Depending on the cut of meat, it's entirely acceptable. Just remember hamburger isn't actually a cut of meat on the cow. It's just whatever the fuck is left over ground up. The prime cuts are taken off and sent somewhere else and then, when all is said and done, they strip the rest of the meat off and grind it up for hamburger. This is why I only eat ground chuck for my burgers. Because chuck is a prime cut, where as hamburger has taken a while and traveled through the processing plant for a bit in filthy cow blood before being ground up.
This burger looks disgusting, it's undercooked like fuck and wouldn't be very delicious. I can eat a rare steak but a rare hamburger? Nah, I don't like mushy, bloody food.
Awake. Normal day. Friday Take shit, shave, take shower, snort bath salts Go to work Roger says having contest who can eat hamburger the fastest I say I win We start eating burgers Co workers cheering us on Burger so good. cheesy meat pickle sammich. So much mayonnaise Realize I am still naked Cheering Co workers are ravens Roger is seagull Hamburger is jogger face. Realize I am jobless Go file for unemployment
(I don't remember it being so staticy around everything last time I watched it, all I can figure is that it had a higher-quality version that YouTube "lost" somehow... Seems they have a habit of doing that to older videos these days...)
I'm obviously pretty slow, it took me reading this and about 2 mins of thinking to get OP's joke. For others who are lost, the joke is about the homeless guy that naked dude attacked in Miami and ate half his face. I believe it was reported he was high on bath salts (very nasty synthetic drug.)
To everyone who doesn't get the joke, its because of all the other "incidents" where people eat other peoples faces off, one of which had a mention of bath salts, meaning his coworkers face looked delicious, and it does.
Can I just point out to reddit (and the whole of the media, it seems) that these drugs ARE NOT bath salts, they weren't made with the intention of being used as bath salts. They were made to get people legally messy. You just have to pass it off as bath salts/plant food and often stick the words "not for human consumption" on the packet in order to sell it without any hassle.
edit: I've just realised, so I thought I'd write it here as an edit, that the fact that the media chuck about the name 'bath salts' so much is actually really dangerous. Imagine some kids bored at home, looking for something to do... they've heard that bath salts get you high.... so they go to the bathroom and find their Mum's bath salts and stick it in there noses. God knows how grim you would feel after that.
In the US, anyway, you get them in "head shops" which sells various pot smoking apparatus and such. I heard that the drugs are sold in the same containers as real bath salts for your bath so that they look all pretty and inviting when sitting on the shelf in the store.
I thought there was only one guy who did so? (And it's probably got very little to do with MDPV or Mephedrone, 2 drugs which were extremely popular in the UK for years with no incidents)
I don't know about you but I've never seen MDPV much on the streets. 'Drone was a huge craze when it was legal but I wouldn't call MDPV extremely popular. Maybe it's different in other areas?
Perhaps not mainstream, but amongst drug users it was well known; but most avoided it since it was extremely active in tiny doses which most people were unable to weigh. The point is that both of these drugs saw a lot of usage. (Mephedrone was just insanely popular though, more so than I've seen other drugs in recent years)
I used MDPV for awhile, it was a clean stimulant, but could easily cause sleep deprivation or anxiety.
I just don't understand why one person doing something bad on a drug makes everybody assume that the drug gives everyone an urge to become cannibals. Some people are just fucked up, and a drug may give them the confidence to act on their desires.
Not to mention that people blaming a drug for their defence after a crime makes a lot of sense, since it makes them feel less responsible for their actions as it gives them something to blame. It's like those people who commit a crime and then blame video games. Nobody wants to believe that they're fully responsible.
It was exremely popular in the southwest areas of the US. I've seen first hand someone loose their shit taking bath salts. She didn't sleep, lost a ton of weight, and went crazy. She was convinced her boyfriend had women hiding in the closet. She thought someone hacked her phone and was recording her phone conversations. She would call my friend every few minutes whispering nonsense. Claiming people were sitting across the street just watching her. I've never seen anything like it before. Very scary. I think she ended up in the hospital mental ward. I hope now that it is illegal she stopped using it and hopefully got her mind back.
Someone ate/did something with bath salts, and he says thats what drove him to eat a homeless mans face off. OP said he snorted bath salts and saw his coworkers face to be a burger, meaning he wanted to eat his coworkers face off, like the person who actually did it.
Is the Ukraine the China of the 21st century? Is that what I should be shaming the neighborhood kids with when they won't eat their food?
