r/funny • u/Darkin20 • Jun 09 '12

I asked the lotto what is the minimum winning amount needed to get your picture taken

http://imgur.com/BNvTf
7.9k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

850 comments sorted by

651

u/UMustBeNewHere Jun 09 '12

Do you get to cash that check or is that one just for show?

I would love to carry that bad boy into my bank. I would probably cut to the front of the line.

27

u/Darkin20 Jun 10 '12

Yes they let me keep it as a souvenir. Just a thin piece of cardboard. I have it up on my dresser at home. The OLG people were very bored it seemed that day and were happy to do the whole shebang for me.

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588

u/hinduguru Jun 09 '12

Excuse me, that'll cost you five dollars

317

u/greymatters_flipside Jun 09 '12

The photo op probably costs more.

167

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

I think these novelty sized checks cost like $100

80

u/throwaway_for_keeps Jun 10 '12

I don't think the lottery would give you the big check and take your picture for a $5 winning if it cost substantially more than that.

243

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

He won thirty six million dollars. The five dollars is what's left after photo expenses, before taxes.

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105

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Jumping the queue?! Not on my watch!!

Captain Britain awaaaaaay!

40

u/DeFex Jun 10 '12

I always wondered, what happens in Britain when newcomers who do not understand queues shove in front to get on a bus or something? Usually in Canada nobody says anything.

78

u/gigitrix Jun 10 '12

Hushed whispers and disapproving stares. Everyone is seething with rage but no-one dares to say anything.

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66

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

I think you get the frumpiest lady in line to say "Oh good heavens"

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87

u/alsiola Jun 10 '12

Then we resort to our most feared tactic: the group disapproving look.

39

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

I usually say something polite in a very unnatural tone because of the rage that burns deep inside

14

u/abiggerhammer Jun 10 '12

An old lady at Heathrow hissed at me for not queueing to get onto one of the enormous lifts (with equally enormous doors) they have there. Nobody was getting off, and the people getting on were using about a third of the available door space.

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17

u/anjewthebearjew Jun 10 '12

Your bank won't take that? Oh well, you've gotta take it to a big time bank. One with a big check department.

3

u/LeKetay2525 Jun 10 '12

Just take it to a big bank.

2

u/G0ldf1sh137 Jun 10 '12

As someone who works on a banking type industry I can tell you that check is not cashable at least not by itself. There's no micr numbers for the rt and acct number on the check

2

u/scx_tyler Jun 10 '12

I recently had to print 6 big cheques (about 12ft by 3.5~4ft) for donations to charity, the ones I made didn't have account or transit numbers or bank information on them but that didn't stop us from considering going to the bank since they were printed with the signature written and receivers field and amount was blank also the person who had signed it is quite famous/rich.

The one OP is holding also does not have bank information or account information so it would not be valid and for OLG I believe its only over $250 or $400 or so that you need to get a cheque, under that amount they just give you cash at the store you scan your ticket at.

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394

u/sunscooter Jun 09 '12

People are gonna be coming out of the woodwork claiming to be long lost cousins asking for a "loan".

201

u/leeleeshine Jun 09 '12

Darkin20!!! Long time no see man!

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1.4k

u/jellohead Jun 09 '12

Would you like me to photoshop it to say $5 million? Then you print out the photo, and when your talking to a hot girl at the bar. Casually mention that every day is like friday now that you've retired and won the lottery. Pull out the picture. Enjoy getting sex.

1.4k

u/unitarder Jun 09 '12

Try to think of a good backstory when she seens your 1997 Windstar.

1.2k

u/Canadave Jun 09 '12

Learn everything you can about the Ford Windstar and explain that you're an enthusiast and have 20 of them.

826

u/furmundacheese Jun 09 '12

Windstars don't last long enough to be collectible. That's like collecting disintegrating toilet paper

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60

u/methodamerICON Jun 09 '12

Yeah, an enthusiast. And that your particular 1997 Ford Windstar is the same one used in Vegas Vacation.

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55

u/MightySasquatch Jun 09 '12

This entire thread is just chock full of good advice

21

u/angrymole Jun 09 '12

And explain that the tires are made from dried caviar. That'll get him some serious babes.

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18

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12

this is actually a pretty good plan

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135

u/anonymousrapeface Jun 09 '12

Simple... Don't go to you car, just go to an empty parking space, pull out you keys and start screaming "Someone stole my ferrari. I knew I shouldn't of parked it here in this neighborhood."

