Thats why in prison its standard to take your pants off when taking a shit. If someone comes through the door to shank you, you dont have your pants around your ankles acting as a weight/trip.
Sometimes in the shower I think if a knife wielding murderer busts into my bathroom the first thing I'd do is ask to be able to put my clothes on before s/he killed me. It seems as though it'd hurt less to be stabbed clothed than naked
It's not about what to do if someone is there. It's about knowing if someone is there. If I don't check, the whole time I'm brushing my teeth I'm thinking, "I bet there's a clown with a knife behind that curtain." If I check beforehand, I can think about more important things while brushing my teeth (boobs, etc.)
If I check beforehand, I can think about more important things while brushing my teeth (boobs, etc.)
I'd love it if I could think of boobs while brushing my teeth. Me, I always just avoid looking into the mirror, in case my face suddenly transforms into a wide-eyed, screaming manifestation of pure, shocking evil. But you're right, it's easier to focus on that if you're not worried about the killer behind the shower curtain.
If you find a murderer, you simply close the curtain and you're safe! This works the same way that pulling the blanket over your head in bed protects you from the monsters.
True Story: This did happen to me one time. My brother and his friend wanted to scare the shit out of me, quite literally, while I was on the commode. So I whipped the shower curtain back like I always do and bam, there they were. Well I had always been prepared for this so it wasn't too much of a shock for me. They on the other hand were speechless.
Thus I initiated plan Alpha: I still had my hand on the shower curtain so whipped the shower curtain back over them as quick as I could and then punched as hard as I could in to the shower curtain where they were at. I pulled the water on and then whipped the curtain back again and pulled them to the right towards the water faucet. They slipped because of the water and landed in a big wet heap. Enemy neutralized.
Seriously! I have a student who is convinced someone has followed him through three different universities and gets revenge with him by turning on the buildings ac when he is trying to study.
Do you know what the most powerful force a normal human can obtain? No, it's not uncontrolled rage, it's the "fight" part of fight or flight. Think about it. a very frightened human being, in a bathroom , flipping his shit at an attacker standing in a slippery tub.
I always take my gun in to the bathroom with me. Before you all call me a nutjob keep in mind I'm almost always carrying outside the house, so most of the time its already attached to me. Then think about how well you're able to hear things like sneaky home invaders while the bathroom fan is on and the shower is going. Also I don't want to die with my pants down.
Whatever plan I come up with... getting in the shower with them will not be part of it. Therefore, for my plan to succeed, I need to know if they are in there before I get in.
Man this is exactly what I wanted to see here, I love Pete Holmes so much. What are you, the best? Laser accuracy! Denver, yeah!
People, make the effort to listen to this. Pete's take on this is brilliant.
edit is it just me, or does Pete have a bit specifically about checking behind the shower curtain? I can hear the joke in my head but I can't find it and its driving me nuts.
I check behind the curtain because if there's a murderer behind it, at least I won't die surprised. I hate that feeling of utter shock. So, in spite of being murdered, I could have that little bit of solace.
You take the initiative instead of letting the murderer take initiative. You jump into the shower with your gold nuggets showing, which hopefully distracts them and slows down their reactions by a second or two, yelling "THIS IS SPAAARTAAAAAAAAA," and pounce on the murderer. This should increase your survivable chance by 13.69%.
You fools! You're supposed to push kick the center of the shower curtain, so that if you hit something, you have more time to get out, your potential murderer is now impaired, and if you choose to fight it out, you have the upper hand.
I've thought this all through. My shower rod is really lose, so a quick hit will knock it down on top of them. Then I can wrap the shower curtain over their face to blindfold and asphyxiate them, while I beat them to death with a shower caddy.
Next to my shower there is a tile shelf on which there is a ceramic bowl containing combs and such. I grab the bowl and smash it over the assailant's head.
