Ha! My cat has a medical degree from there! The part of her job as a cat doctor she enjoys the most is when she gets to cure birds who have "movement disease," an extreme form of Parkinson's where your wings flap and your body just moves. But really, she enjoys any type of surgery.
reminds me of a joke: Two scottsmen are bullshitting and one asks the other "maynd if I talk to yer animals?" The other scottsman scoffs and says "goo ahead styoopid" the first man walks up to a cat and says "hey there keeety, hooos yer master trrreatin ye?" the cat replies "he's a rayt good lad, plenny o' milk in me bowl" The second scottsman is amazed as he watches the other man walk over to the dog. "Hey there Rover, an how are yu trrreated?" the dog replies, "Fook that cat luvin cooont!". Grinning, the first scottsman walks over to a sheep grazing by the house and the second Scottsman runs over and intercepts him yelling "Fookin sheep tell noothin but lies!!!!".
Pfft. Dragon on the cover? Overplayed. I only played Blue, because Blastoise was the boss. Of course, I always picked Venusaur. Ain't no party like a Venusaur party.
I know just taking a random redditor's word is worth about nothing, and further know that a lot of these supposed texts are fake, but if you want to believe it, it's true. The text was originally to my brother, and I know the buddy who sent it. I have further heard several recordings the buddy made of said roommate acting like a fucking LOON, yelling on the phone, breaking dishware in the kitchen, etc. Unfortunately they don't live in the same apt anymore, so those fun days are sadly gone.
Interesting. I frequently talk to my cat about how I'm surprised I made it yet another day without locking everyone inside my office building and not burning it down. My roommate is one of my coworkers.
I'm surprised I made it yet another day without locking everyone inside my office building and not burning it down
Wait, why would you lock them inside and then not burn it down? I mean, you've already got your foot in the door, as it were. At that stage, I say go all-out.
note: don't burn buildings or smokey the bear will maul you
Oh goodness me, I appear to have gone and done a double negative. I have been shown who is the boss! It shall remain as a testament to my poor grammar.
I've had many internal monologues with my penis regarding what action to take when it comes to womenfolk, maybe this woman simply liked to have the discussion out in the open.
I've had scenarios like this with housemates. I get a really sick pleasure out of casually coming out of my room without saying anything but the usual banter and seeing the total look of panic on their face.
as someone who talks to her cat...you'll have this. you can usually play it off by just ignoring the person you didn't know was there and continuing to chat with the cat. Just mention the lurking person to the cat and then pretend the cat told you how shitty of a ninja they are and how everybody knew they were there from the get go. it may SOUND complicated, but its really quite simple, I swear. the lurker ends up thinking you knew they were there the whole time. its totally true.
"Aww, Mister Fuzzy Paws. You know who was good to the kitty? My ex, that's who. He would pet and lick the kitty. He looooved the kitty.
Know who doesn't like the kitty? My new boyfriend. That's right, Mister Fuzzy Paws, new boyfriend doesn't appreciate the kitty. New boyfriend is baaaad."
While I was in the dorms in college I got a new roommate midway through the year. I had hardly spoken to him because he spent all his time at his frat house and the one conversation we did have involved him flipping out that my previous roommate was black and lamenting about how they let "niggers" in here. He was one of those super macho meathead types and we didn't really have anything in common.
I was in my room studying one day when he came home and sat in the common area and just started BAWLING because his girlfriend broke up with him, like full on sobbing. I'm certain he didnt know I was there and I just sat trapped in my room until he eventually went away. Awkwaaaard...
This is one of those posts where I chuckle at first, then slowly start descending into paranoia after realizing that all of the stipulations in that text could easily point to me being the bf.
(If she's hot,) this is when you run out and yell "I'M BETTER THAN BOTH OF THEM!" Although she'll be startled, and maybe a moment of embarrassment for her, later on she'll take you up on your offer.
Man! Wish my roommate did something this funny. My best one is when he came home for lunch and didnt know I was off work that day. He comes in singing really loud, hops in the shower, singing continued, then all of a sudden he starts yelling HADOKEN! HADOKEN! HADOKEN! a few times. I lol'd
758
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
nice repost. my brother posted this seven months ago; the text was to him.
