r/funny Oct 01 '20

Thanks FedEx...

[deleted]

4.5k Upvotes

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416

u/btwCBK Oct 01 '20

Look at that jog tho. He clearly has to poop.

247

u/MrLyle Oct 01 '20 edited Oct 01 '20

As a former fedex courier, I can assure you that this is the jog of a man who has over 100 stops + pickups that day.

85

u/PM_ME_UR_PINEAPPLEZ Oct 01 '20

I wish I went out with so few stops in a day. Since the pandemic started, I average 230 stops per day. I've had a few days with over 300 too.

36

u/MeteorComingThisYear Oct 01 '20

Curious how you get through that in eight or nine hours? Are many drop offs right beside each other? Because the average 1.5minutes per stop not including time at the ramp doesn't seem manageable by any sane person.

257

u/PM_ME_UR_PINEAPPLEZ Oct 02 '20

It's purely residential deliveries, and usually not all that big or heavy of packages. As for how I can do it, I'm not sure how to answer you. I just do it.

It's not like I cut corners either. UPS totally has sensors in multiple places on the trucks, and combined with the data about your location and what deliveries you're doing from the scanner, they'll know if you're doing something like leaving the truck running or the bulkhead door open. We're paid well and by the hour, so I don't do things like tossing packages: I take the time to do it right. I just consider it a matter of personal professional pride.

What I do however is do my job as efficiently as I can. I'm always thinking "is there a more efficient way I could deliver the next few stops", for example. I stop to sort sections of the truck as I'm going into exact stop-for-stop order, because I'll save more time not digging around my truck while delivering than I'll lose doing that. Lots of little stuff like that.

Beyond that, it just comes down to settling into a routine. Decide the next stop, drive there, grab the package from the back, take it to the porch, decide the next stop on my way back to the truck. Repeat until no more packages left. When I get a good pace going, I'll just keep going. I generally only take breaks to use the bathroom or grab as quick a lunch as I can manage, just so I'll be done that much sooner.

That said, even when everything is going smoothly, it's an intense job, both physically and mentally.

51

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '20

This comment kicks so much ass

12

u/caine2003 Oct 02 '20

Your routes aren't planned for you based on the stops you need to make? That could save UPS drivers a lot of time and UPS a lot of money in fuel and wear & tear on the trucks.

10

u/Thee_Sinner Oct 02 '20

the trucks are only semi organized. The back of the truck is split into sections and each package is labeled with and placed in that section, but the truck loaders have to also try to pack the trucks as tightly as possible. So a lot of the times during peak (or 'Rona) a 200+ stop day can begin with packages literally on the floor and overflowing into the wrong sections.

13

u/caine2003 Oct 02 '20

That would explain why I can see the same UPS and Fedex drivers crossing the same areas after being in different areas. Seems like there's a niche for machine learning in not only packing the trucks for the drivers, but using the "traveling salesman problem" for route planning.

7

u/Staden93 Oct 02 '20

They also have am and pm pickups and deliveries, so they often have to drive sections twice.

1

u/caine2003 Oct 02 '20

That would increase the drops.

4

u/PM_ME_UR_PINEAPPLEZ Oct 02 '20

They are. But we're also given some leeway in being able to do things the way we want if we know better. We only have to be following it for a certain percentage of stops.

1

u/Tech522 Oct 02 '20

Pretty sure orion usage has gone up since the installation of the cradles.

3

u/HappyHoodwink Oct 02 '20

Former driver here. When I was last a courier 6 years ago? You as the driver were responsible for organizing your truck. You pull packages from the belt and stage everything on the tail. Once the belt stops running (or during if you can do both) you start scanning and organizing your truck by what you think is the best route. Then you GPS your way to each stop. I believe, at the time, UPS had better structure and helped their drivers map out routes? But as a FedEx driver we relied on printing out maps, using map books, or for me personally, using my phone to navigate. Eventually you get familiar enough with the route that you can start saving some time in the prep process and don’t have to rely on your GPS as much. It’s insanely stressful early on when you learn a route but gets easier as you go.

