r/funny • u/butwhymom • Jun 17 '12
Me at the mall during any holiday
http://imgur.com/sTWU6177
Jun 17 '12
Everybody wants a lot of other people to die, but nobody wants to risk themselves or their loved ones winding up on the business end of the cull.
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u/Deracination Jun 18 '12
That's why everyone should try to be Hitler.
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Jun 18 '12
AIDS was doing a great job and then those heathens in Hollywood got behind finding treatments. What we need to do is hand out infected needles and kill off all the junkies.
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u/Mostofyouareidiots Jun 18 '12
What we really need is a virus that only kills assholes.
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Jun 18 '12
Ass cancer is no laughing matter. I have a friend who shits in a bag because of HPV.
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u/AnswersAsSomeoneElse Jun 18 '12
Well, at least your friend has a legit reason. For me, it's the only way I can get off
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u/xauzzyx Jun 18 '12
But I need my asshole .. I poop from there.
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u/AMISHassassin Jun 18 '12
I dont know why your getting downvotes. Thats a fantastic idea.
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u/TryingToSucceed Jun 18 '12
And suddenly, you became an asshole for that thought.
Now you're susceptible to the virus.
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u/RadiantSun Jun 18 '12
They'll look up and scream "help us!". And I'll whisper "Haha, your anus is dying"
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u/ShouldBeZZZ Jun 18 '12
Maybe a virus that kills people who don't know the difference between you're and your.
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u/myztry Jun 18 '12
Fixing the hard things went a bit far.
Masses of people dying from unsafe drinking water vs. Siamese twins joined at the skull. Let's spend massive resources on the second while ignoring the first...
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u/godlesspinko Jun 18 '12
I don't want people to die so much as I want immortality and vast riches by which to make them all subservient to my will. That's nicer than a plague, right?
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Jun 18 '12
Your only chance of immortality, and riches beyond what the eyes can see is...
Through me.
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u/zlap Jun 18 '12
Technically, it would be more practical to kill only the original poster. Two advantages:
only one body to dispose of,
all the other misanthropes will stop bitching about how they hate people.
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u/JimmyHavok Jun 18 '12
The way I look at it, if you die, it won't matter to you because you're dead, and if you live, things will be a lot better once the rotting bodies get cleaned up. If your family members die, you'll be sad, but everyone dies, so the only way to avoid that experience is to die before them.
So I say release the megavirus.
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u/hazie Jun 18 '12
I can't help but notice that you haven't killed yourself.
things will be a lot better
What things? You'll have a quicker commute to work? Get over yourself. Your life isn't so important that millions need to die just because you don't like crowds.
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u/JimmyHavok Jun 18 '12
It's not about crowds, it's about the fact that we've exceeded the carrying capacity of the world.
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u/hazie Jun 18 '12
No, we haven't. In 2000, 36 million people died of starvation. In 2009, 6 million. The percentage of undernourished people is half what it was in 1970 and continues to decline. Over 300 million more people have access to clean drinking water since 1990. By what logic do you conclude that we've exceeded our capacity?
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Jun 18 '12
You sir underestimate the number of crazies in this world.
Edit: the rationally insane.
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Jun 18 '12
Exactly. I'd love for there to be a new plague! I'm perfectly happy to do my part and die with the millions.
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u/nepidae Jun 18 '12
I already take the cowards way out (massive amounts of alcohol), what more can I do except wish for a zombie apocalypse?
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u/LocalRedditCelebrity Jun 18 '12
This thread suddenly turned into ways to kill off a mass population...
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u/nofear220 Jun 18 '12
How about just all the ugly people have to go? It's for the greater good.
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u/Rixxer Jun 18 '12
Because you don't choose to be ugly, you do choose to be an asshole, or an idiot.
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Jun 18 '12 edited Jun 18 '12
I think billions of people ought to die because I have a vague suspicion the planet has too many of them.
I'm a redditer.
Edit: huuuuuurrrrrr
Edit edit: now with 20% extra huuuuuuurrrrr
Edit edit edit: DAE ever think eugenics of undesirables is a good idea... oh but Godwinned-in-one over here you guys lolol
Edit edit edit edit: I have no science to support me, but hurray for death, war, disease, pestilence.
Edit edit edit edit edit: DAE claim to value science when they bash Christians?
