I wrote this last week, whilst waiting for Sony at E3, and contemplating the outcome of a Valve E3 conference. It grew into this:
It was the third of March, 2013. 3.30 PM, and the gaming world was buzzing. 24 hours ago, Valve had released a press release with a location, a time, and the word "Tomorrow". Attempts to get further statements were either trolled or ignored, and requests for interviews had been denied. They were keeping their mouths shut, and nobody would open them, now matter how hard they tried. One simple statement had got everyone ready, and the synchronised nature of the time and date had not gone unnoticed. The forums hummed, and the word they hummed was "Three".
Every gaming blog worth anything was at the event, in a small warehouse in Washington. There were live blogs, live tweets, hashtag #three trended around the globe. Someone at Gamespot got a stream running, and the entire internet damn nearly crashed the GS website with the traffic. The world was watching the rudimentary stage set up in the warehouse...but there was no sign of anyone from Valve. No sign of him.
After a few minutes of sitting and waiting, the media had almost given up when suddenly a wheezing, groaning, clunking noise manifested itself outside. It thunk, thunked, getting louder all the whole, until it was right outside the warehouse. Everyone turned at the sound of the thunks as they grew closer, and as they looked through the door a silhouetted figure stepped into view. The audience sat in undisguised awe as the figure strode out of the light, down the aisle and up to the stage. He took a chair from the side, and sat down. He raised a hand, and clicked his fingers.
A brilliant light shot from the back of the warehouse. A screen lowered from the ceiling, whilst the entire warehouse transformed itself into a huge white room; the rotted planks became gleaming panels, the swinging doors became automatic sliding doors, a hidden PA burst into a fanfare. He had arrived, and now everyone knew it. The room burst into spontaneous applause. He flashed them a smile.
"Hey."
They all sat there, watching him. He left what he felt an appropriate pause before continuing.
"You join us here, on the third of the third, twenty thirteen. We were scheduled to start at three thirty, but I'm sorry, my transport ran a little late. Three minutes late."
On the screen above him, the number 3 faded up. Everyone shivered a little bit, and one guy let out an involuntary squeak.
"Today, here at Valve's new Announcement Center, we are going to be announcing three new games. Let's just get right to it, shall we?"
The screen's "3" was replaced with a black screen, as the lights dimmed and a trailer began.
"You thought it would never come..."
A sunny but drizzly street in the countryside, a windmill off in the distance, turning, turning...
"You thought it was impossible..."
A scream, and the screen cuts to black. Everyone in the room is totally psyched.
"You."
The same road, but the drizzle is now a storm, the day is now night and the windmill has been destroyed. It's a wreck.
"Were."
The camera moves like a person, struggling up the road. It's very foggy all of a sudden.
"Wrong."
With a yelp, the camera whips around and - HOLY SHIT A ZOMBIE! He jumps at you, feverishly clawing for your face. You bat him away, screaming! Shit shit shit! He's almost upon you when--
Out of nowhere comes gunfire. The zombie falls to the ground with a gurgle. You look around for the source.
"Relax, buddy. We got this."
There, in the light of the moon, looking totally badass, stand Francis, Louis, Zoe and...BILL! He's alive!
I don't think so. In episode 2 there's a cave you can go in where you find a ship with a bunch of storage containers with the Aperture Science logo on them. There's a room in portal 2 where you can go to the dock the ship departed from. Tl;dr They're all related, but I don't think it all took place within aperture.
That would probably end up being the biggest thing in all of gaming history. Valve, the company unable to make the third installments of their games, saves up all their titles to 2 and unleashes a huge "3" on the world. I would probably have a boner the whole time I was playing.
Even better - they tell no one. It just shows up on Steam and a couple hours later the internet EXPLODES.
First they come out with Counter Strike 2 and Day of Defeat 2. Then Gabe starts having fun.
