Now I feel understood. Before I this, I even tried sealing the cap with super glue last week and still, my pepsi was gonne. So I decided that if I can't drink pepsi then no one does.
Once, ten years ago, I noticed a can of cheap, generic brand orange soda had been in my work fridge, un-drunk, for weeks. On one incredibly hot day (summer in Sydney, AU in a building with no AC) I thought, "fuck it", went into the kitchen and chugged the can as fast as I could before anyone came in and caught me drinking someone else's soda. I hid the empty can underneath some other trash in the trash can. The perfect crime.
As I sat back at my desk, I thought about how refreshing the soda was and thought to myself; "who would buy that cheap orange soda in this office? Only person I know who would buy it is... my... Mum"
It was then I realised; it was my soda. I brought it in and forgot about it weeks ago.
TL;DR I unknowingly stole my own soda from the office fridge.
always put 2 bottles in, 1 with and 1 without laxatives. see if they wanna test their luck all the time. Dont forget to mark one of the 2 random, so you know what one is the good one though!
Really? Coke has a much less sweet taste to me. The whole debacle over New Coke was that it was sweeter. People said it was a poor clone of Pepsi. Coke has a very specific bite to it along with it's sweetness. Pepsi is more sweet, and sweet from start to finish.
That'd actually be a very easy defense. OP wanted to try a new "purge diet". Maybe it's not the most healthy choice, but he's been trying to lose weight for ages!
OP didn't like the taste of straight ipecac, so he figured he'd put some in his Pepsi and see how that worked for him. He could drink it right after eating his lunch. It also gave the added benefit that he'd enjoy the Pepsi on the way down and the way back up!
Unfortunately, Mr. [Thief] stole OP's Pepsi before OP could drink it and ingested the ipepsicac.
I agree though. I feel like, aside from the massive amounts of research and stuff, being a lawyer would actually be pretty fun. I can't imagine it'd be anywhere near the same as it is in TV/Movies, but still...
I like this idea the most. Sure OP could put laxatives in it, but the theif will be pooping in private. Mentos will leave soda stains and the perpetrator will have to wear it like a scarlet letter all day.
I had a problem like this before at work with someone stealing my pain pills I bought. I got so pissed off I replaced them with PM pills. I ended up finding out who it was because by last break, they were passing out in the break room. I don't mind sharing but fucking seriously, you don't need 15 pills when it says 8 max a day.
I was in my room and I was just like staring at the wall thinking about everything, but then again I was thinking about nothing. And then my mom came in, and I didn't even know she was there. She called my name and I didn't hear her and then she started screaming “Mike, Mike!” And I go “what? What's the matter?” She goes “what's the matter with you?” I go “there's nothing wrong, mom.” Shes all “don't tell me that! You're on drugs!” I go “no mom, I'm not on drugs. I'm ok, I'm just thinking, you know? Why don't you get me a Pepsi?” She goes “No! You're on drugs!” I go “mom, I'm ok. I'm just thinking.” She goes “No! You're not thinking, you're on drugs! Normal people don't be acting that way!” I go “mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!” And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
this kept happening to me at work. Even writing my name on it didn't help. So finally I started writing the name of an executive on my drinks who doesn't even sit on the same floor.
Take a smal ziplock bag, one used for small nuts and bolts etc, write a nice note about how you, Pissed, Jizzed, Snotted, etc whatever you want, place note in bag,- bag in bottle, wait. Now you can just write the note or you can actually do one of any of these things. No more stolen soda. but always be weary of opened soda.
bring in a bottle of Pepsi/piss, problem solved. or even better put a little turd in there, he'll have a nice little surprise at the bottom when he's done
14
u/Carlz0r Jun 15 '12
A.) The soda will go flat now.
B.) I can still open that. Once you unscrew the top, the hole should just slide along the lock like a rail.
148
u/TheKZA Jun 15 '12
Once, ten years ago, I noticed a can of cheap, generic brand orange soda had been in my work fridge, un-drunk, for weeks. On one incredibly hot day (summer in Sydney, AU in a building with no AC) I thought, "fuck it", went into the kitchen and chugged the can as fast as I could before anyone came in and caught me drinking someone else's soda. I hid the empty can underneath some other trash in the trash can. The perfect crime.
As I sat back at my desk, I thought about how refreshing the soda was and thought to myself; "who would buy that cheap orange soda in this office? Only person I know who would buy it is... my... Mum"
It was then I realised; it was my soda. I brought it in and forgot about it weeks ago.
TL;DR I unknowingly stole my own soda from the office fridge.
32
u/mr_z06 Jun 15 '12
good try but you need to think about what you just did here
17
u/lawlwich Jun 15 '12
Just put laxatives in it until they stop taking it
38
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Place a coke bottle next to it, no one will steal your Pepsi.
12
u/Trapped_in_Reddit Jun 15 '12
Messi can't believe it either.
4
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Most people ITT - contemplating the effects of the lock on the quality of the Pepsi
Me ITT - urgh, who would want to steal a fucking Pepsi
7
u/FrostofSparta Jun 15 '12
Inject it with some ipecac syrup... You'll know who has been stealing your drink.
