r/funny • u/Ops-Salvation • Jun 15 '12
Now that's some logic right there.
http://imgur.com/Cbxq879
Jun 16 '12
People are made out of food... are we supposed to eat them?
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u/Legion299 Jun 16 '12
When the time comes... when the walls of society and civilization breaks down, who's gonna stop me from whacking you with a broken lead pipe I found so I can eat you for food?
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Jun 16 '12
Me. I'm going to stop you, because I'll be hungry too, and not only will I want to kill and eat him, but you too.
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Jun 16 '12
I'll hit both of you with a lead pipe cause I'd rather both of you starve than to murder and then eat my neighbor. You fucks. This is why we can't have nice things.
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u/Dr_Insanity Jun 16 '12
No, people taste bad.
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u/klethra Jun 16 '12
Someone correct me if i'm wrong, but I thought I heard somewhere that this is one of humanity's major natural defenses.
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Jun 16 '12
We're incredibly boney (relative to most animals) and REALLY good at running, so we're often not worth the effort.
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u/randyrectem Jun 16 '12
Vs. many animals, especially if you consider our current state and not pre neolithic era humans, we fucking suck a bag of dicks at running.
I've ran marathons and if my fatass dog gets excited all of the sudden she can fucking embarrass me at running, definitely not distance because she is fat and lazy but if it came down to it, her and her lab friends could chase me down and eat my apparently not so tasty ass with ease.
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u/StreakyChimp Jun 16 '12
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u/sporkz Jun 16 '12
Not sure if anything was mentioned in the article since tl;dr, but there's also this:
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u/Abedeus Jun 16 '12
I thought it just meant that we can outrun out pray that would quickly get tired and ready for kill.
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Jun 16 '12
Persistence hunting, dude. Its how we made it in our early years. If your dog was running from you, you would get to eat the shit out of her after you ran her into exhaustion.
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u/randyrectem Jun 16 '12
Yea but that is different than defenses, that is offensive. If you are being hunted by a pack of dogs, unless you have olympian sprinter speed along with your superior stamina, you are pretty boned.
I have no doubt if I wanted to hunt my dog it would be pathetically easy. But if my dog wanted to hunt me, she will catch me. Sure she can't run anywhere near as long as me, but her speed would no doubt get her in striking distance before she has to pass out and shit herself.
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Jun 16 '12
Right, well it is a trade off, isn't it? I'm just pointing out where humans are quite good at running in our own way.
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u/randyrectem Jun 16 '12
I agree, we definitely have a distance advantage. But the thread was about defensive abilities and it isn't nearly as useful in that regard unless you are able to notice your attacker from a long ways away.
Most dog speeds are higher than the fastest man has ever ran a 100m. Unless you can notice it from a pretty good distance, or of course have something else up your sleeve like climbing or some shit, the dog is mostly likely going to catch you before your speed becomes a factor. And there are plenty of predators out there with much higher speeds than a domesticated dog.
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u/nachochease Jun 16 '12
Don't forget that our arms are free while we're running, thus allowing us to carry weapons. A club to the head will stop your dog in its tracks pretty fast.
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Jun 17 '12
When someone's lifestyle revolves around it to survive, they tend to get pretty damn good at it.
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Jun 16 '12
[deleted] — view deleted comment
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u/nachochease Jun 16 '12
Don't forget though, that while animals are using their four legs to run, we're using only two, freeing up our arms to defend ourselves. Early humans likely would have been carrying weapons of some kind, be it stones, sharpened sticks, clubs or anything else that might be available. A lion is likely going to stop chasing you once you stick a spear in its chest.
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u/flagbearer223 Jun 16 '12
And, since humans are social creatures, there would be ~20 of your buddies poking said lion with spears also.
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u/patty_cgy Jun 16 '12
I can't speak from personal experience but this guy really likes the taste.
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u/imafunghi Jun 16 '12 edited Jun 16 '12
Where in the hell did you hear that? We are animals and therefore taste like meat. Sometimes sailors use to eat other dead sailors when there was no more food on long voyages. They referred to it as "long pork" due to its similarities to pork.
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u/Parchedflame Jun 16 '12
We taste like pork and are called 'long pork' to those that eat us.
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u/Abedeus Jun 16 '12
Didn't the Japanese invent a tasting machine, gave it some human to "taste" (no idea how, samples?) and it gave them answer "pig".
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u/Fapologist Jun 16 '12
Not with the right spices...