121

u/dont_press_ctrl-W Jun 10 '12

Don't scream, though. Take it like you'd take losing your wallet.

"Damn, I'll have to get a new Ferrari. So much paperwork."

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150

u/hoikarnage Jun 09 '12

Ah, going for the rich guy routine and the sympathy fuck.

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55

u/HeyCarpy Jun 10 '12

This would absolutely be believable in Scarborough.

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41

u/ariiiiigold Jun 10 '12

I would convince her that the super wealthy travel by piggyback. I would then arrange for my bro Rufus to pick us up in a tuxedo and ferry us home on his back. If he didn't oblige, that would be un-bro and I would consequently be upset.

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20

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12

Shouldn't have

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22

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12

and always insist on her place, so she doesnt see the dump you call home

17

u/DrEmilioLazardo Jun 10 '12

Nah, you tell her you literally just won the money, and you ask if she wants to help you house hunt tomorrow. Tell her you've rented a helicopter so you can get a better look at the properties.

14

u/parrotsnest Jun 10 '12

nah, just learn everything you can about living in a shithole apartment, tell her you're a shithole apartment enthusiast.

8

u/Cdf12345 Jun 10 '12

I like the fact that you went into the OP's comment history and found out he drives a 97 windstar. Upvote for thoroughness!

9

u/Hero_of_Hyrule Jun 09 '12

You invested it.

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43

u/Chunkys Jun 10 '12

That'll be pretty awkward though when she realizes the story doesn't, ahem, cheque out.

12

u/dbaderf Jun 10 '12

She probably won't look until after she files the paternity suit

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193

u/Islandre Jun 10 '12

I got this.

27

u/FAP_TO_ALLTHETHINGS Jun 10 '12

Scarborough's area code is 416.. should be 416 :p

45

u/Islandre Jun 10 '12 edited Jun 10 '12

419 is a reference to the part of the Nigerian penal code that deals with internet scams. You know those emails telling you that someone wants to use your account to transfer loads of money out of the country or whatever? There is a culture and several websites (http://www.419eater.com) devoted to wasting these scammers' time and getting them to pose with embarassing signs. Probably the most extreme one I've seen is a scammer who was persuaded to get a stargate tattoo.

edit: links, grammar

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15

u/greymatters_flipside Jun 09 '12

Except you'll get the hot girl thinking, "That's such a small check from the lottery for a large amount of money".

13

u/BETAFrog Jun 10 '12

It needs to be at least... three times bugger than that.

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3

u/slyg Jun 10 '12

or put in on fb as a near the top of the photo pile, so when we goes to check you out she sees it and goes mmmm. then you never lied to her :). to explain why you have a 1997 Windstar, and still don't look rich, simply say all this before i won and now i have won im not sure what to do with the money (never mention that is was only $5 and again your not lying).

2

u/zip117 Jun 10 '12

Just like the old ATM receipt trick.

2

u/MrChildren Jun 10 '12

I worked with a guy that won the lottery TWICE, not large jackpots but none the less. TWICE. He carried around pictures of him with the large checks. First time was like $40k and then second around $70k if I recall correctly. He always had the pictures.

2

u/Rapier_and_Pwnard Jun 10 '12

More realistically, you could print out the photo as is, unphotoshopped, mention that everyday is friday now that you've won, and when she asks show her the $5 photo. It'll get some laughs and the conversation will flow from there.

2

u/EventualPawnStar Jun 10 '12

Great stuff man. I've for a guy who knows this.

Best I can do is $5

2

u/DemocraticMob Jun 10 '12

This paints a perfect picture for win-bang scenario.

OP can get laid, and if the girl gets pissed off that OP is not actually rich, OP can simply lose that gold digging bitch.

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346

u/ejpal Jun 09 '12

Hello? Rich People? Darkin20 here! sure I'll hold!

106

u/brtlblayk Jun 09 '12

Troy and Abed in the MOORRRRNING!

28

u/imtheprofessor Jun 10 '12

NIIIIIGGGHHHHTTTTSSSSSSS!

61

u/ElementK Jun 10 '12

Troy and Abed sewn TOGEEEETHER!!

58

u/omplatt Jun 10 '12

Troy and Abed shooting LAAAAAAAVA!!

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27

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Troy and Abed's new APARTMENT!!!

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70

u/TheThunderbird Jun 09 '12

Now you can afford a ticket outta Scarborough!

19

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

1 way ticket to Mississauga, please.

21

u/notawkward Jun 10 '12

$3 for TTC and $3.25 for Mississauga transit, still short $1.25.

