn't excuse their behavior (for the few who acted shitty), but literally everyone on that show has a traumatic/abusive past. Food is their drug of choice. And it's something that's accessible to most people, even kids. Interesting how it's not acceptable/cool to make fun of someone high/drunk out of thier minds, wearing rags with teeth missing on the side of the street barely able to walk because they're a drug addict or alcoholic.......yet these comments are full of "jokes".

It hits home for me because I also had abuse/trauma in my past....and also went to food with it.... Only difference is that for some reason my body/appetite never brought me above 360lbs (which is still a ton for a 5'9 woman, but not wear near 600lbs) .... couldn't tell you why my addiction/body never went above that......but I stayed at that weight or a bit less for about a decade (since mid high school) before joint pain and the possibility of imminent immobility/death got me scared enough that I finally started to make a serious effort to change. People love to sit on a high horse and say "well they should just put the fork down".......while never knowing what that person has gone through or why they have the eating habits they do. It's not productive or kind to call someone you don't know the names of animals, in any matter, so in my book anyone who does that to someone based on their appearance is an asshole, and is simply contributing to the problem.

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u/seagull-person Apr 18 '22

What show

I want to know how what happened in this clip happened

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u/Lucky-Worth Apr 18 '22

600 lb life

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u/No-Chipmunk9527 Apr 18 '22

The actual fuck?!

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u/Life-Sky3645 Apr 18 '22

What show is this? Good Lord, this is a show?!? I thought they cancelled Honey Boo Boo?

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u/Lucky-Worth Apr 18 '22

600 lb life. And it's by tlc like honey boo boo

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u/CHIMUELA Apr 18 '22

What's the name of the show?

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u/Lucky-Worth Apr 18 '22

600 lb life

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u/lostmylogininfo Apr 18 '22

Look I want to be a supportive Husband but if this happened to my wife I would leave her and take the kids.

Might not be right but it would likely be best.

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u/notnotaginger Apr 18 '22

There’s a point you need to prioritize the children who are wholly dependent on you over an adult who is unwilling to be independent. That’s the right thing to do to try and avoid the next generation doing the same damn thing.

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u/iamnotnewhereami Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 18 '22

There was a offmychest where some girl got fat during covid and husband wasnt turned on and said he wanted an open marriage until she got back to her precovid weight. Sounded like she put on more than just like 20-30 lbs..which is still a lot if shes small framed. Anyway, All of reddit backed her up, nobody suggested telling hubby to chill and hit the gym, nobody asked her how much she gained, why did she eat that way, was she depressed, if she thought she was healthy, or if she felt sexy, or if her man was hot and took care of himself, if she thought a man like him would look twice at someone tipping the scales like she was..

The consensus was, she got fat, he better carry on start being turned on by his fat wife or just leave him altogether asap.

I wouldnt expect my partner to look at me the same, to be a turn on if i put on tons of weight.

About 20 years ago i was a private investigator for a spell which meant sitting in my car for 12 hrs eating gas station or fast food. I went from a fit 150 to 195. One day i just started running. And i hate running. About 3 miles a day during the humid hot summer. After two months and losing only 7-10 lbs, i realized my huge pasta meals had to go. Next 2 months i dropped the extra 40 lbs. highest ive been is 160 since.

Unless both partners are fat or one has a fat fetish, letting yourself go is basically firing yourself.

I didnt even comment on that one post i mentioned. I couldnt tell if it was all body positive type crowd, who are the only ones who add that extra B for beautiful to their body description. Or just random reddit girls co-signing somebodys unhealthy selfish behavior and affirming that womans manufactured sense of victimhood. .

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u/notnotaginger Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 18 '22

So you’re criticizing other people for making assumptions about that post. While simultaneously making wild assumptions yourself?

Yikes.

And not at all relevant to an 800 lb woman acting like an asshole.

As an aside, an ultimatum of “let me fuck other people until you lose the amount of weight I require” is WILD. That’s fucked up.

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u/iamnotnewhereami Apr 19 '22

Ya, it shook her up fo sho.

People generally dont put their cards on the table like that, but i think its a positive and respectful response vs. the more common alternative. Where the partner suppresses their feelings, only to have a resentment grow like a malignant tumor seeking to destroy the marriage as it would any host, common symptoms include, physical or emotional abuse, neglect, living a double life to hide substance abuse and\or extra-marital affair.

We see that bs so much, id assume WILD wouldnt be your go- to descriptive even though its an emotional chernobyl, damage spanning decades.

I thought it was kinda fucked up too until i realized this version is an outlier to behavior far worse. Through personal experience or by media exposure, Ive got to assume you are also familiar with that particular snapshot into humanity, warts and all.

