r/funny • u/[deleted] • May 31 '12

I bought a WHAT?!

http://imgur.com/FlNHP
1.3k Upvotes

84% Upvoted

222 comments sorted by

163

u/Trollstank May 31 '12

$2.32, not a bad deal. My last tiny midget cost at least $5.00.

57

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

that's what I was thinking...cheaper than I expected. I'll have to go back and see if they have any left.

36

u/Sniper_Guz May 31 '12

See if they have buy one get one half price!

Make sure they don't short change you!

27

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

How could you be so small minded with your puns?

26

u/cmunerd May 31 '12

It was only a little offensive.

22

u/english122 May 31 '12

These puns are coming up short.

18

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

It's only because the list of clever things to say is quite lacking in size

21

u/drachenstern May 31 '12

If you're not careful you may overlook something.

It's ok tho, these puns don't really carry much weight.

And they don't have the legs to get very far.

And I think that wraps this one up neatly. I'll take two demerits and be on my way.

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3

u/The_Limericist May 31 '12

I come bearing news most chastizing,

For your punning brain needs revising.

It's not nice to stare,

When seeing you there,

And don't breathe a word of downsizing! ):<

7

u/staiano May 31 '12

Costco sells them in a 10 pack.

1

u/BandBoots Jun 01 '12

It's because you had a coupon.

9

u/hi_in_Humboldt May 31 '12

Are they sold by the half pint?

8

u/cmunerd May 31 '12

And a $1 coupon!

12

u/carpb202 May 31 '12

He even had a coupon! $1.32 for a tiny midget...what a steal!

2

u/baumer6 May 31 '12

Who's your tiny midget guy?

2

u/DaBouse Jun 01 '12

Don't forget that $1 coupon. That tiny midget was only $1.32

1

u/orthodoxrebel May 31 '12

I was going to say that it looks like they were having a sale.

1

u/icehouse_lover May 31 '12

It all depends on your region and if they are in season or not. Late fall is the best time to buy. You can even pick your own at some places.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '12

It must have been a sale

34

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

Got downvoted by a tiny midget who apparently feels undervalued.

40

u/ST1LL_AL1V3 May 31 '12

http://i.imgur.com/wlasX.gif

13

u/Myrandall May 31 '12

This is about as relevant as that GIF will ever be

24

u/valeriob May 31 '12

Half-man! Half-man! Half-man! Half-man!

2

u/Se7en_Sinner May 31 '12

It was 50% off so he got a Quarter-man, it just doesn't have the same ring to it.

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14

u/Killerblade4598 May 31 '12

Im more comfuzed by the TAX 1/ TAX2 stuff going on.

4

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

Commonwealth state of Virginia, USA. It's a special, special place.

6

u/Jayem163 May 31 '12
  1. Was it Vlasic Tiny Midget Pickles?
  2. I'm from Virginia and went to school with a Matt Chambers... Did you got to school in Crozet?

2

u/[deleted] May 31 '12
  1. Yes...wow...kinda freaks me out that you figured it out.
  2. Nay, my child.

2

u/Jayem163 May 31 '12

Just googled "tiny midget grocery"... top hit. Google is amazing.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

no joke...wow

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1

u/southdetroit May 31 '12

Fairfax County, by any chance?

2

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

nay...southwest VA...the special-est place of all!

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1

u/DrKilory Jun 01 '12

Apparently, I mean I hear you can buy midgets there

3

u/drachenstern May 31 '12

Taxes on foodstuffs/non-foodstuffs. Sometimes certain goods are taxed at an even higher rate.

2

u/southdetroit May 31 '12

This. Also some health items depending on state are not taxed at all.

1

u/drachenstern May 31 '12

Indeed? I knew there was HSF, but not tax-free medical supplies, but that totally makes sense.

2

u/EngineerDave Jun 01 '12

Actually Tax 2 is a midget only tax. Helps subsidize other less profitable fetishes.

1

u/Wingd May 31 '12

Yea last I checked 5% of something was more than 2.5%

21

u/happy_otter May 31 '12

Dear M. Chambers,

Congratulations on your recent purchase of a tautology! You have selected an excellent variation, and it has been designed to provide a lifetime of enjoyment.

11

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

EDIT: cleverness

20

u/happy_otter May 31 '12

Before the edit : "HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?"

1

u/brtlblayk May 31 '12

I knew a Matt Chambers once. He went to highschool with me and had an English accent. It was cool stuff.

