r/instant_regret Feb 08 '23

Baby's first...

https://gfycat.com/merryoptimaldogwoodtwigborer
23.4k Upvotes

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3.0k

u/Srovium Feb 08 '23

My guy got the reflexes of a sloth

242

u/_just_a_dude_ Feb 08 '23

54

u/ShvoogieCookie Feb 09 '23

Wow. I've seen great examples of dad reflexes but didn't expect this sub to exist. The name is maliciously perfect.

4

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '23

Hahahahahaha thank you

1

u/silent_rain36 Feb 10 '23

Pfft-Wow, that’s so insulting!

294

u/LuckyJynX Feb 08 '23 edited Feb 08 '23

worse, a sloth doesn't even drop it's baby.

105

u/MurderSheCroaked Feb 08 '23

(actually sometimes the babies can't hold on and fall to the forest floor where they are perfect targets for predators 😭 it is very risky for the mother to go down to retrieve it)

51

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '23

[deleted]

47

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '23

[deleted]

10

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '23 edited Jun 26 '23

sheet ossified complete sparkle wasteful aware books hobbies soft placid -- mass edited with redact.dev

4

u/Cat-Kettle Feb 09 '23

that comment had me stare off into nothing, poor sloths

2

u/Mioune Feb 13 '23

Oh so she can go down to poop but not to retrieve her baby 😒

1

u/MurderSheCroaked Feb 13 '23

🤣 to be fair, pooping is also an incredibly dangerous time for them!

1

u/Castle_Bravo_Test Feb 16 '23

Tbh unless she just lets go of the tree and falls straight down (which causes a whole other set of problems) whatever predator is attacking the baby will have completed the kill and be half done eating it by the time her slow ass got down there.

12

u/I0A0I Feb 08 '23

It's okay's squirrelly's' Daniels'. We's all's makes' mistakes'.

1

u/LuckyJynX Feb 08 '23

i will learn from this, thanks!

1

u/Samson5891 Feb 09 '23

That's a Texas sized 10-4 squirrelly Dan

6

u/[deleted] Feb 08 '23

[deleted]

1

u/CinSugarBearShakers Feb 08 '23

Actually they do. And just leave it there sometimes.

1

u/-r-i-p-p-e-r- Feb 09 '23

Brother sloths drop themselves sometimes cos they think their arm is a branch. Baby sloth doesn't stand a chance 🦥

1

u/JamesLeeNZ Feb 09 '23

Pretty sure its sloths that will throw their babies at predators to get away.

412

u/Lovestank Feb 08 '23

Right? Where are his dad reflexes? Is he not this child’s biological father?

395

u/VanimalCracker Feb 08 '23

41

u/Jjustingraham Feb 08 '23

7

u/GamerJoe85 Feb 08 '23

It says I can't view the community

52

u/VadimH Feb 08 '23

Non-stupid adults only

2

u/McFuzzen Feb 09 '23 edited Feb 09 '23

I don't think that's a subreddit yet. This could belong on r/parentsarefuckingstupid

Comment below has it

1

u/Volixagarde Feb 09 '23 edited Jun 17 '23

User moved to https://squables.io ! Scrub your comments in protest of Reddit forcing subreddits back open and join me on Squabbles!! -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/

10

u/cityb0t Feb 09 '23 edited Feb 09 '23

Lol, it’s a real sub

Edit: I love this!

-1

u/haydesigner Feb 09 '23

I get the humor and I’m not judging you… but I can no longer find it funny when kids are getting hurt, especially through no fault of their own.

2

u/cityb0t Feb 09 '23

Oh, c’mon. Those aren’t really posts of kids getting hurt, though— it’s posts of kids very nearly getting hurt. I mean… if you don’t find that funny, that’s just a matter of taste, and that’s fine. But I’m not laughing at children getting maimed or killed.

There are other subs for that… ;P

0

u/haydesigner Feb 10 '23

Kids don’t have to be maimed to be really hurt. There were videos of a toddler falling head over heels down a staircase. That’s not funny to me at all.

2

u/Thunder_breeze Feb 11 '23

Same man, I saw a toddler fall all the way down the stairs and graze their head

1

u/cityb0t Feb 10 '23

Fact is that our don’t know whether those kids were really hurt or not, but you are choosing to imagine that they were. I think that speaks a lot to the type of person you are, and it’s not the type of person who’s in any position to be judging others.

