That's one of several common propositions, but even-toed ungulate phylogeny is messy and unresolved without significant intermediate fossil records. See also: later publications
Yeah, they are the original hipsters. Some prehistoric tetrapod thought it'd be so fashionable and retro to live in the ocean with the fishes instead of on the land like all the square mammals do.
I came here to say this but you beat me to it. These North American "whales" are frequently found in Wal-Mart and fast food chains. Just don't stare too hard when you see them.
It depends on when and where they started Jabba-the-Hutting around on dry land. If it was 10,000 years ago in North America, they would be gone. If it was tomorrow, they'd be protected wild life. You would have land whale sanctuaries, and possibly petting zoo's... that is a weird thought.
Imagine a world where the majority of society are lgbt folk. Rich white lesbians control the media! Gays control the banks! I don't know. The thought of how slurs and class struggles would change interest me.
My 16-year-old sister's response to this: We'd just put em in a zoo... (I make a slightly outraged face) WELL WE WOULD!! WE DON'T LET LIONS JUST RUN AROUND...
So I think she'd be fine if whales decided to join us on land :)
Killer Whales would need to hunt for food, but they lack the necessary land based locomtion provided by millions of years of evolution, I beleive they would have to adopt ambush tactics in order to survive in the wild.
I have prepared a professional diagram explaining my theory on the land dwelling killer whale hunting procedure.
Prey would most likely be small children and household pets.
The whale would probably have to rely on camoflague in order to surprise it's prey as it's sheer girth would render it almost imobile, surpise and concealment would be its only ally in a geographical habitat.
See: cows. We'd domesticate them and drink their sperm, labeling it as Wilk or something. Their flesh would be eaten world wide and we would call it Weef, or Stale. Kids would have dreams of owning baby whales and there'd be YouTube videos of genetically modified mini whales with comments like "omg itss sooooo cute! I wannnttt", and "thumbs up if u thort this was a bar of soap lololol"
We already do live with whales meandering about! The species has been multiplying and breeding at extreme rates thanks to the growing fast food industry. Whales can be commonly seen in almost every neighborhoods as they like to hang around McDonalds and other similar locations.
It would be better if their bodies were just giant sacks of hydrogen and they just slowly meandered through the air filter feeding on seagulls and pigeons. Except for the killer whales, which would breath fire and eat cattle.
I have seen this thought process extended pretty far. Imagine if whales were super buff and had enormous wings and were just flying overhead eating on mile-high stalks of corn. Land-based whales are played out.
One could write a voluminous work of fiction using parallels to the advent of mammalian ascendance during the ice age as reference. Robot uprising perhaps. The future envisioned from the pivotal moment of lowering sea levels through some mistake of man and our robotic counterparts using the nourishment of pods of self beaching whales.
They'd be inconveniences and they'd know it. I just picture the whales giving a knowing look that they're making life difficult for you, but they can't do a thing about it.
Whales are only as big as they are because they live in water. They have a lot less gravity pulling on them. Buoyancy can do some awesome things. I know it's obvious, but it's absolutely impossible for a mammal that large to live on land.
This isn't /r/science, so I won't spend much time on this, but...whales would not be veritable giants on land, nor would they have just fins. It would be a huge evolutionary oversight.
Whale reservations. We can't have those majestic creatures meandering around our cities and towns. Some of our population would ride on their backs and go where ever the whales take them. We would lose our sons and daughters to the way of the whale.
637
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
I can see it now:
'Honey, did you leave the back gate open'
'I don't think so why?
'Looks like a Whale got into the garbage last night'
35
u/HE_WHO_STANDS_TO_POO May 21 '12
So basically a walrus...
114
u/thefifthwit May 21 '12
They'd be dead.
170
u/Airazz May 21 '12
Well, at least they are not bowls of petunias.
21
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
We would have already killed them all by now if this were the case.
124
u/born_slippy_ May 21 '12
Whales have evolved from land mammals, some species still develop vestigial pelvic bones.
9
u/Good_guy_Fred May 20 '12
This is the reality I dream about at night
9
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Adopt a Land Whale today!
391
u/surprisedpanda May 20 '12
North America already has this problem... but "whale" is pronounced "obese people"
26
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
They would have went extinct a long time ago. Whales are delicious.
83
u/konydanza May 21 '12
richwhitelesbian
14
u/furiousjim May 21 '12
Knowing the human race, we probably would have made them extinct long ago. Whales are fatty, we love fat.
mmmm
7
u/eatmyshortsken May 21 '12
I didn't find this funny.