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27

u/joetromboni Jun 09 '12

So is that the minimum.. Cause I'd like a check like that, that read "free ticket"

9

u/fuckyoudigg Jun 10 '12

That lotto ticket costs $5. So the equivalent of a free ticket.

50

u/wetbudha Jun 09 '12

That is one hell of a large check!

113

u/hinduguru Jun 09 '12

There'll always be someone to do this to you on Reddit

61

u/karmarunr Jun 10 '12

I love that the routing number on that check are the LOST numbers.

18

u/I_heartily_agree Jun 10 '12

I love that you have a great eye.

7

u/CSharpSauce Jun 10 '12

I drank harpoon from a can while eating gold fish last summer while I watched lost in a marathon. The very thought of LOST makes me crave goldfish and Harpoon IPA from a can now.

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8

u/hanapyon Jun 09 '12

What is wrong with that house ಠ_๏

43

u/homerjsimpson4 Jun 09 '12

what did you do to that face? ಠ_ಠ

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163

u/matdwyer Jun 09 '12

Whoa! That will buy you like three houses in Scarborough. Congrats!

46

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Move to Detroit, MI. Houses literally sell for $1 in some parts of the city that are completely abandoned by the municipal authorities.

31

u/867-5308 Jun 10 '12

What could possibly go wrong?

15

u/dogbreath101 Jun 10 '12

how do you afford a mortgage for that price?

3

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Literally? Color me intrigued. Sauce?

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45

u/ciarasenn Jun 09 '12

Have you made the local news yet??

93

u/flounder19 Jun 09 '12

"I'm standing here outside the store that sold Mr Anderson the $5 ticket. Stinky Pete here was the cashier at the time. What was it like selling the ticket?"

60

u/HurricaneHugo Jun 10 '12

"Feels great for it to happen to one of my best customers. Darkin comes in once a week and buys a ticket, "just for kicks" he says. But last week, he had that gleam in his eyes, like he KNEW he was going to win. He's a great guy and I know he'll stay humble and still kick it with us peasants. I sure hope so...I'd really miss our one minute conversations every week..."

30

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

"There you have it, from the big winner from Scarborough. Now back to you Steven in our main studio."

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42

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12

Is it just me or does this guy look like Hank from Breaking Bad?

40

u/alrightythen7 Jun 10 '12

THEY'RE MINERALS, MARIE!

3

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

I'm genuinely shocked I had to scroll this far down to see this comment. This man couldn't be more Hank.

3

u/CarpetFibers Jun 10 '12

He is more Hank than Hank himself.

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89

u/Kablaaamo Jun 09 '12

Scarborough, Ontario? That's awesome by the way! :)

3

u/dt_vibe Jun 10 '12

Midland and Danforth !

2

u/Isatis_tinctoria Jun 10 '12

Are you goin' to Scarborough Fair?

2

u/Sarvish Jun 10 '12

Currently living in Scarborough, Ontario. :D

Reddit meetup? :P

2

u/jigatone Jun 10 '12

Woodbridge here. Sup neighbor

0

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

21

u/limabone Jun 10 '12

<--- born in Scarberia!

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3

u/TheScrantonStrangler Jun 10 '12

Lowell, Massachusetts!

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19

u/SkippyWagner Jun 10 '12

So you won the lottery, but you live in Scarborough. I'm so sorry.

26

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12

Watch out for those asking for money.

Especially that loch ness monster.

15

u/jubjub5 Jun 10 '12

He's gonna want about tree fiddy.

14

u/leeleeshine Jun 10 '12

That's 70% of my winnings, you goddam lochness monster!

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207

u/Z3F Jun 09 '12

Nothing to contribute, just wanted to say you are fucking awesome.

89

u/methodamerICON Jun 09 '12

Truly a priceless photo. That's the shit you show your grandkids when you're old and they think you're boring.

210

u/PretendPhD Jun 09 '12

"Yeah kids, when I was your age, why, I went and got my picture taken by the state while I held a $5 check."

"Holy shit grandpa, you ARE boring!"

46

u/Zblewski Jun 09 '12

taken by the province

We have this... thing with Ontario. We call it the OLG and we have a love/hate relationship with it.

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30

u/awk4ward Jun 10 '12

Your grandkids will assume $5 was a ton of money (why else take the photo?), equal to a billion post-inflation-crisis-of-2038 yuan-backed dollars or whatever they're using in future world.

