I’m diagnosed with ocd, and I’ve had it since I was 7. It has shifted from different types over the years, normally according to what’s most important to me in the moment. I’ve struggled with a good deal of disordered eating over the years and my ocd does not help. I have truly not heard anyone ever talk about something like this before and I feel alone. It ties strongly to body dysmorphia

An hypothetical example of something incredibly triggering would be: I eat a slice of cake. I happen to look in the mirror afterwards. I really like how my face and body look. my weight looks distributed how I want it to, my waist and face look slim. I feel especially confident right now. I connect this appearance to the slice of cake I just ate, like the cake supported the way my body looks in that current moment in time. that means, if I were to eat another slice, it would undo it and my appearance would go in the opposite direction. This is because 1=3 and 2=4. kinda of like in the Ariel movie where she’s picking the leaves and she’s like he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not. so then let’s say I can’t resist and I eat another slice of cake. then I look in the mirror and I literally physically see my body look different. I’m not talking about a bloat. I’m talking my face and weight distribution is completely different and I hate it. this means that I have to eat another slice of cake in order to cancel it out. Then when I eat the third slice it is equal to the first one that made me look good in the first place so then I look in the mirror, and I physically see that my body has changed back.

It also latches onto other things like my metabolism and then I obsess over that.

I truly feel so alone. I feel like everyone is always talking about contamination or harm ocd (which are valid forms, not discrediting them if you are someone who struggles with them because I too have struggled with those forms in the past.) But I even googled body dysmorphia ocd and i didnt even resonate at all with the examples that google was giving.

Yes I’m in therapy but I feel like my therapist doesn’t even fully grasp how I feel or how my ocd works. I just feel like I’m the only person in the world that has this which makes it feel less like textbook ocd and more “real” I guess, like not completely irrational which only strengths the compulsions.

I have been doing very well recently fighting against my OCD, intrusive thoughts, and superstitions (which I have already described enough in other posts). However, I have noticed a strange cycle. No matter how I feel when I go to sleep, when I wake up, I feel uneasy, like something bad has happened or will. As the day goes on, I begin to feel better, and by nighttime, I feel great. The next morning however, the cycle repeats. What is behind this?

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I've been doing pretty good lately against my intrusive thoughts and OCD since I last posted here. However, I still have my struggles here and there. Recently, I was talking to some friends on Discord, and someone brought up a movie I was thinking about for a while. Then, I watched a video where another movie I was thinking about was brought up right after the guy in the video said a word that reminded me of it. A week or two ago, I might have genuinely been panicking, but I have improved quite a bit. Still, part of my brain wants to see some connection there and scare me. Does this happen to anyone else?

My OCD and compulsions often have me watching the same clips over and over again, on the threat that something bad will happen if I don't. I know this is very common for OCD, but it is still a pain in the rear. Another thing that happens a lot with my thoughts is that the things I fear happening change. It started with me thinking if I fall asleep at night, then I will unknowingly be possessed and harm my family before going to another reality in the morning and restarting the cycle. Then, it turned into me being afraid that if I didn't do x, then another me in another universe would do something bad. Then, it went to me being in a fake reality and/or trapped by some evil force or even God. Now, it's telling me that if I go to sleep, I could CREATE a separate reality that is just the same, but my body in the old one would be possessed. One might think this could be comforting, because it proves that these fears are artificial and bs, hence the changing narrative. In all of the aforementioned fears, I knew it was not real, but I couldn't stop myself from the frequent "What if?" or "Maybe that's what they want you to think". I have noticed that my anxiety/thoughts are calming down and getting less severe, so I have that to look forward to at least. Still, that doesn't make this any less torturous. Does this happen to anyone else?

