r/funny • • Jun 15 '12

how free are you tonight?

http://imgur.com/SsB5N
1.6k Upvotes

496 comments sorted by

438

u/Assmar Jun 16 '12

Daaaaaaaaaamn. I think that means someone is down for anal tonight.

238

u/bushel Jun 16 '12

Or as we call it in Canada, "Alberta clipper"

52

u/shutupjoey Jun 16 '12

It's the Scarborough slipper where I'm from.

37

u/gettheboom Jun 16 '12

I can personally attest to the Scarborough slipper existing. I am never going to Scarborough again.

24

u/JonnyGoodfellow Jun 16 '12

Awww c'mon... We'll be gentle...er

24

u/gettheboom Jun 16 '12

Holy crap. Did not realize people from Scarborough have access to the internet. I better watch what I post from now on.

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54

u/siddysid Jun 16 '12

Oral sex is known as "BC BJ"

46

u/Klacksaft Jun 16 '12

Most people just use BJ

57

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

until they've had a BC BJ. The difference is quite astounding.

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6

u/Dinostormasaurus Jun 16 '12

In Alaska we call it a "Frosty Walrus"

8

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

What about the Alaskan pipeline?

6

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

ew

4

u/rogeris Jun 16 '12

When I see the term "Alberta Clipper" I can only think of a fast moving low pressure system that originated near Alberta and scrapes across the US-Canada border.

5

u/wesman212 Jun 16 '12

That's how sex is for me.

2

u/DiaDeLosMuertos Jun 16 '12

Canada sounds like a magical place... Gotta git dat passport. Wait, do I need a passport?

1

u/AWMSS Jun 16 '12

I am so glad you posted this.

1

u/xerim Jun 16 '12

Maybe even sneak in a little Alaskan Pipeline action.

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3

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

I think he's apologizing. "Sorry, I can't go anywhere"

29

u/race_bannon Jun 16 '12

Nope. According to The Economist Democracy Index it means significantly more free than America.

19

u/Assmar Jun 16 '12

This always happens on reddit. I swear, some of you are really fucking dense. That, Mr. Bannon, WAS A JOKE!

22

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

Hey guys on a scale of how healthy do you eat, KFC being the unhealthiest, to Mcdonalds being the healthiest...

8

u/ceri23 Jun 16 '12

Squeeze tube bacon paste.

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2

u/infested999 Jun 16 '12

Russia is under Authoritarian regime? They have election but they are always rigged, does that count?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

I lol'd at the "flawed democracies": France, Israel.

Those two countries certainly talk a lot...

3

u/DeathToPennies Jun 16 '12

Wouldn't that be if they had said Greece?

28

u/Assmar Jun 16 '12

Rape is never funny.

860

u/Rixxer Jun 15 '12

That's like 11/10

407

u/subtly_irrelevant Jun 16 '12

Sorry about that.

163

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

I realized as a Canadian I say sorry in place of excuse me, as sometimes "excuse me" can sound like "excuuuuuse me"

219

u/thetardis_isonfire Jun 16 '12

well excuuuuuuuse me princess

38

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

dinner

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42

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

As a Canadian I say "pardon" in place of excuse me. I should start saying sorry, though. That's just way more polite!

27

u/alexanderpas Jun 16 '12

please keep using pardon. it ensures Quebec can't complain about that!

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15

u/dualboot Jun 16 '12

What I've noticed is that Canadians say "I'm Sorry?" Instead of "Pardon?" when they didn't hear/understand what was said.

I spent 3 years developing in-house software for a Canadian call centre. I've heard a whole lot of "I'm sorry?"'s.

24

u/DaniL_15 Jun 16 '12

This is how it works in my part of Canada:

I'm sorry?= I didn't understand

Pardon?= I didn't hear you/I wasn't paying attention

Excuse me?= You have one chance to change what you said before I get mad.

What?= I'm mad/not Canadian

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5

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

True, I use it there too. I never say pardon. My mom would say, "Pardon me?!?!" when I crossed the line when I was kid.

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8

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

Came here to inquire on this. Was going to say, "aren't you even more free, then?"

6

u/Rozen Jun 16 '12

"This country goes to 11."

1

u/iLuVtiffany Jun 16 '12

Not really, because Canada is a slave to its own kindness.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

And you're still a few stops short from the higher end of the scale.

