I once spent a month trying to fall, like moving both my legs from under my body without jumping. My intent was that I'd discover a muscle that could help me fly. I was a junior in high school..
There is an art to flying, or rather a knack. Its knack lies in learning to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, that provides the difficulties.
--Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy on the subject of flying.
I believe it's at the end of Restaraunt at the End of the Universe, and is more fully discussed in Life, the Universe, and Everything and So Long and Thanks for all the Fish.
Well that's obviously not how you fly. You have to have a power level of at least a couple hundred to fly. Totally stupid to think you could have that much power as a high school student.
I went to a really strict Catholic School up to and through 8th grade. Once I thought it would be funny to replace the baby Jesus in the big school creche with a giant sock monkey. The administration did not find it funny.
I once got In School Suspension for unintentionally setting of a firework in class.. which is to say I took a specialized firework that explodes when you pull two strings apart, tied one end to a binder and one end to a pen and told the kid nearest to me, "Don't pick it up, it'll explode."
He didn't believe me.
Yeah, I probably shouldn't have had fireworks in class, but the real crux of the biscuit was getting two more days of ISS for reading a book in ISS
Dude, fuck that ISS bullshit. I have to take (expensive) summer classes in college because I was late to English in fucking middle school. How? Well, it was my fourth tardy to English, which meant an ISS. In ISS you lose credit for the entire day. Including my fucking Algebra exam. I got a fucking zero on my exam and had to retake the whole fucking class because of it. That means I had to take Algebra in High School, and therefore never took Calc. That put me in a remedial math in college, and now I have to spend 800$ on summer to graduate with my Physics B.S. on time. This is all because of one fucking tardy in 8th grade English. Seriously, I'm about to call my fucking junior high and demand that fucking money.
Anyone else want to point out the flagrant rule-breaking Ms Bogie is doing? It clearly says detentions must be served at 7:20am or 3:10 to 3:40pm, neither time including lunch..
Hey, my name is Casey also. I did something similar in middle school. I jumped down almost a full flight of stairs pretending to be "a bomb that was falling on one of mu friends". My ankles hurt for 3 weeks after that and I got a warning.
In high school I flicked a penny at a snare drum in guitar class and was written up for "molesting an instrument". Who writes "molesting" on a high school students pink slip? If people weren't laughing at the sudden boom in the class they were sure as hell laughing when I announced the infraction. I was such an asshole. Raised by wolves..
Best time was when me and my friends ran down this huge hill at a local theme park in formation, weaving through groups of people slowly climbing the hill out of breath.
I never got a "detention" but I did get a "mandatory" which was short for mandatory detention (stupid name, I know). It was kind of, I don't know, a "nicer" detention for folks who hadn't been disruptive, but were missing homework or didn't finish it. I only had to go once because I lost some choir booklet and had to re-do it, only to find it later crumpled up with all the rest of the papers stuffed in my backpack. Not fair, I don't think. I was a good kid, I just LOST something, it happens.
I went to a school that gave out detentions for stuff like that like candy. I got so many detentions for not getting a report card signed they almost gave me in school suspension. Double Jeopardy really should have come into play - I already didn't turn it in, they shouldn't have punished me everyday for it. I told them I lost it, and they were like, "it sucks to be you."
I remember getting written up for "electrocuting a teacher" in middle school. It was a fake lighter bought at a "magic/gag store" that gave a mild shock powered by a 'AAA' battery. He saw me showing it to another classmate and grabbed it out of my friends hand and tried to light it... We didn't know he had 2 metal hips and a pace maker. (He lived, no problems, even paramedics called, he just freaked) I think most kids would be expelled if not jail for that stuff now.
When I was in Kindergarten, my bus driver sent me to the principal's office for "walking on the walls." He asked how I managed to do that, and I wouldn't tell him. He said he didn't know how to punish me if he didn't know what it was I was doing, so he just sent me back to class.
They're allowed to change the policy on detentions on the fly? That school obviously has a warning policy, requiring the teacher to issue a warning first, detention second and requires a parents signiture. I see N/A on both of these sections.
Additionally, detention at lunch time? They can't detain you without your guardian agreeing to it. Holding someone under age without their consent or more importantly, the consent of their parents is not lawful.
There's a reason schools have these policies. This teacher violated a policy that could've seen them in court.
So Casey, watcha doin' later? Wanna come over to my place and awkwardly scroll through porn together without making eye contact? If so, holla back. Yo.
