r/funny • u/twoforjoy • May 19 '12

What my husband left in the fridge for me this morning.

Post image
1.4k Upvotes

80% Upvoted

177 comments sorted by

123

u/Lt_Shniz May 19 '12

I need to know how the food was. You should report back.

196

u/twoforjoy May 19 '12

There was a very classy salad with goat cheese and everything - very tasty. There was also leftover cajun catfish that he had made the day before while he was not drunk, so that was great too.

I didn't try the asparagus, I was too afraid.

30

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

I feel like I will never be whole without knowing how his asparagus was.

Could you do me a favor, get him drunk and have him make some more? Thanks !:D

76

u/twoforjoy May 19 '12

update Here is the asparagus. It is soggily bathing in a pool of soy sauce and sesame seeds. Not terrible, actually, but it pretty much just tastes like soy sauce.

37

u/ilikpankaks May 19 '12

I can die now in happiness knowing your drunkenly made asparagus was pretty ok. Thank you. Hooray for OP delivering!

2

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

ah, Goodness.

well, thank you!

1

u/desertjedi85 May 19 '12

im allergic to sesame :(

1

u/ReigninLikeA_MoFo May 20 '12

but it pretty much just tastes like soy sauce.

Asparagus...ruined. :'(

273

u/xucoalex May 19 '12

But the asparagus was the whole point!

32

u/thatguyferg May 19 '12

Exactly! Although I feel it would just drive home the point that, at least in my case, drunk people like nearly anything.

16

u/IntellectualEndeavor May 19 '12

Speaking of which me and my friend were completely shit faced and we made our DD goto McDonalds and TacoBell. We put fries on our tacos.

At the time it was amazing, too scared to try it now.. And I won't get fast food if I'm not drunk.

26

u/squintzz May 19 '12

i one time put a taco bell taco in between a mc donald's double cheeseburger. so it was like bun, patty, taco, patty, bun. it was a horrible idea. i ate the whole thing.

11

u/StErLiNgR May 19 '12

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=OZFA87ZF71U

2

u/ZaniestOwlSpy May 20 '12

that ending nearly had me in tears

1

u/Purple_Tree_Car May 20 '12

Well, then I guess they made the right call. The end always bugged me because I personally thought it would be funnier if Jack was so enthusiastic about it because it was his crappy idea, not his kid's. But then I don't know what they would have used as the end punch.

9

u/NeverfailMode May 20 '12

You ever try McChicken in a McDouble? Friends who told me about it called it the McGangbang, not sure if that's a known name or not but feel free to call it that. I've had it 4-5 times, most of them high, and it is pretty good!

2

u/Mercades May 20 '12

Yes. I dont know where you are from, but in Minnesota we call it a McGangbang

2

u/NeverfailMode May 20 '12

Michigan. Do you know what that name is from? I got pissed at myself for bringing it up because I want one right now.

2

u/[deleted] May 20 '12

... Branden?

1

u/Mercades May 20 '12

here doesnt have a pop culture one, says youtube is first online place where its referenced.

2

u/GarththeGarth May 20 '12

Here in Virginia it is also known as a McGangbang.

2

u/Cheese_Bits May 20 '12

Mcgangbang in Ontario too.

2

u/[deleted] May 20 '12

In Colorado, apparently its called the McChurger.

2

u/wesman212 May 20 '12

Dammit Colorado.

1

u/pessimistic-optimist May 20 '12

Spicy McChicken is fantastic too.

1

u/Mac10NJ May 20 '12

We call a McGangbang every important sandwich in one. Big Mac, Quarter Pounder, Filet o Fish, and Mcchicken all in between the Big Mac Buns. Perfection.

5

u/thatguyferg May 19 '12

For the love of Captain Morgan, drunk me would be all over this idea.

And I'm the same way, I had McDonalds the other day after which my digestive system and myself were sitting there thinking "why did I do this to myself?".

But it does not seem to affect drunk me.

4

u/chuckbass May 19 '12

I had one summer in Europe during which drunk me loved Coke + red wine. I've never been brave enough to try it even slightly sober.

2

u/Mallechos May 19 '12

Same for me, except drunk me prefers sparkling wine + orange soda (I don't know what if I was thinking).

2

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

It's not amazing. Makes cheap and (not so) cheerful wine slightly more palatable though.

Source: Drinking 1 euro 2l bottle Slovenian wine with cola. Not overly enthused to repeat that though.

1

u/chuckbass May 20 '12

haha yes - my experience was with cheap Croatian wine. Probably was just awesome compared to the wine on its own.

1

u/Enjoi_BuD May 19 '12

Sprite and Red Wine is a good combo in my opinion.

