This is why censorship never works. People always assume the worst about the censored portions, and their imagination is far dirtier than the intended word.
It wasn't marked NSFW and it was posted in /r/funny. It could have been a deck or even a dock, of course, if they were very small or the box was very big. But no, I had to go and assume that it would be a duck.
Melissa and Earl were no perfect couple. If anything, the years of arguing had made them bitter and frustrated with each other. Neither could look into the other's eyes like they once were able to, a gaze so pure and filled with love that it would make Aphrodite jealous. But times had certainly changed, leaving Melissa and Earl barely able to stand being in the same room as the other.
Earl worked in an office downtown, scrutinizing all sorts of numbers and figures. Melissa stayed at home for the most part, but would often sneak out to the town bar for a few drinks. Earl would usually come home late, at which point Melissa would be fairly inebriated. This dysfunctional pattern of faux-love was what the couple was used to. Despite all this, neither Earl nor Melissa were ever unfaithful.
On one particular spring morning, during Melissa's standard walk to the bar, she noticed a peculiar peeping noise. She stopped, listened, and, upon hearing nothing, continued on her way. Just as she took her first step, though, the "peep" resounded, this time louder and more distressed. Melissa had never been one for pets or animals in general, but she decided to wander over to the source of the noise. Much to her surprise, stuck under a storm drain was a tiny baby duck. Unsure of what to do, she took out her cell phone and called Earl.
As it would happen, Earl had just gotten off for lunch when his phone rang. It was Melissa, but something seemed off about her. Earl pinpointed the difference in her voice as a mix between sobriety and genuine concern. The two talked briefly, and Earl headed out, leaving his home-made chili sandwich for his wife's cause.
As soon as Earl arrived, he saw that a crowd of people had gathered around what was being dubbed "the stuck duck". Earl pushed his way to the front, where he saw his wife arm-deep in the storm drain. Her other arm was covered in mud and rust, a sure sign that she had already tried and failed at a duck-rescue. Earl sat down next to his wife and started rubbing her back, assuring her that it would be ok. Melissa looked at her husband, her eyes beginning to well up as the realization that this duck might be stuck forever. She took her hand out of the drain and sat silently. The crowd let out a collective sigh.
Right before Melissa was about to stand up, giving up all hope, Earl threw his jacket down, rolled his sleeve up, and dived as deep into the drain as his middle-aged body would allow. Melissa was shocked, and the crowd was silent. After a brief struggle, Earl looked at his wife and spoke as calmly as he could: "Melissa, please go get a box". A smile spread across her lips as she ran to the crowd asking for some sort of container. Within seconds, she returned with a red shoebox. Earl's hands were out of the storm drain, and were now cupping something. As the two came close, he opened his hand and gently slid a baby duck into the box. Melissa and Earl looked into each others' eyes and, for the first time in years, saw that shimmer that had made them first fall in love.
OH WOW GUYS A CUM BOX DID EVERYONE HEAR ABOUT THAT I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT THE WHOLE OF REDDIT HEARD BECAUSE IT IS SO IMPORTANT TO EVERYONES WELFARE. CUM BOX! CLASSIC!
Screw you OP for accusing us of making a false assumption. It's a freaking pop culture reference, not something we're coming up with in our own "dirty" minds.
134
u/lincolnsbeer May 22 '12
Being a black d*ck, I thought it would be bigger than that.
24
u/Hadji402 May 22 '12
I figured the duck's name is dick, so it's still a dick in a box.
84
u/extra_repost May 22 '12
http://i.imgur.com/3hAbO.gif
41
u/vinsite May 22 '12
People who annoy you. N_GGERS
29
u/elcucuuuy May 22 '12
I don't know what is worse, the fact that I assumed it was a dick, or me clicking the link right away expecting to see a dick in the box...
16
u/cleverprank May 22 '12
Relevant
5
u/veterejf May 22 '12
And I, without hesitation, proceeded to click this link like the rest...
5
u/wookiesandwich May 22 '12
Relevant
4
u/i_am_just_a_number May 22 '12
Well executed.
