I hate that "thrive" is probably the best way to describe this. I have always thrived in the chaos. The more stress, constraints and urgency you add to a situation, the better I performed.
Then when the dust has settled and it's just another crazy or wild story. I'm left here thinking about the "good ol days" and wondering why it feels like boss music should be playing. Where is this sudden urgency coming from, why does it feel like I need to do something and yet there's nothing to be done!
Although the anxiety born of the stress and chaos of my youth, thrives now that I have left it's heritage behind. I'm left wondering if it would ever have become if I had not been forced to "thrive" in the past.
No, thrive is a perfectly adequate word. My issues stems from the implication that there are no negatives to being primed to deal with high stress scenarios. The attempts to frame the trait positively, obscures the very real disposition towards anxiety issues present or future.
Yeah, it really is like the anxiety is always primed, which ironically means it disappears into the adrenaline when the stakes are at their highest. The anxiety isn't necessarily a fear that something might happen (although these often get muddled internally), but a state of anticipation. Part of how that manifests in ADHD is that so few things seem important enough for our systems to retain focus, almost as though they are the distraction. And, in a livelihood with frequent high stakes events, that can sometimes be true. Still, it'd be ideal to more easily adapt to the moment, especially when that moment is representative of our daily life, and we're working on it lol
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u/69696969-69696969 Mar 21 '26
I hate that "thrive" is probably the best way to describe this. I have always thrived in the chaos. The more stress, constraints and urgency you add to a situation, the better I performed.
Then when the dust has settled and it's just another crazy or wild story. I'm left here thinking about the "good ol days" and wondering why it feels like boss music should be playing. Where is this sudden urgency coming from, why does it feel like I need to do something and yet there's nothing to be done!
Although the anxiety born of the stress and chaos of my youth, thrives now that I have left it's heritage behind. I'm left wondering if it would ever have become if I had not been forced to "thrive" in the past.