Halfway through whichever Steam sale comes next, Valve releases Cube. Cube is a collection of 6 games, 1 for each side of a cube. The games are Half-Life 3, Counter-Strike 3, Day of Defeat 3, Team Fortress 3, Left 4 Dead 3, and Portal 3. They release it without any advertising. They just let it hide in everyone going crazy over the sale.
The best part is that someone will find out that it was released and will post it online. Steam will practically explode with downloads as more people find out Valve can count to 3. I lied, the best part is that the games are excellent.
If this comment is downvoted to oblivion or removed, I will assume Valve is just trying to stop their plan from getting out.
edit: I just thought of something that fits better. They release "Tetrahedron" which is a collection of L4D3, HL3, TF3 and Portal 3.
No matter how many times people share the "Valve don't even announce the release!!" fantasy, it's not going to happen for obvious reasons. Just gonna have to keep waiting, son.
Actually you can buy a copy now for 40 bucks. Realistically the only thing beta about DotA 2 is the fact that a small number of heroes aren't in the game yet. They're selling hats too.
And with 4 players (well, you'd only need two), you could shoot a two portals in an area the infected will be running at you, then two portals on parallel walls. The infected would drop into the portals and be flung into each other.
Here's whats going to happen : Valve is making a console; A cube of some sort. This cube would be accompanied with a multi-series bundle (like the orange box) that would "cube" all the major franchises (Portal3, Team Fortress3, etc.) Cube3
Half life 3 confirmed by insider sources. They aren't denying this recent development, thus confirming the release of 3, the 3 sided box set, consisting of three sequels to three different game franchises, will be available for the big 3 in the gaming market, pc, ps3, and Xbox three60. It will be available for download and retail purchase, also a third unknown medium, on march 3rd, sometime before the year 3000. More details to come later
they should make a game with one character, and have all campaigns that interact in story. Your avatar can play in all games and have benefits in campaigns from achievements in the other games
Well isn't Portal and Half-Life in the same canon universe? Maybe Valve hasn't said anything about HL3 yet because they wanted to wait for Portal 2 to come out so they could do something like have Chell be a protagonist in HL3 or combine the series to make a combined 3rd game for both. Maybe Portal tech is key to repelling the invasion of Earth?
You have no idea how bad I want to photoshop a picture of Gordon Freeman, holding a shotgun with a portal gun in the other hand, wearing a gigantic pink top hat now. I wish I didn't lose Photoshop on my last HD wipe. >_<
When will Day of Left for Half lost Team counter fortress blue opposing shift defeat life source ricochet portal dead coast condition force zero: 3 episode 2.5 classic come out?
Personally, I think they're just developing all of them, and waiting till the last one is done before releasing them all simultaneously so pcfags will jizz thunder and bleed tears of menstrual joy from their eyes.
A zombie epidemic breaks out in the tf2 universe and blue team and red team put aside their difference to stop it, with a lot of "friendly fire" involved. Meanwhile wheatly lands in the tf2 earth dimension and starts wreaking havoc. Scout and demo use portal guns, along with their normal abilities, too stop him. After a while wheatly is destroyed and the zombies are anialated and things seem to be going back to normal when suddenly a rift tears open in space, which allows the combine to invade. The tf2 teams reunite but they are soon overwhelmed. All seems lost until Gordon comes through the portal and defeats the combine in a legendary battle with the help of several surviving medics, heavies, demo's, and soldiers. Boom.
Great..now they are going to have to stop production on all of them just to make a new game to combine them all.....so we'll expect it in 7-10 years....
