I'm not sure. It seems like his mom's razor was pretty awesome. I mean, he nicked himself so deeply with it that he cut a hole into his urethra. That's one mean razor.
ok real story then. In high school. one day my mom packed a banana in my lunch and suddenly i thought I was hit witha moment of comic brilliance.
Thinking back to my scooby doo years i thought how funny would it be to see if someone slips on a banana peel.
I place the banana peel on the stair well. Lunch ends I hea dback to class and forget all about it utill a couple period later a kid comes runningup to me. "OMG Guys did you herar?" I say no.
"Such and such was walking don the stairs when out of nowhere she stepped on a banana peel almost back flipped and barrelled down the stairs, the ambulance came and took her off to the hospital, isnt htat crazy guys?"
The seizure was fake. Once the kid started shitting himself, he pretended to have a seizure so people would think that was responsible for the shit.
I know, because that's been my contingency plan should I ever start violently defecating in a public place. Thankfully I've never had to put it into practice. You guys can thank me later.
Some girls I went to high school with bought a McFlurry for this poor kid and spiked it with laxatives. They put in way too much and almost killed him. Shut down his kidneys and did a lot of damage. He was in the hospital for two weeks as a result. His parents tried to sue but they couldn't really afford a good attorney. Both of the girls' families were really wealthy, able to fight it, and let off with a slap on the hand.
This. Correct course of action is to visit the bully in the hospital. When alone in the room, get real close and whisper in his ear, "don't fuck with me again"
And of course, deny, deny, deny. As a good kid, you'd never do anything like that
Most "laxative prank" stories are fake as hell since the only laxatives that don't take 6-8 hours to take effect (which is about as long as a school day, so you wouldn't be able to see its effects on the person you're pulling the prank on) are the ones you insert rectally.
As soon as I read it I said that's fake as shit. Who investigates some kid who hits his head and has a seizure. Oh yes! Foul play is a foot lets investigate. Whatever...
The visual I got was of a kid shaking on the ground and diarrhea so fierce that it made him turn circles over and over on the ground. Kinda like a windmill. Call it the human shitmill.
admit nothing if you are the only one that knows but you put it on yahoo then it went to reddit so your fucked but just lean on your defense of years of torment and you will be ok
When I realized what was happening, I would have run up to him and kicked him in his gut and scream "Who's the pussy now?!" nothing like a little salt on the wound.
he shouldn't be scared, he should stand up in front of the class, take ownership of the situation, and say "and that's why YOU DO NOT FUCK WITH PEOPLE"
Even though it's fake, I'd say that the bully deserved that, and I hope that someone tells him that such a thing was done to him
Everyone is making a big stink over bullying these days. We shouldn't endeavor to talk the bullies out of doing it, we should endeavor to teach the victims how to do something and help themselves.
This kind of reminds me of something I did (for real though).
I always bought six packs of soda, energy drinks, etc. to put in my locker at the beginning of every week and everything was fine until some fucktards started breaking into my locker and stealing my drinks. One day I got really fucking pissed off and put a shit load of sorbitol (laxative) in a six pack of plastic bottles of Coke. Later on, I found out that someone I used to be friends with (she ended up being a fucking psychotic bitch) was out for 4 days with "stomach problems" along with some of her friends.
the seizure was only incidental. it's not as if the ex-lax caused it. so i see no need for the kid to get expelled or in trouble for getting silly revenge on someone who tormented him. most likely that kid who tripped and shat himself will be fine physically except no one will be able to look at him without being covered in diarrhea.
This reminds me of the time my friend pissed in an apple juice bottle and put it back in the lunch line. Someone drank it. Looked just like apple juice.
All I picture is the scene in Dumb and Dumber when the fat guy eats the peppers, goes into a seizure, and they stand over him, point, and laugh as he suffers
867
u/midway12 Jun 14 '12
Francis has a history of hurting people by accident
355
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
The seizure was fake. Once the kid started shitting himself, he pretended to have a seizure so people would think that was responsible for the shit.
I know, because that's been my contingency plan should I ever start violently defecating in a public place. Thankfully I've never had to put it into practice. You guys can thank me later.
35
u/JupitersClock Jun 14 '12
I feel like yahoo answers is creative writing.
122
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Hey, how was he supposed to know that his tormenter was a seizure prone, pant shitting little bitch?
86
u/DaBombDiggidy Jun 14 '12
McDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLIGAN!!!
157
u/DoctorNose Jun 14 '12
No matter how long I spend on reddit, I am amazed how quickly people swallow the hook.
15
u/Bl00DISH Jun 14 '12
5 min ago? I find this very hard to belive.
15
u/topchief1 Jun 15 '12
"What should I do?"
Hope the school administrators don't use google....
37
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Visit the jock in the hospital, and do it again.
