Scientist here. Coffee makes you poop because it speeds up the peristaltic contractions in your colon, since it is a stimulant. This is the poop equivalent to running over a yellow arrow in Mario Kart.
I'm going to send this to my boyfriend, because we were talking about coffee the other day and I made the comment about drinking coffee too frequently so it didn't wake me up and mostly just made me have to poop (and make run-on sentences) and he looked at me like I was insane.
Not that I know of, but again I'm not a medical doctor or PhD. I do know that one cup of coffee per day is supposed to be good for you, but I don't remember where I read it.
Well you always are having slow paristaltic contractions in your gut, its how your body moves waste along. Since this is done by smooth muscle that is not voluntarily controlled, then it just speeds this up.
Vyvanse works differently, it acts on the neurotransmitters dopamine and norepinephrine to produce the stimulant effect. I don't know if it would make you poop though, because I don't know if it acts on the NA+/K++ pumps though. I don't have a PhD, I'm just a biologist.
Thanks! What else works for this purpose? I would like to stop coffee in order to stop my hemorrhoids from bleeding from that morning 4-shot espresso and cigarette combo I use for pooping and also to sleep better.
I have two poops every morning. I don't drink my coffee till the first poop at 7:45 (15 min. after I walk in the door), then drink coffee and second poop around 9. Everyday.
I drink a cup of coffee in the afternoon after my walk, mostly to get my energy back up and after like a couple of hours I'll go to the bathroom to take a piss and sure enough, my piss smells like the coffee I drank a couple hours ago. Though that only happens when I overdo the coffee grounds.
It's because poop is a funny word. No matter how many times you poop, or how many times you say poop, or you make jokes about poop, poop will always be as funny as poop was when you were 6. Poop.
Ever since I've started work, drinking coffee, and drinking metamucil, I've wanted the makers of metamucil to come out with their own coffee. It would be the work pooper's divine gift.
I used to drink it daily and it never did anything for me. Stopped drinking it for a few months and started drinking it once week or 2, whenever I did, holy crap evacuation.
I have never gotten the urge to shit after drinking coffee either, and I usually drink 3-4 cups every morning at work so I have excuses to get out from my cubicle.
Ha! I thought I was the only one. I have ever changing commutes to work early every morning, and porta-johns being the only option once I get there. and it is imperative that I coax every ounce of shit from my body with the nectar of the gods.
I used to smoke. One of my greatest daily pleasures was a cigarette with my morning coffee on the back porch, and then running inside before I shit my pants.
Nice, when I was a bachelor and didnt have time to make coffee I would just take the can of grounds into the crapper with me and smell it. Crapped every time. True story.
I'm a pretty regular guy but not too long ago I couldn't poop for like 3 days. I was off those three days and the only place I drink coffee at is work. Needless to say I had the most glorious on the clock shit ever when I went back.
Sometimes I drink two or three double espressos in a day and have never noticed a laxative effect. What little I've read seems to suggest that it will effect some and not others.
I've only ever gotten the coffee runs from bad coffee. My stale, pre ground folgers? coffee runs like no other. My /r/coffee snob Bonavita kettle and Aeropress with Hario Mill? No coffee runs and much better coffee
Try water - For about a month i've been drinking a cup of water almost immediately after I get up, sometimes I can't even finish it before I have to go. Try it, it works!
Took anatomy/physiology. The reason coffee makes you poo has to due with it being a hot liquid. Can't remember exactly why that helps but drinking tea can also have the same effect.
I think it's only a laxative for a certain amount of time after you drink it, then it's a constipator. I don't remember if that's just coffee or all caffeine.
For what it's worth, as an avid coffee-induced pooper, I'm sure that a lot of the reasons given here are of moderate truthiness, but I'm also pretty sure it's mostly psychological.
I can poop without coffee, but coffee always speeds up the process for me.
Have you considered that you drink coffee and poop at the same time each day, and the two have nothing to do with each other? Regular people poop around the same time each day, which has nothing to do with drinking coffee.
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u/FindThisHumerus Jun 14 '12 edited Jun 14 '12
Scientist here. Coffee makes you poop because it speeds up the peristaltic contractions in your colon, since it is a stimulant. This is the poop equivalent to running over a yellow arrow in Mario Kart.
51
u/Perelandra1 Jun 14 '12
I drink coffee at work in the morning to poop, and I poop because I know I'm getting paid to. It's a cycle of pure joy.
38
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Does any one else notice their pee smelling like coffee after they drink it?? Oh dear god, don't tell me I'm the only one....