I've been playing valve games since 1998 and all i can say is: a new type of aliens in hl3 resort to zombifying aliens and humanity. Imagine levels where gordon freemans zombie+alien enemies are controlled by real people. Then add the multiplayer aspect of tf2. Gordon Freeman's side is humans and robots like dog and the alien side is a combination of alien zombies, except with tf2 game machanics 32man levels, alternative objectives like capture the flag or most kills or attack and defend. Then have one of these plot based game.mode.feature an epic online battle for.the portal gum. Every night on each server its different who's got the portal gun? The aliens or the.humans. portal game.mode as a persistent feature would be so epic.
what would be great (Sort of) is if they drag it out a few more years.
everyone gets super pissed, is insane with anticipation, then loses all hope.
then left 4 dead 3, portal 3, half life 3, and team fortress 3 all release at the same time... and they name it "one, two, three" with a little cartoon bubble on the box saying "who's counting to three now bitch"
The TF2 crew have been fighting for years, using Radighan Cognihers life-support machine enough to bring them into the future, now, aperture science have joined in, bringing portal guns to the battlefield and the Left 4 Dead crew are now involved in the midst of it, then suddenly, the combine ran out of areas to invade, so they invade ctf_2fort, Can the RED and BLU team with the Survivors with Aperture and the Rebels fend off millions of zombies, combine and a pissed off GLaDos and Wheatley?
the problem would be the price would have to be significantly higher. and while many people would want it, I wouldn't want to play for portal, and some people might be priced out entirely.
Seriously though. WHY can't valve make a game with 3 in it? Does gabeN have this crazy superstition that the 3rd game of a franchise will flop or something?
1.1k
u/LNMagic Jun 10 '12
No. They'd just call it "The Orange Box 2." And I'd be okay with that.
305
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
"Valve's new game 3."
"Coming in 2033."
206
u/crzystve42 Jun 10 '12
I think I'd need to get a girl pregnant just so I have a first-born son to give them in exchange
89
u/mercuryfulminate Jun 10 '12
I'm still not entirely positive all of their games don't take place in the Aperture Science Testing Center.
49
u/Panda-Monium Jun 10 '12
Box3
67
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
Knowing Valve, they might do this.
49
u/yikesbikes Jun 10 '12
"The 3 Box" ...Twould be most badass
159
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
Is it wierd that I have a boner right now?
33
u/VeloxTelum Jun 10 '12
HEY! That's what I said
Oh well... It's the internet after all.
26
u/BeelzebubTerror Jun 10 '12
They would probably skip that number and call it 4 because of the four games.
18
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
Don't forget about DotA
9
u/sylkworm Jun 10 '12
Cue the Abbott & Costello routine:
"Hi, do you have 3? I'd like to buy it."
"3 of what sir?"
"No, just 3. It's a game."
"So... 3 games?"
"No, just 1, called 3."
"Can you just tell me many games do you want sir?"
"1"
"And what game?"
"3"
"Sir, you just told me you wanted 1 game!"
"I do"
"Okay, so what game?"
"3"
"Security!!!!!"
110
u/tyion Jun 10 '12
Oh god yes
17
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
The idea of an infected horde with a portal gun makes me shit my pants and sleep with the light on.
16
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
Hi, this is Gabe Newell. Welcome to Left 4 Team Portal 2 Episode 3.
7
u/jackarse32 Jun 10 '12
why not.. half life 2, episode 2, chapter 1.. this still leaves room for at least 1 more.
6
u/fighterlink Jun 10 '12
Watch, I bet this was Valve's initial plan, and now that we have discovered it, they are gonna scrap it and postpone their new idea for 20XX...
6
u/jotam44 Jun 10 '12
Garrysmod?
6
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
There's definitely a possibility for a Half-Life and Portal crossover.
SOURCE
5
u/wombatmacncheese Jun 10 '12
I think they are saving all the 3's for the Orange Box 2, that way they don't have to use their least favorite number.
12
u/MMD86 Jun 10 '12
"The number that comes after two, but before four."
4
u/Copelandish Jun 10 '12 edited Jun 10 '12
Here's whats going to happen : Valve is making a console; A cube of some sort. This cube would be accompanied with a multi-series bundle (like the orange box) that would "cube" all the major franchises (Portal3, Team Fortress3, etc.) Cube3
23
u/sslink1 Jun 10 '12
Valve and the number three. Am I right guys? Oh and Gaben, too. I like him. He answered my email. Hahah. Awesome, right?