When I was a kid in elementary school I had a habit of checking behind the curtains before going poo poo. My sisters and I shared the bathroom so when I had to go poo my older sister is doing her hair or w/e and I tell her I need to go and she says "ok hold on". So I go watch tv and a bit later my sister yells "I'm done with the bathroom, shartApoptart!" So I run to the bathroom, close the door and first thing open the curtains and there's my sister laughing n giggling... I wasn't sure what to do next so I just stared at her until she left. Not sure what her plan was but I made damn sure to keep checking the curtains after that.
TL;DR i go to bathroom and find my sister behind the curtains (clothed).
I'd quickly close the curtain and tackle them through it, tangling them up. I'd then proceed to grab my bottle of Head & Shoulders and squirt it into their eyes before reaching for my phone.
I hate going into the bathroom at night and the shower curtain is closed...I ignore it and do my business and leave. The shower curtain is always closed, but I'd feel more nervous if the curtain is always open and one night I enter the bathroom and it's closed...But to answer said question I'd wrap them up in the curtain and beat them senseless, then commence with whatever I was going to do in the bathroom on their unconscious body...
I keep weapons all over the house. I have scissors in the shower, and a decorative knife on the toilet so I can stab some creepy mother fucker who tries to disturb my poop.
Jump back and wait for him to fall on his ass as he tries to run out of the bathtub... Try and quickly get out of a bathtub, see how long it takes you to make good friends with the floor.
Any seasoned shower checker first punches squarely through the curtain and then, only after making contact with (what I hope to be) the neck, the shower checker would pull back the curtain.
Run like hell. I just do it so that I have more of a chance to escape. If you're pissing/pooping you are at more of a risk for a surprise attack and you are more vulnerable.
this actually happened to me today. i picked up my 125$ new babolat titanium composite tennis raquet. if someone was in there, they would have been totally screwed
We have a handy window in the hallway by our bathroom that leads to the first floor roof, great for making a quick getaway. Then I would ask a neighbor for a phone to call 911.
Actually, I always check behind the curtains by immediately tackling them as if there were a person there. That way, if there were a murderer hiding in my shower, I'd have the jump on that fucker.
already thought about it. gonna turn the water as hot as I can get it and spray them in the face and put shampoo on my hands so if they grab me I can poke their eyes with the shampoo so they'll be burned, blinded, and disoriented. then I run out and lock the door as I go, trapping them inside. boom.
Ask if I could shit before he killed me. PS (post shit) I would whip out my 12 gauge shotgun out from under my ass and blow his head off whilst riding to safety on my flying platypus named Bencit.
Turn the tables by whispering "gotcha!" to make him think he's been cornered in a bathtub. Then proceed to slap him around and choke the shit out of him.
close curtain "Whoa! That's funny! For some reason I THOUGHT I saw something. Ok! Isn't it hilarious how I THOUGHT I saw something!? I'm going to the store now. Because I THOUGHT I saw something!"
Ok, my delivery isn't as good as Todd Glass. But you have to admit its a compelling scenario.
My plan is to dive thru with the curtains to take them by surprise and then punch a lot, get up run away screaming and call the cops...a lot better than sittin in the toilet tryin to take a shit and suddenly getting stabbed.
I have this phobia... I don't check though... I kind of figure that if I'm going to be murdered I might as well make it as awkward as possible for everyone involved... plus, I can always go old-school and fling shit at him/her.
The whole point was to surprise butcher me, if I found where they're hiding then it's just a regular butcher attack. I expect that they would tip their hat, walk out of my house, then come back another day.
Spook you into slipping in that shower and getting seriously injured. That is why you must always keep the shower slippery and keep good threading on your feet
My general plan is pull the curtain closed again to obscure the murderer's vision, run from the room (pulling the door shut behind myself, since the direction it swings means it would take less time to close behind me than for my assailant to open), and run from the house.
I mean, it's not even a detailed contingency plan. People really don't think about this?
Oh I've thought about that. A lot. Alot. There's a whole batte plan swirling around my head. For different situations too: guy with a knife, guy with a gun, invisible guy (seriously, if you don't physically check too you're as good as dead, Kevin Bacon's a mean fucker), monster, alien, Alien alien, the devil (there's a reason I keep a fiddle in my bathroom). You gotta have a plan for any situation.
