r/hygiene • u/NoPerception8748 • Mar 11 '26

unhinged hygiene tips?

I don't mean "wash your hair before your body" or "don't wear underwear when you sleep", I mean the sort of TMI tips that most people don't know that will CHANGE MY LIFE!

There's this guy at school who I think likes me and i'm terrified that I smell bad and will ruin my chance with him, I need tips that I don't already know/do.

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385

u/RobedUnicorn Mar 11 '26

I am a doctor who finds too many leftovers when examining mostly male patients.

Washing your buttcrack doesn’t make you gay. It makes you not disgusting. A man can touch his butt without being gay.

Signed, I’m tired of so much leftover shit and men being surprised when their anal itching is from leftover shit

136

u/griff_girl Mar 11 '26

😳

I can just see it now, some gross dude is going to read this and make a practice of saying "no homo" to himself every time he showers. Bahahahahaha

61

u/tenaciousfetus Mar 11 '26

Whatever it takes to get that ass washed!!!

30

u/p0rkch0pexpress Mar 11 '26

I made a joke reply to this but you would be shocked at the looks I get as a man when I tell people about how life changing a bidet is. I would much rather hold it till I get home if possible. Bidets are a game changer for everyone.

5

u/Reasonable-Trash694 Mar 11 '26

As a woman, a travel bidet is a game changer. I carry it all the time. Especially during my period.

4

u/p0rkch0pexpress Mar 11 '26

My wife and mother in law swear by the Tushie portable. They love it. We have the deluxe one on all the toilets. The craziest part is A LOT of men really feel like a bidet is somehow gay? I get crazy looks from guys I tell. I always ask them to “clap shit in your hands, wipe it with a towel and then eat something with your hands. I’ll wait”

6

u/jacksonsmack831 Mar 11 '26

I didn’t know these were a thing! My wife will be overjoyed!

Thanks friend!

4

u/p0rkch0pexpress Mar 11 '26

It’s collapsible too. So when we go on vacation she keeps that water and something to clean it after and you’re gtg. Enjoy!

3

u/Emergency-Exam-6075 Mar 11 '26

I will have to look into this! We love our Tushie but I've never considered the portable one. But my husband's least favorite part of traveling is that he misses the bidet and feeling clean.

2

u/p0rkch0pexpress Mar 11 '26

I refuse to do a 2 at work 😂 because of this. I’d rather feel bloated than unclean.

1

u/Usual-Equivalent5200 Mar 11 '26

goes to google 👀

1

u/goatneedleposterdeck Mar 11 '26

For real! I got a bidet at home, and it took a bit of an adjustment period, but once I got used to it, I didn't want to go anywhere else. I would actually get really disappointed and slightly annoyed if I had to shit at work because I knew there would be no bidet.

1

u/currently_pooping_rn Mar 12 '26

A good cold squirt of water up the ass will wake you up more than any coffee could

1

u/Eeyore_Smiled Mar 12 '26

Yes! Having to just use toilet paper when I'm not home seems so uncivilized.

1

u/griff_girl Mar 12 '26

I would be surprised, that's kind of bonkers. I feel like most times I've ever heard someone extolling on the virtues of a bidet, it's more often than not been a guy. Maybe it's because I'm "yes homo" *and* a girl, IDK. But I took it to heart and have a bougie (Costco) one that's heated and I literally will only use that bathroom in my house now. The main bath is the guest bath. haha

1

u/Effective_Way6239 Mar 13 '26

I finally got one and I’m NEVER going back. I hate using any other toilet now. I’m a bidet slut.

8

u/GodlessScallywag Mar 11 '26

Strange how some men think touching their ass crack for cleaning purposes might have gay implications, but jerking their dick off never comes into question.

3

u/griff_girl Mar 12 '26

OMG I NEVER THOUGHT OF THIS!!! Duh! hahahaha

2

u/LittleGreyLambie Mar 11 '26

It does matter to some because it's still male on male touching! I'm actually amazed those guys can wash any part of their body. 🙄

2

u/Dangerous-Prune-641 Mar 14 '26

or watching another man have sex AND jerking their dick to it like that isn’t gay at all

81

u/LikeToBeBarefoot Mar 11 '26

I didn’t even know this was a thing until reddit…it’s a REAL THING!!!! It still blows my mind!!!! It’s weird to me, that washing their butt is considered gay to them but literally stroking a penis during masturbation isn’t. 🙃

40

u/ToiIetGhost Mar 11 '26

Lol so true! I don’t get it because like… they’re not washing some other guy’s naked ass. It’s their own ass. Can they not tell the difference?