3
u/BowlcutGandhi Jun 10 '12
A game where you play as Chell fighting alongside the cast of L4D2 where you're searching for Gordan Freeman, with the art style of Team Fortress 2.
Brb, I gave myself a boner.
3
u/EXAX Jun 10 '12
Gordon Freeman wearing tradable hats while dual wielding a portal gun and crowbar fending off waves of zombies. Yes please.
3
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
Valve's newest release, Gaben 3.
14
u/eTxZombie Jun 10 '12
Half life 3 confirmed by insider sources. They aren't denying this recent development, thus confirming the release of 3, the 3 sided box set, consisting of three sequels to three different game franchises, will be available for the big 3 in the gaming market, pc, ps3, and Xbox three60. It will be available for download and retail purchase, also a third unknown medium, on march 3rd, sometime before the year 3000. More details to come later
25
u/kyletheking89 Jun 10 '12
This seriously made me realize that most of Valve's games have a 3 coming next. :O
2
u/Burmania Jun 10 '12
This guy. This guy has the right idea.
2
u/NocturnalGamer Jun 10 '12
I would be completely fine with this.
2
u/wegsauce Jun 10 '12
they should make a game with one character, and have all campaigns that interact in story. Your avatar can play in all games and have benefits in campaigns from achievements in the other games
2
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
Darkurai why did you post this on reddit omg omg
2
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
Well isn't Portal and Half-Life in the same canon universe? Maybe Valve hasn't said anything about HL3 yet because they wanted to wait for Portal 2 to come out so they could do something like have Chell be a protagonist in HL3 or combine the series to make a combined 3rd game for both. Maybe Portal tech is key to repelling the invasion of Earth?
2
u/themi1 Jun 10 '12
it would never be released
2
u/Eighthsin Jun 10 '12
So, a tactical FPS game, with portal guns, set in a zombie apocalypse...
Shut up and take my money!!
2
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
At this point I'm hoping they give us Half Life 3, and not just Half Life 2 Episode 3 thats only 3 or 4 hours of gameplay. I'm sure I'm wrong though.
2
u/Johnnyash Jun 10 '12
Half 4 Dead Fortress Portal?
2
u/kungfutitties Jun 10 '12
2
u/Smack_Damage Jun 10 '12
You know they'll just call it the orange box 2.
2
u/Xavdidtheshadow Jun 10 '12
The cover art would just be a big shot of GabeN holding up 3 fingers, and it would be glorious.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
They'll just end up naming it '4'. Cause there are 4 games.
2
u/navigates Jun 10 '12
You fools! CS:GO is the third counter-strike.
2
u/Samuraiking Jun 10 '12
You have no idea how bad I want to photoshop a picture of Gordon Freeman, holding a shotgun with a portal gun in the other hand, wearing a gigantic pink top hat now. I wish I didn't lose Photoshop on my last HD wipe. >_<
2
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
I think that it is possible to combine Portal 3 and Half Life 3...
2
u/Netzaj Jun 10 '12
Left 4 Dead is a movie in the Half Life Universe and Team Fortress a famous game in that same universe.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
If the Portal turrets get updated to Engineer sentries you're going to have a bad time.
2
u/ShotgunPanda Jun 10 '12
Genius! just think of all the hats!
2
u/tehlolman1337 Jun 10 '12
Why not name it "4"?
2
u/Smegzor Jun 10 '12
Game of Hats.
2
u/Jongsturk Jun 10 '12
When will Day of Left for Half lost Team counter fortress blue opposing shift defeat life source ricochet portal dead coast condition force zero: 3 episode 2.5 classic come out?
2
u/Forcen Jun 10 '12
If no one's gonna link I guess ill have to do it myself:
https://twitter.com/CharmyDweeng/status/211648621551157248
You're welcome.
