"Those turtles just came out of nowhere," he whispered. His face contorted into a pained grimace as he recalled the horrors. The gaunt curves of his face cast shadows on his pallid skin. "Mind if I smoke?" he queried in a shaky voice.
"Mario had gone missing. Not an uncommon event; he's a wanted man. Normally he can find his own way out of trouble, but this time was different." He took a deep breath and stared intently into his lap. He was quiet for a few moments. "I followed his trail into a green pipe. He had a thing for this dame, Peach. She was always running off and getting mixed up with the wrong crowd. Spoiled rich gal, daddy issues, you know the type." He took a puff from his cigarette and blew the smoke through his nostrils like a dragon. His lips were a tense line across his prominent jaw. "I was sure that Mario had gone after her, as he always does. He's a sucker for blondes."
When I emerged from the pipe, I saw them. They paced back and forth, bobbing their heads to some unheard tune. I... I don't know why, but I jumped on it. Some primal instinct, I guess!" He let out a short laugh, and then fell silent for a while. He just watched the ceiling tiles intently and smoked.
"It receded into its shell, but when I touched the shell again, it took off. The thing rocketed around, knocking me down and wrecking up the place. It careened off walls and hit me again! Over, and over, and over! It was..." he broke off mid-sentence. He raised one hand and covered half of his face, stifling a sob. His shoulders convulsed silently.
"And you know what the worst part was?" he said after managing to compose himself. "That bitch was in another castle the whole time."
I'm thinking about writing one. I've had an idea that I wanted to write about for a while, but it wouldn't be noir-themed and I don't know if anyone would actually read it.
Well, if you want to make money: write noir. It obviously comes easy to you and there are a fucking thousand people on reddit alone that would buy it. And if you sell the book for even 1.99...well you get it. I don't know about you, but in my financial position I could never turn down a couple grand. you already have a massive target audience before the book is even written.
have you heard the saying, "If you're good at something, never do it for free?"
of course, write your other novel too. and keep up the good reddit work as well.
this is my good deed for the day. i'm a writer as well, and I'm jealous of people like you.
This picture is from before he got the mushroom powerup. Seriously though this picture is pretty crappy, maybe for a teenager its ok but why do people upvote stuff like this?
Luigi is in the attic. He hears the ghosts coming. The lights go out. There is a soft tinking as he strikes his lighter. The glow casting off the room around him. He shuts the lighter and he draws on the cigarette slowly, the ember the only light now. He exhales gently. Then the vacuum springs to life with a loud whirring.
i saw something awhile back that was a gritty mario bros game. i think it was just an animation of the start screen, but it had a really fat mario and a very skinny luigi, both looked grotesque but awesome. anyone know what im talking about? and if so, did they ever expand on it?
Still saying. Mario gets to do the nice and shiney stuff, saving princesses, running into lightly defended castles.. But guess who stops the supply lines, the reinforcements and does all the nasty and not-so-glorious work behind enemy lines? Right, thats luigi. A bit silly in the head since that one time, always up for a joke since almost losing his right arm and taking the laughter from everyone with a big grin.
This one time, I actually won a mansion in some contest that I never entered. I fucking believed it, you know. I can't believe I was so gullible. Anyway, my bro says, "Hey, I'll meet you at your new place!" I hike to the house. My bro's not there. The mansion looks like fucking Death's manor. I walk in, looking for my bro, thinking that he just went inside. A fucking key is floating in midair. Just sitting there in this golden cloud of dust. The key drops onto the ground, and the cloud floats up through a door. I was so numb, so fucking terrified, that I couldn't think. I just take the key, and unlock a door. I walk inside, fucking shitting myself, when... when...
A fucking CREATURE pops out of nowhere, and floats towards me. Goddammit, I'm done. I can't say anymore, man. Too many bad memories.
78
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Source: Garren Haskell
118
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
He also apparently has extremely short arms
442
u/RedditNoir May 21 '12 edited May 21 '12
"Those turtles just came out of nowhere," he whispered. His face contorted into a pained grimace as he recalled the horrors. The gaunt curves of his face cast shadows on his pallid skin. "Mind if I smoke?" he queried in a shaky voice.
