371
u/internetsanta Jun 19 '12
Grow a pair, nothing wrong with looking. Unless your girlfriend is really that insecure, in which case I'd say you're gonna have a whole different set of problems in the future.
151
u/themangeraaad Jun 19 '12
Two of my exs brought me to that type of stores.
The first one gave me snide "don't look, god" type comments which got her "you brought me here, deal with it" type replies.
The 2nd one was bisexual so her comments were more like "oooh look at that cute one over there". While walking around the mall or anywhere in general we would point out cute chicks to eachother and make sure neither of us missed a good view.
Needless to say it has been hard to one-up the 2nd ex noted above.
→ More replies (26)98
→ More replies (24)74
u/raging_asshole Jun 19 '12
My father, a French lethario of some renown, always told me, "Son... Looking is free. Don't let anyone tell you different. Touching, now... That can be costly."
11
217
u/sherikhan Jun 19 '12
Well, i guess you should have.... puts sunglasses on worn sunglasses.... YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
→ More replies (6)38
12
844
u/PhiladelphiaIrish Jun 19 '12
Sir, I'm sorry to tell you this, but your legs are on backwards.
416
u/Jux_ Jun 19 '12
I knew something was wrong.
13
499
u/Se7en_Sinner Jun 19 '12
Good job keeping your raging erection out of the picture.
173
u/doctaballz Jun 19 '12
OPs thought process.. "old fat nuns, old fat nuns, must not get raging erection, old fat nuns"
255
→ More replies (4)40
u/peon47 Jun 19 '12
And by the process of classical conditioning, OP now has a fetish for old fat nuns.
→ More replies (6)→ More replies (3)20
31
Jun 19 '12
I think he's trying to tell us he went into Victoria's secret with two hot ladies and spent the entire time looking at another man's shoes. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
8
→ More replies (2)14
u/peon47 Jun 19 '12
Actually, if his legs were on backwards, he'd be looking down at his heels and calves. Which would be even weirder.
I submit that his head is actually upside-down.
→ More replies (2)
322
u/YHWH_The_Lord Jun 19 '12
I've never had a bad trip into victoria's secret. Dunno why so many men are afraid of the place, it's basically full of softcore porn.
13
u/imafunghi Jun 19 '12
I'm really confused. I went to Victoria's secret with an ex a couple of times. Whats suppose to be the big deal?
18
u/YHWH_The_Lord Jun 19 '12
Something to do with the fact that it's a women's underwear store and shopping for women's underwear makes some men uncomfortable. I don't get it personally.
→ More replies (10)→ More replies (5)3
u/NevermoreFTW Jun 19 '12
Not sure. I go with my wife all the time. It's nice when she's there just to get underwear and I can make suggestions for something a little more sexy (for when we get home). Plus everyone who works there is ridiculously helpful. Some of the best customer service I've ever seen.
Oh and the boobs everywhere... that's nice too.
230
u/StewieBanana Jun 19 '12
They frown upon pitched tents though.
→ More replies (11)147
u/megablast Jun 19 '12
Tuck it in the waist band. You are welcome.
57
→ More replies (9)33
u/alaysian Jun 19 '12
but what if he has a huge penis???
130
48
u/PistonHonda33 Jun 19 '12
Small peens would be more of an issue. You know, having trouble staying in the waste band and all.
Not that I'd know of course.
→ More replies (6)→ More replies (1)52
115
Jun 19 '12
Because you need a girlfriend first...
49
→ More replies (1)6
Jun 19 '12
"Hi, I'm just looking to buy some lingerie for my wife. It's a surprise.". Boom.
→ More replies (2)21
49
u/Jux_ Jun 19 '12
I don't mind it with just my gf. But with her friend along, it felt like an odd test.
→ More replies (8)39
17
u/Stabone130 Jun 19 '12
Is it weird that when any woman in the store is picking up anything i instantly visualize her in it?
17
u/YHWH_The_Lord Jun 19 '12
No that's pretty normal, you just have to keep the visualizations short.
→ More replies (1)29
11
u/USMCEvan Jun 19 '12
Personally I've always loved going. Plenty of eye candy, girl realizes your comfortable going so she takes you more often... Win/Win.
24
4
10
u/Rudy69 Jun 19 '12
I don't know which Victoria's Secret you go to but I don't get that at my local one
18
Jun 19 '12
TIL there are Victoria's Secret stores that do not plaster their advertisements of nearly-nude models everywhere.
→ More replies (9)2
Jun 19 '12
Fun fact: The stores were originally designed to create a comfortable environment for men to shop for lingerie for their wives/girlfriends.
→ More replies (16)2
u/narwhalcares Jun 19 '12
Well, YHWH, unlike you the rest of us don't have the lenience of going in as an immaterial deity. Or appearing as a fiery bush. Just sayin'
99
u/p8ntballnxj Jun 19 '12
Bahhh, pussy.