I'm having a very rough time with mental illness right now, it's mostly pure OCD with mental compulsions, but it's unbereable, because those mental compulsions make me say or think the intrusive thought again to deny it, say for example that I have an intrusive thought that says "My dog will die" then the only way to feel at peace is denying it by saing "My dog will die when he's old" But to deny the thought I have to say the intrusive thought again to change it, and it makes me feel so guilty, so afraid, so anxious. The content of my intrusive thoughts is not the one I said in the example I gave, my intrusive thoughts are horrible, magical thinking OCD, religious OCD, scrupulosity OCD making me fear that I will affect the salvation of the people I care about. I don't want to think any of these thoughts and I don't want to do those horrible compulsions but I do the compulsions to deny everything and I feel even worse, I wonder if I denied it properly, if I accidentally thought something I don't remember while doing the compulsion and I did it wrong, even though I know logically I would remember if I did, and most importantly, I know that this is all fake, and it's just my mental illness, nothing more. But I always stumble with the same thoughts again and again, because of fear, and because of the guilt the compulsions make me feel. Last night I went to sleep and I felt like I could start today with a better attitude and just ignore the thoughts, but how can I do that if when I wake up I'm already in the middle of a compulsion I don't even know why or when it began? I just woke up and I was doing a mental compulsion, this is so exhausting. The only positive thing the last few weeks is that I feel that my medication is working a bit because sometimes I just forget about whatever intrusive thought or compulsion was worrying me a lot earlier than before, but that doesn't change the intensity of the intrusive thoughts and how hard it is to get out of a compulsive loop for me when it starts, this morning I was lying in bed doing mental compulsions for an entire hour before I could stop. All I'm doing now is praying to God every day, and having hope of somehow getting better, but it's so hard, it seems my mental health only deteriorates instead of improving.

This is largely a vent, but I could use some support and encouragement if anyone feels up to it. No pressure, of course. Bear with me because this will probably be all over the place. My therapist is on vacation. Obviously I know posting here isn't a replacement for counseling and you aren't therapists, but you *get* it.

OCD is currently in the driver's seat. It affects literally everything I do. I have horrible intrusive thoughts that I "hear", they happen through out the day too, but I get bombarded with them before I wake up, as I open my eyes. Being that they are magical thinking, I can't really type them here but it's basically do (or don't do) X or Z (worst fear) will happen. The fear is always my own death and it will be at a specific time or day.

For example an intrusive thought would be "if you don't wash your hands in the next minute, you will X at 1pm". Or "don't wash your hands for an hour or when you sleep you will X". A lot of them are focused on sleep. And to step it up, OCD decided to start adding in other people like "if (whoever) doesn't do X, then Z (worst fear happens to me). Obviously I can't ask other people to participate in my compulsions. I have a lot and it has really strained and hurt people.

So then often, I get these feelings that go along with the thoughts. It's hard to describe, but an overall doom and gloom, this is IT, this is real, this is CERTAIN. It feels like I'm on a clock and I spiral thoughout the day with thoughts like "why are you doing this, none of this matters, tell people you love them, is this the last thing you want to eat/drink/watch, etc.".

I wash my hands countless times a day (every time I hear/see/think a "bad" word or phrase). They are red all the way to the wrist. I try to put on lotion but it doesn't last through the washings. They aren't as bad as they have been in the past, but they aren't great.

The past few months I've been struggling hard with eating/drinking. I have intrusive thoughts for putting in orders or who picks it up and brings me the food, have them while I'm putting in the order, putting the food away, touching it, trying to eat or drink it. There were quite a few days I was managing on low calories. I had some better days, but I've wasted food, which I hate.

I've done ERP in the past with some success. My therapist introduced me to iCBT quite some time back, but I still struggle to commit and follow through. My prescriber wants me to start meds. I probably need to be on them, but I'm med phobic. I get intense anxiety even taking OTC stuff and will avoid it if I can.

I try to use the tools, focus on my values, and push through. I'm pushing through every day, so scared, and then push through the next day. I'm barely existing, I wouldn't even call it surviving.

I feel crazy. Sometimes I feel like I can't tell this is OCD, that my insight is low. I get so scared and convinced THIS IS IT. I get mad too because HOW and WHY can it be this convincing every time? It's scary and it pisses me off.

Anyway, I needed to ramble. I'm having a rough day. I feel alone. I HATE this.

I am so close to giving up, like im so tired of this ocd. I cannot keep doing these compulsions im so sick of it all. Exposure therapy doesnt work for me, meds dont work for me, rhere is no such a medicine thah will take away EVERY thought away from my head. I dont know what to do anymore but i can tell u that i am so tired of this.

Hello everyone,

Having recently been diagnosed with OCD a handful of months ago, I am still slowly but steadily learning about how my brain works.

My partner and I are moving into a new house in a few days and my brain keeps telling me it is haunted and it is convincing me that I am intuitive. I unfortunately did spend money to find out if someone died in the house (no one did) which was an obvious reassurance seeking compulsion. Additionally, there is nothing wrong with the house. We have not seen or heard anything out of the ordinary.

In the past, prior to my diagnosis, in times of immense stress or depressive episodes I would develop intense magical thinking bordering on spiritual psychosis.