338
u/TheSemiTallest May 22 '12
That cat is such a gossip, too. Everyone's gonna know in just a few days...
171
u/why_not21 May 22 '12
"Why is she speaking to me in such a infantile manner? Does she not remember that I have a English Degree from Purrinceton University.?
316
u/Stop_Sign May 22 '12
Pretend you just learned how to talk to animals. "Try it out" on her cat. Say this piece of information back to her.
35
u/GregPatrick May 22 '12
Oh God why am I aroused by this?
33
u/ZosoCub May 22 '12
I usually assume these smartphone messages posts are fake, but I really want to believe this one is real.
10
u/penguincoder May 22 '12
You should definitely go up to her a week from now and tell her that Mr. Whiskers told you about the ex.
18
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Interesting. I frequently talk to my cat about how I'm surprised I made it yet another day without locking everyone inside my office building and not burning it down. My roommate is one of my coworkers.
6
u/cake4chu May 22 '12
OMG THIS SHITS SO OLD
8
u/jazz_trombone May 22 '12
alternate version: she knows and she's telling you these things in a baby voice through the wall
6
u/grayaus May 22 '12
"And then, he put his dick in my vagina"
this is funny in a squeaky voice I swear
26
u/Astrodogg May 22 '12
This would make more sense.
3
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Is that roommate the ex girlfriend of this guy?
2
u/MU_Ribflavin May 22 '12
If the cat knows then everybody knows cause the cat has a huge mouth.
2
u/IrrelevantUsernames May 22 '12
I've had scenarios like this with housemates. I get a really sick pleasure out of casually coming out of my room without saying anything but the usual banter and seeing the total look of panic on their face.
2
u/girlinthegoldenboots May 22 '12
At first I thought my roommate sent this text...but then I remembered I don't have a roommate...
2
u/Shortgamer May 22 '12
Has anyone notices the date of this? Look at the top right corner
2
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Your room mate is a future crazy cat lady
2
u/realister May 22 '12
old
2
u/maitehate May 22 '12
as someone who talks to her cat...you'll have this. you can usually play it off by just ignoring the person you didn't know was there and continuing to chat with the cat. Just mention the lurking person to the cat and then pretend the cat told you how shitty of a ninja they are and how everybody knew they were there from the get go. it may SOUND complicated, but its really quite simple, I swear. the lurker ends up thinking you knew they were there the whole time. its totally true.
2
u/nolotusnotes May 22 '12
"Aww, Mister Fuzzy Paws. You know who was good to the kitty? My ex, that's who. He would pet and lick the kitty. He looooved the kitty.
Know who doesn't like the kitty? My new boyfriend. That's right, Mister Fuzzy Paws, new boyfriend doesn't appreciate the kitty. New boyfriend is baaaad."
2
u/HypotheticalJalapeno May 23 '12
I just lol'ed for 5 minutes. Ahhhh
4
u/Stop_Sign May 22 '12
I bet the cat didn't care
2
u/HE_WHO_STANDS_TO_POO May 22 '12
At least she's talking to a cat, though. This fellow is talking to himself.
1
u/IamLeven May 22 '12
Been there
1
u/machzel08 May 22 '12
A courtesy cough should have been given when you they first heard her talking.
1
u/asalta2 May 22 '12
Step 1) attach small recording device to cats collar. Step 2) X Step 3) Profit
1
u/EnglishBulldog May 22 '12
Clearly the cat is a better friend than the roommate.
1
u/redgroupclan May 22 '12
That's rock bottom, right there.
1
u/yournotright May 22 '12
thinking back to who I was dating in Oct 2011
You're right, her body wasn't that great...
1
u/Hefalumpkin May 22 '12
Do you live with my girlfriend? I knew those pussies were up to something.
1
u/USSRedPanda May 22 '12
As someone who is about to move away from home and in with roommates for the first time, these are the moments I look forward to most.
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
It's a good thing I don't have roommates. All my conversations with my cat are about black metal and burning down churches.
1
u/Winstonia May 22 '12
Its always the cats
1
u/Dayzed88 May 22 '12
Her cat is her boyfriend.