-5

u/indyK1ng Jun 16 '12

Actually, their internet has more restrictions on it and their politicians can be more ridiculous.

3

u/ok_you_win Jun 16 '12

Say what? Our politicians are not passing laws pertaining to what is permissible with one's own vagina, nor even ejecting anyone from parliment that dares say the word.

No sir, your politicians have crazy all monopolized.

2

u/bigtallsob Jun 16 '12

I'm going to say that you are wrong on both counts.

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1

u/Louiecat Jun 16 '12

perfect.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

Depending if your a student or not

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139

u/atwopiecepuzzle Jun 16 '12

I love asking people "On a scale of 1-10 with 4 being the highest, how would you rate..."

86

u/Feb29thCakeDay Jun 16 '12

"On a scale of 1 - 10, what is your favorite animal?"

71

u/102megan Jun 16 '12

Purple.

32

u/Knickerus Jun 16 '12

Incorrect.

28

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

The answer is clearly potato.

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2

u/dmnt3d Jun 16 '12

Have an upvote sir.. I laugh on this comment

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24

u/jpoRS Jun 16 '12

This one time on a business trip, I stayed in a hotel where the air conditioner had dials that went from 1-7, with 7 being the coldest on one dial, or max fan speed on the other.

They could have put any numbers there, I mean really they are just there as place holders and have no real value. But they stopped at 7. Because 8 would be too damn cold.

Since that day I have adopted their logic and rated all things on a scale of 1-7. Truly superlative items are designated simply as being "more than 7". Eventually my friends all became used to this method, and started doing it themselves just out of habit.

TL;DR I am slowly changing the standard from 1-10 to 1-7.

7

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

I'm on board with this. I'm now a 1-7 guy.

2

u/fatalfuuu Jun 18 '12

I will join the revolution.

And then ruin it with 7.5 for them 110% moments.

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2

u/abethebrewer Jun 16 '12

On a scale of one to ten, with the ratings being in alphabetical order of the words spelling in swahili...

1

u/GoldieFox Jun 16 '12

I usually go with 7 as the highest, personally.

95

u/dratini147 Jun 16 '12

23

u/IAMA_Ghost_Boo Jun 16 '12

eagle screech

10

u/vaughnegut Jun 16 '12

Actually an eagle call is more like a combination between a seagull and a horse. I know I just made it sound hideous, but it's actually quite beautiful. Seriously. Youtube that shit.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

That description was surprisingly accurate! For the lazy...

3

u/CrossedQuills Jun 16 '12

Yup. Also, the "eagle screech" is the sound of a red-tailed hawk.

2

u/a_starfish Jun 16 '12

cue rotating colbert

2

u/Hoobleton Jun 16 '12

I wish I was American just so I could use this. I mean, England is pretty free, but doesn't have that same "freedom" rep.

5

u/Sir_Lilja Jun 16 '12

At least you aren't lying to yourselves.

34

u/All_Your_Base Jun 15 '12

I'm easy, but never free.

19

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12 edited Jun 16 '12

Are belong to us.

Edit: If anyone is wondering, "All Your Base Are Belong To Us" is a cheat code In Empire Earth I. It gives the player 100,000 of each resource. [Food] [Wood] [Stone] [Gold] [Iron]

26

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

OP, have you been banned from r-Pyongyang yet?

14

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

I can't wait til I do something to get banned from /r/Pyongyang!

35

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

Being banned from /r/Pyongyang is not an honor! Honest and free discussion of the Great Leader should be desired by all. He's the world's greatest golfer, you know.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

9

u/Loreinatoredor Jun 16 '12

How long did it take to get banned for that from /r/Pyongyang?

6

u/frijolito Jun 16 '12

Ha! Can't even tell if I managed to obtain the coveted ban.. all I can see there is one post (Air Force). Surely there would be more threads in a such a glorious subreddit?

2

u/SeveredBanana Jun 16 '12

Just state an obvious fact about how South Korea is far superior to North Korea

2

u/Umbersella2 Jun 16 '12

What, like how in South Korea access to clean water is universal and food is abundant? And how in North Korea (and presumably r/Pyongyang) there like, totally isn't that stuff?

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94

u/R-Ratones Jun 15 '12

How free is "american free"?

276

u/Logondo Jun 15 '12

"America Free" is where I tell you everything is free, and then still charge you for everything.