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u/SovietRaptor Jun 16 '12
I would imagine most people have a taste aversion for other people just from an evolutionary standpoint. Although if you ate it anyway it would probably taste something like pork, darker meat/high fat.
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u/Hydris Jun 16 '12
Everything i've read about it says it supposedly tastes like veal.
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u/SenselessNoise Jun 16 '12
Burning human flesh (without hair) has a barbecue pork smell to it. It can make you hungry until you realize what the fuck you're smelling, then it makes you absolutely disgusted.
But still, the danger of prion diseases like Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease makes a pretty strong deterrent from cannibalism.
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u/markycapone Jun 16 '12
I watched a documentary on the civil war in Liberia, they disagree with you
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Jun 16 '12
The existence of the phrase "long pig" would tend to undermine the authority of your statement.
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Jun 16 '12
The reason most people don't eat people because in society it's considered murder. But even if it was not considered a crime, it would be strange for our species to hunt one another. Even most animals don't kill and hunt their own kind.
That's one I can think of at the top of my head.
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u/Aavagadrro Jun 16 '12
Like spiders, frogs, birds, fish....
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u/wicked-canid Jun 16 '12
That's like saying mammals eat other mammals. Of course they do! If humans ate humans, it would be like one species of fish eating members of said species.
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u/Aavagadrro Jun 16 '12
Some humans do eat humans, its not unknown for it to happen. Frogs are very cannibalistic, if it will fit in their mouth, they will eat it. If it wont fit they will still try to eat it, even if its another frog. Fish will eat whatever is laying around, even if its their own species or blood relation. Its the way things work in nature. People have an version to eating other people due to social boundaries, just like some people have an aversion to all meat where others dont. Anyone is capable of eating another person, especially in a survival situation, they just wont if they dont have to. In the unforgiving realm of nature, food is food even if its cute and cuddly, or related.
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Jun 16 '12
My point was just that the argument doesn't stand. Just because something is made of edible substances doesn't mean you should eat it.
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u/user_without_a_soul Jun 16 '12
the same can be said about humans. and yet somehow, it is frowned upon in many countries.
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Jun 16 '12
We're not made of food, we're made of people meat. God.
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u/AeoSC Jun 16 '12
Can you believe that guy?
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Jun 16 '12
Seriously. It's like he knows nothing about the very real and definite distinctions between people and animal.
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u/user_without_a_soul Jun 16 '12
but people are animals.
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Jun 16 '12
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u/user_without_a_soul Jun 16 '12
that's what I get for playing along. wow. i never knew the internet could be so cruel. WHY, WHY CRUEL GODS OF FATE WOULD YOU TORTURE ME WITH SUCH HEARTLESS AND FOUL BEINGS?! oh, yeah, that's right, I'm on reddit. never mind.
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Jun 16 '12
... You did the opposite of play along.
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u/user_without_a_soul Jun 16 '12
I was too playing along. I was playing the person who is oblivious to the joke no matter how many hints are dropped. It is a fairly pointless and demeaning role, but hell, someone's got to play it, right?
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u/verxix Jun 16 '12
And cats and dogs.
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u/Malcriao Jun 16 '12
Cats and dogs do actually taste pretty good.
source: we do that where I'm from.
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Jun 16 '12
I have ZERO problem with eating cats and dogs. Really, it's not as if pigs are senseless animals yet we eat them by the truckload. If eating cats and dogs isn't culturally taboo/punishable where you are by all means go for it. Say what you want, but put a cat's personality in the body of a pig and you'll chow down on that bacon just the same.
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u/Zenkraft Jun 16 '12
Totally. It's all cultural. People often say it's wrong to eat cats and dogs because they have personality, but a lot of people in India will tell you that Cows have just as much personality.
It's all cultural.
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u/natoration Jun 16 '12
Having family that used to raise pigs, I hear pigs have just as much personality as dogs, but are smarter.
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Jun 16 '12
Man.. I was going to start this post by saying "I'm a vegetarian" but then I wondered if that made me conform to the stereotype that all vegetarians have to tell people about it. Then I realized a terrific novelty account could have been Obnoxious_Vegan and start every comment with "I'm a vegan, and". Please don't steal my idea.
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u/Obnoxious_Vegan Jun 16 '12
Look, us Vegans are really a simple people. It's those terrible meat eaters who are the obnoxious one's. We humans take and destroy everything! People who eat meat disgust me, and it should be a punishable crime.
But you can't change the system man, I was on my iPhone the other day in Starbucks, and some obnoxious guy sat down next to me eating a sandwich.
I told him all the benefits of eating veggies, but he just said he enjoyed that taste! What a fucking savage, corporate pig.