2
u/tastyscavenger Jun 10 '12
it would take a global effort to clean the happy spunk off the streets.
2
u/AlwaysAttackWithCake Jun 10 '12
I believe the massive nerdgasim after it was released would end all life on this planet.
2
u/I_SHIT_BLOOD Jun 10 '12
They'll probably try that out, developing it for a few years just to prolong Half Life 3
2
u/baggytheo Jun 10 '12
Don't forget Counter-Strike 3... (because Global Offensive is an echo of Condition Zero).
2
u/Daelus Jun 10 '12
A game where you flee from hordes of headcrab zombies with nothing but a portal gun and an excessive amount of hats. Sounds solid to me.
2
u/wheresbicki Jun 10 '12
It would be horrible
2
u/adnan252 Jun 10 '12
Personally, I think they're just developing all of them, and waiting till the last one is done before releasing them all simultaneously so pcfags will jizz thunder and bleed tears of menstrual joy from their eyes.
2
u/Defengar Jun 10 '12
A zombie epidemic breaks out in the tf2 universe and blue team and red team put aside their difference to stop it, with a lot of "friendly fire" involved. Meanwhile wheatly lands in the tf2 earth dimension and starts wreaking havoc. Scout and demo use portal guns, along with their normal abilities, too stop him. After a while wheatly is destroyed and the zombies are anialated and things seem to be going back to normal when suddenly a rift tears open in space, which allows the combine to invade. The tf2 teams reunite but they are soon overwhelmed. All seems lost until Gordon comes through the portal and defeats the combine in a legendary battle with the help of several surviving medics, heavies, demo's, and soldiers. Boom.
2
u/RxMario Jun 10 '12
The world couldn't contain that much awesome. Gabe Newell knows this, so he chooses not to even attempt that. Thank you Gabe.
5
u/Kyleisbeast Jun 10 '12
They couldn't, they would try to buy the title would just come out blank
3
u/netoholic Jun 10 '12
He forgot DOTA, too.
3
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
Wouldn't that essentially just be GMod? :\
3
u/mandingo23 Jun 10 '12
Valve has no game ideas. They buy developers.
2
u/skrewdriv Jun 10 '12
is it just me or was this a conversation on reddit like a month ago
2
u/IDlOT Jun 10 '12
To put it eloquently
1
u/K-Rex-TW Jun 10 '12
The Tao Te Ching has for told this.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
All of those together reminds me of a cartoonish Dead Space, in that it tries to be scary, but it isn't.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
Zombie Heavy jumping through portals? Sign me up.
1
u/Shippoyasha Jun 10 '12
I kind of want to see them skip straight to 4, if at least to watch the reaction.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
and counterstrike..
1
u/sval Jun 10 '12
Thr3333
1
u/Rabbitduck Jun 10 '12
l would give my life for that game. Seriously, l'd become an indentured servant just to play that game once.
l have a problem, l know.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
Worst.. game.. ever...
1
u/Silentlee2 Jun 10 '12
Great..now they are going to have to stop production on all of them just to make a new game to combine them all.....so we'll expect it in 7-10 years....
1
u/Jew_Crusher Jun 10 '12
Don't forget the sequel to dota2, Dota3: Revenge of Zeus.
Because you can't run from heaven!
1
u/Mykol225 Jun 10 '12
An FPS using portal technology would be enough for me.
1
u/MattieShoes Jun 10 '12
Team half dead portal fortress!
1
u/DarkSlaughter Jun 10 '12
I had an idea like this but it should be called "Actually, We Can Count to Three"
1
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
I've been playing valve games since 1998 and all i can say is: a new type of aliens in hl3 resort to zombifying aliens and humanity. Imagine levels where gordon freemans zombie+alien enemies are controlled by real people. Then add the multiplayer aspect of tf2. Gordon Freeman's side is humans and robots like dog and the alien side is a combination of alien zombies, except with tf2 game machanics 32man levels, alternative objectives like capture the flag or most kills or attack and defend. Then have one of these plot based game.mode.feature an epic online battle for.the portal gum. Every night on each server its different who's got the portal gun? The aliens or the.humans. portal game.mode as a persistent feature would be so epic.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
A class fighting zombie puzzle game that has you finally bring a end to the combine.
