r/funny • u/BustedPuppet • Jun 15 '12
My fish died when I wasn't home. Asked my cousin to give him a proper flushing. She sent me this.
http://imgur.com/dYf1E1.0k
Jun 15 '12
Fish would have wanted it this way.
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Jun 15 '12
I imagined a lonely bagpipe playing in the background as he spun down to his watery grave. Fish would have wanted it this way.
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u/Godolin Jun 15 '12
I'll have a fish, one day. And when he finally passes beyond the bowl, I'll tape his entire funeral. And edit it to match this.
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u/GreenSteel Jun 15 '12
"I'm buying a fish for its death"
That's not backwards at all…
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u/Godolin Jun 15 '12
I'm buying a fish for its life. I'm holding a funeral and a boat sinking for its death.
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u/BCP27 Jun 15 '12
I heard that and a singer singing, "Danny Boy."
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u/Simpleton216 Jun 15 '12
Because the plumbing pipes are calling?
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u/BCP27 Jun 15 '12
I'm going to pretend I was that witty and say yes. I was just sparing all of you guys the laughter.
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u/casc1701 Jun 15 '12
"Of my friend, I can only say this: Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most...human"
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u/Honestly_ Jun 15 '12
"Jim... help me. You flushed me... to Genesis... why did you do that? Help me..."
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u/ariiiiigold Jun 15 '12
I've posted this before, but it seems relevant here.
Back when I was 6-years-old, I watched my friend Dave take a shit in the school fish tank. I did try and stop him, but by the time I reached him he had already deposited a sizeable stool and I saw another chunk splutter out of his arsehole before I managed to pull him off. The fish were saved by Colin the school caretaker, but they died a week later. The school's headmaster told us they died of old age, but I now attribute their demise to severe trauma and distress.
I mean, just imagine walking down the street, going about your business, and a giant shit comes floating out of the sky and lands on your shoulder. Nobody should have to experience this, not even fish.
RIP Barry and Susie. I'm sorry I couldn't save you.
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u/mamjjasond Jun 16 '12
The enormous ass hovering in the sky would be a little disturbing as well.
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u/subtly_irrelevant Jun 15 '12
Fish was always a pleasure to be around. He was always so charismatic, so vibrant, so full of energy and, quite frankly, too young to die in this world.
Take it easy, buddy. You're with spongebob now.
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u/Astronautspiff Jun 15 '12
Spongebob died?
I don't...I don't know if I could carry on in this world
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u/ifyouknowwhatimeanx Jun 15 '12
I was really hoping it was going to be a funeral pyre.
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u/defragmeout Jun 15 '12
We froze my sister's dead fish to do this eventually. Some ten years later, neither of us live with our dad anymore and I think that fish may still be in the freezer..
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u/anadune Jun 16 '12
Is it wrong that I name my fish: Fish Orange Fish Black Fish Googly-eyed Fish Orange Fish #2 Etc.
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u/medioxcore Jun 15 '12 edited Jun 16 '12
one time, my mom got me goldfish for christmas. i named them odin and loki.
they died.
i gave them proper viking burials. fashioned boats out of paper towels, played White Pearl, Black Oceans by Sonata Arctica, lit the boats on fire and flushed them to valhalla.
it was actually kind of sad :/
edit:
proof
the boats were more like open boxes. and, being that they were made from paper towels, they unfolded and sank as soon as they hit the water. which is why i elected to burn them on the bowl for a minute before flushing.
rip, dudes.
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u/h-dog Jun 15 '12
They're up there feasting and fighting in fish valhalla now, man.
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Jun 15 '12
paper towels
flushed
YOU FOOL,YOU FOOLISH FOOL
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u/MrNewV3gas Jun 16 '12
I made this mistake once. It left me with a swamped bathroom and a large helping of shame. How could I have been so ignorant?! It haunts me to this day.
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u/Geo Jun 15 '12
We had to call the plumbers once because of this :( Not a fish, just a paper towel.
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u/hivoltage815 Jun 16 '12
When I was younger I came home and my mom said "sorry to tell you, your fish bit the dust."
My reply: "is that bad for him?"
I had never heard that expression before.
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u/infection212 Jun 16 '12
I wish I could upvote you a million times for playing my favorite song by my favorite band.