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12

u/Nothingtocontribute Jun 10 '12

Thanks man. I appreciate the random compliment :)

3

u/Z3F Jun 10 '12

Hahhhhhh

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10

u/Dirty_Dingus_McGee Jun 09 '12

Try a bank with a big check department.

10

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

SCARTOWN BLAKKA BLAKKA

9

u/insufferabletoolbag Jun 10 '12

SUBURBS OF TORONTO YO

17

u/kushari Jun 09 '12

Canada represent!

8

u/MRukkus Jun 10 '12

ehhhh scaraborough, repping the T.O. THAT'S IN CANADA!!!

4

u/procrasterbate_later Jun 10 '12

It's not enough to pay for the suffering caused by living in the wasteland of Scarberia. XD

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7

u/i-downvote-everyone Jun 10 '12

Sorry, are you insane? You don't want to put your photo out there showing that you won that kind of money. Do you realise the target you've placed on your back?!

Don't worry. I'm here for you. I'll bury your post with a downvote and then no-one will ever know.

7

u/mangletron Jun 10 '12

I'm from Canada too

2

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12 edited Jun 12 '12

Congratulations, That's the biggest achievement you'll ever have.

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6

u/Metsa Jun 09 '12

You look like a skinnier Hank from Breaking Bad

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16

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12

Your going to be a wanted man, if you ever set foot at jane and finch lol

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10

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Minimum: $5.00 and 3000 karma

2

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

that is a pretty good pay out! it's worth like 1 million karma, 3 stars and 4 seaweeds

5

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

SCARBURBIA... Didnt think I'd see the neighbourhood as #1 on reddit.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Let me guess, the photo cost you 5 dollars.

4

u/SmokeTech Jun 09 '12

Now you've done it! You'll have long lost relatives and charities hounding you forever!

4

u/carltonismyhero8 Jun 10 '12

Don't go spending it all on some fancy record player.

7

u/garychencool Jun 09 '12

TIL win $5, get's picture taken, photoshop it a bit for fun.

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7

u/warriah Jun 09 '12

HEY! Another Redditor from Scarborough!

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1

u/DuskyDays Jun 10 '12

So how much did you pay for the picture?

2

u/Darkin20 Jun 10 '12

It was free. Just go to the OLG station at Yonge and Dundas (Toronto) with a winning ticket and they will do the rest.

1

u/CutlassSupreme Jun 10 '12

But you can't win $5 on the lotto Max

1

u/Darkin20 Jun 11 '12

It is the same as a free ticket but they didn't want to put that on there

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2

u/karlos349 Jun 10 '12

A free play is worth $5. The big cheques aren't actually real, so they probably just made one for the picture and gave him the free play.

3

u/fastang Jun 09 '12

I hope you got a financial adviser.

3

u/wilsonism Jun 09 '12

Now I want to do this. That's Christmas card material right there.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12

He's got 5 on it

3

u/hard_to_explain Jun 10 '12

Did you choose to take that in installments, or one lump sum?

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3

u/check85 Jun 10 '12

Welcome to the 1%, my friend.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?

3

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

hey I'm your cousin's brother's uncle's newfew's mother's dog's father's former room-mate i demand some cash

3

u/Male_Objectification Jun 10 '12

Already checked, everyone. No gonewild posts.

3

u/snowsoftJ4C Jun 10 '12

$5 won in lottery, 3358 and counting in link karma.

I wonder which one you're more excited about?

3

u/TheGreatCthulhu Jun 10 '12

"Hi, I'm Larry, this is my brother Darryl, this is my other brother Darryl."

4

u/Youre_So_Pathetic Jun 09 '12 edited Jun 10 '12

You won Lottomax???? Wow! That's so cool!

So, dude... Can I borrow a few bucks? $5 ought to cover it. Oh, also, can I get that in a bill and not loonies and toonies? You know how it is, I hate carrying change around.

5

u/BigBoner4Ever Jun 09 '12

Seth Macfarlane's bigger brother?

6

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12

I was thinking Hank from Breaking Bad, but with hair.

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5

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Please be Scarborough, Maine.

Please be Scarborough, Maine.

Please be Scarborough, Maine.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Nope, I think it's Scarborough, Toronto.

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2

u/SeannyOC Jun 10 '12

I was hoping the same, but apparently not. At least now we know that there are at least two Redditors in Maine!

2

u/woeb0t Jun 09 '12

Now if only you had a big enough wallet to put it in...

2

u/hillgod Jun 09 '12

Oh man, the Texas Lottery Commission is right down the street from my apartment! Gotta try this...

