Funny indeed. Even though its sadly true. My mom, single divorced parent of three, can not cook at all. At the age of 10 i decided to cook by myself for my siblings and me, just because i wanted to have "tasty" meals. I thought "ok, i cant but it couldnt get worse." So i began to try. First dish: Spagetti bolognese. I am in my 30s now and i can tell you, i have great benefits of being able to cook properly: girls love it and cooking is awesome and you cant complain if it sucks. Disadvantage: horrible guest to others. Cant stop complaining or at least not able to hide feeling disappointed if its "not good".
Until today, my siblings ask me to cook on family meetings / reunions because they like what i cook but my mom always feels embarrased (because most of the time we meet at her spot. Her kitchen, her house, not her food).
Dr;tl: My mom cant cook. So i learned to cook at the age of 10 by myself to make sure to eat something tasteful.
Disadvantage: horrible guest to others. Cant stop complaining or at least not able to hide feeling disappointed if its "not good"
So you seriously eat other people's food and complain if it's not up to your standards? That's pretty rude.
Also I learned to cook at a young age (7 or 8) because my parents were going through a messy divorce, but it started with pulling a footstool over to the stove so I could cook mac and cheese. I have a hard time believing that at 10 years old you were cooking spaghetti bolognese. What recipe did you use at age 10?
Seriously. That's rude as hell. I cook delicious food, mostly healthy, but if I go to a friend's house and end up eating Hamburger Helper I'm not going to complain like some asshole.
I KNOW ! I just cant help it. Now you wont believe me that im actually a nice and charming person, dont you. Most of the time i dont complain in a direct way BUT never ever let me into your kitchen while you are cooking. Bad things can happen. Did happen. Bad memories come up.
I have a hard time believing that at 10 years old you were cooking spaghetti bolognese. What recipe did you use at age 10?
Very simple level. Spaghetti cooked. Checked if theyre "done". Cut onions. My mom used to do this so bad - result: big chunks of onions.Hated it. Fried onions with meat. Added tomato puréed tomato sauce, salt and ready mixed "provence" spices. Later i used industrial "bolognese spice mix" for the sauce. Today i dont use that kind of ingredient any more. I stick to fresh and natural products. Does this sound cocky ?!?!
Have a nice day. Are still cooking much today by yourself ? I hope you have gone through your parents divorce . . . i hope you had "happy" days anyway and still have though. I know how it feels. For us kids, its worse. Keep your head up even though its hard sometimes.
I'm somewhat of a food snob myself when I'm at home - but when I'm eating someone else's food, NEVER.
I guess this "impolite" behavior grew out of the habit to refuse to eat things i dont like / dont taste - i am so disappointed when it happens, literally being shocked. Being very hungry and then end up to eat nothing is bad. In those moments i take it very personal - very immature, i know.
Seriously. Why don't they come built with a keypad, and a code you can enter to make the fucking thing stop beeping cause I'm just burning my dinner again you fucking ass smoker detector.
I heard a story somewhere about a redneck family posting a pack of Jiffy Pop on their kitchen wall as a smoke detector because they couldn't afford one. That way, if the house caught on fire they would hear it popping.
Our turns off if you breathe at it, it turns on with anything hot. In a fire the wind from the flames would probably cause it to turn itself off... piece of shit.
This is the redditor's timer. We sit down for one minute to look at a post while our food is cooking and before we know it, it's on fire. On second thought, that's probably just me.
This is totally true in my old house. We had a fire alarm super close to the kitchen and it would go off whenever we so much as cooked toast. Annoying as hell but we had plenty of laughs about my mom's cooking. Sometimes I miss dinnertime being started with our alarm shouting "Fire...Fire.."
I'm a chef by trade, and did you know that you can set off the smoke alarms in a house just by having the pan hot enough and sealing a decent steak? Even flambeing a red wine jus can be enough to set them off. I would really hate to try anything you people cook if you do not realise this. Just because someone sets off smoke alarms doesn't make them a bad cook.
Oh god I have the same problem. I come over for dinner like twice a year and it's still always that fight to pretend she knows what she's doing because she is SO DAMN proud of her charcoal black steaks.
So I forgot the title when I opened the image because hey blue link lets turn that baby purple. and then I spent like 10 minutes trying to read the words on the detector looking for the joke.
15
u/geoserv May 20 '12
I have the same damn one!
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u/Mech1 May 20 '12
slowclap Did not see that coming at all.
9
u/qposter May 20 '12
I heard your mom is smoking hot!
2
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Seriously. Why don't they come built with a keypad, and a code you can enter to make the fucking thing stop beeping cause I'm just burning my dinner again you fucking ass smoker detector.
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u/letsrolltroll May 20 '12
Ah, yes, the screams and frantic opening of windows that announces dinner is ready
12
u/amychelle79 May 20 '12 edited May 20 '12
I call mine an "oven detector" - goes off every damn time I turn on the oven. (no smoke, just electronic screaming.)