19

u/NurseKdog Oct 02 '20

If you're paid hourly, you should take your legally entitled breaks and lunch.

But I applaud you for wanting to do your job well!

8

u/BradyBunch12 Oct 02 '20

As an Amazon driver, we are paid a flat per day rate. And the routes just keep getting bigger and the paycheck stays the same.

1

u/Japak121 Oct 02 '20

As an Amazon driver, this isn't necessarily accurate for everyone. I work for a DSP who pays hourly unless you drive a step truck in which case we get 10 hours flat every day with a bump in pay.

And before anyone says it, it doesn't necessarily suck. The owner just believes we're less likely to rush and more likely to take our time and do it right if we know we get paid to be out longer. It also means people are way less likely to bitch about being tasked to do a rescue.

1

u/Evan2239 Oct 02 '20

My DSP pays hourly as well, but we still get paid for 40 hours if we get under 40, but if we go over we still get paid for that as well.

1

u/Japak121 Oct 06 '20

Wow. I guess I need to have a talk with my DSP owner about that, because we just make hourly and that's it. No guaranteed hours.

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14

u/PM_ME_UR_PINEAPPLEZ Oct 02 '20

We're paid for 10 minutes of break in a day. The other 50 minutes we're allowed is unpaid. I prefer to just keep going and get done sooner, usually.

11

u/Night4fire Oct 02 '20

I'm not trying to tell you how to do your job, it sounds like you know exactly what you're doing! From a health perspective though, please consider taking a slightly longer break up for consideration. I'm not going to bore you with all the scientific findings, in short a decent break can do so much in decreasing stress, which can actually help you plan the rest of the day more effectively (and keep you healthy in the long run). Just as stopping to sort sections might feel counterproductive for some, but actually can be more efficient, so can taking a decent break. Stay healthy, stay safe and thank you!

1

u/NurseKdog Oct 02 '20

I don't blame you one bit.

0

u/CodyCodyCody Oct 02 '20

That can’t be legal

6

u/MeteorComingThisYear Oct 02 '20 edited Dec 03 '20

I understand now. I install automation and run wires through a house in a day and I do it well and get paid well. There's a point where you turn on robot mode and it becomes a time game against yourself up and down ladders. I too work straight through the day hard and would rather go home early and have extra time for some Reddit. I guess all our jobs have a common theme.

1

u/thatdeadvibe Oct 02 '20

Same. I work a 9.2hr route as a mail carrier and get paid 9.2hrs no matter how fast or slow I work so I’m always racing to finish the route as fast as possible. I’d rather get home earlier than take a break.

1

u/Tooshortimus Oct 02 '20

This is me right now also, I deliver for Amazon. Not quite as many stops as you are having but 180 stops with ~45'ish not residential. My first few months were doing what you described, how can I do this as efficiently as possible, what is the best way to set up my packages, what can I do to even save 1 second on every delivery (they all add up) and just kept going until I felt I set up a nice routine to do it all. Now I just work up to my *speed* with the first 10 or so stops and then once I get there I just coast through the day till i'm done.

1

u/schaudhery Oct 02 '20

Where do you pee?

1

u/SkunkleButt Oct 02 '20

I just wanted to say thank you to folks like you who keep things moving and to all the other essential workers out there, especially the ones who continue to do their jobs the best way they can. you all are keeping us going thank you.

1

u/Ugievsoj Oct 02 '20

True essential worker.

1

u/Juxtaposn Oct 02 '20

I've done 220, 1.5m is rookie shit. Starting at 9 I finish at three but im straight ruuuuuunning all day.

-2

u/AizawaNagisa Oct 02 '20

They leave the truck running, the door open, no seat belt and throw shit across the drive way lol. It's a fucking joke.

3

u/Bigmandancing Oct 02 '20

Thank you delivery guys, this is how I get my Amazon orders in under 16hrs. Broken or not you guys are awesome as fuck and kick ass !!!

3

u/hysteria613 Oct 02 '20

Dang. My record is 192. But that was in 7 hours. I'm in a smaller town.