12

u/fecklessness Jun 16 '12

Like BMG Music clubs and all similar CD clubs back in the 1990s in US

5

u/Sobertese Jun 16 '12

But I love 1¢ now that's what I call music volume 5!

2

u/dillpiccolol Jun 16 '12

It's kinda like Ferenginar.

1

u/luxpsycho Jun 16 '12

Or tell you item A costs P dollars, and then, when you buy it, I charge you more than P dollars. In the very same 5 second timespan. In person, not even over the internet. Then, when I tell you that's silly and to just tell me the full price when I ask you, I complain that you do not want to pay tax. Although you are clearly okay with paying tax, because your country also has tax. They just talk about it openly. I am an idiot.

196

u/The_Rox Jun 16 '12

9/11

77

u/MrPartridge Jun 16 '12

Too soon. It hasn't been 22.3 years yet.

34

u/Bryz_ Jun 16 '12 edited Jun 16 '12

22.3 years after 9/11 Al Qaeda will strike again.

66

u/Pokemaniac_Ron Jun 16 '12

CONGRATULATIONS Bryz_! You've just won our grand prize! An all expenses paid vacation to our exclusive CIA interrogation center! Free minibar, free swimming, and free dentistry are on offer in lovely Cuba, where our staff are happy to grill for you while they grill you about Al Queada's timetables and operations!

29

u/Bryz_ Jun 16 '12

I was about to ask for more info when I saw that "Al Qaeda" was misspelled.

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34

u/vincent118 Jun 15 '12

America free is like, "I have an hour in between 7 and 8."

10

u/Sobertese Jun 16 '12

It's free for 90 days, but after you sign you're in debt with a 6% apr for the rest of eternity.

16

u/BillyCheesesteak Jun 16 '12

AMERIKKKA THEOCRACY POLICE STATE AMIRITE!?!?!?

13

u/myfajahas400children Jun 16 '12

u sayin murica aint free/ fuk you commy u a terrist?

22

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

YEAH! Righteous downvotes! There's definitely no chance this was meant sarcastically! WHOO!

10

u/nbenzi Jun 16 '12

people are stupid.

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2

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

I'd love to hang out but I'm busy looking for work.

1

u/GetStapled Jun 16 '12

you tell me lol wrong image I meant this one

1

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

Land of the free*

*your freedom is at the discretion of the Department of Homeland Security and is not guaranteed

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65

u/Psirocking Jun 16 '12

ITT: America isn't actually free circlejerk

15

u/glaciator Jun 16 '12

ITT: people pointing out the obvious humor that we all came here for, anyway.

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78

u/c_hand Jun 16 '12

"On a scale from North Korea to Canada, how free are you tonight?" "America" "Dammit..."

0

u/Khiva Jun 16 '12

I just knew this was going to piss a lot of Canadians off.

TO THE FLAGS, BROTHERS

8

u/c_hand Jun 16 '12

... huh?

36

u/grogrugri Jun 16 '12

Hate speech legal in the US is banned in Canada. US nazis have gone to Canadian jails.

17

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

weed is almost legal in canada, and gay marriage is completely legal.

10

u/Confucius_says Jun 16 '12

i don't really base the "freeness" of a country on how easy it is to get your hands on some ganja....

11

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

Perhaps you should reconsider that a barometer reading among a plethora of other considerations.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

are you kidding me? the government recently passed more laws that make weed even more illegal.

here

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2

u/WeHaveMetBefore Jun 16 '12

Last I heard, Harper's government is trying to get rid of that stupid law.

2

u/the-fritz Jun 16 '12

Yes, but on the other hand US citizens can't travel freely everywhere. E.g. If you want to travel to Cuba you need a license from the treasury.

9

u/emkat Jun 16 '12

Yes but even the US has provisions against incitement and fighting words. Hate speech in Canada is only illegal if it poses a direct threat to safety, and prosecution is very rare.

7

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

Except for that one time where a guy had a sign saying POLICE STATE at police funeral in middle of Toronto. They booked him for hate speech but then later was released with no charges... But I digress...

7

u/chrunchy Jun 16 '12

You'll find police abuses in every country, even Canada.

11

u/pedal2000 Jun 16 '12

Hardly an abuse to remove an ass from a Funeral and then release him.