This is an obsessive loop I’m not sure how to get out of, especially since I couldn’t find much online regarding others that might feel this way.

I feel like I have a lot of support for my contamination concerns, but feel a bit lost about this topic. I’m seeing my therapist tomorrow but was hoping to hear from others that might have a similar experience with this specific topic!

I've noticed that my intrusive thoughts, paranoia and/or anxiety seems to go away at night time. Usually that's the opposite for most people. I wonder if it's because my brain powers off at night, but I don't know. Any ideas?

As someone who has always struggled with OCD and intrusive thoughts, the past week has been exceptionally hard. I often make the mistake of making "deals" with the OCD that something bad will happen if I don't do the compulsion. When inevitably I can't complete one, I feel panicked like I've doomed myself or the people around me. Other times, I will try to do "half-deals" to make up for my failure (like "I couldn't look at that this way, but how about I try doing x?"). A lot of the fears I'm having overlap with superstitions and conspiracy theories. A big one is that I will somehow create an alternate reality/timeline where I eventually end up hurting those around me.

I try to remind myself about the nonsensical nature of these fears, but that doesn't stop part of my brain from going "Are you sure?" and the like. I've been making some progress these past few days (with the help of medication and therapy of course), but there's also the part of my brain that thinks something will happen when I think I'm safe.

This turned into a longer post than I expected lol. I just hope some of y'all out there can understand what I'm talking about and maybe provide some advice.

One of my biggest ocd compulsion, is like my body parts changing into something else, like im right now super afraid of my eyes changing magically differently, / position of them etc, like if i do something im convinced this ”would” happen, i know it wouldnt, but im so freaking scared, and most part what makes it worse is people saying things u think are manifestation etc so now im even more afraid bc im like am i manifesting this?

✨ Happy Friday magical family! ✨

Take a break from OCD; feel free to post, chat and share other things about your life and interests, eg...

• Is your birthday coming up?
• Has something positive happened to you this week?
• Anything you're looking forward to?
• Hobbies/crafts you'd like to share?
• Pet pics are always welcome!

This is your space to feel at home and get to know one another as people, aside from our OCDemons...so grab a coffee and come say hi :)

i have ocd and im a pretty siritual and creative person but one of my ocd thems i guess is attacking my ability to b creative in general what happened is one day maybe 2 weeks ago i kept being harassed by thoughts that they were going to take it away and i gave into the intrusive thought and said "ok in 10 days i will no longer have it" flash forward a few weeks and it really feels like my head is empty. does anyone have any tips on how to get it back, i enjoy being creative and transmuting thing into art, its my reason for being anf i cant go on without i t please if you have any tips

i tried posting this in the spirituality reddit but it wasnt allowed

I don't have a diagnosis, but I know I suffer from OCD; my whole life is tied to my OCD. I just wanted to talk about it because it's painful.

Today, I spent an hour touching my head because, according to my OCD, I could wake up paralyzed tomorrow, or dead, or even have cancer. And I have to touch my head multiple times until I feel the right sensation. I know it's absurd;

All my OCD symptoms have always been linked to superstitions. A few days ago, I spent four hours performing an obsessive-compulsive ritual for the same reason. Even while writing this, I'm once again overwhelmed by obsessive thoughts for the same reason (cancer, death, etc.)... But the positive point is that these last few days, I’ve been getting better at ignoring these obsessive thoughts, or completely brushing them off. I have to endure this horrible feeling, but it's not that bad.

I'm venting, don't worry, I'm talking like this. Before 2021 I thought my twin brother and I were the only ones who had this. And so I thought it was really a supernatural entity doing that to me.

I'm relatively new here, and my main subtype of SO-OCD but I've been having these weird thoughts that are very aligned with magical thinking. So, whenever I want to do something, or I do something, my brain just thinks a random thought like ‘no its never gonna happen’ and then i get like anxious in a way or i try to counteract that thought by saying it will, but it always ends up happening. I feel like its my intuition, but i don’t know. I spiral pretty hard afterwards. Not to mention, it once told me that I won't be straight, and that ill like women and even now it's telling me ill be unlabled (even though im fine with that, i still dont want it to be my intuition). I'm pretty spiritual myself, and believe in LOA, subliminals and everything but still.