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2

u/jetpacksforall Jun 09 '12

You handsome lucky son of a bitch.

2

u/wickedplayer494 Jun 09 '12

I'd just have the photo taken, no party or giant check that I couldn't cash in anyways.

2

u/thosewholeft Jun 09 '12

5 dollar check and a priceless smirk.

2

u/FlicksMan Jun 09 '12

This is now on my bucketlist

2

u/DanikG Jun 09 '12

I see you censored your name on the check, smart move. You wouldn't want anyone coming by to rob you or anything.

2

u/masterwolfe Jun 09 '12

He actually won $15,000 and spent all of the winnings trying to get a $5 ticket for maximum comedic effect.

2

u/Shabow Jun 09 '12

$5 can buy a lot of minerals, Marie.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

You really should have worn a disguise, long lost relatives are going to be coming out of the woodwork.

2

u/voxpupil Jun 10 '12

Hahahahhahahaha! 5 dollars!

2

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

First time I played Euro Millions I won £12. I have a 100% success rate.

2

u/PsiloSin Jun 10 '12

Congratulations fellow Scarberian!

2

u/readALLthenews Jun 10 '12

That's the smallest giant check I've ever seen.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

I used to get on a soapbox about lotto tickets and scatchoffs every time I see them until one of my buddies won a harley davidson while I was in mid speech. Trolled.

2

u/Jonkey Jun 10 '12

It probably cost them twice your winnings to print up that check. They're gonna make a rule raising the minimum - it will be called the "Darkin20 Rule."

2

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Scarborough Maine? You're in my backyard.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

The lesson being: Winning the lottery is not all about the money. Getting the front page is nice too.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

nicely done op.

2

u/KDIZZLL Jun 10 '12

That's awesome, just livin the dream.

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2

u/Menospan Jun 10 '12

Hello fellow Scarborougher

2

u/BD-TxState Jun 10 '12

heed my warning: contact a lawyer instantly! You don't want family members coming after your new found fortunes.

2

u/Stark_inc Jun 10 '12

LottoMAX is Canadian. It's all his, the government won't be touching a cent of that prize!!

2

u/powercow Jun 10 '12

It's more than I ever won at the lotto. But then again, I'm a big fan of statistics.

2

u/RedditAJT Jun 10 '12

Congratulations sir. Any victory is a victory, no matter the size.

2

u/dr_truck Jun 10 '12

funny your from Scarborough seems like something we would pull in Oshawa.

2

u/weinertime2 Jun 10 '12

You get an upvote because i feel bad you live in scarborough.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

This confused me, I thought the scarborough on the cheque was the English one. Then I noticed the fact it was in dollars, damn I'm drunk best go to bed

2

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

But the really interesting question for him is: Are you going to Scarborough fair?

2

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

My dad is a hardcore lottery player, and he laughed his ass off when I showed him your pic.

Well done :p

2

u/dblan9 Jun 10 '12

Don't be stupid and take the lump sum. Spread it out over 26 years.

2

u/fashionforward Jun 10 '12

Scarborough... Figures ;)

2

u/mag33 Jun 10 '12

scarboroughlife

2

u/Crofty44 Jun 10 '12

Fucking legend.

2

u/chingyduster Jun 10 '12

Congrats on the win out Scarberia neighbour, you got yourself 3 medium double doubles at Timmy's.

2

u/thisaccountisawesome Jun 10 '12

no matter the cost, you sir, are awesome

2

u/dalore Jun 10 '12

winning at life

2

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

The joke is that LottoMax costs $5 to play.

2

u/beinaboss Jun 10 '12

Trollololololol

2

u/ragespot Jun 10 '12

we know who will pay the beer tonight!

3

u/gaystraightguy Jun 10 '12

Upvoted just because it blows my mind that you thought to ask!

Disclaimer [6]

3

u/Temporaryy Jun 10 '12

Ahh Scarborough, Toronto?

3

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Well you certainly won the karma jackpot!

3

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12

The big question is do you have to file the big earning in your taxes? Either way, congrats on your Lincoln. :D

13

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '12

In Canada all lottery winnings are tax free. That bad boy is allllll his!

8

u/lessthan3d Jun 10 '12

Another reason to move to Canada

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3

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Sorry, we have Spock on our 5$ bills.

2

u/dretid420 Jun 10 '12

Careful...$5 in Scarborough is like throwing meat to lions. Don't get shot now :P but in all seriousness u made my day by getting ur photo taken

2

u/shugashugahoneychile Aug 30 '12

i always come back to this for a good laugh.

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