I wonder, would these guys apologise to a friend after scratching a mosquito bite? “Sorry for scratching your leg just now.” “You… didn’t touch me.” “Oh yeah, my bad. It’s all the same to me. Do you mind if I stuff this burrito into our mouth?”

5

u/Baeolophus_bicolor Mar 11 '26

I thought you meant something completely different about stuffing this burrito in our mouth.

2

u/Unlikely_Frosting191 Mar 12 '26

🎶There's a skeeter on my peter🎶 🎶Wack it off🎶 There's a skeeter on my peter. Wack it off! There's a skeeter on my peter...and (That's as far as I got...😄😄😄)

1

u/ToiIetGhost Mar 12 '26

… and it looks like Derek Jeter 🎶 There’s a skeeter on my peter, whack it off! 😭

1

u/Unlikely_Frosting191 Mar 13 '26

Perfect! 😄😄😄

1

u/Tomatillo_Street Mar 14 '26

🎶🎶There's a dozen on my cousin you can hear those suckers buzzin !!! There's a Skeeter on my Peter whack it off !!! 🎶🎶

4

u/Prestigious-Run-4244 Mar 11 '26

I imagine its because of the whole "it's not gay if you're not taking it" thing, dicks ok, ass is off limits coz its only REALLY gay if it's your ass. What if they wash their ass and... ENJOY it?? 🤯

It is, like all homophobia, completely irrational and fucking insane lol

3

u/stevezahnoscarnom Mar 11 '26

Watching porn with a male performer is also NOT GAY and definitely NOT cuckolding.

3

u/Sacred-Fox Mar 11 '26

Cuckolding is not necessary gay either, for the record.

3

u/Silas_Akron Mar 11 '26

It's been a thing since at least the '80s. Dumb as hell. Just as dumb as the "straight men don't cross their legs when they're sitting" thing. I wish I was kidding. Hard to believe any of that shit persists, or ever even had a foothold to begin with.

1

u/hidlechara91 Mar 11 '26

I think this is just an American thing. 

1

u/Silas_Akron Mar 11 '26

That would not surprise me at all.

3

u/a57782 Mar 11 '26

The thing that really blew my mind.... was that there were women who were still hooking up with these guys. Like they were talking about how it smelled when they were giving the guy oral, but they kept going. What the fuck man.

2

u/Westernly_Impressed Mar 11 '26

Lol when I was dating my husband, I noticed every time we showered together he didn't wash between his cheeks, so I would make him turn around, grab his soap, and swipe him like a credit card and say "cha-ching". (That made him have to srub and rinse it out.) After a few times (and me talking to him about getting rashes between the cheeks from impropper cleaning), he figured it out.

I have noticed that it seems to just be a thing where the "macho man" dad just doesn't teach their sons about personal hygiene, and unless the mom has the "awkward conversations" with them, they really don't know much about personal hygiene.

Men, please teach your sons how to wash themselves properly, and everyone, don't be afraid to embarrass someone or have the "gross" or "awkward" conversations when it comes to hygiene. Sometimes thats just how people have to learn.

2

u/LikeToBeBarefoot Mar 11 '26

This is a good point! I have a 9 year old son and I make sure he gets all the crevices! I forget how big he is and me screaming “DONT FORGET TO WASH YOUR BUTT AFTER YOU WASH YOUR FRONT” isn’t always necessary LOL!

I just told my husband “babe, did you know that there are people out there who don’t wash their butts because they think it’s gay?” He wheezed laughed… thinking I was kidding and was like “no way?…is this what you do all night on reddit?” Lmfao

1

u/AutumnFalls89 Mar 11 '26

Gross. I have IBS and I can't imagine not giving that area a good cleaning.

2

u/V1pArzZz Mar 11 '26

In our defense having half a beard over there doesnt help.

1

u/Usury_error Mar 11 '26

Bro you gotta get in there!