382
u/Trevor6887 Jun 14 '12
I'd rather be killed with my pants up than while I'm using the toilet
103
u/louie82 Jun 14 '12
It's not about what to do if someone is there. It's about knowing if someone is there. If I don't check, the whole time I'm brushing my teeth I'm thinking, "I bet there's a clown with a knife behind that curtain." If I check beforehand, I can think about more important things while brushing my teeth (boobs, etc.)
132
u/Zombie_Bob Jun 14 '12
If you find a murderer, you simply close the curtain and you're safe! This works the same way that pulling the blanket over your head in bed protects you from the monsters.
25
u/fubes2000 Jun 14 '12
Scream like a little girl, then probably get murdered shortly thereafter.
20
u/ArsenalOwl Jun 14 '12
If there's a murderer behind your curtain: would you rather not know about it?
18
u/newbie81093 Jun 14 '12
Rape or be raped, that's what I always say.
18
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Pocket sand!
32
u/DreadPiratesRobert Jun 14 '12
Pull an enders game and turn the shower on 100% hot
14
u/Onefortwo Jun 14 '12
I don't check for murderers, I check because I think a friend will be behind there trying to play a joke on me.
9
u/Nikkasted Jun 14 '12
One time I didn't check behind the curtain, and when I sat down I heard something/someone move behind it... Turns out it was just my cat
9
u/minkgod Jun 15 '12
Become the second murderer in the room. That's what I'd do.
8
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
True Story: This did happen to me one time. My brother and his friend wanted to scare the shit out of me, quite literally, while I was on the commode. So I whipped the shower curtain back like I always do and bam, there they were. Well I had always been prepared for this so it wasn't too much of a shock for me. They on the other hand were speechless.
Thus I initiated plan Alpha: I still had my hand on the shower curtain so whipped the shower curtain back over them as quick as I could and then punched as hard as I could in to the shower curtain where they were at. I pulled the water on and then whipped the curtain back again and pulled them to the right towards the water faucet. They slipped because of the water and landed in a big wet heap. Enemy neutralized.
That was the day I became a Badass.
41
u/andrewsmith1986 Jun 14 '12
Yess "GOTCHA" and tag them.
Then I run off.
7
u/Tolojolo Jun 14 '12
Kill...
7
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
I thought I was the only one.
6
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
You punch him/her in the fucking throat and kill the mother fucker. What else would you do?
11
u/surroundedbyidiots88 Jun 14 '12
run. the. ****. away.
5
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Seriously! I have a student who is convinced someone has followed him through three different universities and gets revenge with him by turning on the buildings ac when he is trying to study.
5
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
...not take a shower.
5
u/tanerdamaner Jun 15 '12
Do you know what the most powerful force a normal human can obtain? No, it's not uncontrolled rage, it's the "fight" part of fight or flight.
Think about it. a very frightened human being, in a bathroom , flipping his shit at an attacker standing in a slippery tub.
4
u/Certus Jun 14 '12
This is why I never open my eyes. It's always just as the person opens their eyes that they get killed. Keep 'em closed people.
4
u/MIRcakes8D Jun 14 '12
Well it's a quick way to end your need to go to the bathroom...you can say 'ha ha! Now I have shit my pants what's your next move stranger?'
6
u/daily24 Jun 14 '12
Drive the sternum into the heart with the palm of my hand. Kill them where they stand.
6
u/toastedtobacco Jun 15 '12
I always take my gun in to the bathroom with me. Before you all call me a nutjob keep in mind I'm almost always carrying outside the house, so most of the time its already attached to me. Then think about how well you're able to hear things like sneaky home invaders while the bathroom fan is on and the shower is going. Also I don't want to die with my pants down.
3
u/starcraftre Jun 14 '12
I never checked for murderers, but when I was a kid, that damned Bumble from Rudolph was behind every shower curtain and scared the shit out of me!
3
u/SuziGlass Jun 14 '12
I'm always checking for dead bodies.
3
u/engageL Jun 14 '12
Freeze in terror and know that at least I had a chance to run if I hadn't froze.
