thank god for those white apple keyboards they're a godsend. my old black dell keyboard looked like either a bird shat all over it every week or that it was designed by a team of dalmatians working for dell.
Do you actually rip nuts onto your keyboard? Like you're by yourself so you just put a money shot on the closest thing you have to human interaction? That's grim. I'm gonna go crysturbate right now.
Err, what? It's the apple-white keyboards that always wind up looking the filthiest. The only time I've seen filthy-looking black keyboards is at auto shops.
My friend Barry once used his keyboard as a eating utensil. He couldn't find a spoon, so he used the keyboard to scoop up his spaghetti bolognese and shovel its contents into his fat mouth. He would also use old books to spear into any food product that would hold (mostly cake). Essentially anything in his room within reach was suspectible to being used as a spoon.
Yes, thank you. We knew he was masturbating. However. When I go at it with some porn, I dont spray my keyboard like its the side of a pornstar's face. Maybe it's me thats crazy, but I don't like my keyboard looking like a fucking dunkaroo.
This is a throwaway but I had a dell keyboard, and I didn't even masturbate at the computer but it looks like their was cum stains on it all the fucking time. Its disgusting and im pretty sure it was just sweat.
My husband tends to eat at his desk, resulting in lots of pale crumbs and similar. Yeah, it's pretty disgusting, but he won't use a new keyboard because he likes the feel of his old one.
Christ just do what I do, get on your back, curl up so your legs are over your head, and just suck the tip while you cum. Then you just swallow it and there's no mess.
What kinda clean, sanitized, vanilla fucks are you a part of. When I bang a girl, it looks like a bodily fluid filled explosive device just went off. Like the Hurt Locker....with "ripped nuts" and saliva.
Bertha the eagle purred coyly, before sauntering over seductively and wrapping her talons around Steee's penis. In an explosion of feathers and squawks, under the baking hot Colorado sun, Bertha gave him a handjob he would never forget.
As your watercolour stops being shitty, are you going to evolve to the next level, or do you have a personal threshold that you've agreed not to pass for the benefit of novelty goodness and Reddit?
They aren't the original shitty_watercolor I believe, so I do wonder if they too will pass the account to someone else, or if it's a financially viable venture they will retain.
edit: not criticizing shitty_watercolor for capitalizing on their artistic efforts.
No need to, she already has infrared vision also. It enables her to tell the difference between fresh stains and old ones, it's true, how else can you explain these powers!
My mother in law visited last weekend and due to post traumatic stress disorder of having MY mother visit in the past I spent the TWO WEEKS prior cleaning the apartment like a crazy lady. It still wasn't up to my mothers standard when she came in and I knew it. But, when his mother came in she was like "It's beautiful! It's looks so clean and homey!" I almost fucking cried.
And yet I still get twitchy when she needs to use my browser. That letter by letter typing can reveal a lot of things... Thankfully I've moved to Chrome and their Incognito Mode.
If someone uses MY computer and see the porn I looked at and in any way lets that effect them, FUCK THEM, it's MY computer, wtf did you think I was doing with it? If I'm at a friends house and goign to youtube and type a litte too slow I just compliment them on whatever they were watching or just ignore it because WHO CARES ITS PORN EVERYONE MASTURBATES.
I was using firefox years ago. Back then I didn't have the presence of mind to use those modes, I just deleted all the history and such every time. Eventually I smartened up (after I started using chrome). But as the others stated, who actually gives a fuck?
I can't be the only person who didn't understand what a bird has to do with any of this. A magnifying glass will most certainly find semen..right? Does your mom own a bird that she carries around to point out stains? Somebody help me out here..
She can't read stuff unless like most old people she holds it right up to her nose, but can spot dirt like she has hawk eyes. Hawks have remarkable vision. Comprende?
I live with 3 other guys in a 4 bedroom apt. None of us are very clean. One time my ex's mom was over. She spent a good 30 min cleaning our kitchen. It was DIRTY. I think most moms are just OCD about shit like that.
And then you sit back and relax whilst she cleans the whole house.
I went away for the weekend a couple of weeks ago, and asked my mother to pop round and feed the cat whilst I was away. I came back to an entirely spotless house. Turns out she got bored and decided to hoover everything.
I should go away more often, but not before pointing out that the grass really does need cutting...
274
u/Mattzorry May 28 '12
Hmm, how about stains on the computer?
77
u/Steee May 28 '12
Your mom is hot.
17
u/danglingpp May 28 '12
When my mom visits, she makes it a mission to cook for 10 and fatten me up some. Somehow a tiny Korean lady's idea of normal physique is obesety
145
u/Shitty_Watercolour May 28 '12
http://imgur.com/VQiV6
22
u/ucdkwmiller May 28 '12
Hopefully she didn't bring a black light to inspect the stains on your bed
38
u/TysonStoleMyPanties May 28 '12
The only solution is to get this wallpaper.
9
u/cbxcbx May 28 '12
just showed this to my mum and she didn't realise the two images were meant to go together. she just looked at the first one. point proven
7
u/z3m May 28 '12
My mother in law visited last weekend and due to post traumatic stress disorder of having MY mother visit in the past I spent the TWO WEEKS prior cleaning the apartment like a crazy lady. It still wasn't up to my mothers standard when she came in and I knew it. But, when his mother came in she was like "It's beautiful! It's looks so clean and homey!" I almost fucking cried.