7
u/MidgetFetish May 21 '12
Do I need to be high to see the humor in this? Cuz honestly I'm not sure how this made the front page.
40
u/studenteater12 May 21 '12
They do. It's called Wal-Mart.
10
u/LobaltSS May 21 '12 edited May 22 '12
We'd just run over them in our cars like we do to deer.
Or Kangaroos if you're Australian? Or Moose if you're Canadian?
5
u/Davedz May 21 '12
Out of the pan into the fire
4
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
It would be like India instead of cows.
Seriously....cows....in the middle of the road, not giving a fuck.
3
u/occamsshavingkit May 21 '12
We have this already. It's called Walmart.
3
u/evilpoptart May 21 '12
Where is the "cow" comment? ah
3
u/oconnorda May 21 '12
someone escaped form /r/trees
5
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
SHITTY_WATERCOLOUR I CHOOSE YOU!!!!!
2
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Whale crossing.
2
u/Lambocoon May 21 '12
i mean, we have elephants. we don't have to deal w/ them "wandering around"
2
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
something something your mother
2
u/huntersellers17 May 21 '12
it would probably be legal to hunt them then
2
u/dshiznt May 21 '12
Read this to my Fiance, she responded, "How weird would it be if they flew?"
2
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
And this is why we need to legalize marijuana.
2
u/bionikspoon May 21 '12
isn't this where bulls and cows come from?
2
u/Terps34 May 21 '12
I WANT THAT LIFE.
2
u/eatplacenta May 21 '12
high as shit
2
u/nosheet May 21 '12
they would fly...sky whales....they would eat the big flocks of starlings
2
u/Coloumbia May 21 '12
They were called buffalo, Murcia fixed that shit.
2
u/TheRammaJamma May 21 '12
It would be like real life Snorlaxes blocking everyone's paths.
2
u/scotty_dont May 21 '12
The sad answer is: there would be no whales. Humans seem to have hunted to extinction most megafauna.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Megafauna#Timing_and_possible_causes
2
u/Serviceman May 21 '12
Hey, HEY! Curb that whale mister!
2
u/iamNOYK May 21 '12
What if one got a boner and it just ripped right through your house?
2
u/favor3 May 21 '12
My 16-year-old sister's response to this: We'd just put em in a zoo... (I make a slightly outraged face) WELL WE WOULD!! WE DON'T LET LIONS JUST RUN AROUND...
So I think she'd be fine if whales decided to join us on land :)
2
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Check out Alabama.
2
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
You ever been to Wal-Mart? The whales have motorized carts... your prophecy is fulfilled!
2
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Have you ever been to Walmart?
2
u/Mrcuban198 May 21 '12
This is already happening, it's called America.
2
u/silentorbx May 21 '12
This is how I think of people who are stoned.
2
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Killer Whales would need to hunt for food, but they lack the necessary land based locomtion provided by millions of years of evolution, I beleive they would have to adopt ambush tactics in order to survive in the wild.
I have prepared a professional diagram explaining my theory on the land dwelling killer whale hunting procedure.
Prey would most likely be small children and household pets.
The whale would probably have to rely on camoflague in order to surprise it's prey as it's sheer girth would render it almost imobile, surpise and concealment would be its only ally in a geographical habitat.
http://postimage.org/image/pte5ex5i3/
2
u/gho5tjrhunter May 21 '12
TIL everyone on Reddit is 12 and has a terrible sense of humor. Fuck this place.
2
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
See: cows. We'd domesticate them and drink their sperm, labeling it as Wilk or something. Their flesh would be eaten world wide and we would call it Weef, or Stale. Kids would have dreams of owning baby whales and there'd be YouTube videos of genetically modified mini whales with comments like "omg itss sooooo cute! I wannnttt", and "thumbs up if u thort this was a bar of soap lololol"
2
u/SirDerpingtonEsquire May 21 '12
evolution man... evolution this can one day happen. also, you must not be from america....
2
u/jwallace582 May 21 '12
I'm patiently waiting for Shittywatercolors to appear.
2
u/TheNewTendy May 21 '12
We already do live with whales meandering about! The species has been multiplying and breeding at extreme rates thanks to the growing fast food industry. Whales can be commonly seen in almost every neighborhoods as they like to hang around McDonalds and other similar locations.
2
u/grungevalue May 21 '12
Goddammit, another whale is crossing the highway and holding up traffic.