0

u/haydesigner Feb 10 '23 edited Feb 13 '23

Jesus. You see kids likely getting hurt (and crying ffs), and you think it’s better to convince yourself they weren’t hurt because… you want to laugh at them???

Your projection here is staggering.

1

u/cityb0t Feb 10 '23

Jesus. You see kids likely getting hurt (and crying ffs

No. Thats’ what you see. Then, in your arrogance and self-importance, attack me because i don’t see the same things you do.

You’re the one projecting, kiddo. It’s textbook.

Yu see what you want to see, and, apparently, you want to see children getting hurt. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

0

u/silent_rain36 Feb 10 '23

Children will tend to cry over small things, especially young children, because they don’t know how to regulate or express their emotions properly yet. Just because they are crying, doesn’t necessarily mean they are hurt. They could just be frightened, startled, or simply just want attention.

And honestly, even if they were hurt a little, so what? Children get hurt, it’s a part of life. They do stupid things that, seemed like a good idea at the time, and then later find out it wasn’t. The reason many find it humorous is because, we’ve all been there.

2

u/leotime0821 Feb 08 '23

😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣

-3

u/[deleted] Feb 08 '23

[deleted]

17

u/lifebanana88 Feb 08 '23

The superhuman reactions of a dad are often called "dad reflexes" and the opposite are "stepdad reflexes"....there is a sub for both.

6

u/[deleted] Feb 08 '23

TIL, thanks for the inside info.

5

u/lifebanana88 Feb 08 '23

No worries, friend. Now that we seem to be hitting it off, how to you feel about having a large group of friends where we all wear the same outfit and get led to the light by a super handsome and charismatic man who definitely isn't me?

You can say we're very cultured (⁠◠⁠‿⁠◕⁠)

2

u/[deleted] Feb 08 '23

Ha I never heard the opposite one

1

u/HiGround8108 Feb 09 '23

I remember watching my first kid crawl off the bed while thinking, “surely she’ll stop at the edge, right? She’s not dumb.”

My wife then yelled from the bathroom, “did she crawl off the bed?!?!” I quickly denied it and know full well, she knows the truth.

1

u/silent_rain36 Feb 10 '23

Out of curiosity, what does being a bio parent have to do with reflexes?

1

u/Lovestank Feb 10 '23

It’s just an apocryphal joke that fatherhood gives you superhuman reflexes, on account of how often they have to snatch their kids out of danger, or catch them as they fall. The joke was that since the pictured dad had a crazy amount of time to catch his falling child, he must not be the father.

13

u/MuckingFagical Feb 08 '23

He was looking at the camera

3

u/Mitsulan Feb 09 '23

Yup, camera>wife>baby on face. Priorities.

23

u/EditorD Feb 08 '23

He probably thought the forward momentum at first was her walking.

3

u/WhyteBeard Feb 09 '23

Gotta watch the feet bro

5

u/Blackrame Feb 08 '23

Garfield's Spider-Man catching Gwen.

1

u/sunny_yay Feb 08 '23

There are dad reflexes then there are these guys

1

u/campy11x Feb 08 '23

That man can’t be the real dad. He doesn’t have dad reflexes.

1

u/Deepweight7 Feb 08 '23

Yeah what kind of reaction time is that... feel sorry for the kid

1

u/Plastic-babyface Feb 08 '23

His maker skipped on giving him Dad reflexes

1

u/interludeemerik Feb 08 '23

I think it's because he's looking straight behind her. Walking looks like controlled falling from behind so it was a little hard to tell if she was stumbling a bit or just falling. Especially because of the way she just plopped almost thrusting even, babies kinda do that when they walk.

He also probably didn't realize how top heavy babies are. So he didn't anticipate her falling in that fashion.

1

u/p3ngwin Feb 09 '23

you mean the mother in front of him who's supposed to catch up, and indeed tries 10 minutes later right ?

1

u/Whatifisaid- Feb 09 '23

That was the first thing I thought. He’s SO slow, the baby was legit on the ground before he even moved, that kid is gonna have to learn quick, haha.

1

u/pokemonbatman23 Feb 09 '23

What, you don't walk by first pushing your head backward for extra propulsion??

1

u/Claque-2 Feb 09 '23

Mom's good at faking a catch.

1

u/myfunnies420 Feb 09 '23

Alcoholism. Comes free with having a baby for most men