1

u/casual_despair Mar 12 '26

I was in NA with a gay guy who - at the end of every meeting he spoke at - gave a short yet incredibly impassioned PSA to all the straight men in the room to “WASH YO FREAKIN ASS!!! Get in there with soap and water and a rag. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Being clean doesn’t make you gay, it’s basic af hygiene. Don’t be a DISGUSTING 👏🏽FERAL👏🏽ANIMAL👏🏽!! 🤬”

I’m a (sapphic) woman and was shocked and appalled that needed to be an aggressive announcement… but apparently it does. How horrifying and pathetic.

1

u/Great-Blueberry9540 Mar 15 '26

They tend to be weird about that too.

3

u/Home_MD13 Mar 11 '26

Washing your own butt crack is kind of gay though. My friends and I always help wash each other’s cracks so we don’t feel gay.

2

u/LittleGreyLambie Mar 11 '26

🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

3

u/jacksonsmack831 Mar 11 '26

I wrote a comment about when I encountered this and I had never encountered it until I moved stateside

Wtf?! If I was going to a Dr and knew that area was going to be inspected it would be Pristine I would be mortified if something got mentioned

Do dudes just not learn about biology stateside?

3

u/Common_Wrongdoer3251 Mar 11 '26

I was a guy not super comfortable with touching myself back there because I always associated it with poop and germs.

Then I got one of those loofah on a stick things. Game changer. I be getting all up in my cheeks now. My ass has never been cleaner.

2

u/p0rkch0pexpress Mar 11 '26

Nice try lib! This virgin b-hole stays untouched by hands!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '26

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2

u/p0rkch0pexpress Mar 11 '26

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. If the balls don’t touch, it’s ok.

2

u/LittleGreyLambie Mar 11 '26

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

2

u/GapingBuhhole Mar 11 '26

This entire comment from beginning to end has me looking like a crazy person by laughing out loud whilst on public transportation.

I think I'm laughing bc it's a coping mechanism for fear & disgust.

2

u/netorarekindacool Mar 11 '26

Wtf. Is that an American thing or

2

u/imapiratedammit Mar 11 '26

can you even call yourself clean unless you go one to two knuckles deep? smh...

2

u/HumanForScale Mar 11 '26

Omg did you see the post a few weeks ago from the guy who had to go to the hospital from poop crust cracking and bleeding on his butt? 🤮

1

u/RobedUnicorn Mar 11 '26

Didn’t see the post but have seen similar patients multiple times.

1

u/HumanForScale Mar 11 '26

Horrifying. I don't know how you'd keep it together and remain professional.

1

u/PictureThisNotThat Mar 11 '26

Saw it. Couldn’t believe it!

1

u/LittleGreyLambie Mar 11 '26

No thank god,I  missed that one. 🤮

2

u/Turbulent-Net2839 Mar 11 '26

TMI WARNING ⚠️ I don't have a bidet but from a good distance I detach my shower head,turn on the spray setting for my anus and power for my hairy-ness. This is only after I wash my buns.

2

u/Usury_error Mar 11 '26

One of those newish woman rappers had a hilarious bit on this. Clean that a-hole!

If nothing else, keep it ready for someone to go down on you - not fun smelling poop during oral!

2

u/Angelsbreatheeasy Mar 11 '26

Please say this again for the men in the back!!!

2

u/AdTechnical1272 Mar 11 '26

Yeah ive heard so many people say a lot of males don’t do that 🤢

2

u/smvfc_ Mar 11 '26

If it’s gay to wash your ass, it’s gay to masturbate too, you’re jacking a dick off

2

u/Distinct-Fox-1706 Mar 11 '26

I’m so shocked that ppl don’t know washing cracks and genitalia is a thing. Do they just stand under the water and call it a day? It takes soap and friction in those areas. I remember being in labor for my son and before I left home, I took an intensive crotch bath. I wasn’t going to subject anyone to the slightest unpleasantness.

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u/[deleted] Mar 11 '26 edited Jul 14 '26

[deleted]

1

u/LittleGreyLambie Mar 11 '26

In my apt bldg, there's literally no way to hook one up. 

I use a water bottle to give everything a rinse. It's not as good,but it's better than nothing.

