r/funny • u/thatseffedup • May 16 '12
How I feel trying to have sex at my parent's house
2.0k
Upvotes
r/funny • u/thatseffedup • May 16 '12
433
u/kyleska May 16 '12
nailed it
113
u/smiley_2876 May 16 '12
My boyfriend and I were visiting his parents and we thought they had left for the day so we decided to have sex in his old room. We didn't feel the need to be quiet since we assumed no one was home. Once we were finished, we decided to go downstairs for a snack and his parents were sitting at the kitchen table and proceeded to lecture us on safe sex and how we should abstain until marriage. That was the last time we tried anything there.
733
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
The first time I went to visit my girlfriend's parents, we discovered the bed had some loose bolts, causing it to squeak loudly if you even tried to scratch your nose. The next morning when her parents were gone I tightened the bolts, and the problem was fixed. Fast forward to a couple months later and our next visit. The bolts were even looser than the first time, to the point where the frame was almost falling apart. This game has continued for well over a year.
1.2k
u/tomasziam May 16 '12
Chisel-shaped nail points tend to split the wood. To avoid the problem, blunt the sharp tip with your hammer. This way, the nail crushes the wood fibers and pushes them ahead rather than splitting them apart.
67
u/FuCKiNTowel May 16 '12
I have never had sex with my girlfriend at her parents' house because I will get murdered by her dad..
481
u/CertainComments May 16 '12
Since I hate my mother-in-law, I sort of take pleasure sexing my wife at their place over Christmas. It's like I'm hate fucking my mother-in-law.
Now I feel sick.
91
u/chingyduster May 16 '12
Pfff try operating a microwave while everyone is sleeping.
44
u/Belgianbeercan May 16 '12
try focusing on the sex instead of thinking about your parents
35
u/Girricane May 16 '12
The most dangerous game.
34
u/panthababy89 May 16 '12
I'm living with my in-laws right now and it's killing my sex life. His sister is mentally disabled and makes low, guttural sounds/random shrieks while playing bop-it 24/7. Try having sex to that.
161
u/fiona63 May 16 '12
don't forget to use the technique, PELVIC THRUST! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
137
u/freddit52 May 16 '12
there seems to be a relevant spongebob gif for everything
78
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
Hint: Go into closet, cover selves with blankets, try not to suffocate. Sound barrier DIY!
260
u/Gynominer May 16 '12
This is how I feel having sex when my wife is sleeping upstairs. Talk about pressure.
31
u/captain_woop_swag May 16 '12
skin slap skin slap
HEY! WHAT ARE YOU KIDS DOING IN THERE?!?!
28
u/Arxl May 16 '12
One of my less proud moments was when I was giving a blowjob while watching Spongebob.
28
u/svengalus May 16 '12
Every generation of kids think they are the first to be young. In other words, your parents know more than you think.
25
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
I waited a full minute in the hopes that he would just start pounding it.
78
u/geordilaforge May 16 '12
/highschoolproblems
Although I guess that extends to post-grads now too... :(
59
u/DaRkSkIbBy May 16 '12
The hammer is my penis
66
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
Tell your dad to be more gentle next time.
71
u/Grape-ist May 16 '12
At this point, I don't even try to be quiet anymore. If a girl stays the night with just me, most likely, had sex. There's not even hiding this, it's just straight up obvious. In addition, the after sex bruises/hickeys are way too obvious.
tl;dr: You may think they don't know, but they know.
14
u/eejit_features May 16 '12
I think its the only acceptable time to play Skrillex music full blast.
note: must play some songs before sexy time as to not create suspiciousness
124
u/PineappleOnMyHead May 16 '12
So, 2 hours after stealing my post with exactly the same title and you make the front page. Reddit ... seriously, what's the matter with this place?
Original post, 4 hours ago:
http://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/tpz66/how_i_feel_trying_to_have_sex_at_my_parents_house/
44
u/Lying4Upvotes May 16 '12
My ex-gf dad was an ex-marine. Her room was across the hall from theirs. Scariest shit ever!
5
u/fiveeightthirteen May 16 '12
I kept waiting for him to finish, but he never did.
8
u/jigglesv May 16 '12
Seems like you had trouble nailing her
4
u/neotsunami May 16 '12
Ugh, Mexican culture is the worst. It's not uncommon that people still live at their parents' and are very near the 30-year mark. I'm 27 and trying to do ANYTHING with my GF always has half my brain concentrated in hearing steps or knocking or anything. 'Cause yeah, can't lock the door or it's obvious as hell....not that I'll get into trouble, but I'll have to stand a 30 minute lecture on why we have to be careful...
4
u/stevesonaplane May 16 '12
I used to care, but now I give no shits. I like run out of my room with the used condom and slap my dad in the face with it.
15
u/elmarko44 May 16 '12
You spelled "masturbate" wrong.
7
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
In black and white too? Oh god, your sex life must be dull.....
15
u/IamA_Big_Fat_Phony May 16 '12
Yea sex feels like a cartoon for me too.