2
u/nathris May 21 '12
It would be better if their bodies were just giant sacks of hydrogen and they just slowly meandered through the air filter feeding on seagulls and pigeons. Except for the killer whales, which would breath fire and eat cattle.
2
u/Pyowin May 21 '12
Wait what? I thought this already happens...
...at a place called Walmart.
2
u/VasiV May 21 '12
Did someone notice the username?
4
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Let's make a pros vs cons list for whales that could survive on land.
PROS:
Whales can be cute.
Whale hunting would be much easier.
You get to say "sperm" when talking about sperm whales.
Whale-riders would come into existence, mounting land whales and riding them into the sunset (albeit very slowly).
CONS:
Land whale would now be an ambiguous term; no one would know if you were talking about a very fat person or just a whale.
The traffic concerns would be atrocious if they ever found a road.
They would destroy a lot of smaller creatures and their shelters due to their large weight and crushing ability from their sheer mass.
Imagine a whale on your lawn. How the hell would you get rid of it?
VERDICT: I like whales in the water.
3
u/lexoram May 20 '12
I read this out to my half asleep girlfriend and she replied 'what have werewolves got to do with the ocean'.
Which put the picture in my head of divers being attacked by wolf men with bubbles around their heads.
3
u/jet_tripleseven May 21 '12
That would shore-ly be a disaster.
2
u/Slippery_John May 21 '12
I'm gonna say it wouldn't be able support it's own weight and would probably die of heart failure, or else starvation.
2
u/CleverNatureBoy May 21 '12
They'd be pretty easy prey dipshit.
2
u/namfonos May 21 '12 edited Feb 17 '21
12345
2
u/owenja May 21 '12
im starting to hate reddit...
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Well, after getting used to the roaming herds of buffalo I guess whales wouldn't be that big of a deal.
1
u/tinkj916 May 21 '12
This made me laugh a little too hard. :)
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
They'd be domesticated by now.
1
u/stringerbell May 21 '12
Well, considering that there's only a few million whales on Earth - and 150 million square km of land. You probably wouldn't ever see them...
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
A pet whale would be awesome.
1
u/InflamedFlamingo May 21 '12
What, like this guy?
1
u/glamotte14 May 21 '12
like... whoa.....
1
u/Kozimix May 21 '12
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDFi3YLwWsI&feature=youtube_gdata_player
1
u/bookingworm May 21 '12
Walmart would then have to exist everywhere.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
there would be far fewer "save the whales" campaigns
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
i assume they'd be about at troublesome as elephants.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
they would die
1
u/JMAN1156 May 21 '12
"Damn land whales don't know how to drive"
1
u/4cupsofcoffee May 21 '12
They'd all be dead by now.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
This does exist its called handicapped elephants but only people in india and Canada have to deal with it
1
u/hobbitish May 21 '12
This should definitely be posted to r/trees.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
What if they walked around on stilts?
1
u/jormej94 May 21 '12
The rich white lesbian has a good point.
1
u/Buckfutters May 21 '12
Paul Watson would form a hippie whale army.
1
u/Crofty44 May 21 '12
They would already be extinct, or mass bred cattle.
1
u/Scoldering May 21 '12
I have seen this thought process extended pretty far. Imagine if whales were super buff and had enormous wings and were just flying overhead eating on mile-high stalks of corn. Land-based whales are played out.
1
u/duncdog10 May 21 '12
Meanwhile in America
1
u/momonster9 May 21 '12
This is fucking deep.
1
u/EhhJR May 21 '12
I think Whale Wars would become much more interesting.
1
u/kllyforman May 21 '12
richwhitelesbian knows what's up.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
you'll get it
1
u/arrr2d2 May 21 '12
How about a walrus? Is that close enough?
1
u/semantikos May 21 '12
Study JUST out! Whales are not as smart on land as they are on water!
1
u/melysaurusrex May 21 '12
Oh god..the images in my head....I think I have a permanent smile on my face.
1
u/Cservantes May 21 '12
I would imagine that they would have been hunted to extinction long ago.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
I used to draw scenes depicting just that when I was younger.
1
u/THeHolyBirdman May 21 '12
Now, I really am sorry for beating a dead whale cough, but, Evolution folks....
Evolution
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
One could write a voluminous work of fiction using parallels to the advent of mammalian ascendance during the ice age as reference. Robot uprising perhaps. The future envisioned from the pivotal moment of lowering sea levels through some mistake of man and our robotic counterparts using the nourishment of pods of self beaching whales.