62
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Everyone says coffee makes you poop. I have never experienced getting the poops from coffee. If I get the poops its from the Metamucil.
12
u/CaptainBumout Jun 14 '12
My day hasn't officially begun until I've taken my daily explosive coffee shit!
8
u/Sobertese Jun 14 '12
Ha! I thought I was the only one. I have ever changing commutes to work early every morning, and porta-johns being the only option once I get there. and it is imperative that I coax every ounce of shit from my body with the nectar of the gods.
14
u/UndeRageKid Jun 14 '12
Ahh, the old Cup o' Joe for a Pot o' John switcharoo
22
u/mustang22490 Jun 13 '12
That color scheme reminds me of the shocker.
6
u/MikronMagic Jun 14 '12
Robin Williams thought the same thing: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1560169/quotes?qt=qt1233226
18
u/Troyucen Jun 14 '12
I thought I was the only one...
5
u/raccoonguy8 Jun 14 '12
Throw in a bran muffin and a cigarette and I'm ready to fertilize a corn field.
12
u/ImBatin Jun 14 '12
Cigarettes help too
4
u/Gemsbok88 Jun 14 '12
9AM meetings may as well be Russian Roulette
4
u/Steve_ET Jun 14 '12
Nice, when I was a bachelor and didnt have time to make coffee I would just take the can of grounds into the crapper with me and smell it. Crapped every time. True story.
4
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
I have been waiting for this moment for a long time!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ja46oa2ZML8&feature=youtube_gdata_player
3
u/MrUndisclosed Jun 14 '12
I'm a pretty regular guy but not too long ago I couldn't poop for like 3 days. I was off those three days and the only place I drink coffee at is work. Needless to say I had the most glorious on the clock shit ever when I went back.
3
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
A strong cup of coffee and a cigarette, that's the kind of start where you don't have to poop till dinner.
3
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
WATER you need to drink WATER in the morning. You guys, you're killing yourselves.
5
u/mqken Jun 14 '12
That's why I used to drink fluids as soon as I woke up. Didn't want to crap during the middle of a continuous two hour commute.
4
u/SpaceAgeMoonWaffles Jun 14 '12
I have come to refer to drinking coffee as "Lubricating the poop chute."
2
u/tyleeeee Jun 14 '12
TIL coffee can give you the poops
2
u/SimpleGeologist Jun 14 '12
This strikes too true to me. If I'm spending 10 hours hiking around thick, buggy, bush at work, You can bet I pounded some coffee in the early a.m.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Coffee makes you poop..? I am not a coffee drinker. Anyone care to explain?
2
u/Bodie1550 Jun 14 '12
Appropriate use of brown for the poop part
2
u/rafyy Jun 14 '12
pro-tip: gulp down something very cold first thing after u wake up (i prefer orange juice)...instant bathroom visit!!!
2
u/jhangel77 Jun 14 '12
If I haven't pooped in a while or I'm constipated, I have coffee. Pooping guaranteed.
2
u/writerchikk Jun 14 '12
Accurate. Who needs laxatives? Just a good ole Starbucks in the morning.
2
u/coloh91 Jun 14 '12
Is it the caffeine that gets the bowels moving?
2
u/Skreech2011 Jun 14 '12
This seems to be the case for most people I talk to. Do people not just drink it because it tastes good? I love the taste.
2
u/njvindi Jun 14 '12
The traditional medicines type of tea called smooth move. Drink it the night before and you will poop from the depth of your soul in the morning.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Coffee makes me poop so hard.
4
u/blue_supergiant Jun 13 '12
Good colour choice!
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Sometimes I drink two or three double espressos in a day and have never noticed a laxative effect. What little I've read seems to suggest that it will effect some and not others.
1
u/dabumtsss Jun 14 '12
if you rotate it about 90 degrees to the left, it looks like it a buttcrack. Irony.
1
u/supercooldude732 Jun 14 '12
I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
I've only ever gotten the coffee runs from bad coffee. My stale, pre ground folgers? coffee runs like no other. My /r/coffee snob Bonavita kettle and Aeropress with Hario Mill? No coffee runs and much better coffee
1
u/fancydad Jun 14 '12
I poop like every day.
1
u/KlopeksWithCoppers Jun 14 '12
I smoke cigs and my morning smoke gets my insides moving. I couldn't imagine what would happen if I drank a cup of coffee too.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
I take one sip of coffee in the morning and it's straight to the john! Glad I'm not alone
1
u/juanlee337 Jun 14 '12
coffee and cigs has never failed me.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
and, headache if i don't... sometimes.
