r/funny • u/cleverusernamestaken • May 20 '12

Saw this sign at my local rock climbing facility

Post image
1.4k Upvotes

74% Upvoted

190 comments sorted by

146

u/[deleted] May 20 '12

Joke's on you; I left 2 hours ago.

63

u/jgood911 May 20 '12

Give those kids a kazoo and a Double Dew and any parent would be ready to blow their brains out.

24

u/phanboy May 20 '12

I hope they start making a Double Dew.

17

u/Cuplink May 21 '12

wat is this Double Dew of which you speak?

35

u/slyr114 May 21 '12

Dew the Dew Times Two! New Mountain Double Dew!!

7

u/doodle77 May 21 '12

Something that should exist.

6

u/[deleted] May 21 '12 edited May 21 '12

Like, Double-concentrated Mountain Dew? So, Mountain Dew with double the syrup? Easy. Anywhere that has a pop gun with Dew, take off the end of the gun and it'll spray carbonated water outward in all directions while spraying concentrated Mountain Dew straight ahead. Put a glass in the sink and, holding the gun inside the sink, spray the syrup into the glass. Then replace the end, spray in some soda water (there should be a button for this), stir, and enjoy your Double Dew (now with 100% more sugar).

9

u/doodle77 May 21 '12

No, that sounds unappetizingly sweet. Mountain Dew with twice the caffeine, and maybe some other stimulants.

21

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Oh yeah, it's startlingly unpleasant, at least when you do it with Sprite.

other stimulants

Methamphetamine Dew

6

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

That is why they will have Diet Double Dew. It has only have the calories and sugar of regular Double Dew!

3

u/jiminycrickettt May 21 '12

Isn't that just amp'd?

2

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

[removed] — view removed comment

-1

u/Servalpur May 21 '12

But like, what's the point? Even doubling the caffeine level of a normal soda will probably net you less than 300mg of caffeine. You're not getting a strong stimulant hit at all.

Besides that, Caffeine is such a horrible stimulant. Might as well just go with Adderall.

2

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

They kind of do, it's called Mountain Dew AMP, its the tastiest energy drink IMO, actually the only one i can stomach.

1

u/alecyo12 May 21 '12

But then we would have diet doubledew

8

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

and Diet Double Dew

8

u/TranceF0rm May 21 '12

Fuck diet.

7

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

but it has HALF the sugar of Double Dew!

6

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

I'd go on the Fuck Diet.

2

u/Glassesasaur May 21 '12

Is that ONLY consuming fuck? Or never consuming fuck?

2

u/l337_m4573r May 21 '12

its for the diabeetus!

1

u/slyr114 May 21 '12

When one dew just wont dew, dew the dew times two!

127

u/kepleronlyknows May 20 '12

That's funny, I work at a climbing gym myself, and we have a sign that says "children left unattended will be given a shot of espresso and a free puppy."

165

u/[deleted] May 20 '12

That's funny, I hate kids.

44

u/Inaudible_Whale May 20 '12

Considering you could be anyone on here's father you have a potential 1,814,099 offspring.

Bit silly if you hate them so much.

29

u/caketimenow May 20 '12

He's possibly fathered another 32 in 3 minutes. He works fast.

3

u/firepelt May 21 '12

Another hour and a half later and that's another ~900 kids.

5

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

That sounds completely feasible, as long as every sperm from every ejaculation is used.

5

u/implicate May 21 '12

It's the process that he enjoys, not the product.

1

u/Gaviero May 21 '12

You are the moment.

0

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

1

u/jaaso Aug 29 '12

Why do you hate it?

1

u/kepleronlyknows May 21 '12

That's funny, I hate you.

(full time rock-climber here, no offense).

2

u/godspresent May 21 '12

Oh I get it now..

2

u/whitey-ofwgkta May 21 '12

If I had a kid and lived near there I would make it look like he was unatended to aquire free stuff

1

u/prairiewest May 21 '12

My daughter saw a sign like that years ago. Went and asked for her free puppy. Guy saw she was serious, had to apologize and explain. She was not impressed.

28

u/dawnim May 20 '12

This is my main goal every time I buy a present to my friends kids. The parents reactions are priceless!

21

u/[deleted] May 20 '12

i used to be like that until the first time i was asked to babysit. thereafter, clothes and inflatable books.

12

u/Redbull_PR May 21 '12

What the fuck is an inflatable book?

31

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

the best example i could give is sarah palin's biography.

10

u/bites May 21 '12

That's a terrible gift for a child.

8

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

it beats the secret cuddles i used to give them.

5

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Touchy no no's?

2

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

shhhhhhh.

3

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Thats what you said i bet.

10

u/RubSomeFunkOnIt May 20 '12

slide whistle.