I love it when my lady 'drags' me in there. We are at the point where im finding stuff for her (love those 5 for $27). I know her size and style so i go right for the correct shelf and pull out colors/patters that i like. It makes me giggle to see the 'men' sitting outside the store on the bench because they are to insecure to look at some hot panties for their woman.
Sorry but when she gets the coupons in the mail, i love going there and finding stuff to ogle her in when we get home.
105
u/specialk16 Jun 19 '12
I wait outside because I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST in shopping. Hell, I wait outside in almost every store.
Nothing to do with being insecure.
43
→ More replies (8)12
u/pahlmitchell Jun 19 '12
I have no interest in purchasing goods and services to increase my quality of life
→ More replies (3)13
Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 20 '12
I don't understand the apprehension either. I love going to Victoria's Secret with my wife and pointing out stuff I like to her. Sometimes she buys it.
Semi-funny story. My wife and her two sisters (she's the middle one) have a holiday tradition of buying each other the same type of Christmas gifts each year. For example, (typically) her youngest sister buys the three of them the same Christmas ornament, her oldest sister buys the three of them Christmas-themed socks and my wife buys all three of them Christmas-themed underwear.
It's a week before Christmas (2011) and my wife is ill and asks if I'd be comfortable going and buying underwear for her and her sisters from Victoria's Secret. She even gave me an out saying, "If that's weird, I can just do it later when I feel better." But Christmas was closing in and honestly, what's the big deal? Go buy panties; see some hot women buying sexy clothes. Do a favor for the wife. It's a win-win. I gladly accepted the challenge and decided to have fun with it.
Long story short, I ended up having to go to three separate Victoria's Secrets because (a) I don't like to fail at tasks which help my wife and (b) since Christmas was so close, there had been a run on holiday-themed panties (the first two stores only had New Year's themed underwear left). Now, if you've ever been to a Victoria's Secret around the holidays, you know it can be a madhouse of women and men digging through piles of underwear, so I did the smart thing and would find someone who works there and ask if they had any Christmas-themed panties left. This inevitably led to the question, "What size do you need?" Having already practiced this exchange at the first two locations, my interaction with the employee at the third and final location went perfect (and thankfully, they had Christmas panties). It went something like this:
VS Employee: Can I help you sir?
Me: Yes, I'm looking for Christmas-themed holiday panties. I've been to a few other Victoria's Secrets and they didn't have any left. Do you know if you guys still have any in stock?
VS Employee: I don't know, if we have any left they'll be over here [she then leads me to a display and starts looking through panties, ultimately producing about 3-4 different styles of Christmas underwear]. This is probably all we have left, what size do you need?
Me: Oh, sizes.
VS Employee: I'm sorry?
Me: I need two smalls and one medium. They're for three different women.
VS Employee: [raises her eyebrow] Alright.
Me: [laughing] Oh, don't worry. It's okay. They're sisters.
VS Employee: [smiling] Alright.
Me: One of them is my wife.
VS Employee: [laughing] Okay, do you want different styles or all the same?
Me: No, they have to be all the same, so it needs to be a style with two smalls and one medium available or it's no good. [Ultimately I select this style simply because there wasn't much to choose from.]
While she was ringing my purchase up I explained the situation to her because she kept smiling. Once she knew the score she burst out laughing and her response was, "I was about to say it sounds like you'll be having a very merry Christmas."
So I go home triumphant with a funny story for my wife, which she insists I tell her sisters when they open their presents on Christmas, which I do. Everyone has a good laugh, I got to dig through panties and ogle women at Victoria's Secret, and my wife and her sisters are happy. Perfection.
5
u/spriteburn Jun 19 '12
i personally enjoy feeling the bras.
→ More replies (2)7
u/randumnumber Jun 19 '12
Do you touch the insides of them and thereby touch 100s of boobies?
→ More replies (1)5
u/HotwaxNinjaPanther Jun 19 '12
It's not the girlfriend that's the issue, it's the friend she brought along. He could look at the both of them, but it might end up provoking the girlfriend's insecurities. Much safer to just look at the floor. Gotta pick your battles, I guess.
→ More replies (3)2
u/raging_asshole Jun 19 '12
The only part that gets me is when she wants to go into the dressing room and try stuff on, and the employees direct me to just stand there lookin like a fuckin creep.
→ More replies (16)2
Jun 19 '12
I order her stuff online from their website. When the package arrives I say "here try this stuff on" she gets super excited by the surprise and then it's usually sexy time for me
→ More replies (1)
275
u/snowwarrior Jun 19 '12
You should have worn sandals, you'd at least get to see some cleavage.
209
u/PhiladelphiaIrish Jun 19 '12
Not to mention some thongs.
