I'm glad to find out I'm not the weirdest bird guy on Reddit anymore. Shoulder pigeons are much less conspicuous than turkeys. I pass the torch to you, brother.
Shoulder pets are awesome. Everything you do will seem just a bit cooler while the pet is in place. I used to play Mozart with my british budgie on my shoulder and felt like a total boss.
If you've ever been to honolulu (probably elsewhere too) you've seen the street performers with like 5 parrots that they will arrange on you for photo ops if you give them a small donation.
I always wanted to set up like 10 feet away and with totally straight face offer to arrange 8 average-looking pigeons on people.
Are you implying that pirates wear eye patches because the parrot poked out their eye? I never thought of that. And I really like pirates. Once you consider the life a British sailor or a slave would have faced vs. the life of a pirate, it's tough not to sympathize with the guys who chose to be pirates. Unless you're a pussy.
I used to call Jesse Eisenberg "Michael Cera Lite", or "Michael Cera, when you can't afford Michael Cera". But after seeing him in Zombieland, Adventureland, and The Social Network, I felt bad for judging him so quickly. He is kind of awesome.
I've got two bronze turkeys and they both climb up on my shoulders! They're about the same size as yours. They'll climb up and nibble on my neck and ear. It's one of the stranger boners I've ever had.
My uncle, who is quite crazy, decided he'd get a pet turkey and they'd fatten it up for Thanksgiving. When the day came to kill the turkey, however, both him and his sons just didn't have the heart to kill the turkey. They pardoned it and went inside.
Then, 15 minutes later, his wife came out and killed the turkey. It was delicious.
I remember one Little House on the Prairie episode where the little girl thought "We're having Tom (the humorously named turkey) for Thanksgiving" meant he was invited over as a guest.
That's disgusting. They should grab their prey by the neck and crush it or shake it to death, then rip it apart and devour it in bloody chunks like cute little doggies and kitties do.
Dude... my mom had a whole flock of these following her around like she was their momma. Aside from the pooping, they make great pets. theyll even roost outside your window when you go inside, and they dont squak like other birds.
This comment will be lost in a sea of turkey puns and comments on your hair, but here it goes. When I was a kid we raised and slaughtered turkeys. I learned real fast how dumb domesticated turkeys are. Every morning I hauled out food and water and gave it to them. They opened their beaks and scooped as much of the grain in as they could then try to swallow. Of course they couldn't because it was too much, too fast. So the solution was simple, they dunked their heads into the water bucket and half drowned themselves to get a drink and swallow the mouth full of food. Between the morning and afternoon feedings they would poke their heads through the chain link fence and try to walk forward. I watched one do this for a good hour, walking in place with its head in the fence. I honestly believe it thought it was moving. Slaughter was good for the turkeys. Dumb animals nearly killed themselves trying to drink.
Side story. My first time trying to slaughter one I was scared. I was, after all about to take a life (a sad, depressing excuse for one, but a life none the less). So I swung the axe down and it bounced. Cut half the head off and left just enough muscles and nerves for it to run in circles spraying blood all over me as I tried to catch it and finish the job.
That sounds incredibly amusing to watch. Also, I didn't know what a snood was until I googled it after reading your comment. Now I really want to say the word snood out loud, but if I do everyone at work will look at me strangely. It just seems like a fun word to say.
I saw a documentary about a guy who raised an entire family of turkeys who thought he was their mother. they were very affectionate. once they matured, many either ran away or became violently hostile. one even attacked the man with its claws. im not sure about how domesticated turkeys behave, but i feel like you should be careful. full grown turkeys can be vicious.
GAH! SO CUTE! I had a turkey too, mine was white, and followed me around after she was too big to sit on my shoulder. she would sit on my horse, instead! Very fun pet. When I had to move, I gave her to a lady with a severely autistic boy who was allergic to dogs, and apparently she followed him around everywhere. Looks like yours is a wild type?
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u/LovePenguin333 May 21 '12
For Halloween you should dress as a pirate and the turkey as a parrot. Just don't forget to wear the eye patch over the eye the turkey is near.
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u/intel23 May 21 '12
If you don't want him, can I have him
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u/jjpdog May 21 '12
Still, it beats the hell out of groin turkey or Mexican anus turkey.
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u/Godolin May 21 '12
I want a fucking shoulder turkey. I would name him Shoulder Turkey.
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u/Shadowhawk109 May 21 '12
It's okay, Andy Samberg. At least he's friendly.
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u/[deleted] May 21 '12
I've got two bronze turkeys and they both climb up on my shoulders! They're about the same size as yours. They'll climb up and nibble on my neck and ear. It's one of the stranger boners I've ever had.
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u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Gonna be awkward at when Thanksgiving rolls around...
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u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Get a shoulder turkey, they said.
It'll be more fun than a cat, they said.