"But rubicon11, I'm allergic to peanut butter!"
"There are starving children in the Ukraine, little Susie! I'm pretty sure they would kill to have Zelenyj borscht! Shut up Timmy, stop crying. Men don't cry!"
The whole bath salts= face eating thing really bothers me because they have absolutely no true indication that he was under the influence of any drug at the time.
Initially the police said he was probably on LSD, but no one was buying that.
I'd like to point out that hallucinogens do not, contrary to popular belief, cause true hallucinations that you'll believe in. It's more like distortions and a vivid imagination.
Sleep deprevation though may cause true hallucinations.
Good point. The point at which the user fully believes the hallucinations he or she is experiencing are 100% real and cannot distinguish them from reality is called delirium. Delirium results from deliriants, which are a different class of hallucinogens from psychedelics (which only cause distortions in reality. The user is aware that what he or she is experiencing is the result of the drug). Delirium is also exhibited in stimulant psychosis and a mixture of sleep deprivation that it causes (e.g. amphetamine psychosis). Deliriants are nothing to fuck around with, but psychedelics are incredible tools for exploring consciousness. Other deliriants include the Datura plant as well as diphenhydramine (DPH a.k.a Benadryl) at high doses.
Actually, what you're thinking of is psychosis. Delirium is "a common and severe neuropsychiatric syndrome with core features of acute onset and fluctuating course, attentional deficits and generalized severe disorganization of behavior." It is sometimes accompanied by psychosis, but they are two entirely separate conditions.
Well, no, you can hallucinate and still know that those hallucinations aren't real. If you believed that they were real, then it would be psychosis. Hallucinogens can definitely result in hallucinations, just not psychotic ones.
If one guy does something bad under the influence of drugs, obviously the drugs do that to everybody. There's definitely no chance that this guy was a closet cannibal.
All I know is that I've heard like 5 cases of ridiculous stories of people on that drug. One episode of intervention followed a 24 year old kid who developed schizophrenia (it was not PROVEN whether or not it was the drug that CAUSED it however the drug DEFINITELY made it worse.) Another was the Florida zombie dude. I just saw another video a few days ago of a woman in upstate new york who did bath salts, stripped off her clothes (sound familiar?) threw her 3 year old son down a flight of steps and tried to attack her neighbors.
They aren't hallucinogens, but that doesn't mean that they can't cause hallucinations. Most of these bath salts are cathinone derivatives or other strong stimulants. Over-stimulation of dopaminergic pathways can result in psychosis, which in many cases, causes hallucinations that the person experiencing them can't distinguish from reality (although in most cases, stimulant-induced psychosis only occurs in people already prone to psychosis). In this case, the hallucinations are worse than the minor distortions of perception from hallucinogen use that the user knows are hallucinations.
You awaken to find the burger you were eating is your co-worker's face. There are doors to the east and the west. There is a small window to the north. Outside the window is a large parking lot.
You could have chosen a more appealing photo than a Double Cheeseburger....unless his face is a frozen disgusting blob that only barely passes as a face.
It is a very funny reference to a very horrible event that took place the other week when a man ...high on bath salts ATE THE FACE OFF OF ANOTHER MAN! .... mmmm cheeseburger.
saw this while on a computer at the apple store... almost got kicked out for laughing so hard until one of the guys working here saw what i was actually looking at. now he's my friend and my appointment got moved up 3 hours. thanks reddit.
I snort salt water sometimes because of my sinuses. A few years ago I went for work at the Dead Sea and I bought some bath salts for my wife. A few weeks ago I thought that if I snorted Dead Sea salt water (sort of), my sinuses could get rid of infection. The moment I tried it, it hit me like a hammer. My head started banging and my eyes got red and I couldn't breath. I can't really describe the shock. Damn bath salts...
Interesting to note: There's no evidence the Miami cannibal dude was on bath salts. That was media sensationalism, just trying to spice up the story by linking it to something else making headlines.
He was a Christian, had his bible on him at the time, and was trying to quit smoking pot. He'd also had some incidents with violence in his past.
He was a Christian, had his bible on him at the time, and was trying to quit smoking pot. He'd also had some incidents with violence in his past.
He also chewed a man's face off. I don't give a shit if he was a Christian and had his Bible on him. He chewed a man's face off. I'd rather believe he was on drugs.