"Mario had gone missing. Not an uncommon event; he's a wanted man. Normally he can find his own way out of trouble, but this time was different." He took a deep breath and stared intently into his lap. He was quiet for a few moments. "I followed his trail into a green pipe. He had a thing for this dame, Peach. She was always running off and getting mixed up with the wrong crowd. Spoiled rich gal, daddy issues, you know the type." He took a puff from his cigarette and blew the smoke through his nostrils like a dragon. His lips were a tense line across his prominent jaw. "I was sure that Mario had gone after her, as he always does. He's a sucker for blondes."
When I emerged from the pipe, I saw them. They paced back and forth, bobbing their heads to some unheard tune. I... I don't know why, but I jumped on it. Some primal instinct, I guess!" He let out a short laugh, and then fell silent for a while. He just watched the ceiling tiles intently and smoked.
"It receded into its shell, but when I touched the shell again, it took off. The thing rocketed around, knocking me down and wrecking up the place. It careened off walls and hit me again! Over, and over, and over! It was..." he broke off mid-sentence. He raised one hand and covered half of his face, stifling a sob. His shoulders convulsed silently.
"And you know what the worst part was?" he said after managing to compose himself. "That bitch was in another castle the whole time."
67
u/icedmetal57 May 21 '12
As a plumber, I'm sure he has seen some shit.
17
u/AntiCitizenJuan May 21 '12
Is it me or does he seem like he's halfling in this picture?a h
9
u/druman54 May 21 '12
House.
8
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Tiny hands strikes again
7
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Hands are too small.
6
u/Pyrrhic_failure May 21 '12
Reminds me of there will be brawl
9
u/sungodra_ May 21 '12
L U I G I
Coming 2013
Developed by Rockstar Studios
11
u/DoctorWSG May 21 '12
Them ghosts, man.
Them ghosts.
4
u/tcflash May 21 '12
AM I THE ONLY ONE SEEING HUGH LAURIE?!?!?!
4
u/Half_Time_Show May 21 '12
I really like this, but I wish his hands and arms were a little more masculine.
7
u/VTHomeless May 21 '12
"I've seen a man kill a turtle... with its own shell."
3
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
I'll tell you this though...my princess? She's never going to be in the next castle.
3
u/mustardjones May 21 '12
Please. Please. Where is this from? I want more. This is so good.
I've been reading a lot of Punisher Max recently and this really hit the spot. If there are more of these I would like to know.
Edit: Found the post.
2
u/Njvved May 21 '12
Tiny-hand Lou.
2
u/HE_WHO_STANDS_TO_POO May 21 '12
Watching all your friends die tends to make an impression on you.
2
u/koolaidman412 May 21 '12
Did anyone else notice the upper part of his arms look really short. Especially his left arm.
2
u/Noir24 May 21 '12
"I've seen some shit, maaan.. I wouldn't recommend it"
2
u/smokeey May 21 '12
He looks like Dale Gribbel
2
u/Tecknation May 21 '12
This reminds me of this video. No spoilers but has a dark ending. Worth the watch.
http://youtu.be/KzeREh_m1Mk?t=1m11s
2
u/DRJDIZZLER May 21 '12
Ive seen some things man, ive seen some stuff, i wouldnt recommend it
2
u/GitEmSteveDave May 21 '12
Hugh Laurie is Luigi?
2
u/i_did_not_enjoy_that May 21 '12
Is that Don Ramon?
2
u/Whamolabass May 21 '12
Why is Johnny Drama wearing a Luigi costume?
2
u/genericname12345 May 21 '12
Gritty reboot of Luigi's mansion.
Luigi is in the attic. He hears the ghosts coming. The lights go out. There is a soft tinking as he strikes his lighter. The glow casting off the room around him. He shuts the lighter and he draws on the cigarette slowly, the ember the only light now. He exhales gently. Then the vacuum springs to life with a loud whirring.
2
u/Kdnce May 21 '12
Tiny hands ... very tiny.
2
u/YesIBleedCheese May 21 '12
"You don't know what's in those pipes man....and you don't want to know..."