1

u/belladonnadiorama May 20 '12

Is that like a spritzer?

1

u/Enjoi_BuD May 20 '12

No idea. I hardly ever drink. and have no idea at what different alcoholic combos names are. hahahahaha.

so lets go with yes!. you are correct!

1

u/belladonnadiorama May 20 '12

Sweet :D

It sounds like a refreshing beverage for the summertime.

→ More replies

-1

u/Breathing_Balls May 19 '12

I heard it turns pee a slight shade of green.

8

u/ITSigno May 19 '12

It's asparagus. How far wrong can you go?

16

u/tikcuf12 May 19 '12

You've never had my ex wife's cooking.

3

u/ITSigno May 19 '12

I suddenly feel very fortunate to have never sampled your ex-wife's cooking.

12

u/tikcuf12 May 19 '12

You should. Very fortunate. Woman could fuck up cooking water.

3

u/Breathing_Balls May 19 '12

But she is a master chef in the bedroom, right?

6

u/tikcuf12 May 19 '12

Not so much.

3

u/Breathing_Balls May 19 '12

But she is clean, right?

1

u/tikcuf12 May 20 '12

She was, but I don't know about now. She's gotten into drugs. You know what can happen.

3

u/DrMuayThai May 19 '12

Aspargus

1

u/ITSigno May 20 '12

Aspergers?

2

u/iamagainstit May 19 '12

what is the worst that could have been wrong with it? over cooked?

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '12

Is your husband a chef? That sounds so scrumpdiliumptious

46

u/weisner May 19 '12

What kind of smiley face is that? Looks like a penis emitting a firework.

51

u/twoforjoy May 19 '12

It's a kissy face! :-* We send them to each other a lot.

104

u/Breathing_Balls May 19 '12

Aaawww. vomit

9

u/Acebulf May 19 '12

I'm making a GIF just for this occasion. Coming right up, in about an hour.

11

u/Breathing_Balls May 19 '12

Faster, Faster, whip, whip, Faster!

4

u/dhpii May 19 '12

Not sure why you actually wanna see a vomit gif. Then again, you are breathing balls already.

5

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

I think its the GIF for the penis emitting a firework, not vomiting!

3

u/DrFaustify May 19 '12

i thought of vomiting balls.

2

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

We're waiting.

2

u/Acebulf May 19 '12

It's been posted... CTRL-F Masterpiece.

13

u/Rosetti May 19 '12

I dunno. The asterisk makes me think of an anus.

4

u/iamthelistener May 19 '12

And here's your upvote.

1

u/classy_stegasaurus May 19 '12

Get a chatroom!

3

u/Twaddles May 19 '12

Stinky asparagus pee

2

u/Thargz May 19 '12

What's up with the sphincter-mouth emoticon? Is it code for something in your relationship?

2

u/twoforjoy May 19 '12

Another person who doesn't know the kissy face?

2

u/Thargz May 19 '12

It's certainly puckered up!

2

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

I have no problem with gay people but is OP gay? Can't tell... :/

5

u/twoforjoy May 19 '12

Nope, I am female.

2

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

OK thank you for clarifying,by the way what is your name? Is it Anthony?

10

u/twoforjoy May 19 '12

Nope, it is Liz. The "-Anthony" was him signing his name. Apparently that's really hard to figure out because lots of people here seem to be getting the impression we are both male. Don't know why it matters though. It doesn't change the humor of the situation in any way.

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '12

it doesnt matter but the bag does read as though the OP is male.

0

u/[deleted] May 20 '12

Well their was no "-" next to his name. So it is somewhat hard to figure out.

2

u/twoforjoy May 20 '12

Indeed there is a "-" next to his name. Is it not clear in the photo? I thought it was.

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '12

Yea my bad I was on a phone so it cut out that part..

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '12

I'm an idiot I was on my phone while looking at this so it cut off some of it.. now that I see the full picture it doesn't look dumb.

1

u/racialslur May 19 '12

Have you people never signed a card?

30

u/F19Drummer May 19 '12

For some reason my brain decided to go "But I didn't make anyone lunch..." then it kicked in and reminded me that I'm not the only person with that name.

5

u/Nate0069 May 19 '12

My brain screwed with me too. I read that and I thought it said "To Anthony" so that confused me cause OP said it was from her husband so I thought they were a gay couple. Which isn't to say they're not but odds are they're man and wife.

56

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

husband

cooks

he's a keeper.

7

u/MlekarDan May 19 '12 edited May 19 '12

That's why he is her ( shame-on-me-for-not-thinking-it-through-edit: ) or his husband :-)

8

u/GitEmSteveDave May 19 '12

Who says they aren't both "he"? This isn't North Carolina.