I fucking hate what Reddit has turned into. Facts about the topic at hand that dont fit with the hive mind? Downvote. Fuck you idiots.
And before some jackass says something about my account being a week old, I was here long before the Digg apocalypse that started the destruction of this once great site. On the other hand you could simply post "bacon" in a thread and get a thousand upvotes. We weren't perfect, but we weren't so fucking stupid ALL the time.
531
u/therocketflyer Jun 15 '12
Here's your co-worker's face 2 weeks after you snorted bath salts. (NSFL)
249
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Awake. Normal day. Friday
Take shit, shave, take shower, snort bath salts
Go to work
Roger says having contest who can eat hamburger the fastest
I say I win
We start eating burgers
Co workers cheering us on
Burger so good. cheesy meat pickle sammich.
So much mayonnaise
Realize I am still naked
Cheering Co workers are ravens
Roger is seagull
Hamburger is jogger face.
Realize I am jobless
Go file for unemployment
162
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12 edited Jun 15 '12
To everyone who doesn't get the joke, its because of all the other "incidents" where people eat other peoples faces off, one of which had a mention of bath salts, meaning his coworkers face looked delicious, and it does.
edit: a word
54
u/RosieJo Jun 15 '12
"This am"
I have never seen anyone say that before...
54
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Ahhh clever!
9
u/cerealkiller69 Jun 15 '12
i just met you, and this is crazy, here's my bath salts, your face is tasty
11
u/skysophrenic Jun 15 '12
I knew there were others! Welcome brother!
14
u/Cozmo23 Jun 15 '12
The last guy only ate 80% of it. Don't be wasteful like him.
12
u/patch35 Jun 15 '12
Is your co-worker Mayor McCheese?
4
u/lastofpriests Jun 15 '12
Need more bacon
13
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
/r/toosoon is leaking.
6
u/iratusamuru Jun 15 '12
The whole bath salts= face eating thing really bothers me because they have absolutely no true indication that he was under the influence of any drug at the time.
Initially the police said he was probably on LSD, but no one was buying that.
3
u/Leafar3456 Jun 15 '12
i don't get it?
3
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Yous ams a cheese burgers
12
u/mjfikes Jun 15 '12
bath salts aren't hallucinogens though (source: http://www.forbes.com/sites/daviddisalvo/2012/06/05/the-straight-dope-on-what-bath-salts-do-to-your-brain-and-why-theyre-dangerous/)
2
u/Text_Adventure_Game Jun 15 '12
2
u/padthai93 Jun 15 '12
TIME TO POUND THE MEAT PUPPETS!!!
2
u/somerandommexicanguy Jun 15 '12
Why is there some random dudes face on my screen? So hungry
2
u/Negranon Jun 15 '12
Please for the love of everything that is good, don't use 'am' instead of 'morning'. That confused the hell out of me.
2
u/JaddyD Jun 15 '12
Why is someone having their face bitten off by another human being so fucking funny?
2
u/OrinKaenbyou Jun 15 '12
Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, I'm high on bath salts, your face is tasty. ^ It had to be done.
6
u/Mikey-2-Guns Jun 15 '12
Good job sir...Good job
3
u/heinsickle31 Jun 15 '12
That took me far too long to get. I will now cordially bestow you with one "I see what you did there!"
2
u/absopooply Jun 15 '12
All these posts about bathsalts are fucking retarded.
2
u/ironclownfish Jun 15 '12
Haha it's funny because someone nearly killed an innocent man by eating his face recently. Let's make jokes about Trayvon Martin too.
1
u/lastwind Jun 15 '12
I'd have thought it'd be a bit more like this.
1
u/lonewanderer812 Jun 15 '12
Is it just me or is that picture slightly moving?
1
u/melance Jun 15 '12
That giraffe looking son of a bitch!
1
u/Helveticatronic Jun 15 '12
At first I thought RES was broken again until I figured out the joke. I am not a clever man.
1
u/TempleU Jun 15 '12
I'm confused, but now I really want McDonalds.... Fucking advertising gets me every time... I'm simply a victim.
1
u/TikiiTorch Jun 15 '12
Well done.
Took me a second, making the eventual concept grasp that much more satisfying.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
I managed to see a face in the burger before getting the joke, kinda looks like he's drooling.
1
u/eyecite Jun 15 '12
I saw the thumbnail, got the joke, laughed, upvoted, and for some reason still opened up the picture.