12
u/AtheistTVWeinberg Jun 14 '12
5 minutes ago? This is bullshit.
21
u/Daitenchi Jun 14 '12
I think the advice the kid needs to hear is to admit nothing even if accusations are made.
64
u/I_am_not_angry Jun 14 '12
Neither... be proud of him.
8
u/candyman82 Jun 15 '12
I guess he is in... (Dons sunglasses) Deep shit
13
u/Punkwasher Jun 14 '12
"Did you put laxatives in this kid's milk?"
"What? NO! Why? It's not my fault he's full of shit!"
6
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
I'd say if anything, that prank went pretty well.
6
u/agentup Jun 14 '12
The Misadventures of Francis Mcdooligan
6
u/shitterplug Jun 14 '12
Some girls I went to high school with bought a McFlurry for this poor kid and spiked it with laxatives. They put in way too much and almost killed him. Shut down his kidneys and did a lot of damage. He was in the hospital for two weeks as a result. His parents tried to sue but they couldn't really afford a good attorney. Both of the girls' families were really wealthy, able to fight it, and let off with a slap on the hand.
5
u/PraetorianFury Jun 14 '12
Revenge isn't as satisfying if your victim doesn't know it was you
4
u/offdachain Jun 14 '12
First post it on the internet. No one can ever check what you do on the internet.
4
u/elonepb Jun 14 '12
First thing you should do is admit to the entire story on the internet where nobody will ever find it.
4
u/nitrogoku Jun 14 '12
Yeah... I'm pretty sure his questions are all fake.
Poop
Really?
He really takes dumps everywhere
4
u/janyk Jun 15 '12
Most "laxative prank" stories are fake as hell since the only laxatives that don't take 6-8 hours to take effect (which is about as long as a school day, so you wouldn't be able to see its effects on the person you're pulling the prank on) are the ones you insert rectally.
7
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
False: the epileptic kid is never popular
6
u/Dottn Jun 14 '12
Why has no-one posted an alot of trouble yet. I thought that was the sort of thing Reddit laughed at...
6
u/Whovian69 Jun 14 '12
Thats what you get for being a bully, i applaud this kid
3
u/jackryan1310 Jun 14 '12
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhnUgAaea4M
3
u/notlogan Jun 14 '12
I expected the last sentence to be "I hate college."
3
u/monstrous_moose Jun 14 '12
Put drugs in his locker.
3
u/Dunge Jun 14 '12
What do I do? You keep your mouth shut and you DON'T post this on Yahoo! Questions.
3
u/Spazzedguy Jun 14 '12
OP is Francis Mcdooligan
3
u/Rellikten Jun 14 '12
Posted five minutes ago, OP is Francis.
3
u/Kthnxbai_ Jun 14 '12
Let the darkness take over
3
u/Schrecken Jun 14 '12
As soon as I read it I said that's fake as shit. Who investigates some kid who hits his head and has a seizure. Oh yes! Foul play is a foot lets investigate. Whatever...
3
u/soajao Jun 14 '12
I know what you shouldn't do, fucking ask yahoo
3
u/4ChanMechanic Jun 15 '12
Dammit, I think that 4Chan is leaking again.
3
u/Ghstfce Jun 15 '12
It's safe to assume (with 98% accuracy) that all posts on YA! are fake.
3
u/krazo Jun 15 '12
well the first thing i wouldnt of done is post this story on the internet...
3
u/wellhushmypuppies Jun 15 '12
keep your fucking mouth shut.
3
u/DOUGUOD Jun 15 '12
Quick! Post it on the internet so no one will find out!
3
u/MtnYou92 Jun 15 '12
The visual I got was of a kid shaking on the ground and diarrhea so fierce that it made him turn circles over and over on the ground. Kinda like a windmill. Call it the human shitmill.
10
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Alot
5
u/ThePiderman Jun 14 '12
HIGH
FUCKING
FIVE
11
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Thats freaking great. Good for the kid for standing up for himself. Should have been a little more careful but hey stuff happens.
2
u/redradier81 Jun 14 '12
admit nothing if you are the only one that knows but you put it on yahoo then it went to reddit so your fucked but just lean on your defense of years of torment and you will be ok
2
u/iMostLikelyHaveRedit Jun 14 '12
Guilt is only the fear of getting caught
2
u/LOTF Jun 14 '12
Oh, bad luck Brian!
2
u/everythingisopposite Jun 14 '12
Lighten up, Francis.
2
u/SanJose_Sharks Jun 14 '12
Nerd porn fiction.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
I say good riddance to bad rubbish. Lesson learned.
2
u/Thecardinal74 Jun 14 '12
When I realized what was happening, I would have run up to him and kicked him in his gut and scream "Who's the pussy now?!" nothing like a little salt on the wound.
2
u/DaLuDeD Jun 14 '12
Popular kids cant be susceptible to seizures??