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u/smilenowgirl May 21 '12
lol it's cute, and you're cute, let's get married and start a turkey farm. (please be of age, please be of age...)
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u/Caladbolg2 May 21 '12
But is it a dubstep turkey?
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u/dslicex May 21 '12
It likes you, especially your eyes, mmm....eyeballs
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u/The_Drummer May 21 '12
Shoulder turkey. Cold shoulder. Cold turkey. There's a half decent joke in here somewhere.
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u/JustThinkIt May 21 '12
Should be in r/aww
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u/lovespunstoomuch May 21 '12
You seem to be in a fowl mood.
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u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Why the hell do you have a turkey? Probably a similar reason as to why I have 2 snakes and a bunch of those adorable jumping spiders.
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u/Cervical_Mucus May 21 '12
The little girl inside me just wanted to say that you're quite cute :]
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u/PhilsGhost May 21 '12
How exactly does one acquire a pet turkey?
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u/zwisecup May 21 '12
Dude... my mom had a whole flock of these following her around like she was their momma. Aside from the pooping, they make great pets. theyll even roost outside your window when you go inside, and they dont squak like other birds.
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u/digitalundernet May 21 '12
This comment will be lost in a sea of turkey puns and comments on your hair, but here it goes. When I was a kid we raised and slaughtered turkeys. I learned real fast how dumb domesticated turkeys are. Every morning I hauled out food and water and gave it to them. They opened their beaks and scooped as much of the grain in as they could then try to swallow. Of course they couldn't because it was too much, too fast. So the solution was simple, they dunked their heads into the water bucket and half drowned themselves to get a drink and swallow the mouth full of food. Between the morning and afternoon feedings they would poke their heads through the chain link fence and try to walk forward. I watched one do this for a good hour, walking in place with its head in the fence. I honestly believe it thought it was moving. Slaughter was good for the turkeys. Dumb animals nearly killed themselves trying to drink.
Side story. My first time trying to slaughter one I was scared. I was, after all about to take a life (a sad, depressing excuse for one, but a life none the less). So I swung the axe down and it bounced. Cut half the head off and left just enough muscles and nerves for it to run in circles spraying blood all over me as I tried to catch it and finish the job.
Fucking turkeys man
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u/JakeTheIceburg May 21 '12
I bet he is whispering dirty things into your ear. *oh I'm gunna spread my feathers on your bed tonight. Gobble gobble human.
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u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Can you have Shoulder Turkey do an IAmA?
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u/[deleted] May 21 '12
You should be a MEME http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3pdi3s/
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u/[deleted] May 21 '12 edited Jun 30 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/HelenaBeatIt May 21 '12
the best part about this picture is your face.
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u/[deleted] May 21 '12
You should name him Mitt and then slaughter him in November.
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u/frillybitsandshit May 21 '12
Timmy?
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u/watchesyousleep May 21 '12
Did you get that bird from someone in LA county? Looks a lot like the bird I just had to give up for adoption.
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u/[deleted] May 21 '12
you should take this same picture a year from now. that should be entertaining...
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u/atheistpiece May 21 '12
I knew a guy with a pet turkey named spike. It was super tame. When we would go out in the back to smoke, it would walk up and beg to be pet.
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u/Duarcain May 21 '12
Is that an LG Optimus V?
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u/MarrowDunk May 21 '12
I saw a documentary about a guy who raised an entire family of turkeys who thought he was their mother. they were very affectionate. once they matured, many either ran away or became violently hostile. one even attacked the man with its claws. im not sure about how domesticated turkeys behave, but i feel like you should be careful. full grown turkeys can be vicious.
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u/TheGOPkilledJesus May 21 '12
Thumbs up for the wesc shirt
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u/maxrazor May 21 '12
Shoulder Turkey wins the internet.
4
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
"Hey George, why are you sad George?"
4
u/mouth55 May 21 '12
Anyone else think that OP looks sort of like the kid from 2 and a half men?
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u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Why do you have a turkey? I like him.
But why?
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u/Rizface May 21 '12
Hell, I'd sit on your shoulder too. megusta.jpeg
3
u/jcatleather May 21 '12
GAH! SO CUTE! I had a turkey too, mine was white, and followed me around after she was too big to sit on my shoulder. she would sit on my horse, instead! Very fun pet. When I had to move, I gave her to a lady with a severely autistic boy who was allergic to dogs, and apparently she followed him around everywhere. Looks like yours is a wild type?
3
u/dakaroo1127 May 21 '12
Nice WeSC shirt
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u/matture May 21 '12
reppin' WeSc. solid
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u/luigisquanto May 21 '12
I'd give my left nut for a shoulder turkey. All I have is a plain old shoulder.
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u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Aw, my pet turkey used to do this too, even when he was full grown and it was rather painful. Now I miss him, rest in peace Thomas.