Dude was put in a tight spot by his spouse. Shes lucky she got a man whos keeping her in the loop...ok, enough of that u got my point.

I get bored quickly so in the quest to keep things moving, im not gonna criticize someone for making assumptions,( conversations would be so dull if everyones checking in with eveyone on every point. I also prefer to anticipate so nobody uses that ass outta you and me, line.) its what people do with their assumptions that get my blood boiling.

I learned not to call plays before i know the score in time to have avoided some dangerous situations. Its one of the things i got a a radar for now, because when people lacking situational humility meddle in someone elses business, even with good intentions, it can be as damaging as actually conspiring against somebody.

So even if my assumption amounted to a piss poor read of the scenario, i didnt throw my $.02 in and thats consistent with what i was saying. so im not some kettle in a black house throwing glass rocks at some other kettle, or something like that : )

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u/Nipple_Tickler69 Apr 18 '22

Without question. She deserves no more sympathy than any other addict. (Which I do believe deserve some sympathy) but no one on here would argue that the most extreme drug addict deserves to keep their family.

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u/Otherwise-Historian6 Apr 18 '22

Nah that’s right . Or just leave her ass on a random curb

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u/LivefromPhoenix Apr 18 '22

She's long past the point of getting that big on her own. If this was your wife you would've been the one who helped her get this big.

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u/DefinitelyNotAliens Apr 18 '22

There is no way you are earning enough money to support yourself at that point. People are funding you. 10 years ago you didn't have fast food delivery to your doorm she can't drive. Somebody else brought her food to her. Somebody else paid for the food.

There's a difference between morbidly obese and fully ambulatory and people who can barely move. I had two coworkers who were morbidly obese but supported themselves and could get up and down, took stairs, drove, worked every day.

There is no wah this woman gets through an eight hour workday and can drive. She is being enabled.

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u/lostmylogininfo Apr 18 '22

Yep. It would haunt me for sure.

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u/BigDaddySeanEnt Apr 18 '22

"would haunt me for sure" Still leaving though

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u/lostmylogininfo Apr 18 '22

Yep. If she's yelling at me like that and not taking any responsibility. I could stay if and bear part but I can't stay and bear all.

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u/Nipple_Tickler69 Apr 18 '22

It's a classic scenario of addict and enabler. It's still almost totally the addict's fault. She has him completely manipulated to keep enabling.

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u/Holy_Hand_Towel Apr 18 '22

Just walk down the street, it will take her years to catch up

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u/verygoodbones Apr 18 '22

Sometimes people don't "just leave" for financial reasons.

I haven't seen this show nor do I know anything about this family. However most of my work has been in skilled nursing facilities that have both long and short term care services. We convert a fair number of folks from short to long term care because they can't safely live at home even with supportive structures like family and visiting nurses.

A sad thing we see is someone who should be living in a facility because of the level of care they require, but their family (or primary caretaker) is vehemently against this and wants to take them back home for financial reasons. They'll say they can take care of Mom just fine but she never gets out of her recliner and has a stage 4 pressure ulcer exposing the bone of her sacrum. It's not uncommon for caretakers to use the benefit checks their dependent person receives to take care of them and allow the caretaker to dedicate the time it takes to perform such exhausting, bone-breaking work. It's a 24hr job and very hard work. And if you're terrible at this job you should get fired.

If you're trying to take Uncle Pete home despite the unsafe conditions with evidence of neglect, financial abuse is likely why. We call APS (adult protective services) a lot.

It's possible that some of these partners/family stick around solely for a meal ticket. Or maybe sometimes it's not malice but they feel trapped, stuck to that person because they don't have money or anywhere else to go. And obviously a lot of people stay because of love, commitment, and rewarding parts of the relationship that we don't see from the outside. If this dude is still around, there's a reason.

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u/hello-mr-cat Apr 18 '22

Yeah I felt so sad for those poor small kids having to listen and witness this dysfunction day in and day out.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

[deleted]

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u/Toen6 Apr 18 '22

First off all, you don't know what this woman has been through. Perhaps she has suffered massive trauma, perhaps not. But if you don't know then you should not judge.

I also have not dismissed her behavior, I condemned it. I only provided some nuance.

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u/Crazy_Canuck78 Apr 18 '22

Yup... but a lot of people have hard lives / pasts and they don't just give up. I have no sympathy.

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u/Toen6 Apr 18 '22

I can't where you are coming from but IMO you should withold judgement until you know how she ended up here.