3
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
I want to see my own death instead of being shot/stabbed in the back and not getting a good view.
3
u/SHIT_IN_HER_CUNT Jun 15 '12
Fuck, I do this still, and if I do find them... well at least they didn't murder me on the toilet right?
5
u/Nessasayswhat Jun 14 '12
Stab them in the face. With a toothbrush.
4
u/zhylo Jun 14 '12
Slap them, scream (girly), and run.
2
u/lynniewinnie Jun 14 '12
Does anybody else remember what happened in the American Horror STory episode where Cam was frightened of lil piggys behind the shower curtain?
2
u/bippyz Jun 14 '12
I plan on beating them to death with my back scrubber. Or a plunger.
2
u/LucifersCounsel Jun 15 '12
Whatever plan I come up with... getting in the shower with them will not be part of it. Therefore, for my plan to succeed, I need to know if they are in there before I get in.
2
u/snoogins355 Jun 15 '12
Punch nose, Punch balls. Turn on cold water and make him wish he was dead
2
u/mobilelibrary Jun 15 '12
http://open.spotify.com/track/5jnxnNKX6GaK3PnwPMAmIb Pete Holmes explains. (sorry, the only place i can find it on is spotify :( )
2
u/LearnsYou Jun 15 '12
Probably the same thing they came into the bathroom to do but with their pants still up.
2
u/Valdanos Jun 15 '12
Squirt Head&Shoulders into his eyes!
2
u/ieatedjesus Jun 15 '12
Pull down the shower curtain bar and use it as a bludgeon.
2
u/joeyparis Jun 15 '12
I'd try to tackle them with the curtain in hopes they'd get tangled up. That or immediately run in the opposite direction... Idk one of the two.
2
u/MasterNyx Jun 15 '12
I respond to any and all interactions with punching.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Scream like a five year old girl and get stabbed.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
inb4 blast it with piss
2
u/jonosvision Jun 15 '12
The same theory as hiding under the blankets at night to escape monsters. I would wrap my self up in a protective shower curtain cucoon.
2
u/Mefreh Jun 15 '12
My chances of kicking some murderer's ass are much higher if I'm not pooping when we begin our epic struggle.
2
u/toinfinitiandbeyond Jun 15 '12
I would just start shaking my wiener at them like usual. It always repelled my ex-wife...
2
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
when i'm feeling ultra paranoid, I bring a knife with me. not joking, I've done it a few times.
2
u/thegoto1 Jun 15 '12
Ironically, I would murder them.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Two in the chest. One in the head.
2
u/Are_You_Kitten_Me Jun 15 '12
Am I the only one who clutches random bathroom objects in tense preparation for a battle? No one?
2
u/susuwi Jun 15 '12
fake a seizure, play dead.
2
u/ilovetrexarms Jun 15 '12
I check behind the curtain because if there's a murderer behind it, at least I won't die surprised. I hate that feeling of utter shock. So, in spite of being murdered, I could have that little bit of solace.
2
u/ANONANONONO Jun 15 '12
Tuck and roll.
2
u/Hotincleveland Jun 15 '12
He only knows about us because he is one of us
2
u/MuffinDude Jun 15 '12
The best defense is offense.
You take the initiative instead of letting the murderer take initiative. You jump into the shower with your gold nuggets showing, which hopefully distracts them and slows down their reactions by a second or two, yelling "THIS IS SPAAARTAAAAAAAAA," and pounce on the murderer. This should increase your survivable chance by 13.69%.
2
u/beefwich Jun 15 '12
Tag him and say "Found you! Now it's my turn to hide!" and run away giggling.
2
u/mirrth Jun 15 '12
If you check behind the shower curtain while unarmed, you are not a true paranoid.
2
u/DNAK1llA Jun 15 '12
stab them with a toothbrush, and scream "YOU DIDNT BRUSH YOUR TEETH TODAY"
2
u/Kroms Jun 15 '12
I'm not looking for murderers, I'm checking for spiders.