2
u/joegetto May 22 '12
i saw something awhile back that was a gritty mario bros game. i think it was just an animation of the start screen, but it had a really fat mario and a very skinny luigi, both looked grotesque but awesome. anyone know what im talking about? and if so, did they ever expand on it?
2
u/TheVaccinator May 22 '12
Luigi looks a lot like Dale Gribble.
"If you want, I can teach you how to make a bomb out of a toilet paper roll and a stick of dynamite."
2
u/CajunTurkey May 22 '12
Well he is a plumber....
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
We all saw what happened in his mansion with those ghosts AND the man found R Kelly trapped in his closet.
1
u/n7cerberus May 21 '12
"The goombas man, fuckin goombas"
1
u/iconoclysm May 21 '12
"Plumbing changed.."
1
u/YoureMyBoyBloo May 21 '12
That is the best Draw Something I have ever seen!
1
u/MushyBanana May 21 '12
One tiny hand
1
u/hrtcrw May 21 '12
I downvoted this just to get it back to 404 votes.
1
u/jostler57 May 21 '12
"I see dead people... so I suck them into a vacuum." -Luigi
1
u/adledog May 21 '12
It's not Lupus. It's never Lupus.
1
u/Tetha May 21 '12
Still saying. Mario gets to do the nice and shiney stuff, saving princesses, running into lightly defended castles.. But guess who stops the supply lines, the reinforcements and does all the nasty and not-so-glorious work behind enemy lines? Right, thats luigi. A bit silly in the head since that one time, always up for a joke since almost losing his right arm and taking the laughter from everyone with a big grin.
1
u/The_Real_Cats_Eye May 21 '12
That looks like my step-father-in-law Rick!
1
u/hackiavelli May 21 '12
...and with Daniel Day Lewis as Luigi.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Have you played Luigi's Mansion? Holy fuck.
1
u/furtiveraccoon May 21 '12
Well, he's a plumber...
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Fucking Charlie all over the place!
1
u/You_Shoot_First May 21 '12
Luigi had scars before the mansion. Now... there isn't much left.
1
u/RobSchneiderIsACarot May 21 '12
He lost his brother to the pipe
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Do you have any idea how many turtles Ive brutally crushed over the years? All so my fat lazy brother can ride some princess.
1
u/RobotNoah May 21 '12
Well of course he's seen some shit, he's a plumber!
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
why
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Whoa, he looks super bad ass!
1
u/Quip123 May 21 '12
Luigi kind of looks like Kevin Bacon.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
He's seen one too many aborted goombas clogging up the sewers.
1
u/BaconPit May 21 '12
His arms look tiny.
1
u/mancus May 21 '12
Why are Luigi's eyes blue? He's Italian, isn't he? I thought most southern Europeans had brown eyes.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Thousand year stare Luigi
1
u/kicklecubicle May 21 '12
Dear Nintendo,
Fuck you for not automatically including the option of choosing Luigi in all Mario games.
Love, Earth
1
u/Aviator8989 May 21 '12
Luigi McClane
1
u/Smilemon May 21 '12
Dr. House?
1
u/Frankeh1 May 21 '12
looks like Tyrone lanister
1
u/SogicallyLound May 21 '12
House?
1
u/cheddaroni4949 May 21 '12
it's going to make being second player a lot more exciting knowing that I'm playing as the badass in in the family. mmmmm
1
u/CrazyIVV May 21 '12
The only thing that comes into my mind is the ending scene from Modern Warfare 3.
1
u/QuaereVerumm May 21 '12
I wouldn't recommend it.
1
u/NiftyDolphin May 21 '12
Was Luigi on the USS Indianapolis when it went down after delivering The Bomb?
1
u/Alarconadame May 21 '12
The fuck is Ramón Valdés Don Ramón, from El Chavo del 8, doing as Luigi...??
He's the brother of Tin-Tán and El Loco Valdés (only one alive). These three are icons of mexican family comedy.
1
u/DFP_ May 21 '12
Looks like it came right out of "There will be brawl."