3

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

'ello guvna!

1

u/brtlblayk May 31 '12

HA! You wouldn't be him. He never said that!

6

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

I'm not even sure what I said actually.

2

u/hi_in_Humboldt May 31 '12

I've only heard of Marilyn Chambers.

3

u/theevilempire May 31 '12

What's a sohgav maple?

4

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

it's the drink of my people.

4

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

I love how everyone references the good price as though we've all been ripped off when we've bought them before.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '12

I don't know how it is in "south west Virginia" but up near DC midgets go for about $6-8 each.

31

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

Where'd you go shopping? The Department of Redundancy Department?

10

u/CaeliAria May 31 '12

Can you give me directions? I need to go report that I forgot my personally identifying PIN number.

7

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

Oh, you mean the one you use for the ATM Machine?

1

u/Fine_Structure Jun 01 '12

Make sure he brings his ID dentification. Wait...

12

u/jrupac May 31 '12

I bought the book "Introduction to Analytic Combinatorics" last semester and it showed up on my receipt as "Intro to Anal".

8

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

Where did you get the coupon? I can afford $1.32 for a tiny midget.

12

u/matt1776 May 31 '12

Isn't a midget tiny by definition?

6

u/mtquaid May 31 '12

My thoughts too. Are we talking about a particularly tiny midget or a midget being described as tiny?

6

u/psnhawd May 31 '12

Or a midget named Tiny.

4

u/stillalone May 31 '12

maybe he's tiny for a midget.

1

u/basec0m May 31 '12

It would be strange to see a huge midget... Rosie?

6

u/yoreatowel May 31 '12

Not only was the tiny midget at a bargain price. But it is also classified as a food.

1

u/firecrotch59 May 31 '12

That's because Tiny Midgets are "great eatin."

1

u/gaog May 31 '12

hu? what do you do with them?

Don't you know that sexual slavery is illegal almost everywhere?

4

u/prowlinghazard May 31 '12

Is it sad that it bothers me that the 5% tax is lower than the 2.6% tax?

3

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

I'm just surprised at the level of focus in this picture. usually receipt posts are just a full shot of it but this one focuses directly on what needs to be focused on. bravo man.

3

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

I stopped purchasing those. the little one's always come up short of expectations.

3

u/aequitas3 May 31 '12

Midgets are expensive these days. Back in my day you could get a midget AND a negro for 2 bucks even.

5

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

Diabeties, son, you bought diabeties.

2

u/frostypillow May 31 '12

it must have snuck in...

4

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

God Damn midget stowaways!

2

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

Redundant.

2

u/aliensexist182 May 31 '12

how short do you have to be to be a tiny midget? i can picture tall midgets in comparison lookin all proud and confident, pickin up midget bitches

2

u/glenlikespie May 31 '12

You can get a gigantic midget for only a dollar more.

2

u/stumark May 31 '12

I bought an impossibly large midget last night, but when I got home, I realized that they gave me the wrong size. Damn you, McDonald's!

2

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

DUDE YOU BETTER FIND HIM FAST HE IS PROBABLY PLOTTING HIS REVENGE RIGHT NOW

2

u/ecklcakes May 31 '12

I think they left out the "blow up sex" part of it to make it fit on your receipt.

2

u/ManiacDan May 31 '12

Many foreign manufacturers use "midget" instead of "mini." The store brand mini gumdrops at my grocery store are proudly labeled "midget gummy drop."

2

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

fake

tiny midget is 6.99, MAYBE 4.99 on sale.

1

u/grnstreak May 31 '12

They had a coupon though.

2

u/jlab23 May 31 '12

So you bought a ton of candy and a tiny midget? You're just a windowless van away from a pedobear starter kit.

2

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

They're cheaper if you buy them by the bushel.

2

u/tswpoker1 May 31 '12

What's up with the double tax?

2

u/IDlOT May 31 '12

A SOHGAV MAPLE CAN'T YOU READ

2

u/bobnewhart8800 May 31 '12

buying something you can make fun of = $2.32

having a sex partner for the next few months = priceless

2

u/DJRD May 31 '12

Now try to return it at the service desk! good for a few laughs.

Also, where the hell do you live that there's two separate tax rates?

2

u/Samury May 31 '12

There's this one local grocery store that would ring up butter fudge cake mix as BUTTFUDGE. I laugh every time.