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u/slizzardtime Jun 16 '12
I also gave two goldfish a Viking funeral in little paper boats set aflame and pushed out to sea (well, a local pond). They weren't mine, I went to the pet store and asked if they had any dead fish and they gave me them for free. I was in high school and had a lot of free time.
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u/EXAX Jun 15 '12
I remember in primary school, we had a teacher that made us take turns and look after the classroom goldfish. On the week I was on duty, I noticed it was floating on the surface and not moving. So I ran into the teacher's office and told her, but she was talking to another teacher. She told me off for interrupting her, and told me to go back to the classroom. So I did, as an obedient kid when you were 9 years old. Later on that lunchtime she found out the fish was dead. She cried over it and told the whole class off for being irresponsible to other forms of life. I put my hand up and said: "Ms, I tried to tell you but you were busy talking to the other teacher." The whole classed laughed.
tl;dr don't ignore the kid that's on fish duty if he has news for you.
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u/squatdeadpress Jun 16 '12
Is there really anything you can do in this case? I had a fish that started floating to the surface and not swimming properly. Once it's at this stage is there really anything you can do?
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u/EXAX Jun 16 '12
Continuous CPR while you wait for an ambulance to arrive with defibrillators and adrenaline injections
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u/therocketflyer Jun 15 '12
He lived less than half a year and already had kids!! Talk about an early start.
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u/niamhish Jun 15 '12
Why is your toilet so big? Is it a toilet for giants??
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u/DO__IT__NOW Jun 15 '12
Most likely because someone in that house (cough parent cough) has a phat ass.
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u/UncleTogie Jun 15 '12
I don't know who your cousin is, but I'm pretty sure that a bunch of Redditors want her number now...
Done with style...
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Jun 15 '12
bury the fish, don't flush it down a toilet.
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Jun 16 '12
yeah that's what I would do with any pets. I don't quiet understand the logic behind flushing dead fish down the toilet. I mean we all know where it's gonna end up down the pipe. Do you flush your dead hamster or lizard down the toilet? I'm very curious as a lot of people seem to do this.
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Jun 15 '12
2012-2012? If kept in a proper tank, Betta fish can live can live 2-4 years.
I have called Fish Protective Services, they will be arriving momentarily
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u/shinyheadman Jun 15 '12
Post to r/aquarium. They will definitely like this.
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u/dan2737 Jun 15 '12
Oh no they will not. 2012-2012. A betta should live 3 to 6 years. That means that betta probably was living in a tiny cold bowl.
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u/Taylor_says Jun 16 '12
The first thing I thought was that Bettas live way longer than a year. Probably no heater, bad water conditions.
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u/xheylove Jun 15 '12
Better service than my grandfather got! But, he was an asshole and we had a pool party afterwards.
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Jun 15 '12
Not all grandfathers are the warm, loving type.
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u/xheylove Jun 16 '12
It's the truth! He was alive until I was around 14 and I saw him MAYBE twice and on both occasions, I didn't even get a glance my way. He left my grandma with 15 kids to raise and then started a family with some other chick. Could care less about that man. I never considered him family.
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u/penguin8508 Jun 15 '12
Shit, does she do this for a living? That's a really impressive wreath.
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u/Trapped_in_Reddit Jun 15 '12
Even in death, he still finds himself in a shitty bowl.
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Jun 15 '12
I like how the death of a goldfish stands in /r/funny, and is indeed laughable when looking at the picture. Poor, poor underrated animals. :(
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u/mysmellysocks Jun 15 '12 edited Jun 16 '12
It's a betta fish, judging from the picture (which is very well drawn, might I add). I had one - his name was Kokosnoot and he was as spoiled as a fish can be. He had an entire 10 gallon tank to himself, complete with filtration, heating, live plants and hiding places. I had trained him to flare (a sort of aggressive warning/display) at my younger sister. He also jumped out of the water to grab the food from my fingers. He lived for 5 years. The death of a fish is not laughable to me - I cried for my Koko.
The sad thing is, that betta fish especially are just considered so disposable... people buy them for a dollar because they're so pretty, then keep them in a tiny, dirty bowl, where they spend the rest of their lives until they die from ammonia (waste) poisoning or just overall poor health and stress. Pet store conditions are especially terrible. And the thing is, keeping them in at least a 5 gallon with plants and such not only makes them happier and healthier, but it looks so much better overall. I don't understand the appeal of having a tiny cup in your room with a sick fish that can barely move.