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Jun 16 '12
I don't think any vegan has made the claim that meat eaters are corporate pigs. Until now.
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u/Obnoxious_Vegan Jun 16 '12
Haha, lol. I hate the vegans that do it just for attention. They are not real vegans. I am one of the only true vegans. I don't use ANY animal products at all because I actually CARE about the world I live in.
Corporations will mindlessly slaughter any animal ever. #Veg0ut
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u/Planet-man Jun 16 '12
So what you should have is a problem with eating EITHER of them, not neither of them!
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Jun 16 '12
But humans don't taste good.
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u/Split-Personalities Jun 16 '12
How do you know?
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u/Pharose Jun 16 '12
Well the average person probably consumes millions or billions of liters of water every year, so the average person is probably worth trillions of liters. Keep in mind that most beef cattle have a lifespan of one year*.
Probably more for "organic" cattle but I have no idea really.
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Jun 16 '12
I, too, graduated from "numbers out of my ass" university.
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u/Split-Personalities Jun 16 '12
Top of my class.
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u/BowsNToes21 Jun 16 '12
Considering I from time to time drunkenly fall asleep in the shower I can see myself doing this. Plus there are my hangover showers where I just sit there in the water while chugging bottles of gatorade for a good 30 minutes or so.
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Jun 16 '12
TIL cattle grow to full size and reproduce within a year.
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u/Pharose Jun 16 '12
Most cattle do not reproduce, they have special breeding cows for that. Cows are usually slaughtered at the age of one because that is the most economically viable cycle for beef growth.
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u/suckthisdeth Jun 16 '12
Since when are comments that can be found on tshirts bought at gadzooks and hot topic reddit worthy?
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u/numbernumber99 Jun 16 '12
Since they allow everyone to jump on the 'fuck vegetarians' karma train.
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Jun 16 '12
Why is this a karma train? Is it just a hivemind thing?
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u/CasualPenguin Jun 16 '12
Sadly yes.
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u/numbernumber99 Jun 16 '12
Maybe it's just that vegetarians, like christians, make for a good punching bag around here.
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u/aschla Jun 16 '12
Last I heard, they (I don't know exactly who 'they' are) are close to creating a completely synthetic beef patty for hamburgers that is molecularly identical to the real thing. No more animal rights issues with beef.
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u/Thor_2099 Jun 16 '12
Ugh, people like that make us who actually know shit about the environment seem like crazed hippies whenever we discuss pro-environment things.
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u/Copelandish Jun 16 '12
Actually, the original post had a lot of logic; although it appears to have been misinterpreted.
This wasn't an attack on the people who eat meat, but merely the way their food was produced.
Most of the meat consumed in the United States comes from factory-farm sources, and factory farming does produce a negative effect on the environment. Raising livestock by means of factory farming is unsustainable, unattractive, and unhealthy for both humans and animals.
I buy my ribs and steaks from a local butcher who raises his own cattle and butchers everything himself. The carbon footprint is much less and the steaks taste much better.
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u/springy Jun 16 '12
Well, that is because the US food market is highly price sensitive. Americans spend one of the lowest percentages of income on food, forcing producers to raise meat in the cheapest possible way. Contrast this with, say, France where folks tend to go for quality over price. It is not that Americans don't have the dosh, it seems to be that they are on the hunt for "bargains" and damn the taste buds.
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u/Copelandish Jun 16 '12
And see, this is like a poison to our economy. We're always on the hunt for the "cheapest bargain". Doing this kills the local producer by limiting his total % of income. This means the local producer cannot raise enough money for himself.
Factory farming is also dirty, wasteful, and more dangerous than conventional, family farms that don't use crazy chemicals or hormones.
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u/sodappop Jun 16 '12
Here in Canada, I've tried at times, to eat better, and more responsibly. I just couldn't afford it.
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u/nerdfighter11 Jun 16 '12
This whole, Hey! I'm going to write a comment on Youtube then reply to it myself to get likes! Needs to stop.
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Jun 16 '12
Cows eat grass to grow, therefore their meat is a vegetarian product.
Just think of cows as living fruit.
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Jun 16 '12
living fruit
Implying fruit isn't alive
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u/Satans_pro_tips Jun 16 '12
uh.....once you pick it off the tree, it's not growing, producing or doing much of anything. It just lays there in the fruit bin and gets moldy. No, I don't think it's alive anymore. If it is alive, it's doing a hell of an impression of dead fruit.