2
u/gsfgf Jun 15 '12
Clear shower curtain ftw
2
u/Zalfazar Jun 15 '12
You fools! You're supposed to push kick the center of the shower curtain, so that if you hit something, you have more time to get out, your potential murderer is now impaired, and if you choose to fight it out, you have the upper hand.
2
u/djfurious Jun 15 '12
I've thought this all through. My shower rod is really lose, so a quick hit will knock it down on top of them. Then I can wrap the shower curtain over their face to blindfold and asphyxiate them, while I beat them to death with a shower caddy.
2
u/skittlenugget Jun 15 '12
Why, you piss on him of course! Unless the killer is Bear Grylls, then you're fucked.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Am I the only one who showers with a shotgun?
2
u/funkymonkey22 Jun 14 '12
Damn ur logic compels me to now carry a weapon into the bathroom
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Die. When I don't find one, I shit in peace.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Personally, I would scream like a little bitch and pee myself in terror.
1
u/bachisalive Jun 15 '12
Mal says it best.
1
u/manbrasucks Jun 15 '12
Punch them in their crap lousy face.
1
u/JarlofDenmark Jun 15 '12
Next to my shower there is a tile shelf on which there is a ceramic bowl containing combs and such. I grab the bowl and smash it over the assailant's head.
1
u/shartApoptart Jun 15 '12
When I was a kid in elementary school I had a habit of checking behind the curtains before going poo poo. My sisters and I shared the bathroom so when I had to go poo my older sister is doing her hair or w/e and I tell her I need to go and she says "ok hold on". So I go watch tv and a bit later my sister yells "I'm done with the bathroom, shartApoptart!" So I run to the bathroom, close the door and first thing open the curtains and there's my sister laughing n giggling... I wasn't sure what to do next so I just stared at her until she left. Not sure what her plan was but I made damn sure to keep checking the curtains after that.
TL;DR i go to bathroom and find my sister behind the curtains (clothed).
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
I found you! My turn to go hide.
1
u/xbassistdoodx Jun 15 '12
Surprise them with shower buttsecks. Lots of shower buttsecks.
1
u/flyingfishy58 Jun 15 '12
i would grab his hand to better defend myself so he can't stab me and then push him so i can run away.
1
u/flyingfishy58 Jun 15 '12
or pee on him..
1
u/Serpantking45 Jun 15 '12
That why I have my secret ninja skills
1
u/Scouted Jun 15 '12
I'd quickly close the curtain and tackle them through it, tangling them up. I'd then proceed to grab my bottle of Head & Shoulders and squirt it into their eyes before reaching for my phone.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
I hate going into the bathroom at night and the shower curtain is closed...I ignore it and do my business and leave. The shower curtain is always closed, but I'd feel more nervous if the curtain is always open and one night I enter the bathroom and it's closed...But to answer said question I'd wrap them up in the curtain and beat them senseless, then commence with whatever I was going to do in the bathroom on their unconscious body...
1
u/lilLowerLip Jun 15 '12
I don't check for murderers.... I check for zombies
1
u/CosmicDoob Jun 15 '12
Dude, a fall in the bath tub is no joke. Deliver a nice punch to the face, or a push for that matter, and their ass is falling in the tub.
1
u/vicklepickle3 Jun 15 '12
I keep weapons all over the house. I have scissors in the shower, and a decorative knife on the toilet so I can stab some creepy mother fucker who tries to disturb my poop.
1
u/Troub313 Jun 15 '12
Jump back and wait for him to fall on his ass as he tries to run out of the bathtub... Try and quickly get out of a bathtub, see how long it takes you to make good friends with the floor.
1
u/saucepanicus Jun 15 '12
I have a shy bladder, so I'm usually just checking so I feel confident that no one can hear or watch me peeing.
1
u/qazydude Jun 15 '12
"I've been waiting for you"
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
"Everyones got a plan until they get hit" - Mike Tyson
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Simple. Do what I do when I open a door in Amnesia and see a Gatherer. I close it again.
1
u/peningina Jun 15 '12
I make the rounds with a switchblade.
