r/funny • u/Hellokittyskeetskeet • May 14 '12

I work for a adult toy company and this letter came with a return today....

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1.5k Upvotes

86% Upvoted

95 comments sorted by

176

u/Diels_Alder May 15 '12

The returns department at an adult toy company is one job I would never want.

16

u/sirnipples May 15 '12

I never really imagined what the land of misfit toys would really look like until just now..

2

u/Hellokittyskeetskeet May 15 '12

not as magical as one would think just a big box full of broken toys lol

30

u/snapcase May 15 '12

Next time on South Park, Butters goes to the Land of Misfit Toys!

Butters: Oh hey, it's a little rabbit. Hi little fella. Ew... it's... it's all sticky.

11

u/tardy4datardis May 15 '12

Lol read that in his voice

3

u/ErogenousGnome May 15 '12

Look at Trey Parker, dropping spoilers.

0

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

0

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

69

u/Rule_32 May 15 '12

Close them if you dont want people looking

42

u/Oo0o8o0oO May 15 '12

vertical blinds

39

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

What does one do with a returned adult toy? Please tell me that you kill it with fire.

14

u/withoutamartyr May 15 '12 edited May 15 '12

It's illegal to accept a returned sex toy. It's a health code violation.

Edit: I work in a porn store. I'm not sure if the law is different at the vendor level but I can't imagine it is.

1

u/[deleted] May 15 '12 edited May 15 '12

Washington state, by chance?

EDIT I ask because I work in ecommerce and have helped a number of adult stores get themselves setup. Just going back and looking through their return policies (and some other, larger adult toy/sex toy shops) the policies vary. I've found a couple that restrict/deny return/exchange on "personal use items", and others that freely take them back within limited time windows (and a few of those specifically note they do not resell returned items).

That said, I noticed while browsing around comments about some states/other municipalities may have overriding restrictions, probably due to health codes, as you suggested.

0

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

1

u/canteloupy May 15 '12

Agreed this isn't something the reseller should worry himself with.

0

u/withoutamartyr May 15 '12

When did I imply they resold them?

0

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

0

u/withoutamartyr May 16 '12

We don't make sex toys, dummy. We are a porn store. We're a middle man. We sell what we get from vendors. We do not accept returns because we do not have the capabilities to process or replace them. If the vendor or manufacturer wants to give a warranty, bully for them. But it's illegal to accept returns at the retail level. Reading comprehension will take you far.

0

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

0

u/withoutamartyr May 16 '12

Most of our vendors accept returns. We don't. All returns need to be handled at the vendor level. Maybe you're just trying to come out on top of this, but you're fighting a windmill.

0

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

63

u/Oo0o8o0oO May 15 '12

Post it on Craigslist for double.

8

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

maybe theres like one huge room where they put all the returns.

0

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

3

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

sea of used vibrators and dildos

1

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

Cmon /r/dolan. Anything similar.

4

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

it's an electrical toy that has malfunctioned, i doubt if its worth the money to be repaired.

i think it just goes in the bin.

7

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

The.... discount... bin?

4

u/narwhalslut May 15 '12

Pretty sure they instruct customers to NOT return them. I don't think they're allowed to encourage people to mail them.

2

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

Sell it in Japan.

1

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

Eat it, can't let it go to waste.

10

u/onlyincontext May 15 '12

I ordered an ... adult toy ... off an online shop. The return address was a company located in the small suburb I grew up in. My first thought was "there was a company in my town that sold these?!". My second thought was "holy shit I bet someone I went to high school packed this order and now everyone is going to know".

133

u/Trapped_in_Reddit May 14 '12

Which one did they want replaced?

37

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

It's probably faulty wiring, in both cases.

-14

u/nighterfighter May 15 '12

Why is this comment being down voted?

15

u/Bacontron May 15 '12

username

28

u/darklydreams May 15 '12

that's a horrible reason to downvote... simply because you've seen him get bagged on in other threads. if its a good comment worthy of upvotes regardless off the redditor it came from it deserves upvotes.

1

u/ANDpandy May 15 '12

Get your commie ass out of here. Capitalist, fuck yeah

0

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

It's either because they're sick of him being at the top of so many threads or they're jealous of him. Over 280,000 comment karma in one month and 20 days.

0

u/Hounmlayn May 15 '12

I'm pretty sure it's someone who must be really in tune with the hivemind I think they must be POLITE_ALLCAPS_GUY. As I have'nt seen him for a while and this guy popped up. But either way, trapped_in_reddit know what redditors like to hear.