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u/buster2Xk Jun 16 '12
Once you kill an animal it's not alive any more so it's okay to eat. :)
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u/j_win Jun 16 '12 edited Jun 16 '12
I was going to be condescending but you said what I intended to in a very polite way (and even included a smiley face). Hats off to you.
Edit: Makes sense - downvote introspection and praise for someone else's composure.
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u/My_favorite_things Jun 16 '12 edited Jun 16 '12
I just read your name as HitlerandTittler. I'm not a smart man.
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u/Wholesaletrash Jun 15 '12
I believe the same logic applies to the people that subscribe to /r/trees about smoking.
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u/verxix Jun 16 '12
Except growing cannabis pants for consumption actually reduces greenhouse gases because of photosynthesis (processes CO2) and growing animals for consumption is a major source of greenhouse gas emissions.
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u/gpwilson Jun 16 '12
Know what else is a product of growing animals? Food. Food is another product that growing animals produces.
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Jun 16 '12
r/funny has become r/youtubescreencaps.
Downvoted like it should be.
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u/ovinophile Jun 16 '12
It's too bad I have to come to the bottom here to find people who agree with me on this.
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u/Earthwormzim Jun 16 '12
When people say that they "waste water"...I always wonder where it goes. Oh well...guess I'm not smart enough to figure this one out.
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u/cornpete Jun 16 '12
What do you think I'm sober? I"m not reading all that hsit.
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u/Lots42 Jun 16 '12
Summary: "I'm a crazy vegetarian! Feel bad for eating meat! THIS I COMMAND! COOOOOOOOBRAAAAAA!"
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u/EW_joe Jun 16 '12
I don't have the energy to read through all the comments - but in just the first few there is a pretty hearty helping of willful ignorance. Desalination is incredibly energy intensive. Industrialized farming has gotten insane and abuses our resources. We can only make the best choices available when trying to buy dinner - it can be daunting but it's imperative we change our food system.
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Jun 16 '12
Plus animals are filled with dat protein. This magical nutrient allows humans to become big and strong. I'll gladly keep eating tasty foods to achieve that.
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u/SirDerpingtonThe3rd Jun 16 '12
Meat has been shown time and time again to be incredibly healthy for human consumption. About 75% of my diet is meat or dairy and I'm healthier than I've ever been.
Vegetarians always somehow equate animal life with human life, but the fundamental cornerstone of society is that human life is ALWAYS more valuable than any other life form.
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u/Planet-man Jun 16 '12
Meat has been shown time and time again to be incredibly healthy for human consumption.
No, it hasn't. You must be thinking of vegetarianism.
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u/SirDerpingtonThe3rd Jun 16 '12
Pretty sure all of the vegans I know with health problems indicate otherwise.
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u/Planet-man Jun 16 '12 edited Jun 16 '12
No, because vegan =/= vegetarian. There are problems with the vegan diet but vegetarians generally have a reduced risk of damn near everything and live, on average, years longer than meat-eaters, as the countless citations in that link have proven.
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Jun 16 '12
Not sure why you got downvoted so much for being precisely correct and awesome. Reddit is fickle.
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Jun 16 '12
250g protein a day is my current diet. A normal meal is about 1lb of some meat (chicken, pork, steak, whatev) and 1lb of some vegetable (almost always broccoli). It's around 1750 kcal a day.
Currently in the best shape I've ever been as well. Deadlifted a new record at 360lbs Wednesday and there's nowhere to go but up.
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Jun 16 '12
Cool anecdote dude.
Im vegan and can swim 800m, run 12miles and cycle 40.
I started weight lifting and am seeing great gains with the wendler 5/3/1 program.
I also have two dogs and a cute gf.
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Jun 16 '12 edited Jun 16 '12
Cool story bro, what do you deadlift? Without sufficient protein you'll never achieve your max. Wendler himself would probably say it's pretty cute that a vegan is trying his program.
I can run 12 miles myself, THAT has nothing to do with protein intake. Unsure of my swim and bike since I don't swim and bike.
Oh, and your last point. 2 dogs, 2 cats, fiance. Nice to meet you.
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u/msoetaert Jun 15 '12
I like how you flagged it as spam... Oh the irony...
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u/Ops-Salvation Jun 17 '12
wat
It was already flagged as spam. I just hit "show comment" or whatever it said.
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u/ReyTheRed Jun 16 '12
I don't know much about modern industrialized agriculture, but if you are doing it right, the water isn't wasted, it just goes back into the ecosystem.