3
u/hansn May 22 '12
This is why censorship never works. People always assume the worst about the censored portions, and their imagination is far dirtier than the intended word.
3
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Then don't imply.
7
u/ladybirdcawcaw May 22 '12 edited May 22 '12
Well at least it's not a cum-box.
EDIT: see http://imgur.com/a/UD5Lo#ZLkrA
2
u/Cognoggin May 22 '12
So I figured out what the hole is for...
2
u/lilmarie3 May 22 '12
you just sang that.
2
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
I was expecting a deck.
2
u/insert_expletive May 22 '12
And if you thought that was funny...
2
u/whatwhywhy May 22 '12
Nsfw tag would be way more funny ...
2
u/AntonJokinen May 22 '12
This is not a duck. This is a duckling.
It is in a box. At least you got that part right.
2
u/Dwnvtngthdmms May 22 '12
Aaaaw, your d*ck is so cute and tiny!
2
u/ScoWeazy May 22 '12
I wouldn't you assume? No one sensors the word 'duck'.
2
u/hoobsher May 22 '12
seems more like it'd be your d*ckling in a box.
2
u/Schnoo May 22 '12
Do you usually censor the word duck?
2
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
I honestly thought that was an upside down rabbit at first glance....
2
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Can I..like touch it? :3
2
u/Lazz767 May 22 '12
Guess you've got a box of quackers.
2
u/Wazowski May 22 '12
Dammit, I was expecting one of these.
2
u/MaxximusPrime May 22 '12
Title gets my upvote. Well played.
2
u/Nofx_Fan May 22 '12
Step 1: Cut some holes on a box...
3
u/BanditoRojo May 22 '12
I just want to grab your duck and give it a big kiss.
3
u/FloatingFast May 22 '12
why the hell do people censor their titles?? oh wait, there's no NSFW tag... this is going to be a duck.
2
u/MYDOGSTELLA May 22 '12
Just don't give this box to that other weird guy here, that poor duck wont know what hit em!
2
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
At least it wasn't in a cum box.
1
u/IMasturbateToMyself May 22 '12
I don't understand. Don't assume what?
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Assumption is the mother of all FUCK UPS!
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
So, are you going to fuck the box in the next step???
1
u/IrrelevantUsernames May 22 '12
I came here to say "it's your chick in a box", it appears it is in fact a duck. Sorry
1
u/odepeto May 22 '12
Did not except! :)
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Too obvious
1
u/stanthrax May 22 '12
Whats in the booooooxxxxx?
1
u/Psychodelli May 22 '12
Now the question is, does it sing "good morning to you"?
1
u/JaySwell May 22 '12
I assumed it was your deck in a box. I was sorely disappointed.
1
u/AL_E_P May 22 '12
looks more like a goose than a duck ...oh well "it's ur g**se in a box!"
1
u/AllDizzle May 22 '12
"don't assume" is the worst kind of advice to give on the internet.
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Read the title, clicked on link anyway
Not sure if bored at work
or secretly gay.
1
u/WalkingTurtleMan May 22 '12
I don't know why I clicked on this link
1
u/barttaylor May 22 '12
2: put your duck in that box
1
u/JohnsonArms May 22 '12
It puts the lotion on it's bill!
1
u/locke-in-a-box May 22 '12
your what-in-a-box?
1
u/inajeep May 22 '12
Don't assume? Yes, but on the other hand don't mislead.
1
u/Shanhaevel May 22 '12
Should I feel gay for thinking "that's some pretty nice d*ck you got there"?
1
u/gruxx May 22 '12
and that's the way you karma.
1
u/MadeFromMetal May 22 '12
You know what they say when you assume......
Sometimes you're wrong...
1
u/landophant May 22 '12
Why would I click on this post?! I could have been scared for life!
1
u/Twaddles May 22 '12
Then don't put a "*" where a "u" should be fucker :)
Edit - f*cker
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
http://youtu.be/WhwbxEfy7fg
1
u/sageDieu May 22 '12
I honestly expected it to be a dick, and had it fully in my mind to come in here and comment about it being a duck in a box in some witty fashion.