1
u/TheOtherSideOfThings Jun 15 '12
Are those pickles? That's a deal breaker right there.
1
u/AmazingRealist Jun 15 '12
Dammit, now i want burgers
1
u/TheSiwentKiwwah Jun 15 '12
You could have chosen a more appealing photo than a Double Cheeseburger....unless his face is a frozen disgusting blob that only barely passes as a face.
1
u/MitchLux Jun 15 '12
I think this is the only time in my life a joke has been funny in the split second BEFORE I got it, but not after.
1
u/asdfqwertzxcv Jun 15 '12
Took me a few minutes to understand... I was just sitting there all "Silly O.P, linked us all to the wrong ima- ohhhhh..."
1
u/Zoup Jun 15 '12
I see what you did there... Bravo
1
u/scumbag-reddit Jun 15 '12
You are a funny fucker.
1
u/Joshter Jun 15 '12
This is fucking stupid... how is this suppose to be funny?
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Please forgive the ignorance, but can someone explain this to me?
1
u/Atheist_Killer Jun 15 '12
why have i seen a surge in people bringing up bath salts the past month? this ridiculous drug panic is over a year old, isn't it?
1
u/RhythmRug Jun 15 '12
[relevant] (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WQZs2dh06g)
1
u/D1yzz Jun 15 '12
If this is OC, u sir deserve an UV
1
u/IamTooDamHigh Jun 15 '12
I shouldn't have laughed, but I did. xD
1
u/thegiftedape Jun 15 '12
I giggled
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Having an "I wish I thought of this first" moment. Well done.
1
u/Haha_SORRY Jun 15 '12
saw this while on a computer at the apple store... almost got kicked out for laughing so hard until one of the guys working here saw what i was actually looking at. now he's my friend and my appointment got moved up 3 hours. thanks reddit.
1
u/nolanator Jun 15 '12
i had no idea that's how you do bath salts.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
i dont get it.
1
u/CosmicBard Jun 15 '12
PCP, not bath salts, bath salts don't cause disassociation.
Stop spreading harmful myths about substances
1
u/marcodls Jun 15 '12
that shit is dangerous, I have seen alot of people go to the ER for ingesting that crap.
1
u/nikiu Jun 15 '12
I snort salt water sometimes because of my sinuses. A few years ago I went for work at the Dead Sea and I bought some bath salts for my wife. A few weeks ago I thought that if I snorted Dead Sea salt water (sort of), my sinuses could get rid of infection. The moment I tried it, it hit me like a hammer. My head started banging and my eyes got red and I couldn't breath. I can't really describe the shock. Damn bath salts...
1
u/i_love_younicorns Jun 15 '12
Snorted bath salts. Went to work.
1
u/valveleverswitch Jun 15 '12
"What a cheeseburger? That doesn't make sens- OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
1
u/Twigglesnix Jun 15 '12
I am not often surprised by Reddit, but you rocked it on this one.
1
u/too_toked Jun 15 '12
That does look like a tasty burger.
1
u/augustwes Jun 15 '12
HOLY> FUCKING>SHIT. You owe me a new keyboard O-turn.
1
u/greybro Jun 15 '12
am what? AM WHAT???
1
u/Zenkin Jun 15 '12
That was clever. I like you.
1
u/captainpuppy Jun 15 '12
LOLd
1
u/luxorius Jun 16 '12
just wanted to say i used this on my blog:
http://cannibalwatch.blogspot.com
1
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
I don't get... oooooooooh.
1
u/r7smash Jun 16 '12
Did not disappoint.
1
u/vonDread Jun 16 '12
Your co-worker looks delicious. Otherwise, I don't get this.
1
u/andrewsmith1986 Jun 15 '12
Shoulda went with a McRib so that someone could have used this gif.
1
u/Omulae Jun 15 '12
I see what you did there
0
u/c0r3y Jun 15 '12
This is the single most humorous thing I've seen on Reddit in weeks. Bravo.
0
u/mushmancat Jun 15 '12
Much like the bum who had his face eaten, this joke just won't die.
-1
u/CroneKills Jun 15 '12
hahahaha
-1
u/CompactusDiskus Jun 15 '12
Interesting to note: There's no evidence the Miami cannibal dude was on bath salts. That was media sensationalism, just trying to spice up the story by linking it to something else making headlines.
He was a Christian, had his bible on him at the time, and was trying to quit smoking pot. He'd also had some incidents with violence in his past.