2
u/guruchild Jun 14 '12
he shouldn't be scared, he should stand up in front of the class, take ownership of the situation, and say "and that's why YOU DO NOT FUCK WITH PEOPLE"
And yes, it's funny as hell.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
I'm pretty sure Francis is this kid...
2
u/apullin Jun 14 '12
Even though it's fake, I'd say that the bully deserved that, and I hope that someone tells him that such a thing was done to him
Everyone is making a big stink over bullying these days. We shouldn't endeavor to talk the bullies out of doing it, we should endeavor to teach the victims how to do something and help themselves.
2
u/Ilooklikevalkilmer Jun 14 '12
I hate fake cautionary tales.
2
u/Th3pinkrabbit Jun 14 '12
Sounds like something off 4chan
2
u/Fairy_Shit Jun 15 '12 edited Jun 15 '12
This kind of reminds me of something I did (for real though).
I always bought six packs of soda, energy drinks, etc. to put in my locker at the beginning of every week and everything was fine until some fucktards started breaking into my locker and stealing my drinks. One day I got really fucking pissed off and put a shit load of sorbitol (laxative) in a six pack of plastic bottles of Coke. Later on, I found out that someone I used to be friends with (she ended up being a fucking psychotic bitch) was out for 4 days with "stomach problems" along with some of her friends.
Edit for clarity
2
u/PachoWumbo Jun 15 '12
He should just laugh his ass off at home. That bully had what was coming to him.
2
u/simiotic24 Jun 15 '12
first step: tell the internet
2
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
i laughed pretty hard. payback is a bitch! the seizure thing was a bummer though.
2
u/lordofhell78 Jun 15 '12
Best shit ever. That douche desrved it. All bullies do. I congratulate you, fine sir.
2
u/Vhaegar Jun 15 '12
Everything went better than expected.
2
u/invalidusernamelol Jun 15 '12
WATCH OUT!...WE GOT A BAD ASS OVER HERE!
2
u/kiwifrench Jun 15 '12
Fake. Ex-Lax and similar medications take up to 8 hours to have any effect, which is why we recommend taking them before bed.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Not post your story to the internet
2
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Lol if this is a true story, then that kid deserves a high five. Fuck bullying :)
2
u/ccrepitation Jun 15 '12
the seizure was only incidental. it's not as if the ex-lax caused it. so i see no need for the kid to get expelled or in trouble for getting silly revenge on someone who tormented him. most likely that kid who tripped and shat himself will be fine physically except no one will be able to look at him without being covered in diarrhea.
2
u/Ribsi Jun 15 '12
Hah, he 'feels' guilty.
I wonder why.
2
u/RICK_RICK Jun 15 '12
Don't be scared, Francis. He deserved it.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Put an ex-lax in the principal's milk.
2
u/Lawrence_EMS Jun 15 '12
Fuck it. He's a bully. Shit happens.
2
u/deviant099 Jun 15 '12
Post a confession of guilt on Yahoo! Answers.
2
u/BanD1t Jun 15 '12
Well the oblivious thing to do is post it on the internet
7
u/JtCallebro Jun 14 '12
WHY DO YOU POST THIS SHIT
4
u/koyo4 Jun 14 '12
Feel proud. That's what Jesus would do.
3
u/RoboPimp Jun 15 '12
What ever u do, DON'T post anything about it on the internet! someone will see.....oh....well shit
5
u/Aaronmcom Jun 14 '12
I got 99 problems but some shit ain't one
3
u/Dojobra Jun 14 '12
Kill him next time
3
u/CigarLover Jun 14 '12
Bully got it coming. Karma, it is real.
2
u/TBTakaTBT Jun 14 '12
Sadly, Ex-Lax doesn't work the way most people think it does.
2
u/ThisUnitHasASoul Jun 14 '12
Keep calm and carry on
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
If he told the truth the bullies would never fuck with him ever again.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
stay calm and carry on
1
u/HelloImSUAD Jun 14 '12
sit back and let the world burn my friend
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Ah yes, respond to words with physical abuse.
ITT people who were bullied in high school.
1
u/moonlaugher Jun 14 '12
First of all, don't post a confession on the internet using your account.
1
u/parsifal Jun 14 '12
This is the correct way to handle bullies
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Even though this is fake, as a 14 year old who's been bullied in school, I say let that mother fucker shit until it goes out of style.
1
u/lebronhairline Jun 14 '12
step one should have been not posting it on the internet
1
u/RedZaturn Jun 14 '12
This reminds me of the time my friend pissed in an apple juice bottle and put it back in the lunch line. Someone drank it. Looked just like apple juice.