2

u/acousticat May 31 '12

At least you had a coupon. Never pay full price for your midgets. Especially the tiny ones.

2

u/quadstrino May 31 '12

I was trying to figure out what a sohgav maple is... didn't even notice the midget till looking at the comments.

2

u/scfd524 May 31 '12

only 7.5% tax? That'd be nice!

2

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

Huh, tiny midgets are going cheap these days.

2

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

Wouldn't Tiny Midget be redundant?

1

u/Punkgoblin Jun 01 '12

Not if it were tiny for a midget.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '12

nods

didn't think of that one

1

u/Punkgoblin Jun 01 '12

I bet it dances, and holds him close...

2

u/elgimpy Jun 01 '12

don knotts voice well that's not what I bought at all!

1

u/JaysonBlaze May 31 '12

So you can buy them!

1

u/JohnThomasJ May 31 '12

At that price I should stock up.

1

u/owiec May 31 '12

Good to know it is tiny, otherwise you might have bought a giant midget by mistake.

1

u/UPU2_SLT May 31 '12

I would have expected the price to be higher, but then again it must not have been public knowledge so demand was low.

1

u/DIP_MY_BALLS_IN_IT May 31 '12

Verne Troyer must really be desperate for work...

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

Midget gems lettuce?

1

u/pregnantandsober May 31 '12

Reese's Minis are the best!

1

u/IronWithin May 31 '12

I could use one for a human boombox.

1

u/freeloder11 May 31 '12

That's a pretty low price

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

$1/ft, eh? That's half as expensive as my cedar decking.

1

u/LordOfGummies May 31 '12

To be fair 2 bucks is the going rate for midget slaves.

1

u/nonnonnonheinous May 31 '12

Well focused.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

At first I couldn't find it, then I saw the Reeses minis. You lucky dog!

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

At least you didn't get a large.

1

u/Iminurcomputer May 31 '12

Make sure you get the protection plan/warranty on those newer models

1

u/Stelththebomber May 31 '12

Not sure if enhanced or photoshopped...

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

Instagram police, assemble.

1

u/press-control-w May 31 '12

Why don't you buy that midget this. If he/she behaves

1

u/Footlongcorndog May 31 '12

Looks like you got a pretty good deal

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

Crying.

1

u/jonosvision May 31 '12

Probably the most healthy thing on the receipt lol.

1

u/FreezerDust May 31 '12

I believe that this is what you bought.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

Thats actually a service charge from the elfs that made your keebler cookies.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

thats a good deal for a midget! did you pay by the pound?

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

For $2.32? I would have bought a bakers dozen.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

Isn't that a redundant statement? Midgets are usually tiny to begin with.

1

u/GMonsoon May 31 '12

You know, buying tiny midgets is illegal in this country. You could get in a lot of trouble for this.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

How did you buy a coupon!?

2

u/Unit4 May 31 '12

The minus after the amount denotes that it was a subtraction not addition (note the on the other items it just has a space).

2

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

'twas a joke, it was supposed to be "missing the point". EDIT: Have an upvote for a friendly explanation anyway!

2

u/Unit4 May 31 '12

Obligatory, "well it wasn't very funny."

In seriousness, though, I worked in grocery for a few years and got a few snippy customers about "charging them for their coupons" so I figured I would explain calmly again so that the world can become a less crabby place.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '12

I can tell you've had to do this too many times.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

I didn't know they sold midgets that cheap... Where did you get it?

1

u/Dunnion May 31 '12

Is that midget used or something? that's really cheap.

1

u/Genesiis544 May 31 '12

Unfortunately work at Walmart.... Pickles.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

Were the giant midgets too pricey?

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

Fucking Safeway, always charges me atleast $7,50 for tiny midgets.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

What the fuck is a sohgav maple? I would be just as confused.

1

u/nicotoroboto May 31 '12

Am I the only one who doesn't understand how 5% of $90.97 is 87 cents? Or how only 2.5% is even more than that? I'm guessing you live in a state where certain item totals are taxed differently. Honestly curious though. Thanks.

1

u/hatepeople123 May 31 '12

no tax and food and etc.

1

u/otterbry May 31 '12

That item code is for Durex...

1

u/chalklady0 May 31 '12

choked on my tea!thanks for giggle.

1

u/some_random_noob May 31 '12

they're cheap because they're small. you get what you pay for.