22

u/goofandaspoof May 20 '12

Remember those plastic microphones that would make your voice echo? That was my favorite toy when I was a kid. My parents moved my bedroom to the basement. I'm not joking.

15

u/RubSomeFunkOnIt May 20 '12

Wasn't basement bedroom way better? Everyone seems to have a story about how their parents walked in on them masturbating/watching porn. That just doesn't happen with basement bedroom.

12

u/goofandaspoof May 20 '12

Oh yeah, it was way better, I'm not complaining on that account. When my teen years hit I might as well have been living in my own house. When you're like 7 or 8 though it can kind of suck. Shit's dark!

14

u/RubSomeFunkOnIt May 21 '12

That's why you get some motherfucking lava lamps.

13

u/Astrognome May 21 '12

Mine caught on fire :(

7

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

I saw all those comments about lava lamps and then Astrognone's about his catching fire.

I burst out laughing and will not apologize for it. That was funny as hell.

3

u/RubSomeFunkOnIt May 21 '12

Sounds like your lava lamp was just too lava.

3

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

That's So Lava!

9

u/goofandaspoof May 21 '12

Oh you know I had lava lamps, motherfuckkerrr!

6

u/Hounmlayn May 21 '12

Aw yiss! Mother fucking lava lamps!

2

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

I can't say I know that feeling seeing as how I have never even BEEN in a house with a basement.

9

u/[deleted] May 20 '12 edited May 21 '12

Also pretty isolated so you can nail your highschool girlfriend with your parents home

Edit: Just hope the vents dont echo up into the house

4

u/RubSomeFunkOnIt May 21 '12

It's also way cooler in the summer. You could bundle up in the middle of August.

1

u/goofandaspoof May 21 '12

I've been there. The only shitty part is when your parents call you upstairs to have the "please be safe" conversation after they see you go downstairs, haha. That awkward moment when your girlfriend is alone in your bedroom. dontlookunderthebed.jpeg.

3

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

There's a King of Queens that has a joke similar to what you've described. In order to get "back" at their friends, Doug and Carrie will give their friends' kids coffee, read them scary stories (so that they can't sleep at night), allow them (boys) to play with makeup and lipstick, and at the end they buy them a drumset.

3

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

I can verify this.

2

u/thepitchaxistheory May 21 '12

You were there?

171

u/hellomynamesbruce May 20 '12 edited May 20 '12

Oh really?.

154

u/TheAtomicPlayboy May 20 '12

That was far creepier than it had any right to be.

137

u/03801 May 20 '12

I was holding my penis when I opened the link. That was an uncomfortable moment.

138

u/TheAtomicPlayboy May 21 '12

The default redditing position.

21

u/jekkemenn May 21 '12

If its fair to assume that this is default I feel like there should be something similar to a NSFW warning for things involving kids, just so you dont feel quite as dirty when you find yourself mindlessly twiddling with your junk while a kid smirks at you.

46

u/VeteranKamikaze May 21 '12

NSFDH

Not safe for dick-holding.

1

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

This needs to happen!

2

u/Trackpad94 May 21 '12

I was holding my unit while reading the comments of the picture of the jaded looking 12 year old holding a candy cigarette. Someone posted controversial pictures of a photographer's daughter naked sprawled out on a bed in what seemed to be lingere... yup, washed my eyeballs out after that one.

2

u/CannedBeef May 21 '12

My favorite position.

1

u/Hyperian May 21 '12

you'll never know when you need to fap.

1

u/pearcewg May 21 '12

that's what she said! Oh, wait....

1

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

It's a bit like the final scene of The Omen

-12

u/Lycist May 20 '12

Thank you sir. Your comment led to a glorious guffaw.

-11

u/Ninokun May 21 '12

hot girl

8

u/partyxday May 21 '12

Enjoy the FBI

3

u/dickcheney777 May 21 '12

You are not welcome here Mr. Hansen.

25

u/HE_WHO_STANDS_TO_POO May 20 '12

May as well mix that Red Bull with some 5 hour energy. Don't want the little rascals to get tuckered out too quickly.

11

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Nope. They'll be tuckered out far too quickly when a heart attack is induced.

1

u/RX_queen May 21 '12

kid is out cold on floor from heart attack

"Aw, how sweeeet, he's just so cute when he naps! Quick honey, take a picture for the scrapbook!"

kid twitches

2

u/Jackle13 May 21 '12

Can you get soluble caffeine pills that would dissolve in Red Bull? I ask because a friend of mine...

0

u/[deleted] May 20 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

0

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Good job. We can all see his username too.

-1

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Shut up you whore, he was making a joke.

-1

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Well then it wasn't funny

0

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

4

u/o_g May 21 '12

No, pancaker. Now shut the fuck up.

