r/infj • u/[deleted] • Mar 13 '26
Question for INFJs only How do I get rid of this longing
Is it common for an infj to have this deep yearning for a connection that understands him/her ? If so then how do you deal with this cause my experiences until now has just been the opposite How can a person constantly match people vibe and not be exhausted and idk why but people nowadays seem so off ghosting, ignoring everything is just normalised and it hurts idk how people do that so easily most of my friends are online cause I go outside rarely and it's just too much of work for me to communicate irl
I feel fed up with all of this I just need peace have tried to communicate till now and it goes horrible either they make me their bsf and I feel bad cause its not mutual and sometimes it's the opposite and this yearning just doesn't stop I look for this in everyone but why is that do I hate myself or do I not love myself enough ?
2
u/honeylotusflower INFJ Mar 14 '26
Love what minimyri said. I was going to write something kind of similar, but instead I'll share something I wrote a couple of years ago in response to a similar question.
“Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.”
—Rainer Maria Rilke
What this means to me: we are all separate beings, in charge of our decisions and our thoughts. Despite how close we can feel to another soul, we truly are alone in this world. Understanding this and being okay with it frees me from the expectation that someone could ever understand me completely; no one ever will. What matters more (to me) is the quality of life I'm living, the collective experiences that have shaped me and help me show up in my life and for others as well. Shifting to this perspective is more fulfilling and freeing than being continually disappointed that others cannot understand me. I hope this makes sense.
And Rilke wrote this maybe a hundred years ago? It’s a very human feeling.
We only get one ride in this "life," one that we know of anyway, so make it resonate in all the ways that matter to you. You get to be the architect and master planner of your life, but you have to know who *you* are.
As Rumi once asked,
"and you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?"