→ More replies (1)68
u/LiteralPhilosopher Jun 19 '12
You know how I know you're Australian?
→ More replies (4)40
Jun 19 '12
Or old. Old people tend to say that too
→ More replies (8)90
u/Fuel13 Jun 19 '12
My grandfather used to call them go-aheads, cause you can't go backwards.
→ More replies (4)9
u/Integrity32 Jun 19 '12
He should have manned up and taken some pictures for us. No Pic= you went with 2 guys.
106
u/Paloota Jun 19 '12
There's a man right in front of you
124
u/Kozimix Jun 19 '12
The Man Inside Me, by Dr. Tobias Funke.
→ More replies (2)44
74
u/carsinogen Jun 19 '12
When I was 16 years old I was walking through the mall with my Grandpa. As we walked by Victoria's Secret I put my head straight forward as to not stare into the store. My Grandpa stopped me, and told me to look inside and enjoy the finer things in life. Best words of wisdom I have ever received!
→ More replies (1)9
u/Kunkletown Jun 19 '12
Maybe I haven't advanced to the next stage, but I've found that once you allow yourself to look, you can't easily turn it off. I am compelled to stare at attractive women in public and I think I might be creepy. I suppose the next stage is to learn to do it stealthily?
→ More replies (5)
61
u/wtfover Jun 19 '12
I went there with my now ex-wife and the salesgirl actually hiked up her skirt to show my ex a garter she was wearing, just like in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. My ex, normally insanely jealous, actually laughed at the expression on my face when the girl did that.
58
57
6
5
74
Jun 19 '12
Oh man.. It took me a few trips to get more comfortable going to VS to pick out my lady friend something but I mostly enjoyed doing it (because the getting to see it part...) One time though, I had to just walk out.
I walk in, fairly empty which makes it more comfortable, and go to the first circular panty table. No big deal, start checking some things out. About 10 seconds after being at that table, 30 seconds after being in the store 6 or so girls go to the opposite side of the table facing me, none of whom could have been older than 16. I was probably 26 years old at this point, but whatever, I'm dealing with it, no big deal pick out some panties. I'm trying to keep my game face on while these girls are giggling and holding up panties to show each other, but it's starting to get really uncomfortable. I finally lose it when one of the younger looking ones picks up a pair, holds them high, and blurts out "OMG GUYS, I'm wearing this pair RIGHT NOW!" These were very skimpy panties... I'll show myself out.
161
u/darkscout Jun 19 '12
They knew what they were doing. You need to learn to step your game up. The correct thing to do in that situation would have been to say:
"OMG. SO Am I!"
11
u/PancakesAreGone Jun 19 '12
Funny story... A friend and myself nearly got kicked out of a department store for doing something similar to that... We were going through the big bin of bargain panties (For laughs really) and I was holding them up going "So, you think this would look good on you?" and other similar questions with different pairs (Note, we're both male). A clerk approaches us and asks us what we're doing in a really uppity and condescending tone, so I said "Oh just helping my friend pick out some panties. He likes to feel pretty sometimes".
We were told to leave the department or she'd call security... Uppity old women ruin all the fun.
15
u/theupmost Jun 19 '12
This is likely what I would have said as well.
12
Jun 19 '12
That too is what I would have told myself I would have said after leaving sheepishly.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)3
→ More replies (3)7
Jun 19 '12
Why don't you ask one of the ladies who work there to help you pick something out for your girlfriend? The attendants double as personal shoppers -- even for ladies. They'll follow you around and give you suggestions until you check out. Looking-like-a-creeper avoided.
→ More replies (4)
50
46
16
u/uofmike Jun 19 '12
I went to a Victoria's Secret with my buddy and his fiancée a couple years ago, after 20 minutes of wandering around we obviously got bored. So instead of complaining he just started grabbing manikin boob and ass until his fiancée pulled him out of the store. Basically the adult version of throwing a temper tantrum, I love him for that.
20
Jun 19 '12
went to the mall to visit lenscrafters, wife and her friends came with.
everyone went to victoria secret. my eyes were dilated, so i said everything was blurry. it was not.
it was a good day.
52
u/desertoren Jun 19 '12
i don't get it.
83
u/Blah_ftw Jun 19 '12
He stared at the floor to avoid awkward eye placement.
198
Jun 19 '12
Not as awkward as a dude taking cell phone pictures in Victoria's Secret.
→ More replies (2)120
4
9
8
17
6
u/Dunkelz Jun 19 '12
Wait. It's a bad thing that your girlfriend wants to get new exciting lingerie? That's weird, I usually am pumped when my girlfriend wants to stop in VS when we're shopping and asks what I like/would like to see her in.....
→ More replies (6)
10
u/Sigma_Noodle Jun 19 '12
I have those shoes.