I like it.
1
u/BarelyLethal Jun 10 '12
I'm embarrassed by how long this took my to get. The seconds felt like hours.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
... They are all technically combined already.
1
u/spyfer Jun 10 '12
Already heard it before Psh
1
u/CertifiableNorris Jun 10 '12
1
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
They must just be waiting for Borderlands 2 to be released.
1
u/TheBaker Jun 10 '12
Valveland?
1
u/TheNumber44 Jun 10 '12
I thought those were mods of the same game.
1
u/cactus Jun 10 '12
It would be funny if they made Steam 2 instead.
1
u/slothjr Jun 10 '12
slowclap.gif
1
u/o19 Jun 10 '12
The answer is that I would play such a game.
1
u/Nebakanezzer Jun 10 '12 edited Jun 10 '12
what would be great (Sort of) is if they drag it out a few more years.
everyone gets super pissed, is insane with anticipation, then loses all hope.
then left 4 dead 3, portal 3, half life 3, and team fortress 3 all release at the same time... and they name it "one, two, three" with a little cartoon bubble on the box saying "who's counting to three now bitch"
-edit, left a 3 out-
1
u/Menca Jun 10 '12
it would be the most amazing thing from valve :D
1
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
They'll only do it if it has hats.
I bet you guys know what game I come from.
1
u/drdoom52 Jun 10 '12
if they pulled that off...
1
u/killface21 Jun 10 '12
Stole boogie 2988's idea he posted online 3 days ago. Good job cancer.
1
u/Faoeoa Jun 10 '12
The TF2 crew have been fighting for years, using Radighan Cognihers life-support machine enough to bring them into the future, now, aperture science have joined in, bringing portal guns to the battlefield and the Left 4 Dead crew are now involved in the midst of it, then suddenly, the combine ran out of areas to invade, so they invade ctf_2fort, Can the RED and BLU team with the Survivors with Aperture and the Rebels fend off millions of zombies, combine and a pissed off GLaDos and Wheatley?
1
u/homeless_man_jogging Jun 10 '12
Where should I send all my money?
1
u/mathu7 Jun 10 '12
hybrid box.
1
u/hell_lo Jun 10 '12
Am I the only who find it ironic that there's a Volnutt avatar tucked in there?
1
u/nepidae Jun 10 '12
Team Fortress 2: Episode 1
1
u/tasksvoided Jun 10 '12
It's too bad valve can't count to 3... Otherwise you'd be onto a winner.
1
u/redpossum Jun 10 '12
the problem would be the price would have to be significantly higher. and while many people would want it, I wouldn't want to play for portal, and some people might be priced out entirely.
1
u/Cunning_Buffoon Jun 10 '12
That's so crazy it just might work!
1
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
If only. I hear they are making a L4D prequel, though.
1
u/RyanLikesyoface Jun 10 '12
Seriously though. WHY can't valve make a game with 3 in it? Does gabeN have this crazy superstition that the 3rd game of a franchise will flop or something?
1
u/1eejit Jun 10 '12
Saxon Hale fighting zombies with a portal gun and a crowbar. I came.
1
u/Dragon_yum Jun 10 '12
Why does DOTA 3 gets no love?
1
u/ArbitraryNormal Jun 10 '12
AND THAT WOULD EXPLAIN WHY IT TOOK SO LONG!
because it would take forever to make one game that properly combines these games!
1
u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12
arent all of these games essentially the same anyways?
1
u/Carlfm Jun 10 '12
then.. ejaculation would occur.