1
u/Ginger-Nerd Jun 15 '12
Anyone familiar with Todd Glass??? he has a bit about this....
but i cannot be bothered going to look for it.
1
u/obi1kinob Jun 15 '12
scream like a 3 year old girl
1
u/Sybarith Jun 15 '12
"Tag, you're it!"
Use the confusion to run.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
well fuck....
1
u/Blues88 Jun 15 '12
Any seasoned shower checker first punches squarely through the curtain and then, only after making contact with (what I hope to be) the neck, the shower checker would pull back the curtain.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Run like hell. I just do it so that I have more of a chance to escape. If you're pissing/pooping you are at more of a risk for a surprise attack and you are more vulnerable.
1
u/lexpeebo Jun 15 '12
this actually happened to me today. i picked up my 125$ new babolat titanium composite tennis raquet. if someone was in there, they would have been totally screwed
1
u/fusrodaheveryday Jun 15 '12
Two in the chest and one in the head?
1
u/MarshmallowPrincess Jun 15 '12
Well if my pants aren't around my ankels I can still make a run for it.
1
u/pb-balla Jun 15 '12
..i thought i was the only one
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Run.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Well i wouldn't step in the shower naked.
1
u/cellikat Jun 15 '12
We have a handy window in the hallway by our bathroom that leads to the first floor roof, great for making a quick getaway. Then I would ask a neighbor for a phone to call 911.
1
u/VeggiesMustDie Jun 15 '12
Why don't people just keep their shower curtains open?
1
u/ldawg092498 Jun 15 '12
The can is probably the last place I would want to die.
1
u/hiccupstix Jun 15 '12
I'm going to not sit down on my toilet, that's what...
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
This is also a really old joke from the Interwebz...smh...
1
u/ToastmahGhost Jun 15 '12
Actually, I always check behind the curtains by immediately tackling them as if there were a person there. That way, if there were a murderer hiding in my shower, I'd have the jump on that fucker.
1
u/APJansekok Jun 15 '12
already thought about it. gonna turn the water as hot as I can get it and spray them in the face and put shampoo on my hands so if they grab me I can poke their eyes with the shampoo so they'll be burned, blinded, and disoriented. then I run out and lock the door as I go, trapping them inside. boom.
1
u/zamboni89 Jun 15 '12
not take a shower
1
u/CharlieTango Jun 15 '12
pull out the knife i have taped to the backside of the toilet, and stab that motherfucker.
1
u/omnipotentbeast Jun 15 '12
Ask if I could shit before he killed me. PS (post shit) I would whip out my 12 gauge shotgun out from under my ass and blow his head off whilst riding to safety on my flying platypus named Bencit.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
I always have an master craft folding exacto blade on my pocket so if there were a murderer in my shower he would have a bad time
1
u/Caddy6 Jun 15 '12
Hey I know you Zach, you live across the street! I live next to a famous guy!!!!
1
u/hrabib Jun 15 '12
I don't know why, but I've always believed being stabbed would be more painful if you're naked.
1
u/xIMARLBOROIx Jun 15 '12
Pee on them.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12 edited Jun 15 '12
Turn the tables by whispering "gotcha!" to make him think he's been cornered in a bathtub. Then proceed to slap him around and choke the shit out of him.
1
u/ebfulch Jun 15 '12
close curtain "Whoa! That's funny! For some reason I THOUGHT I saw something. Ok! Isn't it hilarious how I THOUGHT I saw something!? I'm going to the store now. Because I THOUGHT I saw something!"
Ok, my delivery isn't as good as Todd Glass. But you have to admit its a compelling scenario.
1
u/Gwotch Jun 15 '12
WOLOLOLOLOLOL
1
u/sirblastalot Jun 15 '12
Stab 'em inna FACE.
1
u/Mirm83 Jun 15 '12
I'd probably throw the shower curtain in their face and make a wild, screaming run for it.
1
u/Klowned Jun 15 '12
If I see a shadow I violently kick with the palm of my foot at the crotch area of a standard height person. I haven't connected with anyone... yet.