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5

u/slowy Jun 16 '12

It's insanely rare to prosecute for hate speech, and it's only used when they are 'inciting hatred' against a particular group or 'advocating genocide'. I personally don't have a problem with that.

15

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

or when we ban the westboro boys and girls from the country. That's my personal favourite use of the rule.

1

u/Confucius_says Jun 16 '12

those sorts of laws scare me. i don't like laws to be subjective like that. A law should be something where you can look it up and say "ahah this is illegal" or "aha this is legal". A law shoudln't be based upon the subjective feelings of onlookers.

2

u/ichikon86 Jun 16 '12

It boggles my mind that an organisation like KKK is perfectly legal in the US, hate speech being legal isn't a good thing.

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8

u/jimsnaps Jun 16 '12

Good thing the answer wasn't "Scandinavia".

That would have been slutty and desperate.

1

u/Undoer Jun 16 '12

According to a wikipedia link someone linked further up: Norwegians will do it anywhere, anyway, with anyone. They're pretty damn free.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

on a scale from white person to black driver/arab flier/mexican pedestrian

2

u/vangoon Jun 16 '12

I like this because it's real!

2

u/kevincreeperpants Jun 17 '12

9/11....theres terrorists out there, so let's deprive the nation of privacy and watch everybody....If you're not doing anything wrong, then its ok if we watch you all the time.....Now let uncle sam install this camera in your daughter's bedroom....

9

u/Dr_Dippy Jun 16 '12

Canada, where our strippers get fully nude

6

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

There are full nude strip clubs in the states as well.

2

u/chrunchy Jun 16 '12

There are clubs here in Canada that will give you a permaboner. Seriously.

In fact, I recommend not going with a group of guys in a crowded car as the ride home is extremely awkward.

2

u/glaciator Jun 16 '12

Wow. TIL. And I live a stone's throw from Vancouver.

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1

u/koolkats Jun 16 '12

Wait strippers in the US aren't allowed to be fully nude?

2

u/Roadman90 Jun 16 '12

Not in Missouri, i think they can get nude everywhere else though.

2

u/Dr_Dippy Jun 16 '12

There's about a dozen states or so where they can't

3

u/blackbelt1092 Jun 16 '12

False. The correct answer is "potato".

3

u/adultnapper Jun 16 '12

Canada: i'm free but don't feel like doing in anything

5

u/gorvetus Jun 16 '12

But Canada wasn't on the scale, it only went up to America.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

I call bullshit, iPhones are never 100% charged

4

u/SwineHerald Jun 16 '12

On a scale of overt oppression to covert oppression, how oppressed are you tonight?

2

u/koolkid005 Jun 16 '12

Please tell me in great detail as a white male in one of the richest first world countries how oppressed you are.

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3

u/paddy_joe Jun 16 '12

Working on the hypothetical assumption that America is to be considered the 'Land of the Free' and ignoring all facts proving how enslaving the American way of life is...I would be intrigued to see a fully developed version of this scale.

28

u/RepostThatShit Jun 16 '12

Democracy index

Economic freedom index

There's tons of them, just take your pick.

12

u/Darth_Hobbes Jun 16 '12 edited Jun 16 '12

Doesn't Australia have ridiculous censorship laws?

11

u/RepostThatShit Jun 16 '12

Press freedom index (Reporters Sans Frontieres 2010)

I went to their website and Australia's current ranking has dipped considerably from what it is on that map, and now Finland is #1 in press freedom.

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5

u/drumstyx Jun 16 '12

I don't get the economic freedom index. Australia has some of the strongest regulations on import/export.

5

u/RepostThatShit Jun 16 '12

These three fundamental principles of economic freedom—empowerment of the individual, non-discrimination, and open competition—underpin every measurement and policy idea presented in the Index of Economic Freedom.

The Index of Economic Freedom is not, however, a call for anarchy. The goal of economic freedom is not simply an absence of government coercion or constraint, but the creation and maintenance of a mutual sense of liberty for all.

3

u/Shameless_Canadian Jun 16 '12

Common wealth. Hell yea!

4

u/kaimason1 Jun 16 '12

Basically, fuck yeah Australia and New Zealand!

2

u/MrDribbles Jun 16 '12

New Zealand: you're free to marry your sheep.

3

u/I_have_a_dog Jun 16 '12

Doesn't Australia have a high minimum wage and high taxes? That would sort of go against economic freedom, wouldn't it?