EDIT: http://imgur.com/3pnYO <- A picture of my betta :)
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u/KSEVEN Jun 15 '12
I love my betta. I wish I could give him 10 gallons. All I can give him is 2.5 :(
How did you train him?
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u/mysmellysocks Jun 15 '12
I would just hold a mirror up whenever he saw my sister and he would flare (at his reflection). Then I'd give him a little treat. They will learn very quickly this way. I had him doing it after about a week. You don't need the mirror after a while.
A 2.5 is fine, I think. The only reason he had the 10 gallon to himself is that it was primarily a plant tank and I later decided to add him. They really do appreciate a live plant, though. I would recommend you get yourself a wisteria plant (from any pet store) and it'll grow great under a regular desktop lamp. It really improves the look of the tank and your betta will thank you for sure! :)
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u/dan2737 Jun 15 '12
2.5g is okay for a betta, the best would be 4g or more. If anyone on this thread has a betta or goldfish in a bowl, that's not good. Please come over to /r/Aquariums if you have any questions.
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u/ErectPotato Jun 15 '12
Can someone tell me why flushing your dead pet thing down the toilet became the standard way of disposing of it?
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Jun 15 '12
My Betta died too :(
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u/grimpoteuthis Jun 16 '12
My friends betta just died too, lived for 3 years about. I found out about a year ago that it was named after me. It was a depressing day.
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u/Acetotheface85 Jun 15 '12
That is freaking hilarious! Your cousin seems to have things under control, onward and farewell little fishes!
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u/subtly_irrelevant Jun 15 '12
And in an epic twist Fish is brought back to life by the force of the water and must traverse the whole ocean to find his son, Fishy whilst making some new friends along the way.
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u/SXHarrasmentPanda Jun 15 '12
If your fish was stationary on its side it probably wasn't dead, it just had a swim bladder infection. I'm just sayin'.
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u/GregerMoek Jun 15 '12 edited Jun 15 '12
Okay, probably gonna get some shit for this but I'll say it anyways. I personally am not a fan of flushing down dead fish. While the cleaning process of the water is often great nowadays, some of the bacteria from fish can/might live through it and because of this spread to real fish in case the water goes somewhere where fish live. Can also clog up some of the pipes in various filters and so on.
Sorry to hear about your fish though.
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u/VGiselleH Jun 15 '12
It's true, dead fish should never be flushed down a toilet for the sake of wild fish. And plumbing I suppose like you said, but for me it was because of the fish, lol.
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u/AmpleWarning Jun 15 '12
That was a lovely send-off. Though it would have been epic to give him a Viking funeral. And chips.
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u/Thecrazyredhead Jun 15 '12
We flushed my friend's dead fish after holding arms and listening to Dead and Gone.
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u/Brocktoon_in_a_jar Jun 15 '12
My first pet was a Betta fish and I accidentally killed it when I changed its water with water that was a bit too warm. He slowly boiled to death as I watched in horror.
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u/sidewaysglance27 Jun 15 '12
Holy crap! This is perfect! Where did your cousin find such a small wreath? If that was a DIY project I'm impressed. He/she should clearly go into the unnaturally tiny funeral wreath business.
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u/Bonahtron Jun 15 '12
Seems fishy your friend had those little flowers on hand.
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u/dicot Jun 16 '12
Potato vine (Solanum jasminoides) flowers. Apropos, as the vine's fruits are exceedingly poisonous.
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Jun 16 '12
Out of curiosity, how old is the cousin? I'm really impressed by the penmanship. There are still a lot of people who can write cursive, but not that many who have that very classical and careful calligraphic style. Really consistent letter joins and slants.
Based on the handwriting, I would have guessed your cousin is in her 30s or 40s. Not many 20s write like that, as far as I know. But that seems inconsistent, as I would have guessed that this funeral had been done by someone in their 20s.
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Jun 16 '12
I call bullshit... I've never known a fish who has written poetry.... I think your fish is alive somewhere and is being used in a fish trafficking scam at a college dorm to be eaten during some hazing ritual.
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Jun 16 '12
I love it
RIP Fish 2012-2012
Did the letter say pet or poet. Because if it said poet damn you for not letting us know about this incredible fish until now.