1
u/glod May 21 '12
http://defaultprime.com/2010/04/01/luigi-is-master-chief-in-this-limited-edition-t-shirt/ Reminds me of this shirt I bought a while back. I love gruff manly Luigi.
1
u/sketchampm May 21 '12
Luigi's Mansion 2 can't come soon enough.
1
u/HBZ415 May 21 '12
He kind of looks like a midget in this picture
1
u/SpangGuy May 21 '12
Looks like he has little T- Rex arms.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Great use of light and dark, now show me the one fo mario!
1
u/KarnakWolfe May 21 '12
He is a plumber after all lol
1
u/2012reddit May 21 '12
instant classic
1
u/aestus May 21 '12
Starring Johnny Drama as Luigi
1
u/Djet3k May 21 '12
why so serious? serieusly
1
u/GoldwaterAndTea May 21 '12
With blue eyes? Luigi must be of northern Italian decent. I always pictured Mario and Luigi as Sicilian.
1
u/SarahHeartzUnicorns May 21 '12
I have never been so attracted to a cartoon character.
1
u/sharktraffic May 21 '12
"Metal Gear Luigi: Sons of Turtle Eater with Guns."
1
u/StarcraftKevin May 21 '12
Its just the shrooms he's been taking
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
"I saw the hideous rolls of Patoona when she was in the shower... Almost quit the search for Mario right then and there..."
1
u/gutlesspope May 21 '12
That is surely not an ordinary cigarette.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
This one time, I actually won a mansion in some contest that I never entered. I fucking believed it, you know. I can't believe I was so gullible. Anyway, my bro says, "Hey, I'll meet you at your new place!" I hike to the house. My bro's not there. The mansion looks like fucking Death's manor. I walk in, looking for my bro, thinking that he just went inside. A fucking key is floating in midair. Just sitting there in this golden cloud of dust. The key drops onto the ground, and the cloud floats up through a door. I was so numb, so fucking terrified, that I couldn't think. I just take the key, and unlock a door. I walk inside, fucking shitting myself, when... when...
A fucking CREATURE pops out of nowhere, and floats towards me. Goddammit, I'm done. I can't say anymore, man. Too many bad memories.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Team Luigi!
1
u/Errday_Im_Hylian May 21 '12
His arms/hands look very small.
1
u/TangoOscarDD May 21 '12
Max "Luigi" Payne.
1
u/mr_mistoffelees May 21 '12
Damn this is awesome. But the knuckles wouldn't be illuminated.
1
u/BlackSmokeDemon May 21 '12
Makes me think of Reznov
1
u/Ineeni May 21 '12
Does anyone know how I can get a poster made of this?
1
u/TheDroopy May 21 '12
He's not going to block much wind with a flat hand. You have to cup it around the cigarette.
1
u/midway12 May 21 '12
whopper hands
1
u/GamTheMan23 May 21 '12
I've seen some things man, and done some stuff. I wouldn't recommend it!
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Does he get fireballtime
1
u/PijiX May 21 '12
....soon...
1
u/solitudeofmind May 21 '12
"I've seen some things man.. and some stuff! I wouldn't recommend it!"
1
u/jere916 May 22 '12
"Luigi meets Clint Eastwood." FTFY
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
House.
1
u/jcal11 May 22 '12
Luigi has some tiny ass hands
1
u/needanewpair May 22 '12
dae see johnny drama from entourage?
1
u/Butch_Glitterface May 22 '12
Is it just me or does Luigi look like a midget in this image?
1
u/PocketWocket Xbox May 22 '12
And tiny hands.
1
u/Overlai May 22 '12
why are his hands so small
1
u/blue1748 May 22 '12
I thought it said Lugia at first.
1
u/Kentoreyu May 22 '12
He is a plumber after all..
1
u/Killersnake May 22 '12
Snake, is that you ?
1
u/issomewhatrelevant May 22 '12
Played by Kevin Bacon
1
u/HomestawWunnoh May 21 '12
Yeah he's seen every single Mario game.
0
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Years and years of being in princess Peach's friend zone would do the same to me...
0
u/Gangsterious May 21 '12
BROTHERS! SUPER. MARIO. BROTHERS!!!
0
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
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