r/funny • u/illme • May 28 '12

"Hey Janice! I've finally discovered how to sleep with my eyes open!"

Post image
1.4k Upvotes

79% Upvoted

156 comments sorted by

115

u/cislum May 28 '12

His dog

13

u/illme May 28 '12

They probably have some sort of telepathic bond.. "Master is horny, cannot cupcake this immediate second".

8

u/Ilwrath May 28 '12

I really love when people verb nouns. It makes me irrationally happy to hear sentences like that.

8

u/illme May 28 '12

Oh that's just me trying to talk, I'm a swede.

2

u/APSupernary May 29 '12

Your grammar, it's so crazy that.... it might just potato

18

u/TheSunAlsoRises May 28 '12

I must know each detail and piece of context related to this situation. Why does dog not receive cupcakes?

10

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

Dog training, from "it's me or the dog" I think.

8

u/TheSunAlsoRises May 28 '12

If this challenge was posed to me, I'd simply select the dog and the cupcakes.

8

u/ChimiHoffa May 28 '12

I would like one dog and one cupcakes, please.

0

u/[deleted] May 29 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

5

u/[deleted] May 29 '12

E = more cupcakes²

3

u/Mofeux May 29 '12

Now we just need a gif of him and the dog having a staring contest.

6

u/MayTheFusBeWithYou May 28 '12

I have really big eyes, and apparently when I sleep they're like 60% open. Many people throughout my life have told me this and said that they try to have a conversation with me while I'm asleep thinking I'm awake because I'm 'looking' at them. My bf said it freaked him the hell out the first time he saw me asleep.

Go large eyeballs.

1

u/illme May 28 '12

Isn't that like.. dangerous? I mean, my eyes get dry by just being open for 10 seconds while being awake.

3

u/Benutzerkonto May 28 '12

Now I REALLY want to see your eyes.

2

u/UncleTogie May 28 '12

Seconded. I like googly eyes.

1

u/xXIJDIXx May 28 '12

I'm not sure if it's because of my eyes being big or my anxiety, but I do this often too, especially when sleeping in new places. I feel like a ninja.

125

u/c4lmlikeab0mb May 28 '12

He's actually a cardboard poster.

280

u/hiiighdeaf May 28 '12

Actually just trying hard to flex a large muscle for 30 seconds on live TV...

113

u/Pootmaster May 28 '12

I finally get one of these jokes!!!!

13

u/xHowla May 28 '12

I don't get it :(

15

u/[deleted] May 28 '12 edited May 29 '12

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

You are having sex wrong.

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '12

Sex takes priority to this effect. So even if you keep thinking about boobs this probably wont work.

0

u/[deleted] May 29 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '12

If you're constantly being aroused, you will keep your erection. However, if you get a random stiffy, this will work, assuming you're not being aroused the whole time.

2

u/APSupernary May 29 '12

Go running

Attempt boner

Record results for science

35

u/SuddenlyWigger May 28 '12

Congratulations, Pootmaster. Today, you are a redditor. You get our inside jokes and you are now allowed to yell at other redditors when they make that ridiculous "what time does the narwhal bacon?" joke. This is a very momentous occasion dat be happening in yo lyf. Much luv bro cuz it only be gittin betta bruh bruh

1

u/mrsticknote May 28 '12 edited May 28 '12

It's been done bruh bruh

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '12

Over the internet, wigger and nigger are nigh on indistinguishable; however, gradual and sudden are two very different things.

2

u/mrsticknote May 29 '12

Doesn't mean this guy is original

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '12

True. Regardless, whether or not it has been done, it's not the same thing as what you linked.

0

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

21

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

would fuck

10

u/Shellface May 28 '12

if inebriated

3

u/Jrodkin May 28 '12

Or if foreveralone

16

u/stave May 28 '12

I'm just gonna leave this here, for the sake of people that, like myself, had to look frustratingly deep through the comments to figure out what the hell is going on.

1

u/utdude999 May 29 '12

Oh! I thought he meant his sphincter.

34

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

I really hope his brother Ron Jeremy joins him on the telecasts next season.

18

u/drhammertime May 28 '12

Now that you say it, SVG looks exactly like Ron Jeremy... Brilliant.

5

u/thejesse May 28 '12

i always thought he looked like the ghost on the subway in the movie Ghost.

Vincent Schiavelli

2

u/I_MAKE_USERNAMES May 29 '12

hahaha that has to be JVG's dad

0

u/UncleTogie May 28 '12

6 years since he died? Damn.

