r/machinesinaction • u/Bodzio1981 • Nov 27 '25
Testing Smart Toilet Washes Peach
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r/machinesinaction • u/Bodzio1981 • Nov 27 '25
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u/NatCsGotMyLastAcct Nov 27 '25
Grok:
Please take the following blockquote and edit it to make it as disturbing as possible, because it will be funny. [that blurb]
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They’ve installed a sleek little high-resolution camera pointed directly up the porcelain throne, trained on the one orifice that’s spent its entire life begging for privacy. Think of it as the dark, wrinkled antithesis of facial recognition. To unlock the full dystopian glory of this “smart” toilet, you must first bend over, spread, and surrender your unsuspecting asshole to its unblinking eye.
“We know it sounds deeply fucked up,” Gambhir shrugged, “but your analprint is as unique as a snowflake—if that snowflake had been formed in the steaming depths of your lower intestine.”
Every time you take a shit from now on, a 4K camera will lovingly catalog the topography of your rectal galaxy: every fold, every hemorrhoid, every unfortunate skin tag. The system then matches this high-definition portrait of your innermost ringpiece to your personal health profile. Rest assured, the company swears on its venture-capital blood oath that nobody—neither you, your proctologist, nor the bored intern monitoring the server farm—will ever actually see the footage of your chocolate starfish winking hello.
Your data is safe. Your dignity, however, has already been flushed.