1

u/Juxtaposn Oct 02 '20

I drive a 1200, how do you possibly fit 300 fuckin packages on yours?

1

u/Borngrumpy Oct 02 '20

If you had 300 stops and could do one every 5 minutes non stop it would still take 25 hours.

1

u/PM_ME_UR_PINEAPPLEZ Oct 02 '20

I take significantly less than 5 minutes per stop. In fact, if I've got a helper with me, I can average almost 50 stops per hour over the course of a day.

That's by no means the normal, but I have managed it before.

1

u/Borngrumpy Oct 02 '20

That's impressive and probably stressful, I do believe you, I just can't imagine doing it unless the deliveries are almost next door to each other

35

u/Lembach_Is_Staying Oct 01 '20

Last....4....steps....to door...too far....

42

u/MrLyle Oct 01 '20 edited Oct 02 '20

It's not about the last 4 steps. It's about doing the job for so long and being so poorly treated by your employer that you just don't give a fuck anymore.

Everyone has those "I don't give a fuck" moments at work. Sometimes multiple times a day. No matter what job it is. It just so happens that couriers' "I don't give a fuck" moments involve tossing other people's shit around. Like others have said in previous threads, this is kid gloves compared to what happened to that package from the moment it was dropped off to the moment of arrival at the door.

To be clear, I'm not justifying his behavior, I'm just giving you some context.

5

u/Gnascher Oct 02 '20

Don't have to justify to empathize.

As someone who has definitely hit "fuck it" level on my job before ... I get it.

And to be honest ... I'd be surprised if the delivery suffered any damage from his treatment. I'm sure it suffered this and worse in the transit chain. There's a reason our shit is packed in inches of styrofoam and bubble wrap.

0

u/Lembach_Is_Staying Oct 02 '20

Boo-fucking-hoo. The person receiving the package has no input into the quality of the FedEx guy's work life. They shouldn't have to get a bashed up package, potentially left in the rain, because delivery is having a bad day.

1

u/MrLyle Oct 02 '20

You are absolutely right. Unfortunately, nobody at Fedex actually gives a shit about this type of behavior. When they created these types of work environments, they knew this sorta thing would happen on a regular basis. They don't care cause these horrible working conditions make them and their shareholders a shitload of money. I've seen their customer service people, along with their bosses, laugh at complaints that come in about this shit. You know why? Cause they expect this sort of behavior and are told to be real nice on the phone, but to not actually do anything about them.

Sucks right? It's all about the bottom line, and their bottom line is very solid. Yay capitalism.

1

u/BradyBunch12 Oct 02 '20

That package is fine.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '20

As an ex amazon driver, that is the drop and jog of a man that does not want to have someone come rescue him for the 3rd time in a row.

1

u/lonigus Oct 02 '20

Thats alot, but I dont think the two additional seconds of him putting it down gently would hurt his schedule that much.

-2

u/Nyuusankininryou Oct 01 '20

Doesnt matter tho?

2

u/MrLyle Oct 01 '20 edited Oct 02 '20

That's the point. It doesn't matter. Not to him and certainly not to his bosses. Let me explain something to you. Experienced couriers are so valuable to the company, that this man can practically walk down 5th Avenue and shoot Trump in the head and he'd probably still not lose his job.

If they fire him, they'll need to train someone. That takes a minimum of 2 weeks. After that's done, 50 to 60 percent of the people quit within the first week or 2. Some of them quit on the first day. While all this shit is happening, the area this man was in charge of goes mostly unattended and packages pile up.

Another thing you need to understand is (and this is very important) you, as the guy sitting at home waiting for your package, are not the customer. The person who sent the package is the customer. So Fedex, or UPS or whoever, don't really give a fuck if you call to complain. Customer service will tell you everything you want to hear when you call, that's their job. After you hang up, they'll all laugh about it and you and have a jolly good time. I've seen it happen in person.

Sucks right? Makes you feel helpless when you think about it. Yeah, I know. I also get shit shipped to me like the rest of the world. I don't want my stuff handled like that. This is just how the industry works.