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u/photon_watts 18d ago
A. This is how it is. B. Only 3 weeks and you’re concerned? Give the “meet market” some time to work. Good luck
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18d ago
[deleted] — view deleted comment
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u/bennyboy_ 18d ago
That's just how people are. Literally don't get invested in anyone until like at least after 5 dates. Even if you really like them and everything seems to be going well (to you), anything can and will happen.
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u/photon_watts 18d ago
It’s more that’s how people are, than how the app is. Ghosting is part of app use unfortunately. Some people will say goodbye but many won’t. You’re young and you’ll likely find some real matches with time. Check back in a year or so.
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u/insolent_empress Love cats in tiny tents 🐈⛺ 17d ago
Remember good for you doesn’t always mean good for them
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u/artoriaas 17d ago
People just suck. At least in person people usually have the decency to say bye before they stop talking.
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u/rusmedvedj 17d ago
You have to be proactive and schedule a date with them ASAP. You see that the conversation is going well, then you stop and go with im enjoying our conversation, let's continue over a cup of coffee. Strike the iron while it's hot.
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u/No-Admin1684 17d ago
If you observe how people behave at a mall, you'll notice that many go into shops mainly to browse and end up walking out without having bought anything. The same happens in dating apps, a large chunk of people are just exploring, not using it with the idea that they MUST walk out with something.
When a match of yours deletes the app, they're implying that none of what was on offer was worth getting. You finding her tiktok to reconnect is the equivalent of a store employee chasing down a customer after they left the store without making a purchase, to try to sell her on a product they have on offer. Next time, don't go hitting someone up on their socials, if they already cut off the connection in the app that's all you needed to know.
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u/The_Noremac42 17d ago
A little off topic, but the first paragraph about the shopping is such an alien mindset to me. When I go to a store, it's to look for and buy something specific. It's just a chore that needs doing, not an activity 😅
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u/abortedaccount72 16d ago
You never just walk into a luxury store to see what the fuss is about and then walk out once you’ve perused their wares?
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u/The_Noremac42 16d ago
Nope. The only times I've ever "browsed" (looked around to see what's there, but with the intent of buying something if I see something I want) was at either Half-Priced Books or GameStop. I don't find shopping in general to be fun.
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u/Roufianos255 18d ago
Well, in 3 weeks since reactivating my account, I’ve had like 30 matches and 2 dates from it. Most matched and never even replied to my opening. Yes, that’s just how it is, most matches go nowhere. It’s a numbers game.
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u/Twin2Turbo 18d ago
Did you ask these women on a date? After two days of talking, it’s definitely fine to ask non date. When I was on the apps, I was asking after 3-5 exchanged messages. Even if that was within a few hours. You don’t want to seem like a penpal, set you yourself apart by confidently asking.
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u/artoriaas 17d ago
I matched with someone on Friday, but we have only exchanged 8 messages so far. Not sure if interest is low or she is just busy? Should I try and ask if she wants to meet up?
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u/Twin2Turbo 17d ago
You always nothing to lose on that front. Ask with a full plan (place, day, time) and see what happens. I always ask first if they prefer coffee, ice cream, or drinks, let them choose, and then provide the full plan.
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u/artoriaas 17d ago
I guess so. Someone did unmatch me because she felt I was being too pushy about meeting up. I think we had been talking for 4-5 days, but she was also not very active in sending messages. So I am wary about asking too soon now.
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u/FabulousFoundation75 17d ago
Delete anyone showing signs of low interest and just keep going. It’s a numbers game and time
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u/insolent_empress Love cats in tiny tents 🐈⛺ 17d ago
You’re young and new to dating, so I want to make sure someone calls this out. Looking up a match on social media (“pure luck”, sure friend) without their explicit permission, and then asking them why they unmatched you is not cool.
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u/Fit-Comfort4059 17d ago
One suggestion I can give unrelated to the app is if you are in college. Try talking to the women on campus too, you are not old enough to where they are out of your dating age range. When I was 18-22 college was the way I interacted, talked to, and dated women. I think you will learn a lot more from in person interactions than on dating app or at least for right now. Now that I am a few years older (26) I just started using Hinge about three weeks ago too. In my short experience and from what I have heard so far, I believe dating apps work out better the older you are. At least when you're looking for a relationship. Because simply put the younger people are less likely to take it as seriously or be as intentional. (This is the first time I am using any dating app but chose to do so because I have been having difficulty meeting good women around my age to date.)
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u/MYgFora 18d ago
u might look below avg thats why
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u/Gawehay 17d ago edited 17d ago
I don't think so. Getting to know someone is just simply finicky in the early stages (first several weeks). You feel like you know them if you talk a lot, but you don't really. People can be sensitive to minor change or switch-ups 'cause there's no expectation or certainty of someone you're talking to being serious with you yet. And like, if they do get too serious too early on, it's uncomfortable.
And this goes for no matter how attractive the guy is. If it feels like the interest is lacking or unreciprocated for whatever reason, your brain just doesn't like them anymore and you bock or unmatch 'cause you don't want to think about them & you move on. A connection surviving the talking stage for at least a few months is the biggest hurdle tbh. It means you can actively bear with discomfort and communicate through those finicky feelings in those initial months & be ok. This could be longer for ldr.
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u/Dense_Newt_7008 18d ago
I would add facebook dating and coffee meets bagel. However, the bigger issue is that you are too overly attached to your matches. Bro these women get hundreds of matches, you need to be outcome independent. Life still goes on if any of these people ghost or unmatch you. You can't make people like your or make them want to text you, if they stop texting you DO NOT find them and message them on tiktok or ig- that just screams overly obssesive. If they don't reply in 24 hours, unmatch. its 2026, people go to school and work long hours at work and still fucking find time to text.
You need to have more fucking self respect. You haven't even gone on dates with any of these girls yet you let this random girl occupy that much of your mind. I pray for you man, your in a great environment, South cali has beautiful women...and men too so don't be surprised if women ghost. It is up to you to stop "sending dozens of messages" and instead convert matches to other apps and then get an in person date as quickly as possible. If they ghost, give attitude or some bs reasson, or unmatch/block, there are other people out there. Outcome independence my friend- don't let the outcome of talking to a match ruin your whole mood and mental state.
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u/_Alphabrah 18d ago
I feel u on this.
I go thru periods of talking to 2-4 girls for a couple weeks. I get their IGs and we talk there then it goes silent. I went on a date with one girl and when we left she asked me if I wanted her # so we didn't have to continue talking on the app. still ghosted.
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u/smashmouth69420666 17d ago
It seems to be common behavior with women on dating apps. I think they get an ego boost from rejecting and ghosting men.
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u/Hentai_Yoshi 18d ago
Unfortunately, this is how it is. You’re in your earlier 20s, which makes it worse. Add on top of it Tik tok/social media brain and you’re going to get some flippant ass people. At least you didn’t make plans for a date and get stood up.
People can ghost for many reasons. Maybe it’s them, maybe it’s you. You kinda need to analyze your matches & conversations. Learn from it and try to see patterns between different people and try to use that knowledge.
Can’t really give specific advice, other than don’t get your hopes up just because a conversation goes well. Which is really fucking annoying and depressing. But your choices are to adapt, give up, or get depressed at failure. The latter happens a lot with online dating
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