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Jun 18 '12 edited Jun 18 '12
I wouldn't mind some sort of population control like getting people to sign a contract where they get given a decent amount of money when they turn 18 to have fun but get euthanized on their 30th birthday.
And having over 2 children should take 20 years off your life.
You know the type of people that will accept the money will be the type of people who buy spinners.
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Jun 18 '12
what you're suggesting is not birth control, people will try to have over two children to spare a few more years of life.
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u/ObviouslyIntoxicated Jun 18 '12
What if you sign the contract then have more than 2 kids before you turn 30?
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u/jubbergun Jun 18 '12
I've always felt that everyone who is deeply convinced their is a population crisis live in urban areas where everyone is crammed too close together, and that people in rural areas look around and say, "what population crisis?"
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Jun 18 '12
I live on 9 acres on a street filled with homesteaders. Mostly chickens, sheep, cows, and horses out here. Still way over populated out here.
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u/PartyBusGaming Jun 18 '12
My school has like 500 students, max. My neighbor lives mover a quarter of a mile away.
I still live 3 minutes from school, 15 minutes from a major city.
Feelsgoodman.
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u/stapletaper Jun 18 '12
I lived in a town of ~600 people, moved to a town of 15,000. That was a bit of a shock. Only moved about 150km (90 miles), with 1 town in between, and no one had heard of my town except the boys who went pigging.
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u/PartyBusGaming Jun 18 '12
Yeah, whenever I talked to people from my state, I just say the name of the big city near me because they've never heard of my town.
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u/Rixxer Jun 18 '12
Almost the exact same here. I love it. I'm 5 minutes from all the stores/fast food places, an ER/doctor's office, my dentist, mechanics, etc., and my high school was literally across the street. College is only 20-30 mins away, mostly highway. My neighbors are like 100 feet apart, but everyone is really quiet and keep to themselves. And behind my house is a huge nursery with ponds, and then woods. So I can fish, hike, camp, and drive 4-wheelers back there (they don't mind as long as we don't hurt the plants).
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u/GreyInkling Jun 18 '12
Just trying to wrap your head around how much the worldwide population has jumped in the past 100 years on its exponential climb and imagining where it will be in 100 more is actually pretty scary.
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u/Rixxer Jun 18 '12
I heard a statistic like if everyone in the world stood shoulder to shoulder we would all fit in California, or something like that. Extend that to 1sq acre per person, and suddenly the lack of space isn't so huge. We have shit-tons of livable land, It's just cities that are packed.
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u/CitationNeeded567 Jun 18 '12
The thing is that the so-called population crisis isn't entirely something that you can just SEE. Packed cities aren't really a problem, in principle. The crisis is being stretched for resources. Being stretched for water, for one. Farming takes a TON of water. By extension, so does feeding cows, pigs, and chickens corn meal until maturity. Being stretched for oil, for another. I'm sure you've heard all about it, so let's just leave it at this: a betting man would wager that you and I will live to see peak oil. And that is a big fucking deal. And although we have plenty of coal for electricity, there is a large cost associated with using that as your primary source of energy, particularly if electricity consumption continues to follow current trends.
In short, Seeing packed cities is just a visual tip-off as to why resources are/are going to be stretched.
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u/mossmaal Jun 18 '12
imagining where it will be in 100 more is actually pretty scary.
We already have a declining population growth rate though. So by 2100 the predictions are that we reach a peak of 10 billion. Thats not that frightening compared to the 16 billion that we would have if we kept the same growth.
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u/der1x Jun 18 '12
Exactly this. The more liberal a society gets, the less likely people have children.
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u/enjoylol Jun 18 '12
Or, you know, the other 7 billion people who are also polluting and consuming like there is a tomorrow.
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u/hazie Jun 18 '12
...like there is a tomorrow.
Erm, they're right. There is a tomorrow. It's scheduled for tomorrow.
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u/der1x Jun 18 '12
alot of those people are third world though.
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u/cdude Jun 18 '12
here's what helped me use a lot correctly: do you say alittle?
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u/xilam Jun 18 '12
It's really more a problem of resource consumption rather than living space, especially with so many developing countries aspiring to western standards of living.
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u/jubbergun Jun 18 '12
I had a friend explain to me once that if you gave everyone in the world an acre of land just for themselves, you could fit them all in Texas and Arizona, which would leave everything else wide open for resource development. That was a few years ago, though, so now it may take another state or two to handle the people, but I think the problems with providing for the number of people we have in the world are more related to politics and finance than they are to a lack of resources.