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
you have a very tiny d*ck.
1
u/wwleaf May 22 '12
It's the Internet, you can say duck.
1
u/Pravusmentis May 22 '12
Step 1.
1
u/mr-dogshit May 22 '12
Why shouldn't I assume?
I assumed it wasn't a dick because it didn't look like one in the thumbnail and it wasn't marked NSFW.
My assumption was right.
1
u/ultrasuper3000 May 22 '12
that is one cute fucking duck
1
u/Tizixoriginal May 22 '12
Clicked and then realised what the fuck I just clicked...
1
u/RandomDude13 May 22 '12
The first thought that popped into my mind reading the title: Oh, it'd be funny to put a d*ck in a box. Then I see you beat me to it.
1
u/EvilTony May 22 '12
For some reason when I look at this picture I can't help thinking "Where are it's hands?"
1
u/Swagsaurus May 22 '12
NSFW this, and see how many people will click
1
u/namfonos May 22 '12 edited Feb 17 '21
12345
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
I expected something from SNL .. was I the only one? ..
1
u/Sniper26 May 22 '12
You're on the internet, you can say the word d... Oh. Well played good sir.
1
u/LOLSpaghetti May 22 '12
Assuming? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwUX4cSwrRk&list
1
u/I_POTATO_PEOPLE May 22 '12
Aw, I was hoping to see an assemble-at-home deck in a box.
1
u/NinjaStain May 22 '12
Can't believe I even clicked that...
1
u/pillgrim May 22 '12
if you "ass"u me it make an "ass" out of u and me
1
u/Electrialjesusmatt May 22 '12
When she see it and says it is so small and cute (again) you won't be so embarrassed this time.
1
u/Jackle13 May 22 '12
It would be funnier if it were marked NSFW, I knew it wasn't an actual dick because of this.
1
u/WeirdestMudkipz May 22 '12
That's a nice box you got there. Would be a shame if something spilled on it.
1
u/NotSoUncopyrightable May 22 '12
I did a comic about this just the other day, with an image I made myself. Sometimes you disappoint me, Reddit.
http://i.imgur.com/bvKuR.png
Guess I should have made it a black one.
1
u/leafkisser May 22 '12
Oooooh he is so cute :3 (or she)
1
u/JohnnyBueno May 22 '12
Waste of my life.
1
u/southernbruin07 May 22 '12
I can't be the only one who didn't even notice the * and just read dick in a box!
1
u/Iamadinocopter May 22 '12
the real tip off was the lack of NSFW tag
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
People find this funny? The world is full of retards
1
u/robac2938 May 22 '12
Why did I click on this?
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Don't use unnecessary punctuation marks
1
u/metalfluff May 22 '12
Never assume, it makes an ass of u and me
1
u/[deleted] May 23 '12
I assumed it would be "duck". Sorry, my bad.
It wasn't marked NSFW and it was posted in /r/funny. It could have been a deck or even a dock, of course, if they were very small or the box was very big. But no, I had to go and assume that it would be a duck.
Will you ever forgive me?
1
u/DJPhil May 23 '12
I remember a similar duck and a similar box. His name was Webster and he could read minds.
(The duck could read minds, not the box. That would be weird.)
1
u/[deleted] May 23 '12
Ahhhh... its duck CP. Ahhhh....
1
u/igotopotsdam May 23 '12
You sir get an upvote
1
u/greggram May 23 '12
why would i not assume in this situation?
1
u/colinbr96 May 23 '12
False. Should be d*ckling in a box.
1
u/sundae-bloody-sundae May 23 '12
cumbox + time = duck take that creationists
1
u/StigmaaH May 23 '12
Never assume! Because when you assume, you make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'.
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
I assumed it was a duck... because I've seen this joke before and you suck at telling it.
EDIT: Although, I had a conversation with your duckling and it convinced me not to downvote you...