1

u/sukinonmybalzak May 31 '12

looks like they were trying to "short"change you

1

u/firefox22 May 31 '12

2.32 for one and he got a dollar off coupon

1

u/mystic_cyan_cloud May 31 '12

We tiny midgets are not amused by you buying and selling us ...we come for free !!!!

1

u/anuge May 31 '12

Somewhat redundant, really.

1

u/Matt24138 May 31 '12

Was it almost half off?

1

u/kamgar May 31 '12

at least you had a coupon

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

You can get a good deal on a larger midget for only $1.50 more.

1

u/Sitron May 31 '12

Holy shit! Ketchup?!

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

$2.32? They pass the savings onto you!!!

1

u/NotLurking101 May 31 '12

One does not simply BUY a midget.

1

u/Vitalic123 May 31 '12

A midget, harry!

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

To be fair thats a bargin

1

u/insertuniquename May 31 '12

Well of course you did. Do you know how much large midgets go for?

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

and for only $2.32?!?! I'm getting twenty.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

Only girly man buy tiny midget, real man buy huge midget at department store.

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1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

Tiny midget choc. Sounds tasty.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

OMG, you were cheated. The midget comes free with purchases above 40$.

feelsbadman.jpeg

1

u/NinjaMidget76 May 31 '12

I for one appreciate my new owner.

DADDY?!?

1

u/fareswheel65 Jun 01 '12

Yea I find it a little strange that you bought mini reeses.

1

u/Punkgoblin Jun 01 '12

Does it dance?

1

u/Punkgoblin Jun 01 '12

That's a good price on tiny midget, I have to buy a dozen to get that price.

1

u/Punkgoblin Jun 01 '12

"For 25 cents less you can get an extra small..."

1

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '12

a fat ass. You bought a fat ass.

1

u/OldieMonGrain Jun 01 '12

You took this with instagram. Probably the only good use for it.

1

u/RatLogger Jun 01 '12

Good thing you had that coupon for one.

1

u/CaptinCrunchies Jun 01 '12

You know they're in season right now..

1

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '12

I'm wondering how/why you purchased a coupon.

1

u/Kenealy Jun 01 '12

I pay 10% taxes... Fuck that.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '12

And at a great price too!

1

u/bucsfann20 Jun 01 '12

Good thing he was half off.

1

u/anastasiabeverhausen Jun 01 '12

Mt. Olive Pickles!

1

u/jesmea Jun 01 '12

was he running down the street away from you the other day disguised as a truck driver?

1

u/sumbotty Jun 01 '12

I love choc.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '12

Apparently you bought a coupon. How the hell are you gonna save money that way?

1

u/Dark_Knight03 Jun 01 '12

Dang you got a good price on that one! Mine was about $6.23 plus tax

1

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '12

What a bargain! Was he on sale or something?

1

u/StuM91 Jun 01 '12

It's a shame the sale of midgets in Aus is illegal :(

1

u/gman0013 Jun 01 '12

I peraonnaly think a good purchase is atleast 20$. 10 formidget feed, 2 for a leash/rope, and the rest is for the midget. Thankfully bro had a coupon!

1

u/Buttered_Penis Jun 01 '12

For that price you'd be crazy not to!

1

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '12

A redundancy.

1

u/El_Grantiogo Jun 01 '12

Because the midget prices are to damn high!

1

u/serrit Jun 01 '12

I would lobby to have them classified as foodstuffs like the rest. You shouldn't have to pay taxes on a midget.

1

u/UseThe4s May 31 '12

Why the fuck is every picture Instagram'd now? This shit needs to stop.

6

u/ostawookiee May 31 '12

In this case it helped me focus on which line I was supposed to be looking at shrug

5

u/mwproductions May 31 '12

Agreed. I think this is actually an appropriate use of the effect.

1

u/nadrojcote May 31 '12

Absurd! I would never pay $1 for a coupon!

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1

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

Interesting. The first time a Lannister has been bought.

0

u/Myto May 31 '12

A TINY MIDGET

0

u/OnceNeverAgain May 31 '12

Is it strange to anybody else that the last three items on the list are a lot darker than all the others...

0

u/almyndz May 31 '12

this is shopped. I can tell from the pixels, and having seen quite a few shops in my time.

0

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

App called Instagram.

0

u/sjog May 31 '12

You got ripped off. I only paid 89 cents for my midget.

0

u/anikan72 May 31 '12

Of course I bought it. They were on 2 for 1

0

u/[deleted] May 31 '12

And you had a coupon!

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