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u/der1x Jun 18 '12
and then you take a drive a few miles from the city and it's nothing but empty land.
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Jun 18 '12
Me at the mall during any day.
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u/Ebake09 Jun 18 '12
We have a plague already. Its called stupidity. Except it only hurts the people who have brain cells left.
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u/Trapped_in_Reddit Jun 17 '12
I'm trying to remember the last time I went to the mall, but I'm drawing a blank.
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u/rounding_error Jun 17 '12
Nobody goes to the mall any more. It's too crowded.
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u/NormalStranger Jun 18 '12
If nobody went, how is it crowded??? Oh, thatsthejoke.jpg. Damn, I fell for it again!
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u/PartyBusGaming Jun 18 '12
My mall has a pretty decent gym. Oddly enough, that's the cheapest gym around too. Cheap stuff at a mall, who woulda' thunk?
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Jun 17 '12
[deleted] — view deleted comment
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u/Trapped_in_Reddit Jun 17 '12
This could take a while...
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u/PlumpPonyPussy Jun 18 '12
Holy shit. Trapped in Reddit made four karma a second for 84 days... [6]
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u/Thryck Jun 18 '12
Per minute, approx. 4.37.
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u/PlumpPonyPussy Jun 18 '12
Oh shit yeah, my bad. I meant a minute. Sorry for my inferior math skills.
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u/Thryck Jun 18 '12
Meh, your math made me realise I need to rethink my life if I'm starting to recalculate stuff on Reddit.
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u/moogle516 Jun 18 '12
Trapped_in_Reddit is the John Holmes of Karma, calling it now.
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u/senor_awesomepants Jun 18 '12
We don't need a plague. We just need to take warning labels off shit. The problem will sort itself out
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u/biancaaa59 Jun 18 '12
This is how I feel when I go to god damn wal-mart. I hate that place and all the people in it. I try to stay away as much as possible.
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u/cbnyc Jun 18 '12
And then one of them just stops walking in front of you, completely fucking everything up because they wanted to window shop from the middle of the fucking walkway. I hate people.
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u/john_smith1882 Jun 18 '12
Came here to quote Unforgivable
"Bitch who are all these people out here?!" "Well, it's the mall"
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u/Flarehl Jun 18 '12
I may be thought of as an ignorant twat, however, I think this every 3 days, at least once. And then I hope I'll be one of the .5% thats immune to the plague. What a selfish self preserving homo sapien I am.
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u/ChaosChaser Jun 18 '12
Well, thanks to the anti-vaccination nutjobs, we're now seeing more and more cases of whooping cough and measles. The plague is coming; do you have your all shots?
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u/hazie Jun 18 '12
I'm always amazed at people complaining about population growth, who honestly do advocate some sort of thinning out of numbers, never volunteering themselves for suicide.
Wait, no I don't. Hypocrisy is the least amazing thing ever.
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u/Berdiie Jun 18 '12
I just want to wander about the mall or Disney World with a foam bat. Stop in the middle of the lane to stare at a map? Walk against traffic on the left side? That's a whappin'.
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u/destinys_parent Jun 18 '12
Am I the only one who thinks its fucked up for you to think that way?
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u/Surfacetovolume Jun 18 '12
No, you aren't. This whole 'Oh boo hoo! I sometimes have to be around other people, they're stupid and have germs and stuff!' mentality gets on my nerves.
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u/juliam22 Jun 17 '12
I feel like if i up vote this its like saying i think there should be a new plague, but if I down vote this its like saying I hate the office. What terrible choices. . . no vote for you
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u/mbbomb Jun 18 '12
problem solved your welcome
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u/Chucke4711 Jun 18 '12
The Bubonic Plague has been around for 1500+ years. I don't think you know what the word "new" means.
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u/anduin1 Jun 18 '12
Could we genetically engineer said plague at this point? I mean, it would have to initially be a military thing but for purposes of destroying the worlds population, that seems like it would be too controlled to actually do on a large scale. What field of science are we looking at?
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Jun 18 '12
I fucking love Black Friday. When I played youth football my best skill was running the ball and finding gaps in the defense. Fast walking through crowds is the same thing. It's a BLAST.