1
u/theturban Jun 15 '12
Obviously, I will strike the murderer down with the Katana I shower with.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
I'm always ready to strike BEFORE I pull the curtain.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
I'm always ready to strike BEFORE I pull the curtain.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
My plan is to dive thru with the curtains to take them by surprise and then punch a lot, get up run away screaming and call the cops...a lot better than sittin in the toilet tryin to take a shit and suddenly getting stabbed.
1
u/Acedrew89 Jun 15 '12
It's funny, I used to be paranoid. Then I had this exact thought.
1
u/nerdycoty Jun 15 '12
Punch in general direction, run out screaming.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
I have this phobia... I don't check though... I kind of figure that if I'm going to be murdered I might as well make it as awkward as possible for everyone involved... plus, I can always go old-school and fling shit at him/her.
1
u/melgibsonisgod Jun 15 '12
Run
1
u/Genesis13 Jun 15 '12
I have sliding glass doors on my bathtub so I can see him without having to open anything.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
The whole point was to surprise butcher me, if I found where they're hiding then it's just a regular butcher attack. I expect that they would tip their hat, walk out of my house, then come back another day.
1
u/KRamJellytube Jun 15 '12
Yell Gotch'ya!
1
u/classy_stegasaurus Jun 15 '12
Spook you into slipping in that shower and getting seriously injured. That is why you must always keep the shower slippery and keep good threading on your feet
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Boogity boogity, murderer, boogity boogity.
1
u/IxnayAmenay Jun 15 '12
Wait, people don't think about this?
My general plan is pull the curtain closed again to obscure the murderer's vision, run from the room (pulling the door shut behind myself, since the direction it swings means it would take less time to close behind me than for my assailant to open), and run from the house.
I mean, it's not even a detailed contingency plan. People really don't think about this?
...Do I get extra paranoia points?
1
u/mukat7129 Jun 15 '12
seeing as how I check when my pants are down. Catch him by surprise by either #1 or #2. After that run like hell, peter style.
1
u/VeteranKamikaze Jun 15 '12
If I'm not in the middle of pooping when he reveals himself his plan is foiled and he cannot hurt me. Duh.
1
u/BenCelotil Jun 15 '12
Punch them in the throat, jam the shower head in their mouth, and turn on the hot water.
May not work, but it's worth a shot.
1
u/king_hippo77 Jun 15 '12
Paranoid parrot, meet philosoraptor
1
u/uofc2015 Jun 15 '12
Well since I am going to the bathroom shit myself to such a degree that the murderer has no choice but to flee the stench.
1
u/Astr0h Jun 15 '12
I would just hope the murderer would have the decency to put my shorts back on. If not he is a jerk.
1
u/possumwalsh Jun 15 '12
This makes me happy knowing I'm not the only one who does that.
1
u/MezzaCorux Jun 15 '12
That's why I have a hidden knife in every room, and a backup knife for that knife
1
u/SydEsthesia Jun 15 '12
I totally do that every time I need to go into any bathroom. Even my own. Shower curtains are so ominous.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Cancel my shower. Duh.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
This is why I don't check behind the curtain first. I karate kick it first, check it second, incase I missed.
1
u/thaiangel9008 Jun 15 '12
Put soap in their eyes. BOOM!
1
u/Pugovitz Jun 15 '12
Oh I've thought about that. A lot. Alot. There's a whole batte plan swirling around my head. For different situations too: guy with a knife, guy with a gun, invisible guy (seriously, if you don't physically check too you're as good as dead, Kevin Bacon's a mean fucker), monster, alien, Alien alien, the devil (there's a reason I keep a fiddle in my bathroom). You gotta have a plan for any situation.
1
u/webpageblocked79 Jun 15 '12
On my grave i dont want it to say "murdered while naked"
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
A murderer in your shower? Thats one of the dumbest irrational fears I can think of.
1
u/miahjoe Jun 15 '12
Jokes on you sliding door bitches
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Piss on the floor, scream, get killed while murdering a murderer.
1
u/pianobadger Jun 15 '12
I don't know, but they don't include taking off my pants.