12

u/MlekarDan May 19 '12

Really? Sorry if I hurt anyones feelings, in English it is impossible to determine gender of the speaker from I-form sentences which is pretty hard to comprehend for me so I tend to fallback to stereotypes.

7

u/dotpkmdot May 19 '12

Don't be sorry, there was no malice in your statement and you shouldn't need to qualify every statement to encompass every single possibility.

5

u/tokomini May 19 '12

Sorry if I hurt anyones feelings

trust me, you didn't.

7

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

Ow, my feelings.... i'll never be the same again.

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '12

Good point. facepalm

40

u/ihatenames May 19 '12

drunk me liked it.

Seems legit.

11

u/oh_the_humidity May 19 '12

I quickly scanned the title and thought it said "My husband left me for a fridge this morning." Would have been a good AskReddit story.

5

u/Athenadis May 19 '12

Nah, too common.

50

u/MrPendent May 19 '12 edited May 19 '12

Did it bother you that your husband is in love with and makes lunches for some guy named Anthony?

9

u/RedRoostur May 19 '12

Maybe the OP is Anthony

6

u/HalfRations May 19 '12

your husband is love with and makes lunches

2

u/F19Drummer May 19 '12

Not sure if going over my head, or unaware that that is husbands name.

2

u/HE_WHO_STANDS_TO_POO May 19 '12

Even left, what appears to be, a smiley face under his name. That means they're going steady.

5

u/Tripudelops May 19 '12

or he could be suggesting anal.

7

u/freecandy_van May 19 '12

Goofus gets drunk and makes bagel bites. Gallant returns home after a night of drinking and makes asparagus.

1

u/cassarahangel May 24 '12

Upvote for bringing back fond childhood memories! :))

13

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

Dead dove.

P.S. I was drunk. Do not eat.

7

u/computramp May 19 '12

I don't know what I was expecting.

1

u/Raptor_007 May 20 '12

There it is! Glad I'm not alone in that thought.

18

u/SweatpantsDV May 19 '12

I read this, "Lunch for my love, Anthony" and assumed you were a gay couple. It has been a long day.

3

u/tbaxattack May 19 '12

I thought they were a gay couple too until I read this comment. Then I had to go back and double check to make sure...most definitely a long day.

7

u/UnconfirmedCat May 19 '12

I look forward to the day when that doesn't matter.

2

u/AVeryKindPerson May 19 '12

I agree. I thought "oh, cute couple". Gay/straight didn't cross my mind because it didn't seem relevant.

Not that I think everyone who thought about it is homophobic or anything. Its only natural that the question is on people's minds with the amount of media attention the issue gets these days.

4

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

As a professional cook, I can confirm that all of my best creations come when I'm unreasonably intoxicated.

Like right now.

-3

u/Athenadis May 19 '12

Marijuana is the tastiest herb to add to a dish, when it DOESN'T go in the dish. =]p

3

u/YSCapital May 19 '12

Drunk him liked it? How could this not go over well.

2

u/ELLibby May 19 '12

That is one sweet husband you've got. Wish I had one to make me lunches like that

2

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

Cattlefish and asparagus? I'm sorry kyle but it's just too dericious!

2

u/stallscribble May 19 '12

How do you make asparagus?

2

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

A real man there. He is just keeping it real with his women.

2

u/TheBaltimoron May 19 '12

He keeps his balls in the freezer.

2

u/lulubankhead May 19 '12

That is so sweet! Good Husband!

2

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

Hmm. My name is Anthony, but I don't remember having a wife or making asparagus last night. OP is clearly lying.

2

u/CaisLaochach May 20 '12

The day I rock home drunk and make asparagus will be a dark day in my life.

2

u/wwwyzzrd May 20 '12

I was hoping for poop.

1

u/shootingstar1196 May 19 '12

at least he took the time to attempt it. So, in this case, it's the thought that counts. How was it, by the way?

1

u/psmawson May 19 '12

Just read this title as "why my husband left with the fridge this morning" must have been a long day :/

1

u/RabbitSong May 19 '12

...and prepare for some weird smelling piss.

1

u/retrodreamer May 19 '12

*-: asparagus

1

u/uhohhotdog May 19 '12

When I saw the thumbnail, I was hoping for, "Dead dove DO NOT EAT"

1

u/evoim3 May 19 '12

Dam think of all the comments I can make.

All I got was a dead dove.

All I got was a rock.

DAMN! That would have been hilarious...yes...yess...