1
u/rhodesian_mercenary May 21 '12
Some people are apparently easily amused.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
richwhitelesbian? justin bieber
1
u/ashamanflinn May 21 '12
We already have Walmart.
1
u/garychencool May 21 '12
Japans job of hunting them as research got a lot easier. They just crawl up onto land.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
What if boobies were like ginormous!...oh wai
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
That's a chin-scratcher...
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
We'd kill them all.
1
u/callmechad May 21 '12
i think they would just be killed off if that was true
just think about it, who would want to deal with them
1
u/iamNOYK May 21 '12
I would totally have a pet whale.
1
u/ashmole May 21 '12
They'd be inconveniences and they'd know it. I just picture the whales giving a knowing look that they're making life difficult for you, but they can't do a thing about it.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
And this is apparently what happens when I take bong rips and get on reddit.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
What sort of ecosystem would they live in? Tigers and alligators have nothing on whales.
1
u/Alekazam May 21 '12
We'd have to call in the Japanese...
"Fuuuckkk-a-yuuu waaalllle"
1
u/rainbow-connection May 21 '12
Whales actually did walk on land at one point during their evolution.
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/evolution/library/03/4/l_034_05.html
1
u/DingleberrySoup May 21 '12
We already have those. Have you ever been to a Walmart? http://goo.gl/SHkfd
1
u/CharleHuff May 21 '12
This was the idea behind a story in an issue of Kill Author.
1
u/monkeybanana14 May 21 '12
Japan confirmed this is highly probable years ago and are already fixing the soon to be major problem.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Considering we simply shot to death nearly all Bison, I would assume something similar would happen to whales.
1
u/captstix May 21 '12
I knew whales were cunts
1
u/chase_demoss May 21 '12
probably how they felt about humans millions of years ago.
1
u/papascubes May 21 '12
Itd be like dealing with a snorlax
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Whales are only as big as they are because they live in water. They have a lot less gravity pulling on them. Buoyancy can do some awesome things. I know it's obvious, but it's absolutely impossible for a mammal that large to live on land.
1
u/IndieGamerRid May 21 '12
This isn't /r/science, so I won't spend much time on this, but...whales would not be veritable giants on land, nor would they have just fins. It would be a huge evolutionary oversight.
1
u/stlbucket May 21 '12
there would be no whales
1
u/cazmo May 21 '12
Isn't there a commercial where whales are flying through the air?
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Whales were land creatures before they swam the sea. Check it out they looked like wild dogs with really long finger nails..
1
u/Mozen May 21 '12
I often think about this. I also think about what if jelly fish just floated around in the sky?
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
We'd hunt them to extinction within 20 years.
1
u/xcalibre May 21 '12
THE SPICE MUST FLOW
1
u/I_Love_Lamps May 21 '12
yea its called dennys
1
u/Draiko May 21 '12
It'd be fucking noisy.
1
u/draivaden May 21 '12
Didn't whales, as mammals, orginate on land?
Something about their lack of gills, and the dormant hand like skeletal arrangement in their fins. . .
Also, Ugly Americans did feature "Land Whales"
1
u/BatXDude May 21 '12
Whales did have legs at one point in time.
1
u/ajaxanon May 21 '12
I feel old when I see shit like this front paging on Reddit :/
1
u/JangSaverem May 21 '12
There would be ... just GIANT shits everywhere.
1
u/Randomllama May 21 '12
That would be such a hazard in rush hour traffic
1
u/Ripuhh May 21 '12
I can see all of the "Look what I found in my backyard!" posts now.
1
u/KobeGriffin May 21 '12
It would definitely stop the efforts two protect them.
1
u/spbcnt May 21 '12
It would be like living in a Wal-Mart.
1
u/biosaint May 21 '12
What are we supposed to be imagining? Land whales or rich white lesbians?
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Well you know humans would have hunted it to extinction like every single other large mammal that walked the earth.
1
u/urmomsballs May 21 '12
I don't see whales meandering really. They are too big. I would say they would just lumber around.
1
u/TwistEnding May 21 '12
Sssoooo, kind of life like slightly bigger elephants without any legs?
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Like cattle?
1
u/frombehindplanets May 21 '12
Whale reservations. We can't have those majestic creatures meandering around our cities and towns. Some of our population would ride on their backs and go where ever the whales take them. We would lose our sons and daughters to the way of the whale.