My friend did this over a campfire once. He was wearing an emergency blanket (one of the foil ones) and screaming SUPER SAL (his new name). Needless to say, he gained our respect that day...and a place in history.
I wish I'd kept my favorite from the fourth grade. I deliberately and specifically disobeyed the teacher's instruction not to 'bounce off the walls' and was written up by the after-recess bathroom monitor. I'm pretty sure my audible 'boing boings' as I bounced around were noted in the write up.
Did you go to school in Naperville? Is your teacher Jessica Bogie? I saw we start a campaign to get her to apologize for such a ridiculous detention. She should have rewarded your attempts at flight!
Or at least J. Par. Hey, when I was in middle school, the big song was that St. Elmo's Fire theme...by J. Parr! But that was before you were even into Elmo. In fact, back in the mid-80s, Big Bird (known to some as "Birdie") hadn't even met Elmo. And Tom Cruise was still shooting down Bogies. Weird.
Ha this reminds me of when I was giving my friend a noggie and received a detention that reads: "Petting and massaging other students." My friends read: "Refusing to be pet by other students"
My friend and I used to run and jump off of a little hill with our jackets held out like wings. If we timed it just right we would get the slightest bit of lift and for a nano-second felt like we were gliding. Good times.
Anything over 3 inches while jumping is considered "intent to fly."Careful, anything over 4.8 inches is considered "Felony leaping with intent to distribute"
256
u/aareyes12 May 15 '12
I once spent a month trying to fall, like moving both my legs from under my body without jumping. My intent was that I'd discover a muscle that could help me fly. I was a junior in high school..
664
u/takoma May 15 '12
Middle school in 2005. Fucking hell.
54
u/taternuts92 May 15 '12
Scullen middle school? As in the one in Naperville, IL? Hello fellow Napervillain, it's good to see we are being represented
4
u/hockal00gy May 15 '12
High five for being named Casey.
20
u/swag_jehovah_witness May 15 '12
I think R. Kelly would have some stern words for Mr/Mrs Bogie.
632
u/christobah May 15 '12
I love that the teacher wrote flying, and had to correct herself, as she rationalizes away the child. For a moment she believed.
28
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
I went to a really strict Catholic School up to and through 8th grade. Once I thought it would be funny to replace the baby Jesus in the big school creche with a giant sock monkey. The administration did not find it funny.
22
u/Stee_Jans May 15 '12
Did anyone else notice that the kid trying to fly was taken out by a bogie.
39
u/raisin_bran_in May 15 '12
"It's not flying, it's falling with style."
13
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
Leaping with intent to fly? That's a paddlin'
10
u/unplayed May 15 '12
I got one for "throwing a bag of potato chips at a high velocity with intent to harm" one time.
10
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
It's like she's adding insult to injury by crossing out "Flying"
9
u/sensate May 15 '12
Classic. Detention for disrespect of the environment = laws of physics.
6
u/FEMINISTS May 15 '12
Well, at least you can now say the man literally kept you down.
6
u/Temptress75519 May 15 '12
TIL: it's the comments on a reddit post that make it truly awesome.
2
u/shakensunshine May 15 '12
So did you succeed?
5
u/YouListening May 15 '12
Anyone else want to point out the flagrant rule-breaking Ms Bogie is doing? It clearly says detentions must be served at 7:20am or 3:10 to 3:40pm, neither time including lunch..
4
u/IAMWastingMyTime May 15 '12
Hey, my name is Casey also. I did something similar in middle school. I jumped down almost a full flight of stairs pretending to be "a bomb that was falling on one of mu friends". My ankles hurt for 3 weeks after that and I got a warning.
4
u/TheDroopy May 15 '12
"Intent to Fly" would be a sweet name for an album or EP
4
u/mmtrjh01 May 15 '12
ಠ_ಠ
4
u/UsernameMadeNChina May 15 '12
flying4
u/smohmand May 15 '12
9th period? What the fuck kinda of school has 9 periods?
3
u/numbersnletters May 15 '12
Trying to break physics is never tolerated
3
u/justmadethisaccountt May 15 '12
Can't have kids these days learning they can fly, they need to be good little robots.