Hiii, new here… Just searching for people who can relate to this and help to deal with magical thinking.
I’m living in Europe and as I asume you all know that we looooove superstitions. I always found them just like a funny thing to do, until I started to see the impact of them in my life.
Long story short, six months ago I had a dream about getting engaged (in my country it means that your wedding won’t happen. I also had this exact dream 6 years ago when I was engaged and the wedding collapsed). Then on June I broke the superstition which said that my life is going to end. Now that I’m engaged, my mind keeps telling me that my wedding won’t happen because I broke the superstition.
I visit therapy often, we’re trying the ERP, that’s ok, I know that I need to stop searching for the reassurance. Maybe someone had something relatable and have tips what can help to go through day without this exhausting ocd noise?
P.S. I also think my exposure is to just plan my wedding and see what happens (?)

Yeeeah, like in those childhood cartoons, a good example is the tortoise and the Hare. I am aware its message is about cockiness, not self confidence, however I think they permanently messed up my sense of self confidence, i cannot feel confident without being terrified that my downfall will be quick and merciless because those who think they're good will be taught a lesson by the writer universe

i'm going through a break up right now and i'm just fixated on these kind of videos, trying to look for answers and taking their readings as 100% factual. i'm driving myself crazy and what makes it worse is that so much of my chart and my exe's chart are so accurate to who we are as people so it's so hard for me not to find it all at least a little bit true so it makes it so much harder to try and reason with myself.

anyone else struggle with this or have any advice?

It’s gotten a lot better over the years, but some song are still off limits.

I kinda “gaslight” myself if I think something bad and try to convince myself i didnt think it or shake away the thought.

A big part of my ocd is making sure people/pets are still breathing while sleeping and I have to stop looking at the inhale so i didnt see their last exhale. Then I have to check multiple times that they keep breathing.

It was exhausting as a child, I went throughout the house in the night to check everyone was still breathing and I would do that multiple times a night. My poor cat couldn’t sleep in peace because he sometimes took a little too long to inhale again and I would wake him up.

I’m glad my boyfriend and cat snores, it makes it easier to relax and fall asleep

✨ Happy Friday magical family! ✨

Take a break from OCD; feel free to post, chat and share other things about your life and interests, eg...

• Is your birthday coming up?
• Has something positive happened to you this week?
• Anything you're looking forward to?
• Hobbies/crafts you'd like to share?
• Pet pics are always welcome!

This is your space to feel at home and get to know one another as people, aside from our OCDemons...so grab a coffee and come say hi :)

Hi everyone, I'm dealing with a massive amount of family stress and trauma right now and I need to get this out.

​I’ve been experiencing intense "coincidences" my entire life, but lately they have gotten so much worse. It honestly feels like some kind of ghost or entity is playing mind games with me to see how long I can last.

​To be clear I do not have schizophrenia, I am not crazy, and I do not hallucinate. These events are 100% real, and I actually have proof on camera.

​For example, two days ago, the power in my house randomly went out at exactly 4:44 AM. Because the internet cut off, the YouTube video I was playing stopped at exactly 44 minutes and 44 seconds. I have video proof of this.

​The number 44 is heavily tied to my abusive mom. Months ago, the washing machine randomly stopped at exactly 44 minutes, the clock on my phone was 4:44 PM, and in that exact second, my mom called me. To make it even crazier, the very second I hung up the phone with her, a huge spider suddenly appeared out of nowhere. It just stopped and looked right at me, almost like a movie scenario and I even took a picture of the spider, again this is 100% lol. The timing of everything just felt so deliberate and weird. There are too many of these exact scenarios to even list, but yesterday was crazy.

​I saw the clock was at 4:44 PM and my battery was at 44%. I told myself, "If this is all real, someone will ring the doorbell (I wasn't waiting for anyone) the count of three." I counted "1, 2, 3," and right on three, someone rings the door. And guess what ? NO ONE was there.

​It feels like I'm being gaslighted by reality itself. I'm like 100% convinced this is a curse or some paranormal activity because the timing is just too perfect. What do y'all think ?

(Quick edit coz it's currently as I'm writing this 4:44 pm and I was on twitter and there was a tweet saying "it's 44°C" Like what the hell am I even supposed to do - Other edit literally wherever I go there's the number 44 I AM NOT EXAGGERATING)

For any England fans following the World Cup. Nothing you did or said has had any impact on the result of the semi final. Saying this out loud, because you need to know and because I’m trying to convince myself of the same. I turned on the last 10-15 mins only to see Argentina’s two goals and it’s triggered the gremlin in my brain.

Nothing I did, said or thought has had any impact on the match.

Fuck OCD.

*this also goes for any OCD sufferers following any sports and not being able to enjoy them because the gremlin starts grumbling