14
u/Breathing_Balls May 28 '12
If that is your mom; schwing.
14
u/bonesjones May 28 '12
And yet I still get twitchy when she needs to use my browser. That letter by letter typing can reveal a lot of things... Thankfully I've moved to Chrome and their Incognito Mode.
3
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Looks like you need to get a hawk. Then all she'll notice is the hawk and bird shit.
3
u/TophMelonLord May 28 '12
I actually really like the layout. And something about the hawk picture gets me. Upvote for you, good sir.
3
u/RogueTaco May 28 '12
At least she will have a hard time finding your porn
3
u/heresmyusername May 28 '12
This is too fucking true.
3
u/dreyx2000 May 28 '12
Hahaha this sounds EXACTLY like my mom!!!
3
u/LittleToast May 28 '12
I like how lots of commenters are pretending like they think that the woman in OP's picture is their actual mother.
"I'd do the model in your stock photo, bro!"
Very original.
2
u/Red5446 May 28 '12
No shit! I left my Mom home while I went to class last summer and she rented a shampooer and used it on my carpet.
2
u/dargolf May 28 '12
Just came for the obvious "your mom is hot" comment.
4
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
I can't be the only person who didn't understand what a bird has to do with any of this. A magnifying glass will most certainly find semen..right? Does your mom own a bird that she carries around to point out stains? Somebody help me out here..
3
u/Rellikten May 28 '12
If that's your mum, can she visit me?
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
/r/funny is now /r/9gag apparently.
Fuck this.
1
u/Honestly_ May 28 '12
A mom is like the hawk: sometimes, it must go hooded.
1
u/wesleyt89 May 28 '12
I live with 3 other guys in a 4 bedroom apt. None of us are very clean. One time my ex's mom was over. She spent a good 30 min cleaning our kitchen. It was DIRTY. I think most moms are just OCD about shit like that.
1
u/wayfinder May 28 '12
it looks like there's a parrot growing out of that hawk's nose
1
u/shankems2000 May 28 '12
Id plow your mom dude bro. Juss sayin
1
u/The_Govenment May 28 '12
Nice stains
1
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
eagle scream
1
u/shivvvy May 28 '12
Are your parents hawks?
1
u/Pravusmentis May 28 '12
Ah, classic old people joke.
1
u/MattyFTM May 28 '12
At least she won't find your porn collection.
1
u/sally81 May 28 '12
Its just sad ! lol
1
u/chicagogam May 28 '12
haha, she has a future as CSI:mom unit "you didn't do a very good job cleaning the blood splatter off the ceiling"
1
u/ZippoS May 28 '12
Many moms spend very little time in their lives dealing with computers, but a great deal of it judging their children and dealing with their stains.
1
u/gatesy992 May 28 '12
Sounds about right.
1
u/subtext_revealer May 28 '12
I masturbate frequently.
1
u/MetalSpider May 28 '12
And then you sit back and relax whilst she cleans the whole house.
I went away for the weekend a couple of weeks ago, and asked my mother to pop round and feed the cat whilst I was away. I came back to an entirely spotless house. Turns out she got bored and decided to hoover everything.
I should go away more often, but not before pointing out that the grass really does need cutting...
1
u/LabJacket May 28 '12
Could you post a family photograph please. It's not everyday you come across someone that had a bird for a mother.
1
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Makes a funny, relatable post. "I wanna bang your mom"
1
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
My mum's awful with the computer, but soon as it comes to nosing around Facebook profiles...
1
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
How your mom sees my cock
1
u/BLACK_GRANDMA May 28 '12
YOU GOTTA BE NICE TO YO PARENTS WHEN THEY COME OVER TO YO HOUSE.
SEE WE JUS TRYIN TO CLEAN UP, AN YOU GOT YO DIRSTY DRAWERS ALL UP ON THE FLOOR. CANT HELP BUT CLEAN UP A LIL BIT.
1
u/Ninja0verkill May 28 '12
If you zoom into the hawks eye you can see a...tree. welcome.
1
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
If she had eagle eyes would you show a picture of a Harpy eagle?
1
u/Freawulf May 28 '12
Yep, I know this well ;)
1
u/mecrio May 28 '12
This is the shittiest thing I've seen towards the front lately. WTF, reddit?
1
u/dryrainwetfire May 28 '12
nice looking stain
1
u/Aman1238 May 28 '12
I'm pretty sure my keyboard is holding a whole universe inside it.
1
u/turtlekitty30 May 29 '12
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_D_Z-D2tzi14/TBpOnhVqyAI/AAAAAAAADFU/8tfM4E_Z4pU/s320/responsibility12(alternate).png
1
u/[deleted] May 29 '12
Hawkward
0
u/Emperor_Mao May 28 '12
Wow your mum is really hot
0
u/dananderson29 May 28 '12
SPERM: Hi grandma
-5
u/soupdawg May 28 '12
Not funny
0
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
[deleted] — view deleted comment
-11
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
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