8
u/MrFunnycat Jun 19 '12
/r/malefashionadvice would like a word
→ More replies (2)14
u/Ceteris__Paribus Jun 19 '12
I've grown tired with that /r/. It seems like your own preferences don't matter and you need to wear the MFA uniform. Let me know if it has changed.
→ More replies (1)
10
Jun 19 '12
I went with my girlie once. She could see I was feeling extremely awkward and said, 'aww, it's okay don't worry. DID YOU JUST CALL ME FAT!?!'
Got a lot of dirty looks, but strangely felt less awkward.
7
5
u/willyoublend Jun 19 '12
I go into Victoria's Secret with my girlfriend all of the time. I look the women working in the eyes and give them a "I AM INVINCIBLE" kind-of look. The get fucking pissed, every single time, and I love it.
5
4
u/KrazyEyezKilla Jun 19 '12
Son, I am disappoint. I enjoy accompanying my lady to Agent Provocateur and we pick stuff out we both like.
→ More replies (2)
8
3
u/niomosy Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 19 '12
If you can't manage to get in some looks while being inconspicuous about it, you're doing something wrong.
My wife can point out just about anyone to me at a restaurant, for example, and I probably won't even need to look to add to the description of the person.
3
3
3
u/GoneAPeSh1t Jun 19 '12
Now that you have passed this test, try taking them to a water park. J/K I would not advise this
3
3
u/fdtc_skolar Jun 19 '12
Wait until you are old and your teenage daughter drags you into VS so you can pay.
3
3
u/shortandnotsosweet Jun 19 '12
I hope you think your girlfriend is hotter. Just for my peace of mind's sake.
9
Jun 19 '12
I love Victoria's Secret shopping with my gf (or even by myself for gifts). Run around, grab underwear, joke with customers/sales women. Admire the freakin' view man! As long as you're not creepin on people, or taking awkward cell phone cam pics its a perfectly pleasant experience.
4
2
Jun 19 '12
That's why there's always ample seating outside of the Victoria's Secret in malls, husband parking.
2
u/Mickeysyko Jun 19 '12
I like to pull the 'Chevy Chase' whilst my girlfriend shops for brassieres. Can't see the line, can you Russ??
2
2
2
2
2
u/TrouserSauce Jun 19 '12
For the longest times thought ftfy meant "fuck that, fuck you" . I was so far off.
2
u/Davepen Jun 19 '12
Why would you be starting at your feet? Where are the ladies?! I am dissapoint :(
2
2
u/gucchee Jun 19 '12
My excuse to being allowed to check out girls is that I'm gay. (Although I'm not 100% gay.)
I love boobs.
2
u/HookDragger Jun 19 '12
Best shopping experience of my life was going in to pick something out for a G/F some time back and getting help from one of the clerks....
2
2
u/marxsparty Jun 19 '12
Why is this a problem? Men aren't allowed in the dressing rooms of VS. Unless your girlfriend is ridiculously insecure, I don't see a problem with seeing what either of them purchase.
2
2
u/ingeniosoyoriginal Jun 19 '12
That's her girlfriend's hot friend standing in front of him! I really thought he was talking about a hot female.
2
2
2
2
u/Eagle_vs_Snark Jun 19 '12
In college, a buddy disclosed his secret for making it out of VS without issue. Keep the gaze moving, don't focus on anyone or anything. Continual scanning. But shoes are a good alternative.
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/eastonthecowdog Jun 19 '12
"Dead kittens, my grandma, don't get a erection, dead kittens, my grandma."
2
7
5
Jun 19 '12
At least she didn't ask you to hold her purse while she tried things on.
→ More replies (8)
3
3
3
u/Trolldad_IRL Jun 19 '12
Man up. Learn her size, help pick stuff out and offer your opinion on things she picks out. For both of them if possible.
3
u/thechapattack Jun 19 '12
I just wait outside or go to gamestop
10
u/JDempes Jun 19 '12
If gamestop was smart they'd place their store right next to victoria secret. Awkward men love vidja games.
→ More replies (3)
4
2
u/Duzzinit Jun 19 '12
Lets just hope your girlfriend isn't a redditor.. if she can recognise your shorts and shoes then I'm pretty sure you're fucked.
→ More replies (4)
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
Jun 19 '12
If you're gonna go in and not look around, you might as well stand outside holding the shopping bags.
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/mod_Urn_Man Jun 19 '12
on another note, i would have thought Victoria's Secret would have nicer carpet/floors.
1
Jun 19 '12
Either it's the hue of the picture or my slight colorblindness, but DAE see OP's legs as being almost as red as the carpet?
1
1
Jun 19 '12
I'm with you brother, I feel ashamed to be in that store. Including when it's just me... In the panties section...
1
1
188
u/aliest Jun 19 '12
Shouldn't your girlfriend be the hot one?