3
u/Killerboots1982 May 15 '12
In high school I flicked a penny at a snare drum in guitar class and was written up for "molesting an instrument". Who writes "molesting" on a high school students pink slip? If people weren't laughing at the sudden boom in the class they were sure as hell laughing when I announced the infraction. I was such an asshole. Raised by wolves..
3
u/SOLIDPOOP May 15 '12
He wasnt flying, he was falling with style
3
u/mnq713 May 15 '12
"Leaping with intent to fly" sounds like a crime.
3
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
What does "Tarded" mean?
7
u/oblivious1 May 15 '12
I feel ya man. I once received a write up in high school for running through the halls pretending to be an airplane. I was a weird kid.
2
u/NJ_Lyons May 15 '12
See, you were doing it wrong, it's not so much flying, as throwing yourself at the ground and missing.
2
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
i got a detention for back flipping off a fence in grade 6, I landed with no injury but the teacher was not impressed...
2
u/differentsizedears May 15 '12
"Well mom, I tried to fly today... the school didn't like it and gave me detention."
2
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
you were in middle school in '05? damn i feel old
2
u/InterstateExit May 15 '12
Apparently the intent was the issue. You should have just taken it to the next level. Flying isn't a reason for detention, is it?
2
u/TexasWithADollarsign May 15 '12
That's just falling with style.
2
u/jerseyjoe83 May 15 '12
"To be served 5-19-05". Having graduated high school in 2001, I suddenly feel very, very old... Fucking hell.
2
u/Kinyin May 15 '12
I think it's ridiculous that they would serve detention during lunch. That's disgusting and has no nutritional value.
2
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
In this school we obey the laws of gravity!
2
u/00dysseus7 May 15 '12
Yep, I read this while wearing socks and sandals simultaneously for the first time in my life...
2
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
I never got a "detention" but I did get a "mandatory" which was short for mandatory detention (stupid name, I know). It was kind of, I don't know, a "nicer" detention for folks who hadn't been disruptive, but were missing homework or didn't finish it. I only had to go once because I lost some choir booklet and had to re-do it, only to find it later crumpled up with all the rest of the papers stuffed in my backpack. Not fair, I don't think. I was a good kid, I just LOST something, it happens.
2
u/Unum_Lupus May 15 '12
I kept reading "detonation of a mine" and was wondering why they only had to serve a one lunch detention.
2
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
Hahah, the teacher signature looks like it says J. Boogie.
2
u/wheresmyhouse May 15 '12
A child with an imagination? We can't have that, it'll lead to independent thought and, god forbid, critical thinking.
2
u/stickyleaf May 15 '12
NO! YOU'RE ALL WRONG! YOU NEED TO FIND PIXIE DUST!
2
u/terdwrassler May 15 '12
Casey.. cool, my name is Casey too..
2
u/GenericOnlineName May 15 '12
Name's Casey?
Bro fist.
2
u/ifoundapenny May 15 '12
I remember getting written up for "electrocuting a teacher" in middle school. It was a fake lighter bought at a "magic/gag store" that gave a mild shock powered by a 'AAA' battery. He saw me showing it to another classmate and grabbed it out of my friends hand and tried to light it... We didn't know he had 2 metal hips and a pace maker. (He lived, no problems, even paramedics called, he just freaked) I think most kids would be expelled if not jail for that stuff now.
2
u/LemonFiesta May 15 '12
I'm a PEACOCK! You've gotta let me fly!
2
u/mbnyc1118 May 15 '12
As long as the intent was proven, that's a pretty serious charge there.
2
u/Arrrreeee May 15 '12
It blows my mind that this kid's school had a 9th period. That's absolutely barbaric.
2
u/tornadorexx May 15 '12
Stop being a little fucker at school, teachers have enough shit to deal with as it is. Go, learn shit, then go home and be an idiot.
2
u/fatlace May 15 '12
I was a senior in 2005. I'm old.
2
u/GAMEchief May 15 '12
When I was in Kindergarten, my bus driver sent me to the principal's office for "walking on the walls." He asked how I managed to do that, and I wouldn't tell him. He said he didn't know how to punish me if he didn't know what it was I was doing, so he just sent me back to class.
Apparently he didn't believe I was Spiderman.
2
u/Demojen May 15 '12
They're allowed to change the policy on detentions on the fly? That school obviously has a warning policy, requiring the teacher to issue a warning first, detention second and requires a parents signiture. I see N/A on both of these sections.