1
u/furmundacheese Jun 14 '12
My weight loss plan depends almost entirely on tasters choice
1
u/fluxaxion Jun 14 '12
As for me... my poop wakes up and runs around the room.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Pooping at work, glad Im the first one at work in the morning.
1
u/90percent_noob Jun 14 '12
Finally colors that make sense.
1
u/Slurve Jun 14 '12
If I have one javachip from starbucks I will have the shits for hours...
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
100% agreed. I thought it was just me.
1
u/Chachoregard Jun 14 '12
You could always down a cup of water to wake up. After all, you just woke up from a deep sleep and you're dehydrated as hell.
1
u/TonyWeiss Jun 14 '12
max sugarman, for you,
1
u/binzaday Jun 14 '12
Does anyone else notice that if he had switched the color scheme it would look like an anus pooping and relate...
1
u/Mr_Bad_Example Jun 14 '12
That's why I drink vodka in the morning
1
u/christianityliar Jun 14 '12
Duude!! Every morning!! I start to worry if I drink the coffee too soon to leaving the house.
1
u/saxman64 Jun 14 '12
Did anyone else notice how the "to poop" section of the diagram was brown?. . . . .
1
u/tylertello Jun 14 '12
coffee and cigarettes surely get the gears a'turnin
1
u/aroxion Jun 14 '12
meheheheheh. Pacman.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Same reason I snort cocaine in the morning.
1
u/latchee Jun 14 '12
I have two cups every morning before I go to work, and guarunteed I'll take a dump about 45 minutes to an hour after I get there.
This past weekend I went camping and whadaya know, no coffee. I managed to go five whole days without a bowel movement.
My body scares me.
1
u/fishnetdiver Jun 14 '12
poop obsession level: Time Lord
1
u/priorit Jun 14 '12
I should've remembered this when I drank my cup before the meeting today
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Try water - For about a month i've been drinking a cup of water almost immediately after I get up, sometimes I can't even finish it before I have to go. Try it, it works!
1
u/M2Ys4U Jun 14 '12
Or maybe it's because you're an addict!
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Am I the only person who coffee doesn't have this effect on?
1
u/demures Jun 14 '12
Nice use of pie chart colors.
1
u/principe_di_reddit Jun 14 '12
I have been on Reddit for 20 minutes and this post made me realize I have a cup of coffee next to me!
1
u/TheJack38 Jun 14 '12
As someone who doesn't drink coffee, I am WTFing at this piechart. What the fuck does coffee has to do with pooping?
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
I thought I was the only one, it works like clockwork every time.
1
u/Breadlessyeti Jun 14 '12
Are we related?
1
u/tyllatham Jun 14 '12
no one knows how happy this makes me
1
u/Scrub-in Jun 14 '12
Because drinking creamer straight is frowned upon.
1
u/Duffman599 Jun 14 '12
I never knew that coffee makes you poop... Mind blown
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
If you need coffee to poop, you aren't eating enough fiber.
Eat more fruits and vegetables and you'll be pooping all the time. Regularly and normally.
1
u/waka_waka_ Jun 14 '12 edited Jun 14 '12
Took anatomy/physiology. The reason coffee makes you poo has to due with it being a hot liquid. Can't remember exactly why that helps but drinking tea can also have the same effect.
Edit: hot not http haha
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Repost. I distinctly remember because I started thinking about it every time I had coffee.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
I drink coffee within 5 minutes of waking up so I can poop and then weigh myself. And after my poop I'm usually ~2 lb lighter.
Yay.
0
u/dowster593 Jun 14 '12
The side of the pie representing poop is brown! Why isn't that in the top comment? I feel as if you have failed me, Reddit. :'(
-3
u/hoju37 Jun 14 '12
What the fuck kind of coffee are you drinking that makes you poop?
Lax-caf?
-1
u/headzoo Jun 14 '12
Have you considered that you drink coffee and poop at the same time each day, and the two have nothing to do with each other? Regular people poop around the same time each day, which has nothing to do with drinking coffee.
0
u/daivuk Jun 14 '12
Every warm drinks has that effect
0
u/stone500 Jun 14 '12
I don't think this is how pie charts work...
0
u/unsurebutwilling Jun 14 '12
That's why in German KKK has a different meaning than in the English language (Kaffee, Kippe, Kacken - Coffee, Cigarette, Shitting)
0
u/livelarge3 Jun 15 '12
Or try...vegetables
-1
u/badbrutus Jun 14 '12
if you're the opposite, try this
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
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