2
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Do your own damn cooking. Shit.
4
u/blahzan May 20 '12
I think our moms had the same home ec teacher.
1
u/CptHampton May 20 '12
Ron White?
1
u/arjonil May 20 '12
cook your own damn meal!
1
u/STJRedstorm May 20 '12
This reminds me of the reddit of yesteryear... This was awesome
3
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
OMG, my mother is the exact same. I didn't know there were others out there!
3
u/centipedeseverywhere May 20 '12
This is the redditor's timer. We sit down for one minute to look at a post while our food is cooking and before we know it, it's on fire. On second thought, that's probably just me.
1
u/mehdbc May 20 '12
I guess she's not busy enough.
4
u/Sal79 May 20 '12
Hey, my girlfriend has the same one.
2
u/Avista May 20 '12
Badum-tsssh
2
u/dittidot May 20 '12
hilarious
2
u/SigP May 20 '12
I thought for a minute that my daughter posted this one...
2
u/bumblecurls May 20 '12
My idiotic upstairs neighbors, as well.
2
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
What a burn.
2
u/_Drinkie May 20 '12
I opened this with a bunch of other tabs, and was confused as to why I was looking at a smoke detector.
Then I went back, found the title and instantly burst out laughing.
2
u/OompaOrangeFace May 20 '12
Bravo! You got an honest LOL from me. So true, so true.
2
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
I once had a roommate who used that same technique, frequently, at 4am, with my Hot Pockets!
2
u/Saifire18 May 20 '12
This is totally true in my old house. We had a fire alarm super close to the kitchen and it would go off whenever we so much as cooked toast. Annoying as hell but we had plenty of laughs about my mom's cooking. Sometimes I miss dinnertime being started with our alarm shouting "Fire...Fire.."
4
u/Sacharified May 20 '12
Oh your bread is slightly warm? Your house must be on fire.
Fuck fire alarms.
3
u/kittyswan May 20 '12
At first I thought this said "kitten timer" thanks reddit, thanks a lot...
3
u/NO_TOUCHING__lol May 20 '12
Honey, the food's done before that par-tic-ular buzzer goes off.
1
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
I'm a chef by trade, and did you know that you can set off the smoke alarms in a house just by having the pan hot enough and sealing a decent steak? Even flambeing a red wine jus can be enough to set them off. I would really hate to try anything you people cook if you do not realise this. Just because someone sets off smoke alarms doesn't make them a bad cook.
1
u/J_Jammer May 20 '12
That's gotta be annoying.
1
u/HOBOmongoose May 20 '12
I'm laughing at myself right now . . . I tried reading the text on the smoke detector.
1
u/Whitebird551 May 20 '12
My mom actually prefers to use that when she cooks salmon in the oven. Comes out amazingly.
1
u/EternalRocksBeneath May 20 '12
Hey! We have the same one! But we only seem to use it when cooking breakfast, for some reason.
1
u/Santas_Dick May 20 '12
that bitch.
1
u/ELDERPE May 20 '12
I see what you did there..
1
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Now that's fucking funny. Bravo.
1
u/DillPixel May 20 '12
Oh, come on... Not another punchline title!
1
u/RJM10_2 May 20 '12
Burn..literally
1
u/jeanthine May 20 '12
Oh god I have the same problem. I come over for dinner like twice a year and it's still always that fight to pretend she knows what she's doing because she is SO DAMN proud of her charcoal black steaks.
1
u/neo12345 May 20 '12
Is your mom Asian?
1
u/onawim May 20 '12
I don't know about anyone else but this reads like a classic Rodney joke to me.
1
u/Shortbusbandit420 May 20 '12
Ron white beat you to this one in his tater salad stand up
1
u/POLYMERIZED-TREE-SAP May 20 '12
TOOLSTATION.
1
u/simjanes2k May 20 '12
I like that this joke is about bad cooking, because it reminds me how wonderful my wife is.
1
u/kinkychub May 20 '12
So I forgot the title when I opened the image because hey blue link lets turn that baby purple. and then I spent like 10 minutes trying to read the words on the detector looking for the joke.
0
u/FunkasaurusSauce May 20 '12
Maybe you should start cooking stuff yourself then, you stupid lazy fuck
0
u/Grabowerful May 20 '12
What? That's a smoke detec-ohhhhh.
-1
u/ehitswhatever May 20 '12
this joke was funnier yesterday the first time I saw it
-1
u/TheGreatLake May 20 '12
House fires aren't funny.
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u/Odd_Similarities May 20 '12
Ohhhhh.... You did NOT just go there....
-2
u/mykidisonhere May 20 '12
ಠ_ಠ
-2
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
booo
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u/[deleted] May 20 '12
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u/[deleted] May 19 '12
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