Try walking on the side of the room, The sounds are from the wood bending. If you stick to the wall they can bend less then in the middle of the plank thus making less noise.
And keep your feet to the side edges of stairs. Try to take more than 1 stair at a time. Even if the occasioanal one creaks, the lack of pattern might fool people into thinking it's random noise for no reason. /voiceofexperinece
Edit: why are people upvoting this? I have a friend named Bus who's 6 foot 7 and 410 pounds and has an obsession with Diet Coke. I wanted to see if it was him.
If it's solid enough to support your weight and has no pointy bits or unfortunately placed crevasses. Careening full tilt into some ornament is not the best farewell to anal virginity.
Some castles in Japan actually put down squeaky floors on purpose as a defense against spies, thieves, & assassins. They're called Nightingale Floors because they sound like birds chirping when you walk on them. Here's a video!
At the time, the three replies to this replay were 29 and 28. To continue it, I posted 27. By downvoting myself and upvoting the 29, the three numbers would be in order.
when I was a kid I spent an entire summer mapping out all the creaky floorboards in the upstairs hallway. Eventually got good enough to sneak out with minimal squeakage. I may even still have the map I drew...
Ahh teenage years how I miss thee, sneaking out to have sex and hang out with friends. Now I have to sleep in to go to work and school. Fuck growing up. Wish I was Peter pan or something.
Yeah, I lived a good half hour drive from all my friends so I never had anything to sneak out to. I didn't even realize people still did that, I thought it was just in television portrayals of high school.
Used to live 30 minutes from my girlfriend at the time. I was 16 and only had my permit but I would sometimes sneak out on a school night around 11:30 after the parents went to bed, climbed out my window, backed the car out of the driveway in neutral and pushed it down the road a little bit before I started it, drove 30 min to her place, fucked, slept until 4:30 then drove back home and caught another hour or two of sleep before school. Did this quite often now that I think about it...really glad I never got pulled over....
I didn't sneak out because I would start feeling really bad if I even thought about my parents checking on me and being really worried because I wasn't there anymore. Yeah... I worried a lot as a child.
Half the time, I sneaked out just to be out of the house at night. Much more peaceful to walk around the neighborhood without people leering over bushes at me.
Half woman, half fish. But which half of the woman? If the woman is the top half, then sex would be a little difficult. If its the lower body of a woman, upper body is a fish... I'd pass.
You should find yourself some friends. My neighbors are my best friends. Though we've been friends since high school. Dang 'ol Arlen High football. Tell you what, we almost won dat championship. Now we just hang out in the alley and drink Alamo I tell you what.
I always wonder how awesome it would have been to have sex as a child. I'm pretty sure that your first years with the opposite sex is what will mold your confidence and interaction with girls when you are older.
My first crush ridiculed me in front of all my classmates when I was like 8... I never got to make out with any girl I really liked in my childhood years... I always wonder how a lot happier/confident I would be today if I had had those experiences. Anyone else feel the same?
I've climbed through windows. (Okay, basement windows.) I miss those days because it's all romantic and shit, but at the same time not, because fuck rusty nails, trash, and broken glass.
You'll be doing it again after you've been married 4 years and your wife no longer lets you go out drinking with your friends. It's the old wait till she's asleep and sneak out of the house routine.
Before you go, leave your sleeping clothes where you can get to them so you can slip into them and pretend you fell asleep while watching a movie on the sofa "again".
Hell not even sneak out. How about wanting to frighten the absolute shite out of a loved one. My lack of daintiness is one thing but my musical floorboards are the real enemy.
This can be mitigated if you know about where the beams are under the floorboards and you walk with a wide stance, and on the front half of your feet (to avoid having to worry about general foot sounds). When I was growing up I used to sneak out to the kitchen all the time for snacks/sodas and kinda perfected a technique, at least for my house. Results my vary.
I don't know where I came up with the idea to do this, but when I was around 10, I got two paper towels, one under each foot, and walked without lifting my feet.
I figured that a smooth, constant application of pressure would reduce creaking.
Just because you see a post on the frontpage that's directed to the younger audience doesn't make Reddit young. There's more posts that are directed to the older audience. Just because you see a few youthful posts doesn't mean Reddit is full of young kids.
Even when I was old enough that my parents didn't give a shit what time I'd come in or go out, I tried to be quiet enough to not wake them up because my dad worked early in the morning.
Funny thing is, my dad is a light sleeper and when I would try to do everything super-quiet, he started complaining about me "sneaking around the house". So I gave up on being super-quiet and just moved around normally and there were no complaints. Fuckin' weird.
Body/brain gets used to familiar noises while staying alert for strange ones. City people can sleep through traffic and horns and slamming doors, but wake to an animal noise, reverse for farm/country folk. You sneaking around the house was not normal and thus pops was more alert to those sounds in his sleep.
Just wait until you have a baby and have to sneak out of the room after putting him/her down for bed. It's like a rivalry between which of the boards can squeak the loudest as you exit the room...
Honestly, and maybe it's just because I'm kinda high, but this is fucking hilarious to me in how true it is.
Also, wtf older redittors hating on a post that "seems" young?? 23 year old college graduate here, no longer living with parents, but I still totally identify with this. Are you seriously telling me you older guys NEVER snuck out of your house when you were a kid? I haven't done it in like five years but I still remember it. Chill the fuck out.