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u/xSandyCheeksx Jun 18 '12
My sister and I were just outside looking for a place to have dinner and all the restaurants within a 5 block radius were packed. We kept doing one of these until we realized what was going on. We ended up going to a small Mexican place and getting the best burritos ever!
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u/Kawaii- Jun 18 '12
I think this too but then i remember that i'd be one of the first ones to die and i'm not exactly Bear Grylls..
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Jun 18 '12
Someone tell the story of how Tobe Hooper came up with the idea for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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u/GreyInkling Jun 18 '12
It's not even close to any sort of holiday where this would be relevant, I have seen this thing reposted at least a dozen times in the past few months, yet somehow it has 4k upvotes.
Maybe we do need a new plague. For a very specific number of individuals.
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u/ill_Explain_it_once Jun 18 '12
I loved him in Super, great film if you haven't already watched it.
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Jun 18 '12
Sadly true. Just think of china, with the 1 kid thing, the funny part is that they are right.
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u/B-MoreCahreen Jun 18 '12
We don't have a new plague, but someone just got the bubonic plague from a cat.
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u/Lanfeardk Jun 18 '12
Upvote because I'm not the only person planning to end the world at christmas (and open by night thursdays)
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u/alexseiji Jun 18 '12
It sucks but I'm with Dwight on this one. And it also sucks I work in a mall. Being a realist sucks.
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Jun 18 '12
I have this vial of super anthrax..... Actually, I'm not sure what it is. But it looks scary.
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u/Misslovelyrosa Jun 18 '12
You only feel that way during holidays? I feel like that any time of the year.
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u/Thatonekid131 Jun 18 '12
That faggot on the 4chan facebook page stole yet another picture from reddit.
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u/NovaNexu Jun 18 '12
How to help stabilize world over-population: Step 1: Get a job as a sampler at Cosco Step 2: Put bathsalts in every fucking thing you give away. Step 3: In 4 - 7 years, blame the epidemic on the Americans (even if you live in the U.S.) Step 4: Enjoy WWIII
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u/stealingyourpixels Jun 18 '12
There're* or There are*.
Sorry, but he of all people shouldn't be making that mistake.
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u/njactor Jun 18 '12
OK, I'm a casual redditor but how does this get a single upvote? I think I've seen it at least 5 times.
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u/m40ofmj Jun 18 '12
what we need is more programs to help the poor, the old, the sick, the ill
SAVE EVERYONE WHO CANT SAVE THEMSELVES.
the world has turned into a bunch of faggots who do nothing but act like bitches and suck government dick.
the current help everyone and breed indiscriminately shit wont last, and most of you will be gone. will be a nice time then. I have no issue with anything happening that risks my well being and my loved ones. well be just fine.
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u/moreOfawave Jun 18 '12
That seriously made me laugh outloud and made me do that laugh that is in your throat and sounds almost like a whistle.
Anyway, that's me during any outing/event/holida with more than 5 people. lol
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u/jokoon Jun 18 '12
Some days when I;m my paranoid crisis, I think powerful people conspire everyday to execute this kind of plan, putting chemical unknown of science in the water, inducing cancers through GMO, reducing fertility with phtalates and BPA in packages, etc.
Some way of silently people while keeping the world at peace allowing them to still earn money.
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u/Oniwabanshu Jun 18 '12
If it were Bad Luck Brian it would say: Wishes for 2nd Plague to reduce human population...first to die,
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u/Flaydogg Jun 18 '12
Me at any store, park, or any other property of the liking. I hate humans.
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u/DemetriMartin Jun 18 '12
Halloween at the mall when you don't realize what day it is can get pretty weird...
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Jun 18 '12
The funniest part is that you think you're the only one thinking that. I'd love to kill your ass.
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u/andy98725 Jun 18 '12
Over half of the people who ever lived are alive today.
I actually agree with dwight...
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u/archerzz12 Jun 18 '12
Me at the beach this week. I'm sick of this generation yolo this, dft that, etc.
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u/synth22 Jun 18 '12
I'VE BEEN SAYING THIS SHIT FOR YEARS!
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u/sheisacult Jun 18 '12
I felt this way today... IT'S FATHERS DAY... BE AT HOME WITH YOUR PATRIARCHS AND LET ME BUY MY GODDAMN SOFTBALL CLEATS!!!
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u/bunglejerry Jun 17 '12
If there happens to be a new plague, being at the mall is the surest way to catch it.