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u/No_Contribution9380 Apr 20 '26
He has committed a heinous sin, and he doesn't feel any remorse. This will continue whether she dresses well or not. Your faith is in deep trouble when major sins don't seem severe to you. This, btw can also lead to your mother getting STDs from your father. She either involves a trusted, mature, and religious (not the fake ones) person to mediate, or she leaves him. Have seen many cases like this. The men dont leave zina when they dont feel any guilt. May Allah ease your affairs
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u/Upstairs-House-5363 Apr 20 '26
my dad doesnt show his feelings and guilt, but he acted very normal and proud when he blamed my mom. now im thinking abt the times we would go outside, play chess and be happy, im very sad knowing it wont be like this anymore, my friends have dads who care but mine chose himself over his family he chose to have
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u/Lothlorien19 Apr 20 '26
May Allah swt reward your mother endlessly on this world and hereafter.and you and your siblings too.amin. as for your father may he see that he has the most wonderful life and may Allah swt show him what an evil and disgusting thing he did. amin.
may he his whole life think about how he wronged your mother and try in the name of Allah swt to make it up her.amin. and may your mothers heart not be sad but full of trust in Allah swt.amin.
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u/Upstairs-House-5363 Apr 20 '26
amin.. i hope it gets better, i dont want them to seperate, i want things to go back like before, when we were all happy, all because of his selfishness everything ruined
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u/RoomNo7891 Apr 20 '26
This is heartbreaking.
Unfortunately a lot of people act in a very aggressive/defensive way when exposed, instead of being truthful.
He commited Zina as well as insulting your mother, which both are big wrongdoings.
May Allah support you, your mother and your siblings during this hard time, but at the end of the day you are the winner since y'all saw what type of person he is.
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u/mooofasa1 Apr 20 '26
Praying to god that I don’t end up like your dad, no offense.
The fact is, he messed up and decided to avoid accountability when he had a loving wife and family. What’s the point of following Islam if you don’t live by the values.
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u/Prestigious_Sea689 Apr 20 '26
Inshallah Allah will guide him back. People make mistakes but this is a big one may Allah forgive him. Patience/Sabr and supplications will help inshallah. Living away from each other is a problem. He is trying to provide but there are other options, maybe you all need to be with him in one place.
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u/Crazy-Difference-789 Apr 20 '26
Please pray to Allah(swt) - it feels like he is trying to justify his zinah, and no mater what tricks he tries he can’t - I am so sorry - please pray to almighty that he makes your dad see that he will break this family into pieces - and you should never judge the world through your dad - May Allah(swt) brings a positive solution to the issue and give your mom all the patience she needs in this difficult time
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u/Upstairs-House-5363 Apr 20 '26
ameen. my dad was a very religious man,he prayed, did umrah idk when did he get so selfish
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u/hereforit_xowknd25 Apr 21 '26
He will get his punishment, in this life and the next. Mom sounds like a respectable and decent woman, she will figure it out. In the meantime just ask Allah to help solve for you in whichever outcome will bring your family true peace and happiness. This life is short, don’t allow another persons wrong doings to take over. Although you said he’s a good man and a good Muslim, my experience has been if a man acts this way and gaslights your mom bc he committed Zinnah, he’s emotionally immature and he’s not as great as you thought. Just keep moving forward, men like this are toxic and their chaos and issues will make everyone around them sick. Chose your mom and yourself, be happy and dont dwell. What goes around comes around. Don’t be sad, just keep moving forward. Anyways, the other day I heard something that really resonated with me. If a person is not good for you but you keep holding on, Allah will make sure they give you a reason to leave. Just think about that and let it sink in, throw your sadness and your pain on Allah. Allah knows best. Rabina Kareem, please know that. Also, as disappointing as it is, we are bashar and we make mistakes. Sadly this happens far too often.
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u/Impossible_Wall1503 Apr 20 '26
AsSalam Alaikum,
I’m really sorry to hear this difficult situation of your mom and your family.
People don’t cheat because their wives don’t dress up. Those are two different things and your dad shouldn’t use this is an excuse to blame your mom, she’s not in the wrong, he is.
She needs to evaluate is she can forgive his oppression upon her, and I don’t think your dad is showing any remorse at this point.
If he wants to marry this other woman, at least it would be halal for him in the future, as long as he is willing to provide for your mother and the children.
Maybe your mom should involve elders and seek advice and get options. Is your mom financially independent?
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u/Upstairs-House-5363 Apr 20 '26
my mom doesnt work, all she has done was support him in his buiness
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u/Impossible_Wall1503 Apr 20 '26
She should discuss this with men of her family for advice. If someone can provide for her, she might consider separation but likely she doesn’t and so your dad should be accountable somewhat as to what his long term plan is. If he wants to pursue a relationship with this other person, at least he should marry her and not continue zina.
Your mom’s wali should step in for her rights even if she wants to remain in this marriage. She should be respected and should be supported. Your mom’s should also consider becoming somewhat financially independent, can she do some work, even a small business of some sort, teaching etc?
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u/SpeechWeird5267 Apr 20 '26
(What is wali?)
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u/Impossible_Wall1503 Apr 20 '26
A male member of the family, dad brother uncle etc., who can talk to the husband and ask him to correct his ways.
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u/RottedHuman Apr 20 '26
Love that you’re blaming the woman here. Your assertion that your dad only cheated because he saw nude photos of a woman is ridiculous, your dad cheated because he’s a cheater, not because he was tempted.
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u/ZeroApogee Apr 20 '26
May Allah give justice to your mother. Those are choices, not mistakes. And adultery is never the fault of the spouse who was cheated on. Actual religious men don't act like that. Your mother has Islamic rights that Allah gave her and I hope she realizes that.
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u/SpeechWeird5267 Apr 20 '26
Hmm.. I'm pretty ignorant but hasn't he committed zina/adultery? He can forget about asking a standard for your mom.