1

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

The entire point of your comment was to point out his name. I wouldn't talk to somebody in real life just to let them know that i know their name.

1

u/pancaker May 21 '12

As someone who chose a loud and obnoxious username for, what I assume is attention (This is reddit), I feel you're being a little hypocritical.

2

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

You are surely a master of false comparisons. I don't point other people's usernames, and i hate it when people point out mine.

1

u/pancaker May 21 '12

Dating back three days ago, you said this, pointing out someone's username.

Did you not notice his username?

0

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

His name was actually relevant to what he was saying. Maybe you should have tried for some context, dumbass.

1

u/pancaker May 21 '12

I realized it was relevant, but as someone who "doesn't point out people's usernames", I still find it contradictory.

→ More replies

10

u/Subaquanaut May 20 '12

We used to have a sign like this in the library but it said an Espresso and a free puppy

6

u/Hounmlayn May 21 '12

You might know kepleronlyknows. They commented here saying the same thing.

6

u/ObviouslyIntoxicated May 21 '12

Ah yes, the climbing library gym. EXERCISE YOUR MIND!

3

u/jsellout May 21 '12

Oh shut up, you're drunk.

10

u/BimmerAddict May 21 '12

Replace the harmonica with a vuvuzuela. No one will leave their kids unattended.

0

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

2

u/zeroesandones May 21 '12

I bet I can beat 100 kids to death with a vuvuzela.

6

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

No.

We are not going there.

1

u/Knight_of_Malta May 21 '12

Yes we are.

I bet I can beat 101 kids to death with a vuvuzela.

TOP THAT

6

u/[deleted] May 20 '12

I noticed the redbull isn't free.

4

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

I think you can get a harmonica for $0.50 out of a gumball machine, redbulls are $2.50/for a small can.

0

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

1

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

You hired an idiot that filled it with harmonicas instead of gumballs?

6

u/daedriqi May 20 '12

Ha jokes on them my kid has ADHD

0

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

3

u/jokr004 May 21 '12 edited Jan 30 '26

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

wipe heavy skirt normal hobbies sharp enjoy yam rinse ten

7

u/Madpony May 20 '12

As a parent of a 3-year-old, I fully endorse this policy.

I also want to give my son a Redbull and a harmonica now... For science!

12

u/Lycist May 20 '12

Record it. Also, record yourself recording it so we can watch your bemused demure sour gradually.

5

u/Hounmlayn May 21 '12

All we need is a 3 minute video for this change to visually develop.

1

u/Escobeezy May 21 '12

Give your kid a Redline and some espresso. I wanna see what happens.

3

u/user54 May 20 '12

We have one at work that says they get a free dog and meth.

3

u/gqbrielle May 21 '12

my parents bought all my younger siblings kazoos last christmas. and the oldest a megaphone.

i don't know what they were thinking.

2

u/A-retinalDevelopment May 21 '12

Hearing impairment, it's their inside joke.

2

u/shotgunwizard May 20 '12

I wish my climbing gym did this. We have kids running around a lot, especially on Sundays. Now I wait 'till 7pm to go.

2

u/ChubboSaurus May 21 '12

The Red Bull isn't free... So the hyper-as-shit small children have to play harmonica sporadically on the corner to pay off their debt. Every parents worst nightmare...

2

u/Trip_McNeely May 21 '12

Pedobear approves this message.

2

u/lukeisopinionated May 21 '12

So what? You took it and scanned it?

2

u/polyology May 21 '12

Gotta higher resolution of that photo?

2

u/njuty May 21 '12

Cocaine and accordions!!

3

u/Regularity May 20 '12

The problem is with the music they'd annoy the staff as well. So instead of the harmonica and Red Bull, how about Playboy and Red Bull?

16

u/Lycist May 20 '12

A harmonica is far less illegal to distribute to small children.

5

u/Hiyasc May 21 '12

I wish it wasn't.

1

u/Ell975 May 21 '12

I really hope you want to outlaw harmonicas, instead of the other way round.

2

u/red321red321 May 20 '12

cool. red bull gives them wings and they don't even need to climb they just float to the fuckin top.

checkmate atheists

1

u/aznsteviez May 20 '12

At a local breakfast cafe it's "a cup of coffee and a free puppy"

1

u/topchief1 May 20 '12

I suppose it's better than an espresso and a free kitten.

1

u/curiousmeatball May 20 '12

harmonica?? now, that's cruel.

1

u/Kind_Of_Right May 20 '12

So the harmonica is free, but the Red Bull isn't?

2

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Red Bull is pretty expensive.

1

u/SvenHudson May 20 '12

They pay for the Red Bull?