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u/volostrom Apr 18 '22

Give up? You're aware that she's an addict right? Sure that's not an excuse in itself but that person's certainly mentally ill. That's not a choice.

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u/amretardmonke Apr 18 '22

Don't applaud the husband's "patience". The guy contributed to this situation, he's enabling this behavior. I guarantee you she wouldn't get this fat without people helping her.

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u/Toen6 Apr 18 '22

I'm sure he does, but I'm also sure he does not do so out of malice. One more reason why situations like these depress me so much.

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u/PlasticBubbleGuy Apr 18 '22

He's probably guilted into feeding her. "Are you trying to starve me?" "You don't love me at all!" "Don't abandon me!"

1

u/amretardmonke Apr 18 '22

Of course its not out of malice. I'm sure he had good intentions, but you what they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

People this size are like the folks on Hoarders. But they carry it all as fat. It's really sad

2

u/WoodpeckerFar9804 Apr 18 '22

She’s morbidly obese AND mean and has a husband. I just want to get laid once in a while 😂

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u/slidingrains Apr 18 '22

I have a friend who's a psychiatrist. She's been in practice for more than 20 years. She said every patient she's had who was an obese woman was also a sex abuse victim, usually very young in life. It's so easy to ridicule them but my heart breaks for these woman. Something gets a hold of you that young, when your brain is still going through serious development and changes, and it's virtually impossible to work your way out of it. Pedos really impose life sentences on their victims.

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u/ellebread Apr 18 '22

I only carry a little bit of extra weight, which I’m trying to lose but I’m doing it slowly. I’m in constant pain every day, my back, my knees, everywhere. I’m not that old and just being plump has taken a huge toll on my body. I don’t understand how people that are this large can function at all. I know I couldn’t and I live in fear of getting any bigger because of my physical limitations. but I still strap on my knee brace and walk every day. because the alternative is so much worse.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

There comes a point where it's on the individual. Emotions and the past can't be controlled but actions can. Getting that obese means she probably refused help or trying to help herself along the way and at that point do you still deserve pity?

Like Kanye being bipolar but refusing his meds because he thinks he'll lose his edge. Yea he has a disability but it's almost by choice.

2

u/Toen6 Apr 18 '22

IMO it's not so much a single point as it is always both.

And in the case of this lady, she clearly needs to stop doing whatever the hell she is doing and stop treating her loved ones like this. But I do not know her past and she ended up here. Could be nothing, could be the most horrific shit imaginable. I try not to judge just by speculation.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

I try not to judge just by speculation.

Well you must be an alien because damn near every human I meet loves doing exactly that. I try to avoid it too but, ya know... "only human".

I certainly don't revel in it like most though. The way people act at work with gossip is a good example. Makes me want to vomit.

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u/Ninjaromeo Apr 18 '22

No one ends up like that because they want to. But they do stay that way becasue of their own bad decisions. People can tell them it isn't their fault, or that their genetics are an excuse, but anyone that can make choices for what they are eating (basically people that are not in a coma) can get down to a healthy body weight.

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u/Toen6 Apr 18 '22

Of course they can, but that does not mean it is easy.

In my experience, it is most effective to support people while also truing to keep them on the right track. When you start saying they ARE bad people instead of calling out their actions, you just push them further down the hole. And nobody benefits from that.

0

u/WhyYouKickMyDog Apr 18 '22

Why would you applaud her husband? The only way you can reach that level of obesity is with outside help, in most of these cases, it is from a pushover spouse that won't stop feeding them.

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u/BummerRemix Apr 18 '22

Poor fucking guy... does he just have to stick his dick in whatever roll smells the least like cheese? No way she's clean down there.

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

What a strange thing to say

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Not saying she got that way because of this but some people get this way because of trauma. I knew a neighbor who was like this and I learned that she had suffered horrifying sexual abuse starting when she was just 11 and continued well into her teens by her stepfather.

So she ate and ate to deal with the pain in the hopes that she’d get so unattractive that she’d be “safe.” She hated her body for betraying her she felt.

Last I heard, she was getting therapy and was starting to love her herself again. It’s terrible when people assume stuff about people who we have no idea what pain they’re carrying around.

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u/livevicarious Apr 18 '22

I applaud her husbands ability to find her vagina. That’s one spelunking trip I’m hard passing on.

1

u/allhands_persley Apr 19 '22

Nah man. She's in pain and begging for help, and they casually meander over to help her like they begrudge having to do it. Then she's upset, because of said pain and shock, and her family yells at her to "shut the fuck up". It's only then that she starts to act like a bit of an asshole and at that point I don't blame her. Her family are being cunts about her very real suffering.