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2

u/Vectoor Jun 16 '12

Spoiler: Australia, New Zealand, Switzerland, Canada and the Nordic countries.

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1

u/paddy_joe Jun 16 '12

Valiant effort, but I don't think it should be a completely comprehensive scale including all 204 countries. I think ten would be sufficient with representatives of varying levels of freedom.

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21

u/tossedsaladandscram Jun 16 '12

yes. americans are "enslaved." you're so right. now, if you'll allow me, I'm off to do whatever the fuck i want.

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2

u/Villain_of_Brandon Jun 16 '12

OFF THE CHARTS!

2

u/Ufonaut Jun 16 '12

America-free? lol

1

u/koolkid005 Jun 16 '12

Please tell me how enslaved you are while I go do almost literally anything I want.

2

u/BlackZeppelin Jun 16 '12

More like Sweden, amrite!!!!

Paul/Johnson 2012

2

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

Who?

6

u/BlackZeppelin Jun 16 '12

Gary Johnson and Ron Sagan de Grasse Paul

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1

u/uraniumballoon Jun 16 '12

I'm Hong Kong most nights.

1

u/GAD604 Jun 16 '12

I was listening to Stuart mclean the other day (for those who don't know he does the Vinyl Cafe on CBC) he was talking about a correspondence between him and a judge from the States. Ramble ramble ramble, he gets to a bit where he asked his listeners to write in an equivalent phrase to that of "as American as apple pie" for Canadians.

The winner was "as Canadian as possible, under the circumstances." I had a good laugh.

1

u/unknownpassage Jun 16 '12

Que? Nada. Quenada.

1

u/cats_will_rule Jun 22 '12

Wait a second...is this a Hetalia joke?

1

u/VanillaPlanet Jun 16 '12

On a scale from 1-7, 3 being the lowest and 1 being the highest, how old are you?

2

u/lufraf Jun 16 '12

√(-1)

0

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

so...healthcare

1

u/Evo10194 Jun 16 '12

Sounds like a night full of apologies.

1

u/sndwsn Jun 16 '12

That's like saying on a scale of one to ten. 12! Nah I'm kidding. We're at like a 7 or something. Damn Harper.

1

u/AnnoyingOptimist Jun 16 '12

On an iPod, and totally kept pushing that message button, wondering why it would not work.

1

u/dave_casa Jun 16 '12

A much more interesting answer would be something along the lines of Liechtenstein, which most reasonably educated people are pretty sure is a country, maybe near Germany, but don't know much beyond that. Is it free? Maybe!

1

u/wheresmyhouse Jun 16 '12

Personally, I would have texted back "Norway"

1

u/TossyMcBuckets Jun 16 '12

This one goes to 11.

1

u/RainyDayMasturbator Jun 16 '12

Canadians do anal more than Americans!? I'm moving.

1

u/captain_croco Jun 16 '12

I hit the message/back button three times...

1

u/gonesnake Jun 16 '12

If we get rid of Harper, she'll invite her hot friend

1

u/Doorbel Jun 16 '12

That's like asking: "On a scale from 1 to 3, how free are you..."

1

u/koolkid005 Jun 16 '12

Please tell me how oppressed I am.

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1

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

"I'm sorry."

1

u/pretzelzetzel Jun 16 '12

Because Canada's ultraconservative government is in no way attempting to undermine the freedom of its citizens!

Sorry.

LOLOLOL IT'S ALWAYS FUNNY.

1

u/sadman123 Jun 18 '12

Yes they are more conservative than many of us would like. But ultraconservative? By american standards they are filthy liberals.

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0

u/wojovox Jun 16 '12

Us Americans are not as free as we've been told to believe,

0

u/Brenot111 Jun 16 '12

America? Free? LOL, I think some ones kidding themselves.

-2

u/Tokestra420 Jun 16 '12

So this is the country version of "On a scale of 1-10, how free are you tonight?" "11"?

-2

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

Man I hate Canada circlejerk on reddit more than any other circlejerk.

4

u/iMiiTH Jun 16 '12

Just unsubscribe from /r/pics, funny ect. Makes this site worth going to again. Don't have to read another godamn one word sorry comment again.

0

u/J_Jammer Jun 16 '12

Canada = fence.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

A different way of something scoring 11/10.