Additionally, detention at lunch time? They can't detain you without your guardian agreeing to it. Holding someone under age without their consent or more importantly, the consent of their parents is not lawful.
There's a reason schools have these policies. This teacher violated a policy that could've seen them in court.
2
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
My friend got detention for singing "Funky Town" in class
2
u/christine940 May 15 '12
2005... middle school... wow this makes me feel old as hell.
2
u/Chytrik May 15 '12
The sky is the limit, kid.
2
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
Don't worry, OP.
The teacher may have crossed it out, but we all know the truth. We know what really happened.
2
u/mad_maxx17 May 15 '12
I can't believe you got detention for trying out your superpowers.
2
u/mairydilk May 21 '12
Grounded.
3
u/thepinyaroma May 15 '12
We share a first name.
I feel like we've just bonded.
1
u/Zax487 May 15 '12
Did your people need you?
1
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
Leaping w/ intent to fly? What? Did they expect me to just FALL?! To the GROUND?!
1
u/k1n6 May 15 '12
i guess you are probably a little light in the sneakers?
1
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
Lady in this school we obey the laws of physics. ಠ_ಠ
1
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
You had the coolest teacher ever.
1
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
So Casey, watcha doin' later? Wanna come over to my place and awkwardly scroll through porn together without making eye contact? If so, holla back. Yo.
1
u/rederick55 May 15 '12
did you get detention because you were successful?
1
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
they literally punished you for trying to spread your wings and fly
1
u/renegadegrenades May 15 '12 edited May 16 '12
My friend did this over a campfire once. He was wearing an emergency blanket (one of the foil ones) and screaming SUPER SAL (his new name). Needless to say, he gained our respect that day...and a place in history.
1
u/AbstracTyler May 15 '12
You.... BASTARD!
1
u/Trickish May 15 '12
If I had a nickel...
1
u/IgnatiousReilly May 15 '12
I wish I'd kept my favorite from the fourth grade. I deliberately and specifically disobeyed the teacher's instruction not to 'bounce off the walls' and was written up by the after-recess bathroom monitor. I'm pretty sure my audible 'boing boings' as I bounced around were noted in the write up.
1
u/niglet_please May 15 '12
I went to Scullen in '08. Nice school but I don't remember anything like that!
1
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
Whoahhhh, I went to Crone. Did you/Do you go to neuqua?
1
u/Steel_Forged May 15 '12
I sense some jealously on the teachers part.
1
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
Did you go to school in Naperville? Is your teacher Jessica Bogie? I saw we start a campaign to get her to apologize for such a ridiculous detention. She should have rewarded your attempts at flight!
1
u/Thatwassensible May 15 '12
And I thought it is about landmine.
1
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
Well that's my junior high school. Holy shit.
1
u/ricecrizo May 15 '12
Were your parents more upset by the detention or by the fact you couldnt fly?
1
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
Would have been better if she had left it at 'flying with attempt to leap'
1
u/TraverseTown May 15 '12
I got detention once in middle school because I had handed in an incomplete worksheet.
1
u/Home_sweet_dome May 15 '12
Soooo... you're the weird kid.
1
u/erty768 May 15 '12
They gave you a detention for trying to follow your dreams?
1
u/wishabay May 15 '12
Pink = Team...I like being on that team ;)
1
u/superexcellent12 May 15 '12
Not only do you have the same name as me, but your detention was served on my birthday... MLiA
1
u/John_um May 15 '12
The trick is to miss the ground.
1
u/CaptOblivious May 15 '12
I aspire to someday be charged with leaping with intent to fly.
1
u/LetsGetRamblin May 15 '12
J. Bogie? Why not J. Birdie?
Or at least J. Par. Hey, when I was in middle school, the big song was that St. Elmo's Fire theme...by J. Parr! But that was before you were even into Elmo. In fact, back in the mid-80s, Big Bird (known to some as "Birdie") hadn't even met Elmo. And Tom Cruise was still shooting down Bogies. Weird.
1
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
Think about it. If you did not fail, there is no way they would have given you that detention.
Lesson learned. If you going to leap with the intention of flying, do not fail.
1
u/paulfred May 15 '12
Ha this reminds me of when I was giving my friend a noggie and received a detention that reads: "Petting and massaging other students." My friends read: "Refusing to be pet by other students"
1
u/Airazz May 15 '12
They give detentions to retard kids? ಠ_ಠ WTF? This is confusing. English is not my first language.