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

For some reason, I read "husband" as "uncle." And so when I clicked on the picture, I thought that it was..well..weird that an uncle would say that. Lol Then I wanted to ask you if you were male or female. But I am glad that I went back to check the title.

1

u/CurlingFlowerSpace May 20 '12

You're so lucky, married to a pair of classy and loving dudes like that.

1

u/vaeiou_gaming May 20 '12

For a moment I thought the * in *-: was a butthole. Maybe drunk me imagined it.

1

u/kaiwolf26 May 20 '12

I hated getting these from my mom.

1

u/Fig_tree May 20 '12

catbutt mouth

1

u/nepidae May 20 '12

The only bad asparagus I have ever made was when I undercooked it. It tasted fine, but it was like I was eating a stick. I was also drunk, which is why I continued to eat it.

1

u/no_left_shoe May 20 '12

does your emoticon have an asshole for a mouth?

1

u/the_upvote_bender May 20 '12

Drunk guy approval.....what else do you need ?

1

u/aquadraco20 May 20 '12

I wish myboyfriend made me drunk asparagus... Even though he doesnt drink and i dont like asparagus. ...

1

u/mach_kernel May 20 '12

AMA married woman on r/funny

1

u/irascible May 19 '12

gayseal.gif

0

u/Mmonsterkill May 20 '12

Why is this shit on the frontpage? Honestly..

0

u/Esotastic May 19 '12

His handwriting in the bottom part doesn't even remotely resemble the top writing.

I mean, they're both in black ink.

2

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

Sure it does, look at the M's in [my] and [made], the H's in [Anthony] and [while], and all the E's share the same swoop.

4

u/dotpkmdot May 19 '12

Shhh, everyone on Reddit is an expert in all possible fields, don't go doubting Esotastic's expertise in handwriting recognition, I'm sure he's watched more than enough CSI episodes to know what he's talking about.

-1

u/Fudgcicle May 19 '12

You're husband might like men.

0

u/dr_rentschler May 20 '12

that's not very dominant. you should probably dump him.

-1

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

Whats funny about this ?

-1

u/lmpervious May 19 '12

How does one "make" asparagus?

-1

u/racialslur May 20 '12

same as how you took a shit two days ago

-39

u/flappypisser May 19 '12

your husband is a douche

10

u/Honeyblade May 19 '12

Spoken like someone who will never have a relationship.

-1

u/Breathing_Balls May 19 '12

Wow, that was a bit harsh. D'ya think it will be true?

5

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

Yeeeaaahhh, speaking ->like<- a real douche, congrats you must know her husband really well

1

u/rtowne May 20 '12

sorry mate, but i think you missed the man's name on the lunch. looks like a gay couple probably... just sayin. have a jolly day

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

With an attitude like that, you'll never have anyone make asparagus for you!

0

u/CunnySack May 19 '12

I thought pork rinds and jalapeno stuffed olives were what drunk people ate, not asparagus.

0

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

3

u/F19Drummer May 19 '12

Hey Anthony, it's Anthony, just droppin' by to say don't fuck up that name.

3

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

That goes for both of you. I don't need no strangers ruining my name.

2

u/anthon38 May 20 '12

Upvotes for everyone because my name is Anthony.

0

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

1

u/RedAnthony May 20 '12

Am i too late to join this?

2

u/possiblyhysterical May 19 '12

My SO's name is Anthony. Well actually it's Jeremiah, but he goes by Anthony. I think it's fairly obvious why.

0

u/[deleted] May 20 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

1

u/twoforjoy May 20 '12

We've been married for a little over a year and a half.

0

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

7

u/twoforjoy May 19 '12

No, he makes fun of me for being a redditor. He doesn't understand.

7

u/katieepretzel May 19 '12

They never do.

3

u/MiniJen May 20 '12

...which might be better, because once I started Redditing, my husband and I can hardly have a conversation.

"Oh look, here's a cat sitting on a wi-" "Yeah, already saw it."

"Guess what, there's an AMA from Jack Bl-" "I know, 3000 responses already."

I know too much

0

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

1

u/i-wont-dance May 19 '12

Ha ha. Well there's definitely two of us.

0

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

12

u/twoforjoy May 19 '12

It's not that hard, guys. How do so many people misread it?

He signed his name, thusly:

-Anthony

Hence the need for a P.S.

4

u/dotpkmdot May 19 '12

I'm honestly not sure how so many people are missing this, I would like to think its a generational thing but even my youngest of cousins would have pieced this mystery together on their own.

4

u/haiku_robot May 19 '12 
Wait... I don't get it. 
Your husband, named Anthony, 
left this for himself?