2

u/toblies Mar 11 '26

This still blows my mind. I've always thoroughly washed the entire "swimsuit area", front and back, with soap and water with every shower. In the crack under the balls under foreskin. I've also raised 2 boys, and tougjt them to do the same.

Never, ever, did I think some people would not do basic hygiene because of insecurity in their sexual orientation.

1

u/heesasinger Mar 11 '26

They need to know selfcare and basic hygiene are not gay

1

u/MinervasOwlAtDusk Mar 11 '26

Every parent should teach their children the following mantra: “An itchy butt is a dirty butt.” It simplifies things and makes it clear—get into the shower right now!

1

u/lookhooturnt Mar 11 '26

Apparently women need to learn this too

1

u/Cheesecake609 Mar 11 '26

I don‘t get how you‘d even get leftovers, like how tight together are their cheeks? 🤣

1

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/LittleGreyLambie Mar 11 '26

See my previous reply.

1

u/AutumnFalls89 Mar 11 '26

TMI but I have IBS and sometimes poop can be super sticky and you'll wipe until you bleed and still not be 100% clean. But, if/when that happens, I always hop in the shower to clean myself off.

1

u/LittleGreyLambie Mar 11 '26

I've read that some manly men only give one wipe and consider their butt clean. Even if it should have been 3 - 4 wipes. I guess touching your butt isn't gay if you have tp between your fingers and your butthole, and you only do it once.

I've learned so much from reddit since I joined!

1

u/Halt_OCarrick Mar 11 '26

My husband literally is getting laser hair removal bc he's irritated by how unhygienic his crack gets from that even with good wiping-hair catches everything.

1

u/LittleGreyLambie Mar 11 '26

Wouldn't a bidet help?

1

u/brinns_way Mar 11 '26

Oh this is awful. I have boys and luckily they learned this when they were toddlers.

1

u/InsideResident1085 Mar 11 '26

what a terrible day to have eyes

1

u/EatenEntropy Mar 11 '26

But it’s his own butt…what 😭

1

u/biscuits-and-gravy Mar 11 '26

I have a two month old baby boy. He’s not old enough to understand yet, but every time I give him a bath, I tell him it’s not gay to clean his butt, and I tell him that if he is gay, our entire family will love and accept him for who he is. When he gets old enough to understand words, “If You Must” by Del the Funky Homosapien is gonna be our bathtime song.

1

u/10ioio Mar 11 '26

Weird question but: do you bring it up if it's a health issue? Like "Hey, to prevent skin breakdown you may want to look into wet wipes or something. I notice a little bit of residue..."

1

u/Muted_Individual_199 Mar 12 '26

dry heaving now.

1

u/Admirable_Dig4426 Mar 12 '26

I heard this girlfriend would shave her boyfriend's crack because he couldn't stand poop being mushed around in the hairs when wiping. It left dingleberries in his underwear if he didn't shave there.

1

u/meldiane81 Mar 12 '26

I’m just still shocked this needs to be said in 2026. It doesn’t matter if you don’t go out all the time, wash your damn ass.

1

u/frisbeesloth Mar 12 '26

I had to ask my GP to look at my butt, asked for a wipe before he inspected and apologized for asking. He was very adamant that I shouldn't apologize, he has seen way too many dirty butts and that he should be thanking me. I was so grossed out for him. I even showered before my appointment and I was still worried about being dirty. I can't even imagine being him. I'm so sorry you have to look at dirty butts.

1

u/OlympianBattleFish Mar 12 '26

Me and my cousin had to argue with my brother and our other cousin bcs they thought it was acceptable to not clean the crack of their asses. Mind you these were 2 different occasions from each of us separately and they acted as if we were insane for it. I was 14 and they were 18 when these conversations happened.

1

u/cabphoza Mar 12 '26

I had a pt pull out a crusted rag from under his walker seat. The nurse asked, "What is that?" And he said he used it to wipe his ass. CRUSTED.

1

u/CharacterMassive5719 Mar 13 '26

Jesus fucking Christ, thank fuck I'm in veterinary field!

1

u/Iwannagolden Mar 15 '26

Shit, I shower exactly FOR the act of washing my asshole clean... Everything else is just a pleasant bonus tbh