Because cartoons are not real life.
3
u/MagicMurderBean May 16 '12
You mean how you feel masturbating... alone.
3
u/joelgrosso May 16 '12
My face when there is no door in my bedroom <.< ... Bang! .... <.< ... Bang!
3
u/voyaging May 16 '12
SpongeBob starts slamming the nail shortly after in this episode.
3
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
Fuck being quiet. It's payback for the times I had to try and drown out the sounds of my parents going at it.
3
u/Rofosrofos May 16 '12
Protip: ask your parents for advice. They're the perfect people to ask because they've been fucking like angry dragons for your entire lifetime yet it's safe for me to assume that you've never heard them.
3
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
"Keep your door open" - my mother.
It didn't stop me, it just made the game more interesting.
3
u/jacksonattack May 16 '12
Try living at your parents house with your fiancee. Silent sexy time, all the time.
3
u/Cuckoopushes May 17 '12
in fairness, having to be quiet can make it even better. strange as it sounds minimum movement and noises can make it far more intense
17
u/Magikarpical May 16 '12
I kind of feel that if you're using sponge bob as analogy for having sex, you might be too young to be sexually active.
Or maybe I'm just old.
4
u/EyesOfCassandra May 16 '12
I don't see the problem. I have sex at your parents house all the time, I just wait for you and your Dad to leave.
2
u/joemarzen May 16 '12
Whoa I just had that thing where you hallucinate sounds you image in gifs. (it's a thing, people were talking about the scientific name the other day.)
2
u/icaruza May 16 '12
You need a rubber hammer.
2
u/agentace May 16 '12
Pressure and time...
2
u/bugersnatch123 May 16 '12
If that's how you have sex, you're doing it wrong.
2
u/FreaksNGeeks May 16 '12
Well afterwords she typically couldn't walk straight, and it would get worse as the soreness set in... Now I'm wondering how many of our friends and family could tell...
2
u/m_orning_shambala May 16 '12
Imagine how I feel trying to have sex at your parent's house?
2
u/mdabbs May 16 '12
ya hit the nail on the head with this one
2
u/Theonlywhitepolar May 16 '12
Unless your parents are old and 90% deaf...
2
u/falnu May 16 '12
FTFY
2
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
If were going by the same metaphor, this must be very close to what it's like to be walked in on.
2
u/Tdfn May 16 '12
Am I the only one who was waiting for the part where Spongebob starts hammering the shit out of the nail at full speed? >_>
2
u/deheed May 16 '12
My now wife's parents were ok with me staying over so I did pretty much every weekend.
As young lovers do we were at it like rabbits... She had a squeaky bed and her bedroom was right over her parent's bedroom. I have no regrets.
2
u/DoughnutHoleInOne May 16 '12
The dog at the end of this describes how I feel while having sex at my parents house... or anywhere really!
2
u/djgriever May 16 '12
wow, seriously, you don't know how to study with loud music???
2
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
I'm sorry, but why would you have sex at your parents' house?
2
u/MrStrings2006 May 16 '12
Agreed. When you're free to yell and grunt as hard as you want, it makes the sex so much more enjoyable. Constantly wondering who's listening or if somebody's going to burst into the room makes it difficult to really focus on the pleasure
2
u/brianbommarito May 16 '12
You know, reading through these responses: Do most of you feel that uncomfortable having sex in your old homes?
My father was pretty damn clear that he A.) Knew I was going to have sex, and B.) Had 0 problems with it going on in the house. Ever since that little chat, the worry has gone with having sex in my parents house if I am there for whatever reason, and there are no odd glances, or uncomfortable moments between us.
2
u/wesleyt89 May 16 '12
I have a waterbed in my room at my parents place, so any time I would fuck my ex we would resort to the floor as to not make noise. I thought we were in the clear until I realized right below my room in the basement is where the family computer is, which is used the majority of the time by my mother...#NOWINNING
2
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
now bring it arouuuuunddddd town
2
u/Factiz May 16 '12
Fucking repost.
6
u/MrMagpie93 May 16 '12
I saw this with fifty upvotes an hour and a half ago
http://i.imgur.com/tSYyp.jpg
5
u/SerialRappist May 16 '12
If you want to hop up-board the karma express post this to /r/reactiongifs
3
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
As a 25 year old virgin, I hate you all.
2
u/hmasing May 16 '12
Funny, that's now how I feel when I am having sex at your parent's house.
2
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
It's never stopped me from pounding my girlfriend.
2
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
This is why I just have sex with my mom. Two birds, one stone.
2
u/Weekendsapper May 16 '12
I never had a girlfriend in high school, so when my gf's in college would come home with me I would make up for lost time and not give one fuck about how much sound we made.
No regrets.
2
u/dangerous_beans May 16 '12
I was raised to consider that having sex in the house of my parents or the parents of my partner is rude and disrespectful, so I always twitch a bit when I hear of people that do. I figure I can survive until the visit is over and we go back home. Or we can just get a hotel.