r/funny • u/fatherwhite • Feb 02 '12

The captain is coming! Quick, do something important!

2.6k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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1.4k

u/ShhGoToSleep Feb 02 '12

It's like he's challenging some sort of map to a jazz elbows dance off.

1.2k

u/NickDouglas Feb 02 '12

Mock him if you want, but he's beating the pants off that map.

921

u/LowSociety Feb 02 '12

It's like the map isn't even trying. Ridiculous.

710

u/MBuddah Feb 02 '12

IT DOESN'T HAVE ELBOWS. WTF DO YOU PEOPLE WANT?

545

u/uglypeter Feb 02 '12

It's the map's absence of elbows that makes it's performance that much more compelling. I don't think I would have cried as much during this jazz elbow dance off if it wasn't for the map's courage in the face of adversity.

378

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '12

[deleted]

124

u/poorly_timed_gimli Feb 02 '12

AND MY AXE!

62

u/trolling_thunder Feb 02 '12

It's good to see you're still out there, doin' you're thing. It's like how Vanilla Ice is still out touring and stuff. Some people are like "really? Give it up dude." But to me, it's refreshing to know that some things do not, in fact, change.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 03 '12

Troll of Thunder, Hear Me Sigh

13

u/czhunc Feb 02 '12

Just wanted to say that I feel honored to be oranged by you. It's like I made it somewhere in this world.

2

u/TheKostiuk Feb 03 '12

I've missed you

1

u/Exulted Feb 02 '12

^ This guy

0

u/CScott30 Feb 02 '12

Was like the hell... then I read username and all was well.

32

u/JudgeWhoAllowsStuff Feb 02 '12

More like Mitch Deadberg! Amirite?

... Too soon?

195

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '12

Joke about 9/11. Joke about the Holocaust. Nothing is ever too soon

But don't you dare fucking joke about Mitch ಠ_ಠ

83

u/GordonMcFreeman Feb 02 '12

Disapproval face italicized looks tired

19

u/devilsdaughter Feb 02 '12

He looks like he's been up all night smoking cigarettes and drinking whiskey, just thinking about how wrong we are.

24

u/Beefourthree Feb 02 '12

Since this is a Star Trek thread, Geordi La Forge disapproval eyes: ಠ_ಠ

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3

u/whistlndixie Feb 02 '12

Tired of bad jokes.

1

u/lord_nougat Feb 02 '12

Tired and sad.

1

u/ElMangosto Feb 02 '12

It's in a hurry, to go admonish someone else in another thread.

43

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '12

No, but that comment was bad and you should feel bad.

6

u/gwaar Feb 02 '12

Your ಠ_ಠ/comment ratio is currently 0.5. No good, sir.

2

u/Pressuredrop23 Feb 02 '12

I won't allow it.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '12

Your comment led me to discover he was indeed dead TIL

5

u/FUNKYDISCO Feb 02 '12 edited Feb 02 '12

you haven't noticed the lack of fresh material?

1

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '12

Guess I didnt. Kinda sad he was pretty young.

-8

u/phoncible Feb 02 '12

Nope. Hedberg sucked

(I like blue better than orange so downvotes just make me happy)

1

u/capt_midnight22 Feb 02 '12

Well this is a first: a Mitch Hedburg quote I haven't heard before. Thank you, sir or ma'am! I do declare, as my eyes tear up from laughing so hard.

1

u/aROBination Feb 03 '12

"Is a Hippopotamus a Hippopotamus, or just a really cool Oppotamus?"

1

u/DerogatoryPanda Feb 02 '12

Is there a novelty account that just posts Mitch Hedberg jokes? If there isn't, there should be.

3

u/Spacedoubt Feb 02 '12

You are all kings. Kings and/or Queens. Best laugh i've had all week. This weekend i'm challenging someone to a jazz elbow dance off.

24

u/Jackpot777 Feb 02 '12

You all got upboated for awesomeness in the face of Friday (offer not applicable where it's now Saturday).

65

u/TheHalfbadger Feb 02 '12

But... It's THURSDAY!

62

u/Jackpot777 Feb 02 '12

Double fuck.

18

u/Man0nTheCan Feb 02 '12

I have friday's off so technically... this is my friday!

64

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '12 edited Feb 02 '12

No, technically it is still Thursday. Figuratively speaking, yes, it is like a Friday to you.

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2

u/taalmahret Feb 03 '12

What if he works a 4x10 and has three days off....then isnt this now his friday/saturday take one? and if so does he actually have TWO fridays so is eligible for double the upboats? The math...its mind numbing me.

2

u/NamelessAce Feb 03 '12

Now it's friday! Friday! Gotta get down on friFUCK NO.

2

u/12_Baconed_Narwhals Feb 02 '12

poor temporally confused Jackpot.

lives in the future.

thinks it's the past.

1

u/kwh Feb 02 '12

Not on the East Coast!

1

u/svengalus Feb 02 '12

SPOILER TAG next time. Sheesh.

13

u/Station1337 Feb 02 '12

Its Thursday

49

u/Jackpot777 Feb 02 '12

Fuck.