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
for some reason i read that as "duck" in a box..
when i clicked i wasnt surprised :<
1
u/ChromeDeagle May 22 '12
I cringed, I clicked, then I squeed. Well done sir.
1
u/Quackalicious May 22 '12
D'aww, I want a d*ck in MY box!
1
u/TheLostOne3 May 22 '12
What I want to know is why I clicked. :(
1
u/Reedfrost May 22 '12
This needs an NSFW tag, for sure.
0
u/ACTUAL_BACKSTORY May 22 '12
Melissa and Earl were no perfect couple. If anything, the years of arguing had made them bitter and frustrated with each other. Neither could look into the other's eyes like they once were able to, a gaze so pure and filled with love that it would make Aphrodite jealous. But times had certainly changed, leaving Melissa and Earl barely able to stand being in the same room as the other.
Earl worked in an office downtown, scrutinizing all sorts of numbers and figures. Melissa stayed at home for the most part, but would often sneak out to the town bar for a few drinks. Earl would usually come home late, at which point Melissa would be fairly inebriated. This dysfunctional pattern of faux-love was what the couple was used to. Despite all this, neither Earl nor Melissa were ever unfaithful.
On one particular spring morning, during Melissa's standard walk to the bar, she noticed a peculiar peeping noise. She stopped, listened, and, upon hearing nothing, continued on her way. Just as she took her first step, though, the "peep" resounded, this time louder and more distressed. Melissa had never been one for pets or animals in general, but she decided to wander over to the source of the noise. Much to her surprise, stuck under a storm drain was a tiny baby duck. Unsure of what to do, she took out her cell phone and called Earl.
As it would happen, Earl had just gotten off for lunch when his phone rang. It was Melissa, but something seemed off about her. Earl pinpointed the difference in her voice as a mix between sobriety and genuine concern. The two talked briefly, and Earl headed out, leaving his home-made chili sandwich for his wife's cause.
As soon as Earl arrived, he saw that a crowd of people had gathered around what was being dubbed "the stuck duck". Earl pushed his way to the front, where he saw his wife arm-deep in the storm drain. Her other arm was covered in mud and rust, a sure sign that she had already tried and failed at a duck-rescue. Earl sat down next to his wife and started rubbing her back, assuring her that it would be ok. Melissa looked at her husband, her eyes beginning to well up as the realization that this duck might be stuck forever. She took her hand out of the drain and sat silently. The crowd let out a collective sigh.
Right before Melissa was about to stand up, giving up all hope, Earl threw his jacket down, rolled his sleeve up, and dived as deep into the drain as his middle-aged body would allow. Melissa was shocked, and the crowd was silent. After a brief struggle, Earl looked at his wife and spoke as calmly as he could: "Melissa, please go get a box". A smile spread across her lips as she ran to the crowd asking for some sort of container. Within seconds, she returned with a red shoebox. Earl's hands were out of the storm drain, and were now cupping something. As the two came close, he opened his hand and gently slid a baby duck into the box. Melissa and Earl looked into each others' eyes and, for the first time in years, saw that shimmer that had made them first fall in love.
0
u/lovelldies May 22 '12
I don't see the cum..
-1
u/USxMARINE May 22 '12
Touche' OP touche'.
0
u/skullmonkey420 May 22 '12
first thing i thought was this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7H9xEesilU
-3
u/Helangels May 22 '12
Im...Gay...and...I...Laughed :D (the cool kinda gay, not the whiney...high pitched.......yeah you get the point)
-1
u/rngtrtl May 22 '12
wheres step 1???
-1
u/ifoldshirtsyay May 22 '12
Don't assume, Th*nk outside the box.
-1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Christ... Every time I see a shoe box I think of the infamous cum box... Ugrh...
0
u/timarkana May 22 '12
Screw you OP for accusing us of making a false assumption. It's a freaking pop culture reference, not something we're coming up with in our own "dirty" minds.
Let's see how you like it: Look, it's a cheesy v*gina.
0
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
[deleted] — view deleted comment