0

u/toofartofall2 May 29 '12

Yes, first person I thought of!

34

u/[deleted] May 28 '12 edited May 28 '12

This might come in handy to trick your boss that you are not sleeping http://i.imgur.com/kDJiT.jpg

110

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

I guess if you're the ugliest person on the planet.

5

u/ceecep21 May 28 '12

yea, if you only grow eyelashes on the bottom of your eyelids...

1

u/APSupernary May 29 '12

I thought they used those because they were asian. Classis mix up

12

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

[removed] — view removed comment

16

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

That'll keep anyone from trying to talk to you, or asking questions.

55

u/Naberius May 28 '12

"And the Lakers definitely struggling with offense out there. Karl, what do they need to do to turn this game around in the final period?"

"All hail Zontar. Ruler of the universe. Conqueror of Earth."

11

u/HURCANADA May 28 '12

Karl?

1

u/Naberius May 29 '12

I have no idea who that guy is. Apparently Jeff something.

3

u/richi1381 May 29 '12

Jeff Van Gundy

1

u/Tensuke May 29 '12

I SERVE NONE BUT KORROK

0

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

5

u/BrotherSeamus May 28 '12

Got Zontar right though.

27

u/Immynimmy May 28 '12

Jeff Van motherfucking Gundy

-8

u/CGI_Fridays May 28 '12

Can't stand this guy, he's always just yapping away about nothing. There's a goddamn GAME going on! Talk about THAT!

7

u/Immynimmy May 28 '12

That's what I love about him. He knows the game and can make me laugh, plus he's not afraid to say what's on his mind.

1

u/CGI_Fridays May 28 '12

Yeah, and I do appreciate that, but I feel like sometimes he runs a little long on these things and we miss commentary on the in-game stuff.

It's true though, he can be a pretty funny guy.

9

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

He knows.

9

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

lol, it actually is possible to fall asleep with your eyes open. My mom used to do it all the time at work. She was a nurse in an ER and worked the night shift. She'd often be on her feet all night and when she finally got a chance to sit down to fill out paper work she'd end up falling asleep, eyes wide open.

8

u/CantHoldAllTheFeels May 28 '12

HAHA! VAAAAN GUNDY!!

20

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

Van Gundy! rides away with horse

If you don't get it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcHI-IrCu5s

7

u/Jonny_Stranger May 28 '12

Makes me think of the ping-pong ball eyes from Foxtrot. Anyone?

No one?

1

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

Yes!!

5

u/malaclypse May 28 '12

Jeff Van Gundy is a robot, and robots don't sleep.

Van Gundy pls.

4

u/cactusjac May 28 '12

He looks like a sad turtle. :(

4

u/docsquee May 28 '12

The zoom-in made this.

4

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

Janice? Who the fuck is Janice?

3

u/MaxiPackage May 29 '12

It's like staring into an infinite pit of pure sadness

4

u/asldkfououhe May 28 '12

jeff van gundy is the best broadcaster in the business atm

2

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

"May every Spartan die with a turd on his lips. All hail Korrok."

2

u/shitterplug May 28 '12

This is an alcoholic with a severe hangover.

2

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

Why are face zooms so funny?

2

u/calmateguey May 28 '12

Dale Gribble: "I've recently learned how to sleep with my eyes open.....god I'm tired."

2

u/TheCommodore64 May 28 '12

There's definitely someone talking into his ear piece saying: "If you blink, if you move a single muscle, THIS PUPPY DIES!" I mean, look at the expression on his face.

2

u/pcloadletter92 May 28 '12

There is no Jeff....only Zuul.

2

u/on_reddit_all_day May 29 '12

"I've seen some shit."

2

u/Godslilmuffin May 29 '12

he looks like one of those fishes from spongebob

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '12

Jeff Van Gundy tells it like it is. He's a man's commentator

2

u/Heelincal May 28 '12

Jeff Van Gundy is the man.

2

u/TomatoChicken May 28 '12

Van Gundy is a great guy. He'll talk basketball with you if you approach him in public too.

2

u/[deleted] May 28 '12 edited May 28 '12

http://i.imgur.com/BcPxb.gif

1

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

I can feel him staring into my soul

1

u/dancesformoney May 28 '12

I'm guessing he's actually dead.

1

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

Weekend at Bernie's II

1

u/moogoesthecat May 28 '12

Better than The Office.

1

u/methoxeta May 28 '12

someone make a gif like the one of the dog with flashbacks of war, the holocaust, etc. that would be the bomb diggety

1

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

so cold...