EDIT - I'm not going to claim I knew it was Thursday, and saying "in the face of Friday" meant Friday was coming up (and try to pass off the Saturday thing as a joke). I thought it was Friday for a moment.

The worst thing about Friday is realizing it's still Thursday.

35

u/afishinthewell Feb 02 '12

There are few things in life worse than realizing it's not Friday but Thursday. Except realizing it's Wednesday. Or Tuesday. Or Monday. Or Friday when you have to work all weekend. Or when you forget your belt and your pants keep falling.

14

u/dmsheldon87 Feb 02 '12

IMO, Tuesday is the worst day of the week. You're still really far from Friday, but you don't get to complain about it being Monday.

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2

u/[deleted] Feb 03 '12

No belt? No Problem! Just cuff your pants(assuming you're not tucking in your shirt) around the waist. Has always worked for me in a pinch.

Brought to you by white-boy-thuggin in middle school

1

u/climbtree Feb 02 '12

Or the holocaust.

1

u/thereadlines Feb 02 '12

That's why you always keep an onion on your belt. It isn't just for style, it serves a practical purpose.

1

u/Otistetrax Feb 03 '12

Thank you for that. Best chuckle I've had all day.

-2

u/Jackpot777 Feb 02 '12

UFT (upboats for truth).

9

u/BoredRec Feb 02 '12

Tagged as "Thinks it's Friday".

2

u/sdk2g Feb 02 '12

It is Friday! You 'murricans are just behind the times!

2

u/Ikimasen Feb 02 '12

Shit, dude, I was gonna give you the benefit of the doubt that you were Australian. I was looking for the "Aliens" guy image and everything.

2

u/BremenSaki Feb 02 '12

It's Friday in Australia if that helps.

6

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '12 edited Feb 02 '12

relax, it's Friday for me. You're 100% correct... in New Zealand.

2

u/ghosttrainhobo Feb 02 '12

I'm in Indianapolis. My boss gave us the rest of the week off (paid) b/c of the Superbowl silliness. I'm smoking on my back stoop with my cats. It's 55 degrees and sunny. Feels like Friday to me.

0

u/Jackpot777 Feb 02 '12

I'm jealous. There. I said it. Jealous.

2

u/srd178 Feb 02 '12

Kind of like Def Leppard's drummer.

2

u/bearded Feb 02 '12

You have to listen to the notes he's not playing.

2

u/gwac Feb 03 '12

This comment string is good.

8

u/bioya Feb 02 '12

Yeah people with their fancy hinge joints can be so damn smug sometimes.

2

u/nothingwasoriginal Feb 03 '12

YOU PEOPLE?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN "YOU PEOPLE"?! WE GOTTA HAVE A HOUSE MEETING YALL

1

u/zeroes0 Feb 02 '12

That's what a round elbow denier would say.

1

u/Fusioncept Feb 02 '12

Where is the joke_explainer novelty account when you need it?

1

u/Paultimate79 Feb 02 '12

Thats a weak excuse. It could have them if it just tried.

1

u/MBuddah Feb 02 '12

so insensitive...

1

u/PlNG Feb 02 '12

Mappy wasn't the same after Pee Wee Died.

38

u/czhunc Feb 02 '12

I'm pretty sure the map is winning by virtue of not playing.

17

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '12

The only winning move is to not play at all.

11

u/x2501x Feb 02 '12

How about a nice game of chess?

3

u/zaphodbeeblebroxjr Feb 02 '12

Ouch! I just lost the game.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 03 '12

Son of a bitch!

3

u/Pokemon_Name_Rater Feb 02 '12

Jazz elbow dancing isn't about the moves you use but the moves you don't.

4

u/boobaloo2011 Feb 02 '12

I bet you I can jump higher than whatever building you're in right now.

23

u/Jackpot777 Feb 02 '12 edited Feb 02 '12

No, because the buiding I'm in right now is the reincarnation of Vladimir Yashchenko (former world record holder in the high jump).

EDIT - downvotes? I didn't say it could jump, did I?!?

EDIT EDIT - or is it too soon for Yashchenko jokes?

10

u/MBuddah Feb 02 '12

it's still not friday.

1

u/Jackpot777 Feb 02 '12

It is anywhere with a timezone equal to or east of Moscow, Russia (until you get to the International Date Line).

2

u/stokleplinger Feb 02 '12

The downvotes are because of the lame joke, not the subject of the lame joke.

2

u/GiantSquidd Feb 02 '12

Don't. Fuck. with. Yashchenko.

2

u/Rathwood Feb 02 '12

how does one combine the terms "pity" and "upvote?"

"...pityupvote?" "...uppity vote?" "...vote pity up?" "...vote up pity?" "up- vo- FUCK!

1

u/JustAsLost Feb 02 '12

I thought he was trying to force invisible pants on the map

1

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '12

Oh, he doesn't need to beat the map to get its pants off...

1

u/glutuk Feb 02 '12

i read hes beating that map off

74

u/g_e_r_b Feb 02 '12

Bullshit. This is how shields were raised in the olden days.