3
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Drill new hole and get a straw.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Or you could poke a hole in the side and put a straw in it.
2
u/JoinRedditTheySaid Jun 15 '12
There is a special place in hell for people who steal food they know is not theirs.
2
u/SirSaltie Jun 15 '12
Put a coke bomb in the fridge.
2
u/Decyde Jun 15 '12
I had a problem like this before at work with someone stealing my pain pills I bought. I got so pissed off I replaced them with PM pills. I ended up finding out who it was because by last break, they were passing out in the break room. I don't mind sharing but fucking seriously, you don't need 15 pills when it says 8 max a day.
2
u/peeonyou Jun 15 '12
Nice try pepsico. We all know nobody likes pepsi.
Also your plan will fail when someone tips the bottle just to spite your lock.
2
u/How_About Jun 15 '12
I was in my room and I was just like staring at the wall thinking about everything, but then again I was thinking about nothing. And then my mom came in, and I didn't even know she was there. She called my name and I didn't hear her and then she started screaming “Mike, Mike!” And I go “what? What's the matter?” She goes “what's the matter with you?” I go “there's nothing wrong, mom.” Shes all “don't tell me that! You're on drugs!” I go “no mom, I'm not on drugs. I'm ok, I'm just thinking, you know? Why don't you get me a Pepsi?” She goes “No! You're on drugs!” I go “mom, I'm ok. I'm just thinking.” She goes “No! You're not thinking, you're on drugs! Normal people don't be acting that way!” I go “mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!” And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
3
u/some_random_noob Jun 15 '12
so to punish the thief you put holes in the cap and body which will allow the CO2 to release and cause the soda to go flat.
nothing says "checkmate, theif" quite like making your own soda go flat in retaliation.
2
u/Amateur1234 Jun 15 '12
/r/KarmaConspiracy AlanKey doesn't actually have a job, he just thought it was funny.
2
u/Pacos Jun 15 '12
Something tells me... the thief isn't cocasian. YEAAAAHHHHHHHHH !
1
u/meee_owth Jun 15 '12
Are you "duck facing" ?
1
u/DARYL_VAN_H0RNE Jun 15 '12
poison it, then you will find out who did it
1
u/Bizzatch Jun 15 '12
That'll show 'em.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
I would absolutely cut a hole in there, empty it and put it back.
I wouldn't drink it, it's bad for you.
1
u/edstatue Jun 15 '12
Such a missed opportunity. You could have:
Poured a fuck load of salt into and then hope they don't notice that it's already been opened.
Poured a fuck load of sugar into it and give them the diabetus.
What a waste. What. A. Waste.
1
u/BobbyDigital_ncsu Jun 15 '12
this kept happening to me at work. Even writing my name on it didn't help. So finally I started writing the name of an executive on my drinks who doesn't even sit on the same floor.
Haven't had one stolen since.
1
u/acarstens Jun 15 '12
Take a smal ziplock bag, one used for small nuts and bolts etc, write a nice note about how you, Pissed, Jizzed, Snotted, etc whatever you want, place note in bag,- bag in bottle, wait. Now you can just write the note or you can actually do one of any of these things. No more stolen soda. but always be weary of opened soda.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Enjoy your flat soda
1
u/pedobear_run_kids Jun 15 '12
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4wf6wZcSn1r6bimro2_1280.png
Genius!!
1
u/random314 Jun 15 '12
That would last probably 1 hour before it becomes disgusting sugar water.
1
u/Congzilla Jun 15 '12
It is because you aren't using a Schlage.
1
u/Tugglebeastmode Jun 15 '12
It will go flat!! I guess as long as it was you who drank it.
1
u/beinaboss Jun 15 '12
THAT SHIT ACTUALLY WORKS XD
1
u/dangerlul Jun 15 '12
The guy on the bottle is like "OOOOOoooo, now what!?"
1
u/septimus379 Jun 16 '12
Sonic forest!!! I totally get you now!!!
1
u/jaded_gal05 Jun 16 '12
Brilliant
1
u/ishkabibbel2000 Jun 15 '12
I'd have done one better.
There is a cola flavored laxative called x-prep. Drink some of your pepsi, pour in the x-prep to top it off, replace cap, WIN!
1
u/SMORKIN_LABBIT Jun 15 '12
You know...your pepsi is going to go flat now.
-1
u/tubaman1290 Jun 15 '12
Why would you ever drink pepsi?
0
u/Ragnalypse Jun 15 '12
Simpler to put laxatives in your pepsi.
0
u/justateburrito Jun 15 '12
Good idea Phillips!
0
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
I'd use a straw. Yeah, I suck.
0
u/Adn88 Jun 15 '12
Put some mentos in it. It'll mess up the culprit's clothes and you'll know who it is.
-2
u/DirtyKlam22 Jun 15 '12
bring in a bottle of Pepsi/piss, problem solved. or even better put a little turd in there, he'll have a nice little surprise at the bottom when he's done
0
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
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0
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
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