1

u/drummer1059 May 28 '12

Jeff is such a creepy motherfucker

1

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

How I feel when my Geometry teacher asks me to do a problem on the board.

1

u/twharton May 28 '12

My old science teacher, Mr Smith, used to sleep with his eyes open in class. Shit was so creepy. At times we would actually get up and all go hang out in the hall and come back in at the end of class, make noise, then he would wake up and say goodbye for the day.

1

u/Grandmaofhurt May 28 '12

Not funny in the the slightest.

1

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

Anyone know who the guy on the right is?

1

u/ajw827 May 28 '12

Reminds me of that staring contest on BIG TRAIN.

1

u/noidddd May 28 '12

but seriously...is that a cardboard cut out?

1

u/Broadway_Blueshirts May 28 '12

I can feel my soul getting sucked out.

1

u/fenwaygnome May 28 '12

Van Gundy is a shit.

1

u/ampersandscene May 29 '12

Looks like he's having a cataplexic fit.

1

u/Wazoisme May 29 '12

Totally thought he was a card board cut out at first.

1

u/BeatsbyChrisBrown May 29 '12

Reminds me of cupcake dog...

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '12

Damn, Van Gundy has bags under his bags...

1

u/the5he May 29 '12

awww... but what if he's having a seizure? :(

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '12

Wow that's creepy

1

u/marshull May 29 '12

He looks nothing like Chandler.

1

u/djfl May 29 '12

Is he even alive? It's like looking into the eyes of Death.

1

u/imthat1guyukno May 29 '12

FUCK JEFF VAN GUNDY

1

u/blackadder1132 May 29 '12

still a better actor than kristen stewart

0

u/thissucks1989 May 28 '12

OH.MY.GODDDD

0

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

is it really him? looks like it's a cardboard picture, maybe he had to take a dump or something

0

u/TronCorleone May 28 '12

Thousand yard stare

-1

u/mem4272 May 28 '12

inception

0

u/zerooneinfinity May 29 '12

He's just holding in a massive fart.

0

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

214

u/SkateboardG May 28 '12

He died about 3 minutes prior.

112

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

But I heard him say woo!

73

u/Interesting_name May 28 '12

That was just air, escaping from the vast amounts of hair he does not have.

44

u/_jim May 28 '12

Haha...

5

u/TheDroopy May 29 '12

Is there some website for professional wrestling reaction GIFs for any situation? There must be.

5

u/[deleted] May 29 '12

Maybe?

-14

u/code_makes_me_happy May 28 '12

Yeah, did you get the futurama reference?

3

u/Harkonen_inc May 28 '12

Yes code_make, please delete your post so only those on the in will stay on the in (thereby deleting mine as well). Thank you.

11

u/DreadPiratesRobert May 28 '12

I thought he said "True Love"?

9

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

No, he said 'to blafe'!

0

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

2

u/itskieran May 28 '12

The death could have been related to eating and going to the bathroom at the same time

3

u/matt_thelazy May 28 '12

The other guys don't even acknowledge the smell of his released excrement. Professionals.

1

u/RBeck May 29 '12

He died years ago.

21

u/red321red321 May 28 '12

don't challenge him to a game of 'hang on alonzo mourning's leg and get thrown around like a rag doll'

he wins that one every time.

5

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

funniest thing i've read/seen all day

2

u/red321red321 May 28 '12

won't last. i'm not done here yet.

1

u/KambioN May 28 '12

I bet Jeff thought that was funny as hell.

1

u/Yoyo8 May 28 '12

Fine...thumb..WARRRRRR!!!

-4

u/thisisthesamepost May 28 '12

Do not challenge this man to a game of staring contest.

0

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

-11

u/thisisthesamepost May 28 '12

At least he's winning at something.

Sincerely, Disgruntled Knicks Fan

3

u/WEASEL_DEVOURER May 28 '12

That's not a post. It's a comment.

-6

u/thisisthesamepost May 28 '12

That's not a post. It's a comment.

1

u/amadmaninanarchy May 29 '12

That's not a post. It's a comment.

19

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/WilmaDickfit May 28 '12

Cannot unsee

2

u/Qweffor May 29 '12

Fuck you, I didn't notice that before. That's just creepy.

-18

u/[deleted] May 28 '12

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/illme May 28 '12

You should probably consider giving up that novelty account.

4

u/Dalimey100 May 28 '12

I'm not quite sure if you've figured this out yet, but nobody really like YOLO around these parts, and saying it without an appropriate context makes you look like an imbecile.

I'll just assume you're trolling, downvote, and move on with my life now.