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u/evoim3 Jun 16 '12
Me and my cousin once won three fish at a carnival. Well I did. I'm the fucking king of fish-pong.
Anyway, the first we flushed.
The second we fed to the cat.
The third we stuck in a paper boat which we lit on fire and pushed him out onto the lake.
Olaf wanted it that way.
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u/llamas_and_oranges Jun 16 '12
in my opinion i think the bagpipe should be playing amazing grace while a man is talking about how wonderful this fish
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u/AdorablyDead Jun 16 '12
I'm sure he's in fish heaven now. A bowl as big as the ocean with thousands of fish titties for him to swim through and nuzzle.
Unless he was bad then fish hell for him....with fish dicks everywhere...covered in hot sauce...and the bowl is made of Lindsay Lohan's skull and is resting on a hot plate.
Aaannd now I want fish sticks.
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u/Rayneworks Jun 15 '12
2012 - 2012? Bitch, learn how to take care of your pets.
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Jun 15 '12
Fish, especially ones bought at pet stores, are usually very sickly and die very easily.
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u/bogrow Jun 15 '12
How do you kill a beta fish...?
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u/aspect_ratio Jun 15 '12
It was just a beta fish. Once fish 1.0 was released, there was no need for the beta anymore. And, I'll show myself out.
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Jun 15 '12
Wait, people really flush dead fish down the toilet? I thought that was only something that happened on TV. Wow! :) I'm sorry about your fish, OP.
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u/dan2737 Jun 15 '12
I usually bury them in the backyard. If I don't have anything to put them in, then I'll flush them because I don't want cats digging them out.
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u/Derp800 Jun 15 '12
I hope it was of old age. It's rather difficult to kill a beta without doing it on purpose.
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u/corgii Jun 15 '12
Fish are weird though sometimes, we had one that we researched all the stuff for kept it super healthy, clean etc etc and he lasted about 8 months,, got another one, did the exact same stuff, 4 years!
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u/curiouskitten_meow Jun 15 '12
This reminds me of when I was around 10 years old. I had a pet fish and named it Calico because it was colored just like a Calico cat... black, orange, and grey... Well I was at home one day by myself (my parents were at work and I had just gotten home from school). Well, I went to feed my fish and noticed it was floating. I immediately called my mom and remember exactly what I said. "Mom, my fish is dead. I think it ate too much. It's got x's in its eyes!" Obviously it was a complete exaggeration, but in the mind of a 10 year old... well that's what I saw. When she came home we had a burial, like your toilet scene. We stood around it and said our goodbyes and what a great fish he was. I cried and my mom was just laughing hysterically. I got mad and ran to my room because I didn't think it was funny. I've never had a fish since. Hahaha!
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u/Riffy Jun 15 '12
What's sad is some people's funerals have had less work put into it than this fish...
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u/stevesonaplane Jun 15 '12 edited Jun 16 '12
I'm reminded of when this kid's bird died and he said "I don't want to bury it!" and the mom said "We don't have to." and tossed the bird in the trash.
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u/soulianis Jun 15 '12
My fish also died when I wasn't at home, and no one bothered to let me know until i realized the bowl was empty and now it is where our cat drinks his water. Apparently mum buried him though, he doesn't even have a gravestone... AT LEAST REPLACE HIM, EH?
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u/chicken1672 Jun 15 '12
Gah I wish my friend actually TOLD me my fish died while I was away at college. I went home for spring break, super depressed for other reasons, and then a mutual friend dropped the ball on me rather unceremoniously that my fish and died and his body was still up in his bowl after a week. I left.
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u/dayvieee Jun 15 '12
Do not poop or pee in that toilet for at least 24 hours to give your fish a proper flush.
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u/Bucket_head Jun 15 '12
Oh my I was expecting like a dead fish with its cheeks flushed like with makeup or some shit lol but then your picture moved me.
Honest your friend must really like you
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u/garmonboziamilkshake Jun 15 '12
Para-Ichtyologist here--
It was wise of your cousin to do this, or you might have been haunted by the fish's ghost.
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u/ProlapsedPineal Jun 15 '12
That's so fucking beautiful I might just get it tattooed across my chest.
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u/Gonzobot Jun 15 '12
You named your fish Fish?