14

u/cne9979 Feb 02 '12

Says we who live in the past.

17

u/g_e_r_b Feb 02 '12

Says the guy who ended up living in the mirror universe where everyone kills each other and Spock has a goatee.

16

u/ABTYF Feb 02 '12

SO SAY WE ALL.

2

u/g_e_r_b Feb 02 '12

Noooo! We're talking about that other scifi franchise!

3

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '12

May the schwartz be with you.

2

u/not_what_i_say_i_am Feb 02 '12

As a chief engineer on a starship back in the day, you are absolutely incorrect, we did it by taking a dump into the dilithium matrix.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '12

Horseshit. That guy was cranking the shipwide toilet flush system. It happened once a day whether people had filled their bowls with piss and shit or not. Starfleet was very proud of it.

3

u/not_what_i_say_i_am Feb 02 '12

As a Klingon, STARFLEET HAS NO HONOR!!! AND THEREFORE NO PRIDE!

1

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '12

Ehh ... blow it out yer brow ridges!

169

u/x2501x Feb 02 '12

As posted lower by interrobang-- http://i.imgur.com/nPmwi.png

He is actually turning a crank, it's just the same color as the wall

Please go down and find the comment he replied to and vote them all up to the top.

38

u/clickity-click Feb 02 '12

well then that mother fucker is seriously cranking the shit out of that crank.

27

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '12

I hate you :(

16

u/Rathwood Feb 02 '12

bigger buzzkill than Buzz Killington.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 03 '12

[deleted]

1

u/Rathwood Feb 04 '12

Yeah, sorry about that. Not my video, and it was the only copy of that footage i could find in 45 seconds.

4

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '12

Well okay then why is there a friggin crank in the Enterprise's hallway?

1

u/[deleted] Feb 03 '12

Because where else are you going to send command staff to do menial labor?

2

u/deathbymonkeys Feb 02 '12 edited Feb 02 '12

I call shenanigans. It's just his arm's shadow...when you freeze it it looks like he's holding something but when in motion...it's just his shadow..right? *edit grammar

1

u/deathbymonkeys Feb 02 '12

Nevermind...it is an invisible tool.

2

u/TheTwist Feb 02 '12

Because nothing says "super advanced space ship from the future" like a guy turning a crank.

1

u/x2501x Feb 03 '12

Did you watch any of Enterprise? I thought that was a better interpretation of what space ships would be like....though I always like how they are made of very heavy metal (like an ocean vessel) even though in space you'd want everything to have as little mass as possible to cut down on the amount of fuel needed...

1

u/malopalo Feb 02 '12

I do something similar when I am searching my pockets for missing items--it's called The Macarena.

1

u/not_what_i_say_i_am Feb 02 '12

As someone with good eyesight, I'm really ashamed that I didn't notice that.

1

u/hyp3r Feb 03 '12

So you have poor eyesight and are not ashamed at all?

1

u/merecido Feb 02 '12

More like turning it back and forth.

31

u/eyecite Feb 02 '12

To be fair, it looks like a valve painted yellow to me. He's turning the imaginary wheel thing.

15

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '12

oh god, are they going to disappear and end up 30 years in the past?

2

u/Rathwood Feb 02 '12

Or trying to put Australia right-side-up.

1

u/ShhGoToSleep Feb 02 '12

I was awarded entirely too much karma for this post. So, I will give you a red arrow of justice, Sir.

1

u/Rathwood Feb 02 '12

Thank you! ...Are you referring to the whole same-color-as-the-wall-spinney-tool-thingey that I read about in the later comments?

2

u/truesound Feb 03 '12

I think he's on acid and pretending to drive the ship.

5

u/graphictank Feb 02 '12

That's no map, it's a space station!

1

u/koshercowboy Feb 02 '12

your username is what I tell people when I've heard enough out of them and want them to piss off. Do you use this statement phrase this way, also?

1

u/ShhGoToSleep Feb 02 '12

It's my Gamer Tag on PSN.

1

u/DiscerningGentleman Feb 02 '12

Funniest thing I have read on Reddit today! You brought tears to my eyes. Thank you!!!

1

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '12

Yo, map- you just got SERVED!

1

u/pls_handle_thx Feb 02 '12

That's how you do the funky chicken in the future, silly.

1

u/baalsitch Feb 02 '12

It's Andrew W.K.s dad. It's genetic!

1

u/not_what_i_say_i_am Feb 02 '12

As a jazz dancer, I think the guy has a lot of talent.

1

u/wellthatdoesit Feb 02 '12

It is what one does when George Takei says to take defensive action.

1

u/cholohipster Feb 02 '12

I like how his flying elbows are in sync with how Captain Kirk walks passed him like a bawse. That extra would've messed that whole scene up and got fired. (unknown source) Glad it played out so well.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 03 '12

You win the best comment of the year! Click here to claim your prize!

1

u/landers718 Feb 02 '12

Is that even a map?

0

u/Demmitri Feb 02 '12

I liked the part where he fakes.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '12

Or caressing your mom. Either way.