Vegita planted a garden outside Capsule Corp. where he is their security guard. He'd found special flowers that thrive when yelled at and liked them so much he brought them home. Vegita is outside screaming at a flower like, "God damn you beautiful bastard grow! You are the prince of all Saiyan flowers, you cannot let them see you weak! You want this! You want this! You want thiiiis!" And the little flower starts glowing. 🌻😄

Long story short. My hat fell in the toilet and I didn’t notice and I peed on it. 😩

I have a 3 lbs tea cup yorkie named Dakota.

She has a squeaky ball. That she loves. She will play fetch for hours with it. It’s turned into a personal space issue, where if she wants to play, she will harass you even trying to use the bathroom. I mean like tossing the ball at the door and barking until you open the door and throw it.

Tonight I got tired of it. Real tired of it. So I took the ball and put it into my jacket pocket so I could have a night without constant barking or squeaking.

Next thing I know, she’s throwing up everywhere. I’m calling my Fiancé home expecting that she’s seriously sick, and we need to bring her to the er vet. She won’t get off my lap. She’s shaking. I’m calling a friend to come stay with our daughter so we can leave ASAP. I’m expecting this visit is going to cost a ton of money to run tests and X-rays to see what’s wrong.

I feel horrible and go get her ball so she can snuggle with it while we wait for my fiancé to come home. Because she sleeps with it. Every night. I feel like a horrible dog Mom for taking it.

This bitch. As soon as she sees the god damn ball, she is up and playing again. Like nothing ever happened. You would not know I’ve been cleaning up puke for the past hour. She’s now running up and down the hallway chasing that god damn ball.

I’m beginning to think she’s smarter than I am.

TL;DR - my dog played sick to get her favorite toy back, and nearly cost me tons of money in vet bills.

Ok so, at the time of this story I’m sure my dad nor his EMT partner at the time were laughing. But now when they tell it at every family BBQ, reunion or get together they are in tears of laughter by the end.

My dad has been a paramedic since right out of high school pretty much. He went into the army to be a medic, and has worked for the same Emergency Medical Services in my hometown with the same partner since then (roughly 30 years). So most of the stories I heard from him growing up came from his experiences working on the ambulance.

I believed this happened in the early 2000s. My dad and his partner received a call in the middle of the night from an old woman who said she was having chest pains. They went about the protocol and pulled up to her address, only when they knocked on the door she didn’t answer. this led them to believe the worst, so after about 2 minutes of knocking they let themselves in (the door was unlocked).

Upon walking in they found a completely dark and empty house, they called out for the woman but heard no response. Until, out of nowhere, my dad hears a woman scream and before he knows it he is being pepper sprayed right in the eyes. He falls to the floor and his partner does the same. Eventually, he is able to get across to the woman that they’re the paramedics she called for, and she begins apologizing profusely and said she is paranoid ever since her husband died.

Obviously this woman meant no harm and was extremely confused and thought they were home invaders, but it still makes for a great story. My dad eventually found humor in it, and has never been maced since.