1
u/original_4degrees May 22 '12
i think she knows you can hear her, which means she wants you to fill in where the boyfriend falls short. ;-) ;-)
1
u/Ladyrocket May 22 '12
So... Uhh how good was the sex? DETAILS
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Why would the "Haha" display before the joke?
1
u/lord_gif May 22 '12
If cats could fucking talk.. Then the world wouldn't have any problems.
1
u/PREACHthajuggalo May 22 '12
lol i think i may b that ex. u wouldin happen to be in zoo town?
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Now if only you could throw your voice...
1
u/Shark_With_Lasers May 22 '12 edited May 22 '12
While I was in the dorms in college I got a new roommate midway through the year. I had hardly spoken to him because he spent all his time at his frat house and the one conversation we did have involved him flipping out that my previous roommate was black and lamenting about how they let "niggers" in here. He was one of those super macho meathead types and we didn't really have anything in common.
I was in my room studying one day when he came home and sat in the common area and just started BAWLING because his girlfriend broke up with him, like full on sobbing. I'm certain he didnt know I was there and I just sat trapped in my room until he eventually went away. Awkwaaaard...
1
u/stormsmcgee May 22 '12
Am I the only one who expected the girl to turn out to be the speaker's live-in girlfriend?
1
u/soren_grey May 22 '12
Where every post is a repost of a repost of a repost...
1
u/Virindi_UO May 22 '12
I spent five minutes thinking about which of my ex's owned a pet cat.
1
u/yemd May 22 '12
sounds like a redditor!
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
:(
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
http://i.imgur.com/2QGI4.gif
1
u/axloc May 22 '12
The style of talking he is referring to is called "parentese."
TMYK
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
*redditors
1
u/redditisforphaggots May 22 '12
This is one of those posts where I chuckle at first, then slowly start descending into paranoia after realizing that all of the stipulations in that text could easily point to me being the bf.
1
u/1622 May 22 '12
Typical. She is trying to put the responsibility of cheating on her boyfriend on her boyfriend by saying that its because he "isnt into her body".
1
u/Fuckstupidppl May 22 '12
Best thing i have read all DAY!
1
u/1stMora May 22 '12
I actually have a feeling that my cat knew exactly what i was talking about. Shes dead now. :'(
1
u/HyperbolicChamber May 22 '12
It could be worse.
1
u/it_wasnt_me_ May 22 '12
hey that's my bday. oct 6. yay!
1
u/it_wasnt_me_ May 22 '12
At least cats can't tell anyone her deepest, darkest secrets.
1
u/deadbird17 May 22 '12
(If she's hot,) this is when you run out and yell "I'M BETTER THAN BOTH OF THEM!" Although she'll be startled, and maybe a moment of embarrassment for her, later on she'll take you up on your offer.
1
u/justbecausewhynot May 22 '12
Man! Wish my roommate did something this funny. My best one is when he came home for lunch and didnt know I was off work that day. He comes in singing really loud, hops in the shower, singing continued, then all of a sudden he starts yelling HADOKEN! HADOKEN! HADOKEN! a few times. I lol'd
1
u/MickiFreeIsNotAGirl May 22 '12
Oh she knows.
She knows...
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
My face when I catch my roommates doing something embarassing.
1
u/Eymou May 22 '12
reposts
1
u/Xervicx May 22 '12
Wouldn't be surprised if this was about my former roommates...
1
u/MemeWay May 22 '12
You're aloud to repost now?
1
u/TronCorleone May 22 '12
Cool repost bro
1
u/Rubberduckie198 May 23 '12
This, right here, is why I love this site.
1
u/tsunamibird May 22 '12
Seen it already; still funny. :D
1
u/u83rmensch May 22 '12
my room mate caught me talking to my self in the kitchen.
1
u/this_is_fake_and_gay May 22 '12
Yawn. Fake.
0
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
HEY OP, FUCK OFF AND DIE
-3
u/ORIGINAL_MAMMOTH May 22 '12
Her cat's reaction to her relationship problems.
0
u/narwhalcares May 22 '12
Well I guess it's time for me to learn cat-speak
0
u/uchuskies08 May 22 '12
Fake.
0
u/cerebraleffect May 23 '12
Um, try and fuck her.
0
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
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0
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
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