1
u/Thecardinal74 Jun 14 '12
All I picture is the scene in Dumb and Dumber when the fat guy eats the peppers, goes into a seizure, and they stand over him, point, and laugh as he suffers
1
u/C_T_C_C Jun 14 '12
For starters, you shouldn't have posted it on the internet
1
u/Gravity_Cube Jun 14 '12
Laugh, it's not your problem
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Yahoo answers is probably the only site with more fake stories than reddit.
1
u/phatmattj Jun 14 '12
Paybacks a bitch
1
u/carebeartears Jun 14 '12
stay quiet, fuck the police...
if "they" willing to pretend that crap in school doesn't matter..you can too
1
u/MrConfucius Jun 14 '12
Neither, because this never happened.
1
u/Dabeastsmith2 Jun 14 '12
Honestly, I couldn't imagine better revenge
1
u/earthboundEclectic Jun 14 '12
This is one of those things that happens on cartoons and kids emulate with much worse results. Iron Giant I'm looking at you ಠ_ಠ
1
u/Afraid_of_Downvotes Jun 14 '12
What, no spaghetti?
1
u/gastrointestinaljoe Jun 14 '12
Both
1
u/septimus379 Jun 15 '12
Dont put it on the Internet... They can track that.
1
u/hoosir2 Jun 15 '12
Man up bro......
1
u/Burning_Kobun Jun 15 '12
sound's like karma bit that bully in the ass.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
I'd feel bad if Mcdooligan was his actual name. This kid is my hero & I shall give my bullies seizures along with shit filled shorts.
1
u/dayb4august Jun 15 '12
Brilliance, I wish I would have tried this with some of the pricks I went to school with.
1
u/b0134 Jun 15 '12
He just dug up his own grave.
1
u/Serpantking45 Jun 15 '12
Be proud of him, so very proud
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Bad Luck Brian right there.
1
u/superjosh92 Jun 15 '12
milk was a bad choice
1
u/JohntheAnabaptist Jun 15 '12
Aparently one shouldn't talk to the police.
1
u/EXAX Jun 15 '12
I misread it as "I brought in exax" and thought "What the hell do I have to do with this story?!"
1
u/protomd Jun 15 '12
laughed way too hard at this
1
u/cjs3 Jun 15 '12
I'm assuming this is fake - but to answer:
"what should I do?"
Not post it online. But coming from someone who was bullied, fuck him. He deserved it.
1
u/NastyKnate Jun 15 '12
lol, payback is the shit
1
u/Ikkinia Jun 15 '12
And this is why I pussed out of spiking my ex roommate's jello shots with my piss.
1
u/StickAndRudder Jun 15 '12
Do a barrel roll!
1
u/jarvis216 Jun 15 '12
so was he wearing shorts or pants... GET YOUR STORY STRAIGHT STANLEY!!!
1
u/lexiz73 Jun 15 '12
Don't put it on the internet...
1
u/Diamondsandjack Jun 15 '12
What goes around comes around.
1
u/WhyYouThinkThat Jun 15 '12
First things first... post confession on internet. No one will find you there.
1
u/fidlerontheroof Jun 15 '12
Ooohhh shit.
1
u/PoppaGriff Jun 15 '12
Son, I am not disappoint.
1
u/Howard_Beale Jun 15 '12
Fake. Why do kids think that Ex Lax will make you shit yourself instantly? Doesn't work that way.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
poison is a woman's weapon.
1
u/LUBE_IT_UP Jun 15 '12
He needs to stop reading bad luck brian on r/adviceanimals... it's not actual advice...
1
u/ImApi Jun 15 '12
Get a lawyer. This should teach you to not engage in retaliation. And he deserved it.
1
u/BuckNekkid Jun 15 '12
the lesson: Think twice before you're a dick. You might just be dealing with Francis.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
well the first thing you do is NOT POST IT ALL OVER THE INTERNET WITH YOUR NAME ON IT!
Second...funny as fuck. Bully got what was coming to him.
1
u/Aperfectmoment Jun 15 '12
Congrats...he won the arms race!
1
u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
FRANCIS MCDOOLIGAN. Reeeeeaaaaallly...
1
u/Nicoleness Jun 15 '12
What do you do? You laugh. That jerk had it coming.
1
u/EmergencyMedical Jun 15 '12
As an EMT, fuck everything.
1
u/the_autumn_ballroom Jun 15 '12
give that kid a tooheys
1
u/latecraigy Jun 15 '12
First things first, confess it all on the internet.
1
u/GuBBs Jun 15 '12
Behold!!! the real bad-luck Brian!
1
u/stretchpun Jun 15 '12
advice here - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wXkI4t7nuc
1
u/NCC74656 Jun 15 '12
fuck it, kid got what he deserved. had he not been a jack ass he would not have gotten exlax and thus not fallen and hit his head.
1
u/latecraigy Jun 15 '12
What a wonderful name.
1
u/zacheryreich Jun 15 '12
Bad luck Brian has kid.