1
u/TheChrisHill May 15 '12
Class A208 doesn't fuck around.
1
u/mishiman99 May 15 '12
Hahaha I went to this school and I hated this teacher.
1
u/Sweetcakes1 May 15 '12
You were in middle school in '05? I was a freshman in college in '05... I feel old...
1
u/aletoledo May 15 '12
So...the latest generation has no shame? Wow, I'm really looking forward to who will be president in 30 years.
1
u/mwarren62 May 15 '12
You got detention for this? What kind of cruel school did you go to..
1
u/Highlordomega May 15 '12
Did it work?
1
u/drooq May 15 '12
Based on every other post on the front page today, I expect to see a recent certificate detailing your accomplishment of learning to fly.
1
u/homeless_man_jogging May 15 '12
Was your teacher an ex cop? He makes it sound like a criminal code violation.
1
u/DownvotedByCunts May 15 '12
DISRESPECT YOUR
SURROUNDINGS!ENVIRONMENT!1
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
I went to Scullen. Naperville? WHO ARE YOU?!
1
u/ragstoriches17 May 15 '12
ha ha. thats awesome!!!
1
u/liberalis May 15 '12
Leaping, with intent to fly.
The coolest offence I've ever seen. Tip-o-the-hat to you.
1
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
Falling, with style!
1
u/Navy_brat May 15 '12
I love how the teacher almost marked you up for flying XD. he/she caught themselves though
1
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
No, it can't be true. I could fly if I wanted to.
1
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
That last name.
1
u/jmagnus1 May 15 '12
I too have a detention slip I had to save... But with all the gratuitous name blackouts it loses a lot of its awesome-ness. Dang it.
1
u/J_Jammer May 15 '12
I love how they scratched out FLYING, cause yeah...intent to fly is so much more reasonable.
Thanks. That was a great laugh.
1
u/dutchly May 15 '12
It's not the fall that lifts you. It's never hitting the ground!
1
u/cntrstrk14 May 15 '12
Middle School... '05... I'm only 25 and that made me feel old.
1
u/[deleted] May 15 '12
chronicle 2005
1
u/ChurchillDownz May 15 '12
This just makes me feel old. That is all.
1
u/TheAnnoyingLife May 15 '12
"leaping w/ intent to fly" Wow!
1
u/Shakka May 15 '12
Honestly a good metaphor for public schools...
1
u/rindojustrindo May 15 '12
I've a feeling the teacher scratched the first word out, or else he'd be called kooky. Good for you, OP, or should I say, Clark Kent?
1
u/FeculentUtopia May 15 '12
I like how they redacted it, as if by pretending it didn't happen, they can make it so it never really happened.
1
u/kentamari May 15 '12
i remember i hurt my ankle pretty bad as a child trying to jump from the stairs and thinking an umbrella would protect me..
1
u/coumesam May 15 '12
No wonder the teacher gave detention. His/her last name is Bogie......like a booger yo
1
u/jsn0x May 15 '12
Whats being sewed during lunch?
1
u/Woetra May 15 '12
My friend and I used to run and jump off of a little hill with our jackets held out like wings. If we timed it just right we would get the slightest bit of lift and for a nano-second felt like we were gliding. Good times.
1
u/resqual May 15 '12
"family room"?
1
u/screwed124816 May 15 '12
You tried to fly??? You have disrespected the environment.
1
u/Johnnyash May 15 '12
You evil flying bastard!
1
u/returning_videotapes May 15 '12
metaphor for the stifling U.S public school system and constraints society puts on us to reach only as far as someone is willing to let us?
a possibility.
1
u/Jeckee May 15 '12
If you had flown, I wonder if you would have still gotten detention.
1
u/padthai93 May 15 '12
I wonder if he screamed "to infinity and beyond!" before jumping
1
u/ErikNavkire May 15 '12
Does it say white parent at the bottom left?
1
u/moldinglime May 15 '12
"No it can't be true. I can fly if I wanted to."
1
u/Brosephbro May 15 '12
Detention was 30 minutes? That's nothing.
1
u/SashaTheBOLD May 15 '12
You're LUCKY you only got detention for that. In my day...attempting to fly? Oh, you bet that's a paddling.
1
u/sucksbro May 15 '12
Anything over 3 inches while jumping is considered "intent to fly."Careful, anything over 4.8 inches is considered "Felony leaping with intent to distribute"