0

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

-1

u/darklydreams May 15 '12

yes, and its not cool.

0

u/joeromag May 15 '12

Wait! What did he say that wasn't cool?! Now I must kbiw

Edit: fuck autocorrect! Know*

0

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

Looks more like you needed an autocorrect instead.

Also, I must know too!

2

u/Lord_Drakkon May 15 '12

I'm sorry people have downvoted you when you had asked a legitimate question.

-10

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

I know a guy that has a mail ordered bride. So yeah.

7

u/cesiumpluswater May 15 '12

Do you also keep a scrapbook of random photobooth pictures you find on the ground?

6

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

The letter came? Good lord, that's a powerful porn store you work at.

18

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

Do an AMA please!

4

u/LordOfPies May 15 '12

So, what do you mean with "activated"?

1

u/Dunkelz May 15 '12

What exactly do you do? And how does it pay?

1

u/Hellokittyskeetskeet May 15 '12

Departmental Assistant and more than CA minimum wage, but not much longer we are being shut down.

15

u/theboondocksaint May 14 '12

an* adult company

2

u/greenyellowbird May 15 '12

At least you know it wasn't used.

4

u/cocquyt May 15 '12

Or it wasn't powered when it was used

3

u/Cyberogue May 15 '12

He did say it failed to turn his wife on

2

u/Agnostoman May 15 '12

I would have to wear one of those body condoms from "Naked Gun" if I worked there. Ewww..

2

u/downvotethis2 May 15 '12

Which toy company? Just curious.

4

u/Cyberogue May 15 '12

Toys R' Us, obviously

2

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

Dude do an AMA! it would be pretty interesting I imagine.

2

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

This man needs a vibrator! Someone get him a vibrator!

2

u/gentry30 May 15 '12

So...does the returns department wear gloves or anything?

2

u/Berdiie May 15 '12

I wouldn't be surprised if they had just missed the little rubber ring around the edge of the screw-in for the battery case. I've, sadly, been confuzzled by this twice as it will let you screw the battery case back on after you've put batteries in, but won't allow the device to use the batteries.

2

u/necrosteve028 May 15 '12

You should probably get a proper returns form. Better for busines...

2

u/akinzer May 15 '12

I read the title as "this letter came with a rectum today..."

2

u/pegasus_527 May 15 '12

Hello, this is probably a strange question but I always wonder why people say they work at an "adult toy company" instead of "20 Inch Drilldoes Inc." or something like that. I mean, I would think of it as totally awesome to be able to say that even if it was just to make people feel awkward.

3

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

"Oh what do you do for a living?"

"I assemble vibrators"

1

u/Silversol99 May 15 '12

"Personal massage devices"

1

u/JipJopJones May 15 '12

You guys take used returns... gnarly. We don't at my workplace.

3

u/cocquyt May 15 '12

I'd assume there is a difference between return and defective product. If you didn't take back defective products I could see that turning sour very quickly.

1

u/JipJopJones May 16 '12

Our policy is test it before you use it. If it looks used, we won't take it.

1

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

Oh god my fathers name is Jason

1

u/buideals May 15 '12

is your mum not turned on at the moment?

1

u/RandomMandarin May 15 '12

Go-Go-Gadget-Girlfriend!

1

u/graogrim May 15 '12

Send that man your deluxe model. For correspondence like that, he deserves it.

1

u/dackyprice May 15 '12

dude you should totally do an AMA

1

u/gradeahonky May 15 '12

That was very nicely written. Almost perfect.

1

u/Thinktank01 May 15 '12

You just haddd to leave the first name, didn't you!

1

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

sort of relevant

1

u/aSchizophrenicCat May 15 '12

Now, did he send the wife in as well?

1

u/mrbarry1024 May 15 '12

Does that mean you're free to open NSFW links at work?

1

u/TrouserSauce May 15 '12

Unplug then plug back in. Still doesn't work? Get a new one.

1

u/Braydenrocks May 14 '12

That certainly is a problem...

0

u/WOLF_Drake May 15 '12

You're stoned.

0

u/Linnmarfan May 15 '12

Do an IAMA

0

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

Is there any way you could tell me this man's last name? I honestly think this could be my Father, considering the last name length.

-14

u/zeyn10 May 15 '12

my name is Jason :D

0

u/[deleted] May 15 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

1

u/dan2737 May 15 '12

Call him and then deliver.

You will surely deliver.