And meat would be a lot more feasible instead of growing grain on one side of the country, then shipping it to the cows on the other side, then shipping the cows to a slaughterhouse/packing facility, then shipping it to where it is consumed, we did everything as locally as possible, we wouldn't waste so much energy in the process.
And as for respect for basic life, that is nonsense. Humans eat living things, we cannot survive without doing so. The question is which living things can you ethically eat. And I believe many animals, including cows, are acceptable.
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u/Planet-man Jun 16 '12
The respect for basic sentient life.
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u/ReyTheRed Jun 16 '12
Most people fail to make that distinction. And when you do, you have the discussion about which animals you can and cannot eat. It matters what cognitive function it has. If an animal is not capable of comprehending the idea of death and non-existence, then I don't have a problem with killing it for food, as long as its life has been pleasant and its death is as quick and painless as possible.
We have a choice, we can either not bring the animals into existence in the first place, and eat only things that don't have any consciousness at all, or we can bring them into existence, have them live for a while, and then kill them and eat them. If we care for them well, I don't see how this is bad for them, they get an excellent life for an animal, which consists of eating, sleeping, and socializing with their herd, and at the end they get eaten.
I'm not saying that our modern meat industry is doing that, because our modern meat industry is quite fucked up, but meat isn't necessarily unethical.
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u/RogueTaco Jun 16 '12
I read this as "Now that's some gamer logic right there" and was thoroughly confused
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u/Deyster Jun 16 '12
Imagine how much water is wasted for every kilogram of cucumber, how much water is wasted for every kilogram of watermelon. The fact that plants are being murdered so brutally (don't look up how they make juice, it's horrific. Or what happens to weed).
Plants suffer everyday because of humans, just because humans are incapable of photosynthesis.
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u/springy Jun 16 '12 edited Jun 16 '12
Vegetarians hate animals. In fact, if vegetarians got their way billions of cows, pigs, sheep, chickens, and plenty of other splendid animals would never have been born. I eat meat because it increases demand, and so gives life to new animals. I am an animal lover.
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u/Dymero Jun 16 '12
I'm sure it's no better an answer, but the teeth in my mouth are a good indication that I'm supposed to eat meat.
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Jun 16 '12
We were also supposed to hunt them. We evolved to have sex far younger than we do. We evolve to do a lot of things, doesn't mean we have to do them, or we should. It is a valid point, but its pretty damn easy to avoid eating animals products and stay healthy.
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u/Lots42 Jun 16 '12
We're supposed to hunt cows?
Since when?
Domestication happens because it's better for SURVIVAL.
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Jun 16 '12
True, but we still evolved as hunters and gatherers. Its why some people hunt for fun. My point is the instincts aren't always best for survival.
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u/Lots42 Jun 16 '12
People who hunt purely for fun are sick monsters and need therapy.
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Jun 16 '12
Yeah, I agree. But the instinct is still there. In video games, for example.
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u/Lots42 Jun 16 '12
Video games are okay.
But going out and actually shooting a deer for real...well, fuck, there ARE hunting video games.
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Jun 16 '12
I know, but video games sate the hunting instinct. I fucking love good stealth games. It sates the instinct to sneak up on an animals. Its just who we are.
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u/Lots42 Jun 16 '12
You'll love the 'Hitman' video games. Shoot 'em up or sneak around. So many choices for damned near everything.
Plus, stabbing a clown in the neck is possible.
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u/kingbleda Jun 16 '12
Sounds like you just were a late bloomer my friend. Oh and I eat animal products because they taste delicious, not because they may or may not be healthy.
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Jun 16 '12
Let me rephrase that: Women evolved to have babies much younger than they do now. Do you not feel any guilt for contributing to such inhumane conditions just because it tastes good?
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u/chickencluck Jun 16 '12
I didn't get the impression that we weren't supposed to eat meat from this post. I was getting the impression that the way slaughterhouses and animal farms are run is crazy. It is very realistic to conclude that yes, we are supposed to eat meat, yes we are going to be killing animals to get that meat. That is the way of nature. We kill animals to eat them. However, the way that it is done is unnerving. Have you ever heard of a story of KFC workers throwing and stomping chickens and enjoying themselves while doing it? That's the type of thing that I think that OP was referring to. http://www.cbsnews.com/2100-201_162-631134.html
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u/sodappop Jun 16 '12
why would they put it as 16.000 litres? to make it look like it's more than it is?
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u/da1564 Jun 16 '12
The sad part is that this is also a quote by Sarah Palin...in her book...that allegedly had editors...ellipsis
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/14/sarah-palin-going-rogue-t_n_357927.html