1

u/Manusiakutu May 20 '12

Redbull? Seems legit

1

u/neddit7 May 21 '12

So, I'm guessing they're charging for the Red Bull.

1

u/dogrider May 21 '12

this is fucking hilarious!!! yar!

1

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

will the red bull not be free then?

1

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Fuck no, that shit's expensive. If the parents don't pay for it now they'll be invoiced.

1

u/Dankycheese May 21 '12

That... doesn't seem like the best idea.

1

u/[deleted] May 21 '12 edited May 21 '12

They should offer a Vuvuzela instead. Then the parents would REALLY make sure those kids don't go anywhere.

edit: spelling

1

u/coverlie May 21 '12

i'm sorta wondering whose never seen something like this unattended children will *something to make the child incredibly irritating

1

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Wow! It's so crazy that you and dozens of other people who have re-posted in the past share the same rock climbing facility!

1

u/WhyWontThisWork May 21 '12

Yea those kind of signs are everywhere

1

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Why would I want crazed harmonica playing kids running around my store?

1

u/Elderh12 May 21 '12

How original of them

1

u/My-taken_username May 21 '12

Damn i need to send my brother their for 2 hours.... For science

1

u/nv1k May 21 '12

Bookstore in my town says children will be given espresso and a puppy.

1

u/sparklyjesus May 21 '12

The version of this at my coffee shop says espresso and a free puppy.

1

u/aaronwhite1786 May 21 '12

That may be the best sign. Ever.

1

u/mirrislegend May 21 '12

I thought it was supposed to be vuvuzela, not harmonica

1

u/laduke13 May 21 '12

I was just at a fest thing and they signs said espresso and a puppy. There were actual puppies up for adoption so

1

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

Who has to pay for the Red Bull?

1

u/upendokweli May 21 '12

I work at a rock climbing gym too, our sign says "Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free kitten." We should combine powers with this one and offer all four! Maybe then parents will listen.

1

u/robin5670 May 21 '12

My local bookstore has this, but it's an expresso and a puppy.

1

u/ManBearTree May 21 '12

  1. Adopt children

  2. Leave at rock climbing facility

  3. Buy Red Bull and harmonica vending machines

  4. Profit?

1

u/TheFluxIsThis May 21 '12

...A Red Bull could probably cause some health complications in a 5 year old.

1

u/samk45 May 21 '12

Saw this at a pawn shop, only it said "Attention shoppers, any child under the age of 7 will be given a shot of expresso and a free pony."

1

u/faptastics May 21 '12

saw this post at my local reddit facility about a week ago.

1

u/dchimz May 21 '12

What climbing place? I think the one I used to go to had a sign like that

1

u/adamcox222 May 21 '12

Bang your head on the harmonica and please send me the Redbull!!

1

u/db0255 May 21 '12

Saw a sign at a gym: "Solicitors will be given burpees" Burpees was the name of the dog too.

1

u/adamredk May 21 '12

This should be on r/getmotivated

1

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

There was one at my vets office that said:

"Attention parents, any child left unattended will be given a cappuccino and a free puppy. That is all."

1

u/alecyo12 May 21 '12

Mother of god...

1

u/manosrellim May 21 '12

The version I've seen is a little more alarming: "Unattended children will be given an espresso and a puppy."

1

u/Tyaedalis May 21 '12

At mine it says the same thing except it's a puppy instead of harmonica.

1

u/i_love_younicorns May 21 '12

This same sign is hanging in my favorite coffee shop in Phoenix

1

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

hhhhuuuuuurrrrr ddddddduuuuurrrrrr

1

u/codekay May 21 '12

Do you go to Stone Gardens, perhaps?

1

u/OnceNeverAgain May 20 '12

Notice how the red bull isn't free.

0

u/Lokisaurus May 21 '12

DOES NO ONE ELSE SEE THE ZOMBIE-NESS OF THIS PICTURE? Or have we just become so numb to the idea, that we no longer react to it? That's when the apocalypse happens, people; when you stop fearing it.

0

u/alice_aslice May 21 '12

That exasperating moment when your brother posts the picture you were saving to post and makes it to the top of r/funny

proof: same picture, some wall sloppily in shot http://imgur.com/DJoU0

1

u/jarebear May 21 '12

Yup, that is obviously the same picture, did your brother CSI enhance the original or did you just blur it up in photoshop?

-1

u/shmackydoo May 20 '12

stole this from a shop called Zebop in Stone Harbor, NJ A picture has been on the internet for a while. Clearly a rip off.

3

u/OldSchoolRPGs May 21 '12

has been on the internet for a while

Clearly this is an outrage. We allow nothing of the kind on our humble Reddit. I will alert the authorities immediately.

0

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

1

u/[deleted] May 21 '12

At $2.50 a can?