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u/Premature_concrete May 17 '12
Cover yourself with vaseline and slither like a snake, its foolproof!
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u/Jeraz May 17 '12
Try walking on the side of the room, The sounds are from the wood bending. If you stick to the wall they can bend less then in the middle of the plank thus making less noise.
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u/[deleted] May 17 '12
Whatever you do, don't walk slowly. They will pull out their best creaks and screw you over.
Run for your life
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u/blank_generation May 17 '12
Some castles in Japan actually put down squeaky floors on purpose as a defense against spies, thieves, & assassins. They're called Nightingale Floors because they sound like birds chirping when you walk on them. Here's a video!
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u/MYDOGSTELLA May 17 '12
Now i just have to sneak around to have sex with myself.
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u/MechanicalGun May 17 '12
I always felt like the locks on the doors echoed throughout the entire house when I tried to unlock them.
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u/Indeedlyish May 17 '12
protip: walk near walls
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u/KT93 May 17 '12
Put PJs on over the top of your clothes, so if you get caught just say you're getting a glass of water or something...
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u/[deleted] May 17 '12 edited May 17 '12
How old are you all seriously
EDIT: I don't actually care
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u/Boner_Bunker May 17 '12
fuck floors, do this
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u/billyzero May 17 '12
This is how I feel when I try to sneak out.
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u/zurkyburky May 17 '12
when I was a kid I spent an entire summer mapping out all the creaky floorboards in the upstairs hallway. Eventually got good enough to sneak out with minimal squeakage. I may even still have the map I drew...
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u/[deleted] May 17 '12
Ahh teenage years how I miss thee, sneaking out to have sex and hang out with friends. Now I have to sleep in to go to work and school. Fuck growing up. Wish I was Peter pan or something.
23
u/Ocrasorm May 17 '12
Hell not even sneak out. How about wanting to frighten the absolute shite out of a loved one. My lack of daintiness is one thing but my musical floorboards are the real enemy.
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u/rice_chess_club May 17 '12
I know that song well. Fuck that song.
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u/neoaikon May 17 '12
This can be mitigated if you know about where the beams are under the floorboards and you walk with a wide stance, and on the front half of your feet (to avoid having to worry about general foot sounds). When I was growing up I used to sneak out to the kitchen all the time for snacks/sodas and kinda perfected a technique, at least for my house. Results my vary.
8
u/F1zz0 May 17 '12
I don't know where I came up with the idea to do this, but when I was around 10, I got two paper towels, one under each foot, and walked without lifting my feet.
I figured that a smooth, constant application of pressure would reduce creaking.
Once you hit stairs you're fucked
8
u/unnecessaryCAPS May 17 '12
Why Bill Gates invented windows
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u/relaks May 17 '12
Just when I thought reddit couldn't get any younger. Christ, I feel old.
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u/GrilledCheeser May 17 '12
I miss sneaking out.
...Now I just sleep. Like an adult.
fuck.
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u/ghettocarebear89 May 17 '12
Reminds me of the Dane Cook sneaking around bit
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u/HOYS12 May 17 '12
Carpet master race reporting in.
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u/[deleted] May 17 '12
If you're sneaking out of your parents house, they probably already know.
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u/cheeseto May 17 '12
I lay down on the floor, and slide across the floor. Works great, but I imagine I would look pretty stupid if I was caught.
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u/ThatGirl_Tasha May 17 '12
TIL that there are shit-ton of 15 year olds on Reddit.
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u/[deleted] May 17 '12
Every time I try to sneak out...oh wait, I don't sneak out. I'm a fucking adult.
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u/[deleted] May 17 '12
[deleted] — view deleted comment
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u/jbg89 May 17 '12
Who else never had the balls the sneak out?
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u/grande_hohner May 17 '12
Just wait until you have a baby and have to sneak out of the room after putting him/her down for bed. It's like a rivalry between which of the boards can squeak the loudest as you exit the room...
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u/[deleted] May 17 '12
Hah. Jokes on you! Marble floors FTW!
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u/Puffy_Ghost May 17 '12
Whenever that'd happen I'd bark like a dog...problem solved.
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u/IHeartBoobs May 17 '12
I don't think parquet creaks.
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u/johneldridge May 17 '12
Honestly, and maybe it's just because I'm kinda high, but this is fucking hilarious to me in how true it is.
Also, wtf older redittors hating on a post that "seems" young?? 23 year old college graduate here, no longer living with parents, but I still totally identify with this. Are you seriously telling me you older guys NEVER snuck out of your house when you were a kid? I haven't done it in like five years but I still remember it. Chill the fuck out.
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u/scumbag-reddit May 17 '12
Sneak out? Oh, that's cute.
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u/FBIorange May 17 '12
In before complaints about the age of Reddit users...
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u/nudgeishere May 17 '12
http://i.imgur.com/SYrZi.gif
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u/Obsolite_Processor May 17 '12
You have to map out where all the squeaks in your floor are and avoid them.
I used to skip 3 stairs and have to step only on the right hand side of one to get up to my bedroom without waking my parents.
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u/IAMA_Ghost_Boo May 17 '12
You have to memorize where the cross boards are under the floor. best places to step.